BMTH has a new song and it sounds like something from a Vin Diesel movie trailer

Totally picturing this blaring in the background as a montage plays of Vin Diesel and Eva Mendez kissing passionately, then pulling out Uzis and standing back to back as they waste swarms of bad guys.

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meme10credit: futuremememachine

Posted in lulzy pictures | 34 Comments

LIFE ADVICE: How not to fuck up school and/or your career


One of the few things in my life that I’ve managed to NOT fuck up is my career. I’m not swimming in cash or anything, but I get paid more than most of your parents do for a cool job (working with bands like Periphery, Converge, BTBAM, Dillinger, etc) which is something not a ton of people can claim.

That said, I did come very very close to fucking up my career when I was younger, and since I get a lot of questions about this, here is what I have learned about how to play your cards in college or in the beginning of your career. In more or less chronological order, here you go– print this out and put it on your locker!


as my old CEO told me, “go ahead and get an mba if you want to. but don’t expect anyone to care about it, because they probably won’t.”

Your major doesn’t (usually) matter
Aside from certain fields that require technical knowledge (accounting, finance, engineering, etc) it’s really not important what your major is in. Nobody will give a fuck. I certainly recommend majoring in something like business, IS/IT, or computer science where you will learn practical skills, but if you didn’t then don’t worry about it.

Your resume doesn’t really matter either
People don’t read them for the most part. The only time where they kinda matter is when you are applying for a job at a big company that scans your resume for keywords. So yes, you should get your resume in good shape (making sure to include any relevant keywords) but don’t obsess over it. Nobody ever got hired because of their resume!!

rap songs about grinding and entrepreneurship >>>>>> pop-punk songs about not fitting in at college 

Networking >>>> everything
So if school and your resume don’t really matter all that much, what does? Networking! Every non-deadend job I have ever had came through networking. Applying for jobs online is fine but it’s pretty much useless you will just be one of 90000 other resumes sitting in a pile, and as I said above, people don’t really read resumes. The way you will cut to the front of the line is by knowing someone at the company, because people are lazy and why would some HR person take the time to look into 50 candidates they don’t know when they could just hire the person that a highly respected person at the company referred to them?

If you are freaking out because you aren’t the most social person in the world, don’t sweat it. I am not a natural networker or anything close to an extrovert. As evidenced by the 1600 or so posts I have done for this blog about weird music nobody cares about, I am what you might call an “indoors kid.” But I have forced myself to at least get decent at networking over the years, and it’s paid off bigtime

I highly suggest the book “Never Eat Alone” to learn more about networking, it helped me a lot. Basically, your goal should be to make as many (genuine) connections as you can because you never know how or when they’ll come in handy. For example, I ended up getting a job doing marketing for Abercrombie & Fitch through a guy who read my old metal blog. You never know!

Get a “name value” job on your resume ASAP
The one thing that DOES make a difference on a resume is having some kind of A-level name on there. When you are first starting out, try to get in somewhere with name value. A shitty job at a name-value company will do more for your career than a really great job at a no-name company. Again, people are stupid– they’re not going to dig into the details of your resume, they’re just going to skim it and if they see a name they recognize then you win.

Words of wisdom from my friend Steve Rennie, who managed Incubus for 17 years and is a total asshole in the best way. Check out more of his videos for laughs and inspiration!

Creative jobs aren’t always that creative. Cool jobs aren’t always that cool.
I’m betting that a lot of people reading this want some kind of a “cool” job, like working for a label or a skate company or an apparel company or maybe being a graphic designer at a cool young agency or whatever. Well, be careful what you wish for because you might get it– and when you do, you might not like what you find.

The reality of most companies in the music/action sports/youth culture scene is that they pay for shit and everybody there other than the owner is a fucking idiot. For example, the people doing marketing at [cool surf clothing brand] probably make like 50% of what their counterparts at say Procter & Gamble or Time Warner do. It’s simple supply and demand: the schmucks who run the surf brand know that there is an endless supply of kids who will accept lower than average pay for the “privilege” of working for their “cool” company. And I can tell you from experience, the novelty of working on something “cool” wears off very quickly, then all you’re left with is a bullshit paycheck.

And as far as graphic design or photography goes, if you have the dream of making your living designing things like merch or album art, then you better be REALLY fucking good and REALLY fucking lucky because there are literally a handful of people who actually manage to pull that off. It’s statistically even less likely to happen than playing in a band for a living. Is it possible? Sure. But are you willing to put in the work to make it happen? Probably not.

Some great advice from the legendary Jack Welch, one of my personal heroes. “The Welch Way” podcast is HIGHLY recommended.

Climbing the ladder is mostly about whether people like you
You’d think that it was about being good at your job, but it’s not. Don’t get me wrong, being good at your job certainly helps. But there are PLENTY of people who are good at what they do but don’t climb the ladder because nobody likes them. And guess what, when people don’t like you they’re probably not going to give you a lot of opportunities.

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Check out the AIGA’s salary survey for some inconvenient truths: designers are close to the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to money and power

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Note that this is 37.5% higher than what a designer makes, even though the designer is the one who actually does the work. But the account manager brings the work in, which means they are closer to revenue and therefore gets more money and power.

Put yourself close to revenue
My final piece of advice is that you should always work to put yourself as close as possible to revenue. What I mean by that is, you want to be in a role where you can directly show that you make the company money: sales, marketing, finance, etc are classic examples of this. It’s pretty simple: people who are close to revenue get paid more and have more power than people who aren’t. If you don’t want to be in one of those roles, then align yourself closely with the people who are. For example, if you are a designer, then be the account manager’s favorite designer.

Posted in advice | 111 Comments

CANE HILL: world’s first COALCHAMBERCORE band??

cane hill band

shuddering with douchechills @ the singer’s scott stapp pose & leather jacket

We all know that the nu-core movement has been in full effect for a while, but for the most part that has been limited to copying SLIPKNOT and throwing in some bounce riffs here and there. Not my favorite trend in the world, but so far they have avoided what is by far the most nu-metal trope: the thing where the singer is like “watch out, i’m CRAZY!!! don’t mess with me cuz i might SNAP!!! I can’t control myself because im so KRAZY!!!!!!” (often followed by super-contrived, cringy fake laughter)

Well, until now that is, courtesy of new Rise signees CANE HILL who have gone full COAL CHAMBER in their new single/video “Sunday School.” Notes:

  • when I googled their name I found out that Cane Hill is apparently some famous asylum in the UK that looks like the set of every crappy straight-to-netflix torture porn movie ever. i am sure they can’t wait to talk about this in interviews so everyone can GET A GLIMPSE INSIDE THEIR TWISTED MINDS!!!!
  • super generic church set made me expect an “evil doll” character to appear at some point
  • 2:45 the “krazy guy muttering disturbing stuff” part comes in and they go full DOPE/DEADSY. expect them to have matching jumpsuits by this time next year.

king of betrayal

you know how sometimes you will see graphic designers post stuff on their facebook or instagram like “This design is for sale!” and it will just say “BAND NAME HERE” on the design? I feel like that’s where they got a lot of these designs from. The Breaking Bad-style one is especially brutal. feels like it should be in some Ocean City boardwalk t-shirt shop next to one that says “SWAG POWER”

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , | 76 Comments

what do u think of the new ATTILA song?

Stoked that ATTILA are back with new material already! There’s not a lot to go on here since there’s no video and I can barely understand any of the words, but here’s a couple notes:

  • First impression is that this is pretty good but doesn’t have a big hook like “About That Life.” Maybe they picked the wrong song for the first single. I mean it’s not BAD but ya know.
  • Mind = fucking blown that the chorus is “So who’s the faggot now??” Yes, ELYSIA used the same line way back in the Myspace days but still, very advanced! Although probably not as advanced as the line on their last album, “If you hate gay people you’re a close minded faggot.”
  • ATTILA have come a long, long way in the past 5 years, when their music was crappy myspace ATTHEGATESCORE and Fronz looked like the shlubby metal version of Trey Parker:

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MATTY MULLINS releases new video; enters the cringe hall of fame

Self-declared voice of a generation and inspirational figure MATTY MULLINS has released a new video and WOW, it’s a doozy. Basically, what happens is that he picks up his girlfriend from her McMansion, then they hop in his convertible Mini Cooper (with personalized license plates) and they cavort in a series of extremely contrived, by the numbers “romantic” situations. If you thought his last single where he writes from the perspective of God (srs) was the pinnacle of cringey, phony, narcissism then you thought wrong, because this video sets a new high water mark for being up you own ass– truly a masterpiece of self-indulgence!!!

A few highlights:

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she looks so fucking uncomfortable. poor girl :/

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cool fedora. moderately surprised that he isn’t wearing sunglasses. also, nice blinds, very Lowe’s “Home Expressions.”

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nm just wearing shades and doing “R&B hands” in a field hbu

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sweet ride. michael scott would be jelly.

This is one of the most brutal, cringey pieces of video I have ever seen. Like, it’s literally hard to watch– I’m squirming uncomfortably in my chair the whole time, like when you watch footage of yourself from the 8th grade talent show and it’s so awful and embarrassing that it makes your taint hurt. If you can somehow make it to 3:00, check out where he makes a “yolo” joke in September of 2014. Fuck.

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , , | 49 Comments

this year’s PUNK GOES POP might be the best yet!!

PUNK GOES POP VOL. 6 is scheduled to be released November 17th, and the tracklist is a doozy. Not only do we get the zillionth metalcore band covering “I Knew You Were Trouble”, but it’s also a reminder that bands you might mistake for “real music” such as August Burns Red and State Champs are in fact firmly planted in zany scene tradition.

Personally, what I am most excited to hear:

  • TYLER CARTER make a okay-goodish PARAMORE song 5 times better.
  • Crymosh ethno-chillwave djentboyz VOLUMES cover DRAKE, a pairing so appropriate it sounds like something I would make up as an offhand joke rather than something that actually exists.
  • UPON A BURNING BODY covering “Turn Down For What” with ICE-T definitely sounds promising, but does anybody still give a shit about this band since their singer pulled that wack kidnapping stunt earlier this year?
  • KNUCKLE PUCK, the 3rd generation WONDER YEARS ripoff band (via REAL FRIENDS), is covering “Chocolate” by The 1975, which is a song about how middle-class suburban kids spend all their time smoking weed. This is a smart move, because being a boring stoner is the last missing piece of the angsty tr00 pop punk/Nu-Emo triumvirate (the others are being butthurt at girls and hating this town).

1. Tyler Carter (feat. Luke Holland) – “Ain’t It Fun” – Paramore
2. August Burns Red – “Wrecking Ball” – Miley Cyrus
3. We Came As Romans – “I Knew You Were Trouble” – Taylor Swift <3
4. Upon A Burning Body (feat. Ice-T) – “Turn Down For What” - DJ Snake/Lil Jon
5. Set It Off – “Problem” – Ariana Grande/Iggy Azalea
6. Crown The Empire – “Burn” – Ellie Goulding
7. Oceans Ate Alaska – “Drunk In Love” – Beyonce/Jay Z
8. Youth In Revolt – “Royals” – Lorde
9. Volumes – “Hold On, We’re Going Home” – Drake/Majid Jordan
10. Knuckle Puck – “Chocolate” – The 1975
11. Slaves – “Sweater Weather” – The Neighborhood
12. State Champs – “Stay The Night” – Zedd/Hayley Williams
13. Palisades – “Happy” – Pharrell

warped tour

Posted in announcements, bands i like, new jamz | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 66 Comments

BMTH has a new song and it sounds like COLDPLAY


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | 50 Comments

More evidence that the myspace/scene revival is just around the corner

ap stories

If u ever wrote off my predictions of a neon/scene/myspace revival as a joke or wishful thinking, you might want to start reconsidering that. Check out this list of the popular stories on as of October 9, 2014 for yet another proof point that The Neon Years are primed to return:

  • 15 best screamers in modern metalcore: BMTH, OM&M, ATTACK ATTACK, WOE IS ME and other scene fixtures are taken seriously as musicians in 2014. 5 years ago, i told everybody this was going to happen and they laughed at me. but who’s laughing now???! they called Galileo a fool you know!!!
  • Tim Lambesis interview: hello, 2007 called and it wants its headlines back
  • 10 bands who will influence the pop-screamo revival of 2017: need i say more? technically more of a mid-00s, pre-neon revival, but close enough. i personally draw a line between the “bootcut girl jeans, white belt, YL underoath shirt, atticus messenger bag and draven shoes” era and “scene”-proper, but admittedly i am splitting hairs here.
  • Ronnie Radke vs Escape The Fate feud: can’t wait to hear what Hannah Beth and Audrey Kitching have to say about Buzznet’s favorite bad boy!! perfect article to read on your sidekick while you warm up your flatiron.
  • 16 scene fads we regret partaking in: this is the real clincher. now that everybody scene phase is 5-8 years in the rearview mirror, they are ready to look back on it with nostalgic/ironic detachment– the first prerequisite for any revival.


Posted in what we think about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , | 53 Comments

VICE steals one of my jokes in a stangry post about djent

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As u may have seen via the internet, some guy who writes for Vice’s music blog Noisey wrote a stangry article about djent. The basic gist of it is “djent exists, and that makes my butt hurt very badly.” It is your usual case of some hipster going on a longwinded rant about how much he hates something that has been old news for years (this article might have been kind of timely in 2009). That isn’t very noteworthy, but I did notice that they ripped off one of my jokes– the “Fleshlight stage at Warped Tour” bit that I have been using since 2012:

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I feel like I have finally arrived! Thank you, Vice!

Posted in announcements | 42 Comments