Scene Kidz get crunk or die with BrokeNCYDE

For my inaugural post on Stuff You Will Hate, I will introduce you to the only current challengers to BrokeNCYDE's crunkcore crown: Scene Kidz, straight out of Greenwood, Indiana. Yes, you read that correctly, these kids are from a crappy suburb of Indianapolis that is a dump even by the remarkably low standards of Indiana (although I hear the Hampton's Market there is off the fuckin chain).

This song is entitled "Scene Kids," by the band Scene Kidz. The next song on the playlist is "Punks," by the band Punx.

Let me begin my introducing you to the members, the descriptions are from their MySpace, which is as awesome as you would expect:

:JReck:

:Bad Ass Beats:
:Rap:
:Singer:
(he is also a dad- Happy Father's Day bro, I can't wait until your kids are old enough to throw themselves on a sword when they see pictures of you looking like this)

:EnVy:
:White Girl Rap:
:Singer:
(This girl has pretty awesome hair, but like I said on Metal Inquisition the other day, you can only polish a turd so much... and the harder you try, the more shit you get on your hands, and it's still a turd)

:Spanky:
:Rap:
:Screamer:
:Being A Fag:
(Hey bro, you said it, not me...)

I know what you are thinking: what kind of a fucking name is Scene Kidz? Isn't that like when Dismember imaginatively titled their album "Death Metal"? I'll grant you that it's a bit intellectually lazy, but like Dismember's album, the name doesn't lie. They are indeed scene kids, albeit rather homely Midwest ones. Despite being entry-level in pretty much every respect, these kids definitely know how to get crunk when it comes to their music!



I am not sure how these dorks pulled it off, but they somehow managed to do this song with Se7en from BrokeNCYDE which I have been listening to on repeat all day. Since this blog is about stuff I love, and I'm spending most of this post making fun of these jerks, I should emphasize that I seriously do love this song- in fact, I came dangerously close to buying their album on iTunes before I came to my senses and pirated it.


In any case, obviously at least 90% of the reason you start a crunkcore band is to get laid, and I certainly can't argue with that logic. Scene girls are fucking hot, right? Who wouldn't want to bang a different groupie at every stop of the tour?? Nothing makes me feel more alive than rolling those dice every night, hoping I don't get mouth AIDS from Kimmy Katastrophy or Susie Scene!! So at first I was a little envious of Scene Kidz, especially Spanky (not so much JReck because of what must be his accidental child).

I thought "WTF I bet this little asshole bangs the hottest fucking chicks, why wasn't I in a sweet band like this when I was a kid?!" But then I saw the photo above, and it was like the record skipped, my blood ran cold as reality set in: they'd love you to believe they're getting up in Hannah Beth every night, but the truth is that Spanky has to settle for his porky bandmate to keep him warm at night. I explored the "Fan Creations" album on their MySpace and found some horrors that would make Lovecraft leave the lights on at night:

Apparently Professor Snape likes crunkcore

Protip: You can't stop Tons of Fun here from sending in images like this, but you are not obligated to actually include them in your albums!!

It wasn't just their fan creations that made me think Scene Kidz' lives were not really as crunk as their songs would lead you to believe. Digging deeper, I found some pictures of what seems to be their only "show." Now I have been to some pathetic fucking shows in my day but this looks like a next-level attendance/enthusiasm fail. This beats the infamous Pittsburgh fest of 1996 in terms of public embarrassment! Rent America had nothing on these guys.

"Tha Plaza" has industrial carpet, cheap blinds, and a PA that consists of a single 12" speaker... awesome venue

Both people at the "show" seem to be having a moderately good time as Spanky apologizes for being born.

So there you have it: Nobody's life is truly crunk 24/7. Scene Kidz have a ways to go before they're going to dethrone BC13 from their position as Kings of Crunkcore, but they're still pretty damn good. Maybe one of these days they can ask the assistant manager at Pac Sun for some time off. Spanky and JReck can spend a little time honing their stagecraft while Envy hits the gym.