EmoWorldTV on how to design a MySpace & dress sexy

At this point everybody knows that only poor people and bands use MySpace now that Facebook has been open to the masses for a while. I actually never got into MySpace because I was in college and everybody at school used Facebook, but I figured I should get on the MySpace program for Stuff You Will Hate since scene kids are still into it. Since I'm a novice, I was thrilled to come across this helpful tutorial on how design a scene-approved MySpace. It comes to you courtesy of EmoWorldTV, which is a boy/girl duo of Mexicalts who are helping teens navigate the choppy waters of popular culture, one video at a time.

At first I assumed it was a joke like some of their other videos like "Are you 'Fat Emo'?" and "Emo Rap and Screamo." Let me be clear, though: They might be jokes, but they are not at all funny. I feel like the dude is probably funny, but is either held back by crappy writing or just needs to loosen up a little, because his delivery is stiffer than me at a Millionaires show. Bro, if you are reading this, holler at your boy and we will work on this together! I support you and your personal brand, just hit me up and I'll do what I can to help!

Bro... I see where you were headed with this joke, but it's not working. I am an expert on making fun of shitty music, if you want some pointers just let me know, we can hop on MySpace IM and I'll break it down for you.

The girl, though, yikes... I am going to say she does not have a future in front of the camera. Like I said, I figured that these videos were jokes like the ones from the dude. I pressed play and waited for the (unfunny) punchlines to come, but they never did- as far as I can tell, these are serious. For example:

The stereotypical modern scene MySpace name usually involves your first name, a second name involving fashion, gore, or music some sort of symbol, hearts or raunched out name is best (Callie Collision, Kristallion, DebraDeath, or Trashley for example).

I mean, there is just not a joke there. It's just a statement of fact that's kind of mindblowing in its straightforwardness. It reminds me of the description of "Jackass The Movie" on my DVR: "A group of nitwits plays practical jokes on each other." You're like, "Uh... well, yeah, that's pretty much it. Way to take out the funny."



"How To Dress Scene & Be Sexy" is a similarly squandered opportunity for humor. Clearly this is very fertile ground- the biggest challenge would be deciding which jokes NOT to use out of the 400 zillion that you could come up with in a 10 minute AIM conversation. Instead, she again opts for the "painfully awkward statements of fact" approach:

Clothes make the scene girl! Without the scene clothes you may come off as a prep or even worse a goth, so dress carefully!

and

Huge sunglasses are a must, and the bigger the better. The newest edition to the scene girls sunnies are the old fashioned "cop" style sunnies. Over-sized pearl necklaces or other long necklaces are a must. There are a number of ways you can wear them that will make you look like a mature scene girl.

Wow, they left so much funny on the table there I don't even know where to start... Just the word "sunnies" alone is a comedy gold mine!

Protip: When you need images of ridic scene kids, it literally takes like 90 seconds of browsing the "Crunk Kids" album on BrokeNCYDE's MySpace to find a picture that will have you burying your head in your hands, sobbing and thinking "This is the future of humanity. This generation is where our president will come from someday. We will hand the keys to America's nuclear arsenal to one of these kids. We're so fucked I don't even know how to summon the inner strength to take my next breath."

SYWH is here to help our bros at EmoWorldTV
We support your cause, and you're so close yet so far to realizing all your dreams. You just need to tighten a few things up here and there and you'll have some legendary material in the can. As veterans of the "making fun of shit on the internets" game, I think we can help you turn the corner. But it starts with you. I am extending my hand in brotherhood, but you must grasp it. Let's make this work, bros. Holler at me and let's do the damn thing.

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