Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Senor Bivins screams deathcore songs in his bedroom, ladies sweat him for it

Today a YouTube bro showed me that I am doing something very wrong with my life. I'm man enough to admit it: I should have dedicated myself to deathcore*. Popular deathcore bands like Suicide Silence and Bring Me the Horizon seem to be drowning in hotties, but that doesn't really surprise me- being in a band has always been the #1 way of getting the ladies to check for you.

I would fight a horde of stangry Suicide Silence fans to the death for a chance to play video games with this adorable cutie

Deathcore seems to have special powers over chicks, though: This bro named Kevin Bivins isn't even in a band, he just does deathcore vocal covers on YouTube. Yet thanks to the magic of deathcore, seems to have quite a few (retardedly hot) girls on his jock. Let me be perfectly clear: I'm not hating, the furthest thing from it- I'm high-fiving this bro. I'm pissed I didn't think of it first, but the last thing I will ever do is hate on someone who beat me to the punch-- jealousy is entry-level!

*if you aren't familiar with deathcore, this post I did on Metal Inquisition will bring you up to speed


The strength of Senor Bivins' personal brands really comes across in this video where he tries out for Demolisher (one of my favorite new bands, seriously- do not miss them, brutal as fuck)

He has lots of other videos where he covers popular deathcore bands like Whitechapel, Carnifex and Blood Runs Black, but other than a couple of guest appearances here and there, as far as I can tell he's not in a band. This isn't my favorite vocal style, but he does it very well, and has a strong personal brand that makes the alpha scenebro that he is. Apparently his personal brand and the magic powers of deathcore earn him an amount of fans large enough that it is difficult to handle. In his words (emphasis mine):
Bivins.
Manufactured in 1987.
Deathcore is what I live and shall die for.

I've got mad covers and requests to do X__X .. gotta give the fans what they want !

I always try to respond to messages and comments, I know the feeling of trying to talk to popular people and they just blow you off it's annoying as fuck isn't it lol

For those of you who do send me messages and comments and I don't get a chance to reply just know I read it and I smiled ^__^... I love all of you

Support me and I shall support you as well in whatever it is you may do, hell I'd even fly out to one of your soccer games or something if I could ^__^ that's just the kinda guy I am

I don't think Im better than anyone, everyone has the potential to be something great... Im just doing my best with my vokillz and guitar uhhh skills ? I don't have much but Im trying ^__^
FML. Metal Inquisition gets pretty solid traffic (about 2-3,000 visits a day as of now) but the most I've gotten out of that are a couple free Hollywood Undead shirts and lots of spam about the latest releases from some European metal label I've never heard of and don't want to. We certainly don't have hoards of "fans" who overwhelm us with so much positive feedback that some of it slips through the cracks. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with NEGATIVE feedback, though, which isn't all that fun.

I would be happy to make a few videos of myself screaming the words to ABACABB songs or whatever if it would get this honey to cling to me


Bivins and his crew are repping both Hollister and Abercrombie; their personal brands are aligned as fuck

I know what you are thinking: "What did you expect, you tard? You write about 90s death metal and how the singer for Waking The Cadaver sells Amway. That might as well be VaginaRepellent.biz. If you want chicks, be in a band." It's true, I fucked up. If I had it all to do over again I would be a deathcore vocalist, but what's done is done. It's too late for me, but at least I can congratulate Senor Bivins for figuring this shit out- especially the part where you don't even need to go through all the hassle of being in an actual band!

--

Bro. It's not worth getting this aggro over people "calling you scene." Chillax, it's going to be ok.

Try to be a hella mass chill bro
The only suggestion I have for Senor Bivins would be to maybe turn it down just a notch. I get it: the interweb is all having about strong, unsolicited opinions on shit nobody else cares about (this blog is one example). But sometimes he comes on a bit strong, and that can be a little offputting. I was once 21, so I know that it seems like an assault of the highest order on your very way of life when someone "calls you scene," but when you are older it will seem much less important than your leaky water heater, your wife's incessant nagging/pouting about absolutely everything, or just having a few minutes to take a fucking nap on Saturday. When you scream "faggot" at them in a YouTube video, it just makes you seem super butthurt, and that's kind of entry-level, you know? Hit up our boy Big Chocolate. He is the original and best YouTube deathcore vocalist, but still keeps it hella mass chill.

Aside from the regrettable homophobic language, Senor Bivins seems like a decent bro. I support his personal brand and I suggest that you do the same. I am hoping that I will get some good karma for this and be reincarnated as the mirror in a Forever 21 dressing room (seems like the next best thing after being a YouTube deathcore vocalist).

PS Please add Stuff You Will Hate on MySpace, especially if you are a cute girl



Digital touchpoints for Bivins' personal brand:
YouTube
MySpace (music)
MySpace (personal)

17 comments:

Jake said...

I totally coulda done without the naked shot at the end of the article. Other than that:
"I would be happy to make a few videos of myself screaming the words to ABACABB songs or whatever if it would get this honey to cling to me"
I say go for it. You could wind up with some SYWH groupies. You never know until you try, right?
By the way, did you get my e-mail about the ADTR tattoos?

Darsh said...

Seems like a nice enough dude, but he's nowhere near as good as that Big Chocolate dude.

Zachary said...

That second picture needs to posted on Stormfront. I'm sure they'll find it entertaining.

Sarge, start your own style. It could be wiggerslam with elements of deathcore, and by that, I mean having the image and lyrics be deathcore cliches and the music nothing more than an obscene indulgence in pit riffment and gutteral vocals. Call it slamcore.

physcosofficial said...

This is MI material posted in your scene blog...you really want to watch another rant from this guy, don't you?

Tim said...

That bit about the Beatles and Spice Girls being the only bands from the UK is hilarious. But not as funny as "Fuck Bring Me The Horizon, fuck you, and fuck the United Kingdom"

Is this guy going bald at 21? Not a brutal look.

Aaron said...

Zachary,

Back off that's my idea...well, actually, self-aware wigger slam/moshcore. Yep.

Grant said...
This post has been removed by the author.
savage said...

Theres only one tr00 ABACAB and that is Genesis with Phil Collins.

Sergeant D said...

This is MI material posted in your scene blog...you really want to watch another rant from this guy, don't you?

See, I can't win. If I posted this on MI, imagine how stangry the comments would be! And FYI, deathcore *is* pretty scene so I think it's pretty relevant for SYWH.

deathwithabeard said...

Seems like the deathcore bro's attempt to "legitimize" his brand as "not scene" failed when he claimed that "no good bands ever came from the UK--except for the Beatles, etc." Seems like only a scenester would forgot the heritage of metal, the innovators of the genre.

Sergeant D said...

You must be old. I don't mean to be condescening, but "scenesters" have nothing to do with scene. A scenester would be closest to a hipster, which is the EXACT OPPOSITE of scene (scene = "preppy emo", scenester = insecure outcast who overcompensates, see "High Fidelity"). But yeah, clearly he fails at Rock N Roll Jeopardy 101!

Lord Rocket said...

Here's some negative feedback for you: gross overuse of the phrase 'personal brand' in this post.

PS. I hope no-one in IT notices that I've been looking at blurry pictures of naked guys. Thanks Sarge.

physcosofficial said...

...and by "this guy", I meant Senor Bivins, not me. I think you got that. Ι don't feel like viewing his channels, so let your readers know when he finds out. Or I'll be just able to hear him from the other side of the planet.

T-Pain said...

lol @ gay-ass norma jean shirt. SURE.

DoomBlack said...

its weird because theyres a ton of deathcore from UK that I guarantee that kid listens too, Annotation of an autopsy, Postmortem Promises, the boy will drown...
and saying that deathcore is not scene is hilarious,
sargeant d, more posts on Crabcore, and shitty poppunk hardcore bands that are polluting my town!! please!

Sergeant D said...

I do have a crabcore post coming up... and plenty about "happy hardcore" aka "easycore." But I am not sure you get it: I *DO NOT HATE* the stuff I post about, I *LIKE IT*! Easycore is one of my favorite genres!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Biv, You tell those British Fucks! haha, this is awesome great publicity for you :D

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