After reviewing the Judge 7", it was only natural for me to ask 20 year-old scene girl YeahYouKnowIt to review another classic hardcore band that I hold near and dear, MINOR THREAT. If you aren't familiar with Minor Threat, you should probably throw yourself on a sword, but if you're too cowardly to do that, at least read up on Wikipedia before proceeding. To make a long story short, they were arguably the best hardcore band of their time (81-83) and invented the phrase "straightedge," although they would rather chop off their dicks than be associated with anything related to the term these days. With that said, enjoy her review and make sure to check out her Hollywood Undead fansite!
- Sgt D
“Straight Edge”
At only 45 seconds, this song accurately depicts how long it takes u and ur buddies to X out the back of your hands with a sharpie. Or in other words, the maximum amount of time u can have fun being straight edge. I feel like a Friday night would go sumthing like this:
Punk A: yooo NLRs wuts we doin 2nite?I’m glad I rly paid close attention to these lyrics, because if I hadn’t I def wouldn’t have caught the “sniffing glue” bit! I feel u on that one, MacKaye! I think it’s funny as hell, but I thought only fat kids and poor ppl did that? I dunno, but like, y waste ur time singing abt them?
Punk B: Jaegerbombs!
Punk C: Dude, not sXe...
Punk B: Hit the bong?
Punk C: Seriously man, NOT sXe...
Punk B: Go eff some college chicks!
Punk C: Dude I just did th-
Punk A: DEFINITELY NOT sXe...
Punk C: Yeah yeah, not sXe...
Punk B: Shave our headz?
Punk A: We did that last night.
Punk C: FUCK....
I dunno, but I thought u guyz only liked ppl that spoke american./???.? "Cashing In"
Oooooooooooo!! sum1 is a bad @ss! Look at u bbz! Well guess wut, you’re not the only one who can steal shit. Seriously, I’ve copped like, 3 pairs of earrings from Claire’s – does that make me a minor threat too? Bet you don’t feel as tough now, do u?
And EL-OH-FUCKING-EL!! Making millions?!?! C’mon, if Hollywood Undead isn’t making millions, how can u expect 2? Keep dreamin sport.
P.S. let’s be real. You’re a band, which means you’re a bunch of whiny ass kids who grew up dirt poor (unless you’re Vampy Wknd).. You def dunno how to manage ur $$$$$$, so unlike cool bands who waste their cash on steak dinners, expensive sex and blow, wut do u have to spend it on? I mean, I hear the eBay bidding on old Vegan Reich merch can get pretty intense, but from the pictures I’ve seen, the Adidas zip ups, cargo shorts and Vans slip ons y’all rock can’t be that expensive when you buy them from the Goodwill, right?
One question I had (which Little Friends will later clear up for me): Are the yellow brick road/no place like home references a hint that this bro might be ghey? At first I was like nahhh, when you’re not drinking and shootin up between ur toes I guess there’s not much else to do other than watch the Wizard of Oz and let it inspire the lyrics to shitty songs. Little did I know how wrong I was...
"Think Again"
Wow, I guess sXe kids don’t just run out of things to do, but things to say too! Want 2 tell me 1 more time to think again, cuz all the pig squeals and autotune that come thru my headphones on a regular basis must be finally messing with my eardrums :////
Seriously though, don’t beat urself up, sober kid! We don’t think you’re THAT bad! Sure you’re boring as hell 2 be around and give me dirty looks when I eat chicken McNuggets, but you’re still a nice dude.... mb if I listen to u long enuff I’ll be getting ‘tofu time’ tatted across my knuckles and join u in ur fight to cleanse America or whatevs.. well, mb just the first part..
WAIT. The more I listen to this song I realize you’re actually INSULTING ME! I thought this was supposed to be a song abt bashing u?!?!?1!? Fuck.... NEXT!
Is it weird that this song gets me a lil wound up? I dunno, but since you can’t sleep with anyone, all ur songs must have repressed sexual undertones. U obvs chose the sXe lifestyle because ur shit in the sack, so the thought of banging a newbie has already totes turned me off. To commemorate a lost opportunity btwn the 2 of us, I wrote in my LJ a found poem from the lyrics to Think Again and pasted it here for my reader’s viewing pleasure, plz let me know wut u think:::::
“Too much has been saidYeah, I doubt I’m missing out on much...
A performing yawn
You’re on top
Take another crack
Keep it short
Slap yourself on the back.”
Unfortunately 4 us ur moms didnt feel that wayy"Look Back and Laugh"
Speaking of spoken word artists, I heard this song was written about Henry Rollins. Other than his boring show on IFC that my ex-punk uncle watches, I don’t rly know who he is but last semester my creative writing class had to go to some lame-o reading he did of all his whiny poems. I can see why this song was written about him. I bet he and “Mr. Feelings” sit down with a jack and coke on a couch in his mom’s basement and look back at life and laugh. I would too if I founded Black Flag.
I don’t rly get how white supremacy fits into the sXe lifestyle but mb that is my age showing bc obv these guys were down for the white race in a big way. Does anyone know if they’re still ready 4 a race war? I know some dudes from Poughkeepsie who would be mad down to support the cause. They def used to blast some MT to get themselves pumped up b4 they went out to jump ppl or whatevs.
--
I hope my review so far hasnt made ne1 not want to be sXe anymore. I was worried that u guys might be gettin tired of staying true so I made u this lil video. I found all my fave bits of EDGESPIRATION and set it to a kool track that I hope will get u pumped up and inspired to stay gold... Plz cmmnt it and tell me what u think :::]]]]]]]]]
--
"Guilty of Being White"
Now here’s a song I can totally relate to. Although I’m 6% Chinese I still feel culpable for all the lynching and name-calling and other bad stuff my fair-skinned forefathers -- that account for the other 94% of my heritage -- did. While I’m no racist (one of my best friends is half black) I still find myself guilty of being white in some major ways. The chorus to my life would go sumthing like this:
My child’s on the honor roll
GUILTY
Passively accept racist commentary
GUILTY
Own at least three cardigans
GUILTY
Over-explain things to black people
GUILTY
My parents are divorced
GUILTY
Consume racially themed media that makes me feel warm inside (instead of intellectually stimulated)
GUILTY
Feel uncomfortable watching BET
GUILTY
"Out of Step (with the World)"
BAHAHAH! You don’t drink, u don’t smoke, u don’t have sex ..... but at least you can think?!? News flash bb, it’s called multitasking – u kno, like how u manage to dance by flailing your arms and legs while shouting oi at the same time.. I can drink, do drugzzz and fuck my way into oblivion while still getting a near perfect score on the SATs – whatt whaaaaattt motherfucker!?!11?!1! jealz much??///?
Bottled Violence
Look homeeez, don’t hate on the dudes that need a little liquid encouragement, kay? Next time u go out pregame with a few vodka Gatorades at home with ur boys then hit the club. See how much tail u get then.
OH WAIT
U CAN’T :(((((
Mb when u outgrow the whole straightedge phase u can take my advice and tell me how it goes.
"It Follows"
While I applaud ur like, alliterations and stuff, I don’t think ne one knows wut the fuck ur talking abt. Mb I’m too young to have ever known a world without drugs (and the convenience of dealers that deliver) but I feel like regardless u’ve had to have had sum nutzo trips back in the day. Sort of like this or sumthing:
How else could the word soap end up in a punk song?
"Stumped"
Gahhh MT, getting so damn literal with our song titles, huh?? Stumped so accurately describes how I felt listening to dis jam. The intro riff was worthy of a spot on the Guitar Hero training mode, and something I could prob do better on my first day of lessons with my cousin’s Silvertone bundle pack. The introspective hipster poem to follow was fucking LOLworthy.. I’m pretty sure this artist friend of mine wrote something like it on a toilet seat cover and sent it to RISD as his college application essay, only to get accepted and move into a loft in Providence his parents bought him, where he can bang all the slutty art balloons your sXe ass never could..
BUT WAIT!3!12!!31!@3 It’s all okay, right?!? Because “the time has come for everyone to party.... /the time has come for everyone to get down.” HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Yeah, alright dude... I’ll bring the Twister, Martin’s got Jenga, Steve’s grabbing some Doritos and Mr. Pibb and we’ll meet at your grandma’s at like, 7:30. Sounds like a fuckin RAGER.
"Small Man, Big Mouth" and "Stand Up"
I don’t rly have much to say about these two. Most of the jokes I’d make, you’ve already made about urself. Although I do like how you’ve made 85% of the words completely inaudible to us all. Kind of makes me nostalgic for other inaudible jamz, but from the likes of Dance Gavin Dance and The Devil Wears Prada – u kno, popular bands that ppl actually like.
"Seeing Red"
FINALLY a song I can get behind! Scene kids are so misunderstood. I swear our big hair is full of secrets. Sure, we’re great at DGAFin’, but we’ve got goals too, like becoming photographers and/or models and/or make up artists. And we’re good ppl – so wut if we choose to spread cheer thru coon stripes and tattoos of various pastries? We’re people too, biiiitches! Our hearts bruise when u call us names;;;; our hair frizzes when u spit on us;; we cry when Millionaires almost get kicked off Warped Tour... See, we’re all alike! No one likes being angry, especially scene kidz. The only red we want to see is Hello Kitty’s hairbow and Blood on the Dancefloor.
"Betray"
You know, I’ll be the first to admit that I value transparency – and not just when it comes to underwear. I like when guys open up, quit the games and say what’s on their mind. But honestly, the level of openness attempted in this song has got me so fucking confused! Do u want her? Are u cutting ties? Wait, no, you’re seeing her tomorrow?!? But it’s over??? MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND BRO!!11!1!!
P.S. Can sum1 @ reply me with wut it means to quit ur race? Is that like, secret Nazi code for interracial dating?
"In My Eyes" and "No Reason"
How does this guy have any frendz? It’s like every casual hang out sesh turns into a fucking bromance. D00d, srsly;;; stop trying to change ur friends. Let them enjoy fucking all the chicks ur not
"Salad Days"
I actually was actually rly feelin this song, although i dunno y? i guess it's about getting old, its kind of comforting bc it reminds me of my ex pnk uncle telling me about how he went to shows back in the day. Wish i could have seen green day at woodstock 99 like he did :((((
"I Don’t Wanna Hear It"
Mb back then ppl needed to hear the same thing 987234x before they got the point, because u guys rly like to repeat urselves. Or mb u just ran out of ideas, i dunno... but rly dudes, come on.. Is redundancy and predictability mandatory of all skinhead straightedge Nazi punks? I can’t believe the great Pete Wentz, king of catchy and obscure song titles, was ever one of you guys. Skillz like that must come from screwing talented people like Ashlee Simps.. Maybe yall just need some action, although I doubt you could keep a gf anyways – us gurls talk a lot and if u don’t want 2 hear it, well that’s just not gunna work bb.
"Little Friend"
WOAHHH big ups Ian! To say “no description for what I feel.. it’s something gay, way down inside of me” is one hell of a way to come out. I mean, I sort of felt sum fggty undertones in a few of the other tracks but I thought Neo-Nazis hated the gayz just as much as the Jewzzz... It’s rly cool that u can look past that tho and accept urself 4 who u are. It’s like how I can look past the one beardo in AD2R and not skip them on last.fm
The lyrics that follow ur coming out rly help open my eyes 2 the difficulty and inner turmoil that come with being ghey. Even tho I did kiss my bff Nicole at an after-prom party I don’t think I’ve ever known the struggles of not understanding my sexual identity.
Although I love the gayz as much as Gaga, I was a little creeped out by ur overshare at the end. I rly don’t need 2 kno how deep inside u ur “little friend” is, kay bb? I would like to know if he has nice hair, skinnies, tats and sum gauges;;; cuz then id totally tune into ur live.
The verdict:
WOAHHH big ups Ian! To say “no description for what I feel.. it’s something gay, way down inside of me” is one hell of a way to come out. I mean, I sort of felt sum fggty undertones in a few of the other tracks but I thought Neo-Nazis hated the gayz just as much as the Jewzzz... It’s rly cool that u can look past that tho and accept urself 4 who u are. It’s like how I can look past the one beardo in AD2R and not skip them on last.fm
The lyrics that follow ur coming out rly help open my eyes 2 the difficulty and inner turmoil that come with being ghey. Even tho I did kiss my bff Nicole at an after-prom party I don’t think I’ve ever known the struggles of not understanding my sexual identity.
Although I love the gayz as much as Gaga, I was a little creeped out by ur overshare at the end. I rly don’t need 2 kno how deep inside u ur “little friend” is, kay bb? I would like to know if he has nice hair, skinnies, tats and sum gauges;;; cuz then id totally tune into ur live.
The verdict:
This band def knew what they were talking abt when they named themselvz Minor Threat, bcuz that's exactly what they r.. Not too violent, not too cool, not too talented -- not too much of anything. While sum songs were good, they only posed a minor threat in shaking my from my scene lifestyle.
With that being said, MT really understands the scene. Even tho we can't rly hear what they''re saying usually, I think they'd be down for the crunk kids 2day.. Or at least be mad jealz of us and tag along to our bbqs. So congratzz Minor Threat, u beat Judge and have earned
3 out of 5 flatirons
Don't celebrate too hard ;)
35 comments:
o wow
when did henry rollins found black flag?
Ten years ago this post would have butt-wounded and stangered me to no end. But now, being ancient and wise, I can laugh as I ponder how ridiculous the icons and music of my youth must appear to the kids today. And vice versa.
Too bad this blog didn't exist ten (OK, eleven) years ago when I was still young (looking) enough to creep on the 18-25 set, it's an invaluable resource for scene lingo and trend-spotting. I'd probably get arrested if I tried that shit now, but it's still good to know it's here just in case.
@ Anon- hahahah THANK YOU, you are one of the few who get it! Appreciate the comment, and yes- what a fucking difference ten years makes. Sadly I am old enough that now ALL music seems equally absurd to me. There is no difference between Minor Threat, Eazy E and Miley Cyrus in my eyes and I don't know exactly how to feel about that... :/
i can barely read some of this, please edit it so that olds can actually comprehend what is being said.
She skipped over my favorite songs. What about Filler, Screaming at a Wall, 12XU, Minor Threat(song)? Those tracks still get me pumped!
This got me on a Minor Threat kick so I checked out some youtube footage & I forgot how fricken young these guys were. They're cherubs. Immature or not, Ian Mackaye was in a legendary band, released epic records, arguably started a new genre of music, helped start a (mostly unfortunate) youth culture movement, and founded his own (now famous) record label all before he was even old enough to purchase the alcohol he so detested. What the fuck am I doing with my life?
@ Sarge- I once read a Lemmy interview where he was asked what he thought about "rap-metal" (lol) and baggy gangsta jeans and etc. His reply was that he thought it was stupid and those kids looked like idiots. Then he said that as an old person, he SHOULD think that, otherwise they were doing it wrong. And he was correct, his scene looked as dumb to the olds of his day as the "modern" scene looked to him. As it always was, as it always should be.
Abe Simpson: "I used to be with it. Then they changed what "it" was. Now what's "it" seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you, too".
Content and idea is good with all this, i just wish this girl actually had a good sense of humor or was good at writing comedy/satire.
Sure, the idea of a 20 yr old scene girl reviewing obviously ridiculous "legendary" hardcore albums is a great idea, but get someone who can actually produce some lolz. Its pretty obvs this shit was banged out the night before
Reading this brings back memories of a few ridiculous Polish punk albums I bought back in the 90s. They weren't straightedge but I remember some absurd shit, like this one song about the singer's mom being sad cause he came home late. Haha.
This the chap in the sexy red shorts....
www.myspace.com/xnicoacostax
- D.
okay i dont believe this girl doesnt know judge or minor threat but can post links to vegan reich ebay bids. filibuster!
how can this girl be ignorant concerning the impact minor threat has had cultural and musically but yet still manages to name drop vegan reich?
something does not add up.
I am guessing it has something to do with the Fallout Boy / Vegan Reich connection
The last person to actually invent anything new in the realm of popular music was some old blues guy in the 1920's who was the first one to riff in 4/4 time. Everything else since then has been just a variation of the same.
I agree with Anon:
"Content and idea is good with all this, i just wish this girl actually had a good sense of humor or was good at writing comedy/satire"
The Judge one was pretty hilarious because it introduced this concept and it came off really good, but this one falls flat. Basically she sounds like an uneducated moron.
If youre going to trash something, be clever about it or you sound like an idiot. Gotta be honest, I do really find the flat irons hilarious.
Also, when DID Henry Rollins found Black Flag? Enlighten me you poseur.
+ 1,000,000 points
Wish I could retroactively show this post to all the ex-straightfuckinedge kids from my town who play beer pong still brandishing their irremovable sXe tats
@joseph Thanks dude! For those kids, sharpies def would have been the way 2 go
funny, because i think this one is way more hilarious than the judge one, i didnt even chuckle at the judge one.
You literally make me sick. You should probably review bands right the next time, and find out the meaning of songs... Just sayin'.
Meh, Sergeant D is funnier, though you should try not using the texting abbreviations, they make it come across as dumb, even if it was well written, it comes across more like whining than criticism.
@ xTJFUCKINGEDGEx I see ur frustration... I really do. No1 likes 2 b misunderstood :((( but why spend a whole review telling u wut u already kno? where's the fun in that bb?
I hope there's a scene girl review of the Firestorm EP sooner rather than later.
Keep 'em comin', i love these, although i though the Judge ep was much funnier. The multitasking joke making fun of Out of Step is just too easy.
Infest "Slave" please.
Did she have it on shuffle when she reviewed it? This was pretty scattershot.
I know it's like the Judge review had so much heart & promise (I was the first among my peer group to read it btw) but this one, I dunno what to think you guys. Back during the Judge review days she was still hungry but as time has dragged on she just doesn't have the same fire anymore as she did during the old days. Maybe she's just gotten old, maybe we've ALL gotten old?
P.S. If the edge-osity of Minor Threat is too much I can't wait to see her review of Youth of Today. Laugh riot.
it was funny when ian got butthurt when Slayer added the line "guilty of being right"
H8 the gottatext wrytng.
My favorite part: I'm not racist (one of my best friends is half-black)
cuz FULLY black would be an outrage!
if only she had touched on how boring Minor Threat's actual music was.
lolol great review. She should do one for one of those ultra-militant mid-90's bands next. Chokehold would be cool, esp. cuz they're canucks and they ripped of Biohazard and Earth Crisis riffs for dayz. Strife would be cool too, she could dig up some of those photos of Rick Rodney in one of his post-edge bands' promo pictures smokin' cigs like he was John Travolta in Face/Off or something.
PS: Are there any threads about this on B9 or any of those other cr00sh hxc boards yet?
successful troll is successful
we're not the first. I hope we're not the last.
I love this! As a kid from Korea I never knew how generic teens would respond after listening to classic hardcore.
I am old as well, so I need some help here: Is Vegan Reich not cool anymore?
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