I was reading the latest issue of AP the other day and came across an ad for some band called Jamie's Elsewhere. I have no idea who the fuck they are, but I am guessing they're pretty popular with "teens who mosh 4 Christ" since they are A) on Victory and B) warrant spending a few grand on this ad. Now, I'm a big fan of Victory (stay tuned for an upcoming post about how they defined 90s hardcore), but I couldn't stop LOLing at this ad. In no particular order, here's what made me LOL this loudest:
1. Free advertising for mnstrm brands
These guys might be screamo fggts, but one thing we can agree on is that Hollister makes some sweet plaid shirts! They might be even bigger HCO fans than I am, because they conspicuously rocked the logo in this ad, presumably without getting a cent in return. Very cool!!
2. Member's Only jacket
I have a couple of these myself, only the difference is that I'm old enough to remember when they were popular the first time around, and that they were pretty much the laughingstock of anybody with decent taste. Basically they were the Affliction/Ed Hardy of the mid-late 80s (before this dude was born, most likely).
3. No neck scenebros
I have to hand it to them, these dudes look solid. I would have never guessed that a bunch of dudes who are built like high school wrestlers would choose to play third-rate metalcore instead of Avenged Sevenfold covers, but it just goes to show that you can't stereotype. Husky dudes can be emo too!
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ADTR?! More like a high school talent show band covering Circa Survive
4. Not-so-subtle code for "We mosh 4 christ"
1. LOL @ voluntarily comparing yourself to Alesana! That's kind of like saying, "I might be dumb, but I'm ugly."
2. They sound nothing like A Day To Remember, but mb Victory will sell a few more units to unwitting Christian moshcore n00bz with this misleading comparison?? Can't fault them for trying, at least.
5. "Package deals"
I'm guessing this is where you buy the CD, a t-shirt, and an autographed poster for $30 or something in an attempt to get kids to actually pay for physical product. Personally I can't think of anything I value less than some 21 year-old dipshit's "autograph," but if Victory can get dumb, middle-class girls to drop cash for the singer of fucking Aiden or whatever to scrawl his gay stage name on a cheap, 11x17" poster than more power to them. Kinda reminds me of when Century Media had some Suicide Silence 7" that was "limited to 10,000" lol. How punk!!
6. Victory social networking
If MySpace is for poor ppl (and it is), then VictorySpace or whatever is for ppl with severe head trauma and Gabe Saporta fetishes. I just looked up Victory Metal and apparently they are the notorious shit merchants behind Carnifex and Between The Buried And Me. It is pretty sad when your label's most legit metal band is fucking OTEP, but such is the case here. Why, Victory, why?!
7. Awful hair
First of all bro, get some Frizz-Ease! Your shit looks like you stuck your finger in a light socket! Scene hair only works if you have the body of an anorexic 14 year-old girl, and these guys are built more like Roseanne Barr than Kiki Kannibal.
What is your favorite Victory band, past or present? Did u buy a Jamie's Elsewhere package deal?? Which no-neck Christian metalcore band do YOU want an autograph from??
24 comments:
No-neck scenebros were inevitable; whenever something draws large numbers of cute girls, normal guys are sure to get into it sooner or later. Even guys who are good at sports.
Watch and read mohammed T-shirt art from Sweden at,
http://www.mohammedt-shirt.com
I love the failed guitar-flip at 0:58!!!
Favourite Victory bands:
Present: Between The Buried And Me :P
Past: Blood For Blood
... because I'm White Trash AND intellectual (=wanker)!
My favorite Victory Records band is Bloodlet. Because I am old.
Robert, same here-- Bloodlet and Earth Crisis (circa Destroy The Machines) were untouchable. Look for a "Bands U May Have Slept On" Bloodlet edition soon!
I don't understand why "hardcore" continues to be used as a term for music. At least metal knows enough to come up with new names for the music when genres evolve.
would you be dissapointed if I told you I have actually already ordered this :/?
Have you considered merging with hipster runoff?
Sentence of the day: "I might be dumb, but I'm ugly."
the person (possibly a dude) on the left with the plaid shirt looks like a bull dike.
Favorite band on Victory was probably War Zone (even if I wasn't crazy about their stuff that Victory released)
The video raises so many questions.
Did they think that if the first 15 seconds of the video looked like the I Can't Believe It's Not Butter commericial with Fabio that it would hit with the mosh 4 christ demo?
Are the singer, and perhaps the drummer wearing acid wash denim shirts for portions of the video? Are there any scene kids who can identify with that look?
Really easy way to tell if a band is mosh 4 christ : Ask yourself, is the drummers kit sparkle finish? With one or more thick contrast stripes? If the answer is yes, they're a clear candidate.
Another Victorfail. Even by Tony Brummel standards.
P.S Best victory band was buried alive.
guitar flip fail was da best mayne....GO VIRAL!!!
I've known about these guys for a while. I'm pretty sure a couple of the members are from Mozart Season. And if you don't know who Mozart Season is, they're the one of the two bands formed when Farewell Unknown broke up, the other being Dance Gavin Dance.
Man, I remember in high school when Victory was all about hoodies and Champion tube socks. I am also teh oldz.
Favorite past Victory band was/is Integrity.
For favorite Victory band, Between the Buried and Me, but that's because I'm a prog-rock nerd.
Also, according to Wiki, Smoking Popes were on Victory? WTF?
I practically jerked off to the Victory mailorder catalog circa '96. All I cared about was moshing with my bro's and the straight-edge. ExC, Path of Resistance (best edge band EVER!), Strife, Buried Alive, bloodlet(worst band ever live!), Killing Time, RAID (LOLZ!), Snapcase, THE GODDAMNED CALIFORNIA TAKEOVER LP! All the early victory singles/styles collections! I even have that fucking HORRIBLE Inner Strength 7" somewhere on blue ...
but the best thing Victory ever touched was of course INTEGRITY. Humanity/Systems/Seasons are albums that I still listen to on a weekly basis and I am teh oldz.
P.S. I saw the OFFICIAL VICTORY STREET TEAM VAN on the freeway while driving to work and it had so many pictures of fagarios with scene hair I thought it was a moving issue of Tiger Beat. I would have taken a picture but I was too busy blasting DIE ANTWOORD to care!
Best victory bands: buried alive, blood for blood, ringworm,strife, between the buried and me, bloodlet, blah blah blah
no autografx 4 me plz except mb the millionaires cuz they're fkn finer than aged wine from my county
@Brad.com hah what a sophisticated way to describe the millionaires! Most people would liken them to a Sbarro slice and a fountain Sprite.
p.s the first dude on the left is totally a no-neck scene bro -- he's just cheating by pushing his chin out #youcantfakeitbrahhh
Man, victory records has really fallen...
Its been too long since the days where some of my favorite bands were signed.
this looks like case "Hawthorne Heights" all over again.
I have to give them credit where it's due-- they can take a joke:
http://twitter.com/Jamieselsewhere/status/9739587376
@stuffuwillhate Haha! We all had a good laugh over that one. Haha always gotta be able to laugh at yourself.
We approve of Jamie's Elsewhere!
err question to all of you no life idiots.. why are you thrashing the very music that gives heavier metal popularity, i mean if you havnt noticed itunes has linked all metals into 1 genre. so exodus could appear next to chiodos or devildriver next to attack attack!. why not better waste your time and thrash rap or some shit. metal is metal be proud of it. and for you about to say this guys christian?? no im atheist. i mainly listen to bands like exodus and slayer. so shut your mouths this was a total waste of my time. losers.
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