The 5 Kinds Of Music That Teens Are Into


Oldz like to think that Kids These Days are completely different from the way oldz were back in the day. When oldz are exposed to new developments in youth culture, they usually get angry and confused, and say things like “[CURRENT BAND] fucking sucks, what’s wrong with kids these days? Ugh. They should listen to [OLD BAND THAT NOBODY UNDER 30 CARES ABOUT], that’s what’s up.” But the truth is that the more things change, the more they stay the same: the stuff kids like today is the same stuff we liked, just with slightly different clothes and haircuts (and flagrant autotune abuse). In fact, there are basically only 5 kinds of music that teens like, and they are THE SAME ONES that us oldz liked when we were teens. I will provide examples, then map the current version of each kind against the version for oldz to illustrate my point.

These moshers 4 christ from Dayton might be the biggest hardcore band of the 2k10s

Nu-punkcore (punk/metal/hardcore)
Reference points 4 oldz: Pantera, Earth Crisis, Integrity, Minor Threat, Throwdown, Hatebreed
Current examples: Suicide Silence, Avenged Sevenfold, Underoath, Terror, The Devil Wears Prada, Winds of Plague, A Day 2 Rmbr

Ever since Agnostic Front invented moshing back in the 1970s, teens have been into any kind of music that makes them want to punch each other while singing along to anthemic choruses about how parents/teachers/cops/authority figures do not understand them. Oftentimes these teens are troubled, although they usually grow out of it in their mid-20s and become moderately successful “normal married ppl with jobs/kids.”

This genre has not really changed all that much over the years, it just keeps getting more and more like shitty metal as time goes on. Back in the mid-90s, moshcore kids discovered Carcass, At The Gates and Iron Maiden, and have continued to shamelessly rape the corpse of melodic death metal ever since [via stealing riffs from Killswitch Engage, Shadows Fall, and Norma Jean]. Also, most of the bands in this genre now are Christian, which is cool if you are into Truth drums and Leviticus.

[Note: For the purposes of concise blogging, this genre includes relevant subgenres easycore and deathcore]

The Millionaires are just the newest incarnation of “girls writing catchy pop songs about being a slut”

Scene jamz (dance/pop)
Reference points 4 oldz: Spice Girls, Milli Vanilli, N Sync, Britney Spears, Xtina
Current examples: Millionaires, Family Force 5, Cash Cash, White Tie Affair, Breathe Carolina

Girls love to dance. This will never, ever change. Girls also love to dress up, get drunk, and act slutty/attract male attention, preferably while also dancing. This will also never change, and boys will always want to be wherever girls are acting like that. That is why there will always be a market for dancey pop music.

The other thing you can count on is that insecure, unpopular dicksbags who feel left out when other ppl are having fun will always hate pop. This is because it reminds them that they are unattractive, uptight turds. Back in the day, you could always tell who the cool hardcore kids were because when you got in their car they would be listening to the mnstrm top 40 radio station and singing along to Spice Girls or Blackstreet. The lame ones would force you to listen to some dreadful No Fun Club shit like Refused or Chokehold.

It’s no different now: The popularity of screamo/metalcore bands covering pop songs is because of this, and anybody worth hanging out with can get down to some Millionaires, Lady Gaga, or other disposable pop odes that urge girls to get drunk and act slutty. I mean, if you can’t get behind that, what do you like??

Teenage girls love faggy bros who play poppy songs with phony lyrics about what sweethearts they are

Scenebro hearthrobs (bubblegum pop/teen idols)
Reference points 4 oldz: NKOTB, Elvis Presley, Reggie & The Full Effect, Atom & His Package, Elliott Smith
Current examples: T-Mills, JT LLoyd, J-Bigga, Justin Bieber

In addition to acting slutty and dancing, teenage girls also love non-threatening versions of “bad boys” that are edgy and exciting without the risk of AIDS/rape/jail that comes with an actual bad boy. Of course, the joke’s on them because the more G-rated these tween idols appear to be, the more likely they are to be rapey shitbags, but I digress.

The most notable change in this genre since I was a teen is that technology now allows these bros to promote themselves in new, more frequent/annoying ways. Their fanbase of dumb, slutty teenage girls seem to be the last group of people who still use MySpace for anything other than finding funny pictures of scene fails, so it is understandable that scenebros cling to MySpace with the desperation of anybody else whose livelihood is tied to a rapidly dying technology. (An aside: remember when Fox paid $770 million for MySpace and it seemed like a great deal? LOL)

A lot of these guys actually have some pretty good songs (especially T-Mills), and I’m sure they get tons of ass, so I really can’t hate on them too much. If I was 10 years younger I would probably start my own Fruityloops scenebro solo project, but since I’m old I just settle for post-ironically writing about their music and making fun of their fans.

Anyhow, the point is that the tween idol always has and always will be a fixture of music that teens are into. The costumes change with the times, but the fundamentals are the same: unremarkable-but-catchy songs, crazed teenage fangirls, and angry oldz watching from the sidelines.

White trash kids from the 909/949 still love shitty rap and crappy metal, and they are still combining the two [via Victorville/Fontana]

Crunkcore (rap & rap/rock)
Reference points 4 oldz: Dr. Dre, Vanilla Ice, Rage Against The Machine, Crazy Town, Beastie Boys, Aerosmith x RUN DMC collabo
Current examples: Brokencyde, Hollywood Undead, DDC, Nitro, Dropping A Popped Locket

Some teens identify with both rap and rock. Although many oldz think that Brokencyde and Hollywood Undead are “the worst bands ever” and that crunkcore is a sign that Kids These Days are 900 times dumber than oldz were when they were teens, it’s really nothing new. Dumb white kids have been combining half-assed metal riffs with embarrassingly bad attempts at rap for decades, and the latest crop of bands actually do it pretty well.

Crunkcore is popular with especially troubled teens who like the sex, drugs, and personal branding of rock, but are also drawn to the violence and gritty realism of rap. Back in my day we called them “wignecks,” because they wore Starter jackets, smoked blunts, and listened to Snoop Dogg like wiggers, but drove giant trucks, chewed tobacco, and hated black people like rednecks– the worst of both worlds, if you will.

As far as I can tell, little has changed, and crunkcore is simply an update to the wigneck steez of the 90s, only the bands are much better than Limp Bizkit and POD. Instead of Starter jackets, they wear Glamour Kills, and T-Pain has taken the place of Snoop Dogg, but it’s still trashy bros making crude songs about getting wasted and banging sluts– and if the Inland Empire was the home of the previous generation of shitty rap/rock, the equally wretched Greenwood, Indiana is the capital of crunkcore (see our previous coverage of Dropping A Popped Locket and Scene Kidz). A little trashy and amateurish, sure, but I’ll take it over fucking indie rock every time.

The Summer Set’s video uses VHS tapes as a symbol of nostalgic, childhood days gone by… I feel fucking old :(

Disneypunk/Neon pop/WarpedTourCore (pop punk/rock)
Reference points 4 oldz: Green Day, Blink-182, New Found Glory, Dag Nasty, Bad Religion, Descendents, NOFX
Current examples: Fight Fair, Forever The Sickest Kids, The Maine, Friday Night Boys, The Summer Set, City Lights

I hate punk. Punk rockers smell bad, dress like clowns, act like spoiled children in desperate need of a spanking, and punk rock is noisy, tuneless garbage. That’s why I love bands like Blink-182, who took all the energy and immediacy of punk and sugarcoated it with the clean-cut melodies and accessibility of pop. Also, it made all the punx angry when they got popular, and that was funny.

Some oldz like to pretend that older bands like Dag Nasty, NOFX, and Bad Religion are a different, more authentic breed than Blink-182 and New Found Glory, but this is based on the faulty premise that “old = credible/authentic/good.” This logic is easily exposed as laughable by listening to Crass, Television, Christian Death, X, or any of the others zillions of awful, boring “seminal punk bands” from the late 70s and early 80s.

Fortunately, there are more great pop-punk/powerpop bands than ever in 2k10. Hot Topic/Warped Tour/Purevolume are full of great bands who picked up where Blink-182 left off, and thanks to new technology like Pro Tools and autotune, they sound better than ever. I will never get tired of bands who can take a little punk, and add some catchy choruses, big hooks, and great production, so if I had to choose a favorite genre of music, I think it would be Disneypunk.

Can u think of any other genres that teens r into?? Did u realize that I left out indie rock because it’s boring, and only oldz like it? How have things changed since u were a teen? What genre will be “the next big thing”??

About Sergeant D

I was like yeah ok whatever
This entry was posted in being old, disney punk, things i have been thinking about lately, what teens are into, what u do after school when u live in the suburbs. Bookmark the permalink.

44 Responses to The 5 Kinds Of Music That Teens Are Into

  1. Anonymous says:

    You're really reaching with this one…

  2. Anonymous says:

    clip show

  3. xtheswordx says:

    This is SO true. I think you missed a particular branch of pop where girls don't want to be slutty but they're "innocent". its like the nonthreatening boys and sluts had an illegitimate child and named it miley cyrus or taylor swift (both of whom are borderline country. coincidence? i think not). I really hope that made sense lol.

  4. Anonymous says:

    god you're a fucking idiot.

  5. Jonathan says:

    Good post.

    I think you miscategorized Atom and his Package though. and Television's Marque Moon is pretty awesome, but I don't see how anyone but "oldz" could like it. I never think of it as punk when I'm listening to it on the stereo in my front room, sitting on the porch with the front door open, drinking a glass of wine and talking to my dog.

  6. Eyelicker says:

    This is like, one of your best posts ever and my respect continues to grow! Perf example of SYWH

    Bracing for boring old hxc/punk dudes to complain

  7. Anonymous says:

    Surely most of the bands in the old/new categories overlap? I still see kids walking around in NFG/Blink-182 hoodies all the time. And I wouldn't say that liked Dr. Dre would like BrokenCYDE. Dr. Dre never appealed to scene fags.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I hope the Milli Vanilli inclusion was in reference to "girls writing catchy pop songs about being a slut"

  9. Sergeant D says:

    Surely most of the bands in the old/new categories overlap? I still see kids walking around in NFG/Blink-182 hoodies all the time. And I wouldn't say that liked Dr. Dre would like BrokenCYDE. Dr. Dre never appealed to scene fags.
    Good questions! Yes, there are some examples of old bands who are still relevant– all the more evidence that things are no different now than back in the day.

    And as for Dr. Dre, he is an example of the kind of rap that dumb white kids liked when I was a teen. I am sure he would hate BC13.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Excellent, excellent post! The only thing missing for me was that neither Sigue Sigue Sputnik, Ratt nor Shampoo were amongst your reference points 4 oldz.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTROcBE3dc0

    CallPastorJerkface

  11. Anonymous says:

    The premise of this post is pretty right on. I don't know if I'd classify Atom Goren as a "heartthrob" though…lol. I'd replace him in that category with the Dashboard guy.

    Also Crass is the opposite of boring. If nothing else they're worth a wtf.

  12. Sergeant D says:

    Yeah, the Ă…tom thing was just trolling to see if anyone was paying attention haha.

    Good call on Dashboard!! I totally forgot about that guy (but he seems really nice and cool enough)

  13. D. Smolken says:

    Dre would hate BC13? Probably not. Black dudes or even wigger rappers don't hate crunkcore, they just find it sorta uninteresting and irrelevant. They're too busy hating Lil B, Drake etc. Hating on crunkcore is a very white thing to do.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Do Kids These Days have anything like "jokey music", eg Anal Cunt, Wesley Willis?

    Good job on the "concise blogging"

  15. Matt from Denver says:

    Hating on X? I think someone is still butthurt about that time in '97 that he was told that the stuff he liked was garbage by someone who was 35.

    Spot on, otherwise. I try to keep that in mind when I've been subjected to the aural torture of ADTR by the 17 year old barista at my favorite coffee shop.

  16. Sergeant D says:

    Do Kids These Days have anything like "jokey music", eg Anal Cunt, Wesley Willis?
    Hm, good question! Off the top of my head I can't think of anything… has it been replaced by YouTube et al in the satire dept??

  17. Anonymous says:

    I was a member of Christian Death's fan club before today's mallgoths were even born, so I got a chuckle out of that. They and bands like Feederz, Mighty Sphincter, and Possessed were constantly in my Flintstones iPod (Walkman).

    (I'm the same obsolete fart who earlier reminisced about the Vandals-Dollhouse show.)

    Oldsters have always been saying that the music of their youth was the real shit and the current stuff is fake. That was true in the mid-80s, when geezer (25-30+ yr old) punk rockers – frankly, we kids were embarrassed for them – would go on about how it once "meant something" and was truly "shocking" back in the day but now punk has become mainstream and lame. By that idiotic logic everyone should have quit after The Stooges dropped their first album.

    Try this oldster rock: Kim Fowley's Nightrider (1968)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJXoLBM46xw

  18. Sergeant D says:

    That Kim Fowley song is pretty tight! I can definitely imagine that inspiring early GG (which is some of my favorite punk of all time).

    The Stooges were just ripping off the Stones who were just ripping off Robert Johnson who was just ripping off, uh, Satan or something (ad infinitum)

  19. chad says:

    you lumped easycore in with "Nu-punkcore (punk/metal/hardcore)"… so what is the difference between easycore and "Disneypunk/Neon pop/WarpedTourCore (pop punk/rock)"?

    i always thought easycore was closer to pop punk than anything.. basically pop hardcore.

  20. Sergeant D says:

    Yeah, it's a fine line between easycore and disneypunk! I categorized them the way I did because I feel like easycore bands self-identify as hardcore, not rock/punk (although sonically, they are very similar). However, I think you could make a case for the opposite scenario– see how tricky the 2k10's post-genre musical landscape is???

  21. shawnyouwillhate says:

    easycore-heavy breakdowns and screams ala ADTR
    disneypunk- light breakdowns no screams ala hit the lights

    that's been my understanding at least…

    young kids will always make music that old people will hate, that never changes.

  22. Devin says:

    "This is SO true. I think you missed a particular branch of pop where girls don't want to be slutty but they're "innocent". its like the nonthreatening boys and sluts had an illegitimate child and named it miley cyrus or taylor swift (both of whom are borderline country. coincidence? i think not). I really hope that made sense lol."

    What they said – I think this includes the Jonas Brothers, Justin Bieber (he fits into multiple categories), Taylor Swfit, and Miley before she turns into Britney.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Most of this analysis is spot on. The thing that's baffling to me, however, is that almost all of this "scene" stuff has various reference points that connect its purveyors to hardcore, in particular to straight edge hardcore and it's off shoots (I think emo counts as a SE offshoot). Regardless of what any of us think of their music, these kids are just norms with gay looking, poorly conceived throat tattoos. Call me the fun police or whatever, but I still think alcohol and meat are for fagz. That puts me at odds with these people for reasons that have little to do with their song writing.

  24. Anonymous says:

    Do Kids These Days have anything like "jokey music", eg Anal Cunt, Wesley Willis?
    Hm, good question! Off the top of my head I can't think of anything… has it been replaced by YouTube et al in the satire dept??

    Although there isn't anything as extreme as AC maybe, I'd say bands like Dr. Acula are kind of filling that gap. They've got a fairly marginal demographic of people who get/like them and in the same way as AC, they're never gonna be anyones favourite band.

  25. IndieFaceKillah says:

    Goddamn, I missed a whole gang of posts in the last couple months. There's been some classics, I have to say the Biebz post was probably my favourite, but this is pretty golden.

    I pretty much value blink-182 above most of the tuneless garbage oldz punk bands I listened to when I was an angry 18 year old retard so I was feelin' where you were comin' from with that routine about 'old=credible' being bullshit. (Having said that I love my Bad Religion albums still, that shit is tuneful as fuck, just wish they'd chill with the needlessly ginormous words sometimes.)

    In other words, Sgt D, my favourite genre is Disneypunk as well! You should totes make a shirt bro (possible copywright infringement could be a buzz kill though)

  26. Anonymous says:

    An even better reason for leaving indie rock out would be that the genre hasn't changed a single bit in my opinion. I mean, how much is Interpol different from Joy Division? Or My Blood Valentine from The Pains of Being Pure at Heart? The Postal Service and Owl City?

  27. Dannibal says:

    "Do Kids These Days have anything like "jokey music", eg Anal Cunt, Wesley Willis?"

    Crotchduster.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7O7rItcfJPs

  28. Dannibal says:

    Also, I wouldn't consider Eliott Smith to be a "hearthrob" in the slightest. He was a fugly heroin junkie who stabbed himself to death.

  29. Anonymous says:

    As far as "jokey stuff" i.e. Wesley Willis or A.C…. doesn't Brokencyde and Crabcore fall in that category? I can't imagine a lot of people putting that shit on in the privacy of their own homes while they're doing their homework or chores (or whatever kids do these days…grumble..grumble).
    What I'm getting at is that these are bands that you wait til some one comes over and you're like "Dude! You HAVE to hear this shit!" and then never play again. (At least til someone else comes over..
    Just Like WW and AC.
    BTW- as Fugly as Elliot Smith was, I have a feeling girls would line up around the block to ride his wrinkly junkie penis.

  30. DRR7 says:

    I don't wanna come off like a college professor but this list is awfully white & awfully rock-ish (or at least too "scene" oriented).

    The correct (and most obvious) modern reference points for acts like the Spice Girls, N'Sync,Britney,Xtina, would be other modern pop acts with the same broad appeal; Jonas Bros, Miley, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, LMFAO, Bieber, Beyonce etc. Not a bunch of sketchy acts geared towards the latest generation kids trying to differentiate their personal brands from "preps" and other athletic, attractive, popular peers Scene/niche pop is nice and has some gems, but real pop is still better.

    And I'm willing to bet a fresh new pair of kicks the overwhelming majority of the black/mexi/azn/offwhite/nonwhite teen population, not to mention half the white kids, is probably a lot more familiar with & very much into what's playing on the local hiphop n r&b station & probably doesn't bump much Suicide Silence. Who can blame them? It's hard to dance to.

  31. Anonymous says:

    You definitely left out Drake and Trey Songz, nonthreatening light-skinned black people music. I would say that those are two of those most popular artists among actual teens, not as big as JUSTIN BIEBER, but definitely top 5. Girls know all their songs, even the ones that don't have a video.

  32. Anonymous says:

    Aarrgh angry wanna-be-oldz stuck up punker about to complain and pontify about 'real' punk rock over here (even though I was -10 when 'Pink Flag' came out)! Brace yourself!

    How the hell can you value Blink-18poo over anything other than (possibly) rectal cancer? Yeah, it's sort of punk rock in the same way that tranny you pay to give you reach arounds every month or so is sort of like a woman; basically a whole lot of cheap perfume (production), glitter (i guess the drummer is good) and fake boobs designed to mask the fact that you're not rawdogging an actual woman but something else! God do they suck. Real punk rock is meant to be weird, ugly noise made by weird, ugly people, except with actual discernible melody, unlike death metal. Also it's made with intentions other than allowing losers to impregnate tweens (usually to allow losers to impregnate other losers).

    I don't know if you can infer it from reading this post or not but I'm one of those humorless guys with a flagpole up the rectum who subjects his friends to things like Born Against, Sleep and Big Black while driving around town. Also, I get laid once every 20 years (a la a certain race of the galactic federation). Is the fact that I hate all things disneyified and 'fun' a coincidence or what? Methinks yes.

  33. Anonymous says:

    Yup for sure, Bad Religion and New Found Glory are clearly at the same level of authenticity… if your a fucking re-tard

  34. yeahyouknowit says:

    I think you mean "you're"

  35. Anonymous says:

    I'm 14 and I listen to Megadeth, Slayer, Nuclear Assault, Overkill, Forbidden, Sodom, Sanctuary, Death, Deicide, Morbid Angel, Opeth, Morbid Saint, Coroner, Kreator, Tankard, Vio-Lence, Dream Theater, Obituary, Carcass, Municipal Waste, Evile, Fueled By Fire, Exodus, Anthrax, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden and hate everything you listed except Bad Religion and NOFX.

  36. Anonymous says:

    Next new wave: Electronic Pop (Thunderheist, Phoenix etc)

    The whole indie wave is beginning to die, with no one making any money (which I suppose was half the point of the movement), the bands are just dropping off, and new artists are forced to reach for something new.

    It's going to be artists such as the above mentioned that will bridge the gap, puling in the hipster indie kids as well as some of the club kids. Came in huge about 25-30 years ago. Scene kids can still drink their PBR, and club kids can hit the Grey Goose, bars are happy,kids are happy, bands are happy, no one has to throw out their fake raybans.

  37. Anonymous says:

    hey FUCK YOU your such an asshole punk rock is based on rebellion and not using a pussy kind of machine to make your voice sound better. im a punk rocker and its assholes like you that make everyone mistake the genre. fucking blink 182. there sellouts if you saw them when they first started. your talking out of your ass. REAL punk bands such as the clash and the ramones. and were not abunch of emo freaks we actually have a purpose instead of just sitting around and hateing the world we actually do something about it disney punk!!! da fuck. so with all do respect go to hell

  38. Anonymous says:

    this is retarded come on think about if ur emo u would to scream and it doesnt matter what u listen too i listen to old band and rap artists all the time and ur roots for rapcore suck and fyi im EMO

  39. Anonymous says:

    Haha, I'm a teenager and I only like the "Reference points 4 oldz" bands. Oh and I'm pretty sure J Bigga isn't "g-rated", I think he has a song about Miley Cyrus being a lesbian and raping her. I could never think of Blink-182 as old, to me bands like Blink and any bands influenced by them are what ruins pop punk. I like my 70's (Ramones, Buzzcocks) 80's (Descendants), and modern non-Warped Tour (Teenage Bottlerocket, Riverdales) pop punk, because I'm just too cool for the popular teenage stuff.

  40. Sergeant D says:

    The riverdales are modern?? I think *i* was a teenager when they came out (1996 or so?)

  41. Anonymous says:

    You make an interesting point, but putting Elliott Smith and T. Mills in even remotely the same genre ruins the argument.

  42. Anonymous says:

    You tottally skipped over white wannabee rastafarian stoners singing unoriginal reggae music.

  43. Jess says:

    Green days lyrics have plenty of meaning.

  44. These all YouTube gaming videos are actually in fastidious quality, I watched out all these along by means of my friends.

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