Melissa Millionaire makeover video

In this video, OTW (“other-than-white”) scene queen Melissa Millionaire does a makeover on Penny, her “PA” (I am guessing this means personal assistant, but I don’t know all that Hollywood insider lingo). It’s pretty straightforward, but I do have two questions:

1. Does Melissa really have a personal assistant?? To do what, get her tampons from CVS and make onigiri for her mom when she’s too hungover to do it for herself? Which would you rather do, tell your parents you got AIDS from a transexual prostitute you picked up outside Hollywood Video in Fontana, or that the best job you could get was as Melissa’s “PA”?

2. How is Melissa evolving her personal brand now that we are in the 2K10s? I can’t imagine her wearing a simple faux-vintage t-shirt from Kitson like she did back in her scene balloon days, but I’m not really sure where she’s headed with the grandma dress/novelty bow thing either– in any case, I’m sure she’s got it all mapped out, and I think I speak for all of us when I say that I can’t wait to see what’s next!!

How much does Penny make to be Melissa’s “PA”? Does Millionaires LLC have 401k matching? Will she be a paper millionaire when they go public? What do you think Melissa’s next look should be?

About Sergeant D

I was like yeah ok whatever
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9 Responses to Melissa Millionaire makeover video

  1. Angryaholic says:

    Wow. I didn't realize you could have a gunt to match that size of ego at that age.

  2. shawnyouwillhate says:

    prob wouldn't

  3. Anonymous says:

    Fashion wise I'd say Ms. Millionaire has been gorging herself on the rinds found in the bottomless sparkling trough that is Dolly Rockers.


  4. Anonymous says:

    Melissa should dress with vintage clothes and have her thing be wearing a hat all the time, like a bowler hat.

    Or coon tails and snakies.

  5. Sergeant D says:


    That's too bad that ETID are in the No Fun Club, I thought they would be more sophisticated than to turn into cranky old men

  6. yeahyouknowit says:

    LOL @ how Melissa thinks she can fool silly scene tweens into thinking she has a PA. Since the Millionaires probably make less than $500 each a show, I doubt Melissa can afford a PA. My guess is that it's either her manager's assistant or an unlucky intern. Either way, that bitch is sporting a Saint James shirt which is upwards of 120$ — something I'm not sure how she can afford after paying off part of her student loans each month for a communications degree her parents are real proud she's putting to good use.

  7. Christopher says:

    Right? You'd think to go from sort-of math-y upstate NY hardcore band with occasional singing parts to band that dresses up like we'rewolves, engages in cliche 80's references and seriously considers themselves a sort of "Southern rock" band from Buffalo they'd be aware that in a lot of people's eyes they were never too far away from the bands Keith's trashing.

    Fun fact: ETID were booked to play my college's yearly two-day concert circle-jerk in an attempt to appease the few xcore-fagz in attendance (I fought to book Suffocation since they'll to anything for $5k, but alas, I go to a clique-y art school that produced Moby, Regina Spektor AND Dan Deacon) but all of the students in the room revolted against the suggestion, scoffing because, and I quote "What year is this?".

    A band so uncool, even to people at my college who used to like them them, that they were dumped from playing a shitty two-day hipsterfuck that Drake would end up headlining anyway, all for being so 2005. That colors the irony of only desperately aging fringe oldz caring about ETID still and the sense of bitterness in the article. After all, who still cares about them except Metalsucks and Alt.Press?

    If ETID were smart they would've broken up in 2006 and reunited years later to get some of that fake Shai Hulud hardcoreXband reunion nostalgia.

    tl;dr: shit's the final nail in my youth.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Wait, that chick from Millionaires is considered a "scene queen"? I mean I don't think she's even pretty enough or fashionable enough to be one, and this is coming from someone who hates scene fashion. She doesn't even deserve to be called a scene queen, she's probably too fat for their anorexic standards as well.

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