Deetz on Stormy Daniels x Hollywood Undead

It's no secret that I'm a fan of Hollywood Undead. So much in fact, I have my own website devoted to 'dat bomb shit' -- where Sergeant D plucked me from to write 4 SYWH. Anyway, I use Twitter to keep up to date on all things HU, which includes following their frndz and luvahs and creepin their Twitpics.. One such chick I follow is Stormy Daniels, the girlfriend to HU's drummer/all-around-sweetheart Biscutz. If u can't already tell by her name, this girl gets paid to eff ppl she wouldn't have even knew existed in high school.

Since most of our readers are oldz/metal beardos whose longest relationship is with the worn in Lay-Z-Boy ur grandpa left u in his will, I'm sure y'all are hella familiar with porn stars. But don't pour on the haterade just yet bb! I'm totally chill with porn chicks too. Despite the fact that having sex with one must be like throwing a hot dog down an empty hallway, I do have to give them credit where credit is due. Those girls share my taste in footwear and smoky eye makeup, so they can't be all bad, right? Besides, Stormy's a total sweetheart and probably a lot smarter than most give her credit for. I dunno but you can't b a total douchelord and run for the governments, right??



So last night I thought I'd have some LULZ (and maybe get a peek at Biscutz) by tuning in to Stormy Daniels's first ever live chat on her 'stormylive.com' (obvs NSFW, dummy).. Now, I'm telling u this 4 two reasons. The first is cuz during the live chat, I started asking a few questions abt Biscutz and got the deets u all (or at least I) have been curious about! Yes, it's true that Biscutz just shot his first porn flick with Stormy, cleverly (like all porns) titled "Sex Therapy." And yes, there's more on the way (with him effing other chicks too, apparently!).. Yikes, this makes me sad, since Biscutz has a special spot in the hearts of my sis and I. He's like my 30-something yr old little scene brother.

yeah, we're 2 keut bros, havin fun 4 the cams

But more importantly, my site Fuck Yeah Hollywood Undead got a HUGE shout out on the live chat! That's right! I wish I had a copy of the vid becuz it made me LOL hard nd I bet y'all would eat it up! Pretty much what happened is that I, and a bunch of actual porn fans, were typing Stormy questions in real time while she picked her faves nd answered them live for all the viewers. It went almost word 4 word like this, with my parts being typed and hers answered live:

(note: I had asked a few questions prior to this, all of which were answered, because I was prolly the only one there not requesting/wanting 2 C tits.. Also, Drummerboy is what she calls Biscutz..)

yeahUknowit: We love Drummerboy over here! You're a lucky girl!
Stormy: (reads my post aloud) Aww I love him too! Ohh wait, I know who this girl is! You little YouTube stealing bitch! oh my god we know you!!
(note: Stormy is referring to this other 'yeahyouknowit' who I agree is a name stealing cunt. I use yeahyouknowit for everything, including my Twitter account. But my username on YouTube is iwillburnfirst, and my videos are 100% self-recorded/produced so there should be no confusion there Stormy ;) !)
yeahUknowit: hahah!
Stormy: haha look she's laughing at me! No, we know this girl! She's actually really cool! She runs this awesome website called Fuck Yeah Hollywood Undead! And she never blurs my face out! We like you here! It's all good!
yeahUknowit: aww no! it's all good! no haterade over here girl!
Stormy: aww yeah! No worries! Wait, are you even old enough to be on here?
yeahUknowit: Hahah yeah, I'm almost 21!
Stormy: yeah I know! I'm just kidding! Haha thanks!!
yeahUknowit: Thanks Stormy. Mad luv always girl xox

So yeah, pretty much FY!HU got a shout out 2 hundreds of sleazy porn fiends last night! And I got total confirmation that both Stormy and Biscutz check out the site! That adds my HU confirmed viewership to 4 (I won't tell who the others r tho!)

What do you think: Does having a porn star endorse your site, no matter how lovely she is 'as a person', do more harm than good? Are you worried Biscutz won't be as lovable once he gets consumed by 'the industry'? Will he leave Hollywood Undead to 'eff for pay'? Should SYWH look for an adult film star that's in line with our personal brand to endorse us [I am a huge fan of Evan Stone, mb we can talk him into it! -- Sgt D]?

CREEPVERT LIFEGUARD LOVES T-MILLS

To continue this weeks coverage of auto-tuned nonsense, here is a chinky-eyed southern stoner talking about how cool his life/T. Mills is. Comments are about 50/50 love/hate for T-DOT (is that what I call him for short?), but the best one is about the creator of the video and how he "looks like hes staring at the sun". Mind-boggling that he actually edited this video, which I'm not even sure I understand the point of.



As a bonus for U, I'm going to include the cockamamie, yet catchy ditty "Bamboozle" by T. Mills, which indeed is a song about the U.S. held festivals of the same name.



And since T. Mills himself was so cool on twitter about the post that basically called him the gheyest douchiest douch....







Click here to download the Ke$ha (editors note: she isn't that hot) "Tik Tok" cover.

My angry friend reviews T Mills, all is not good

Nevchrist is violent, cantankerous, homophobic, angry, and has just upgraded his no fun club subscription to "Platinum Club Lifetime Membership". He is also my best friend. Consequently, I have plenty of fun trolling him with scene puffery, and working him into an incoherant rage.

While here at Stuff You Will Hate we like to defend ourselfs in the name of "fun", and such, with all our flamboyant gay colours, sometimes we do get lost in this world and need an outside voice to chime in. In a kind of self aware, post post ironic, one step ahead of "tha haters", idea I had, partially inspired by Scene Girl Reviews, I decided it would result in something of a lolfest to get him to review crunkcore albums. Not being one to beat around the bush, I thought it would be best to just jump straight in there, with the gheyest douchiest douch, T Mills.

The original board room meeting in which I floated the proposal to Sarge, Yeahyouknowit, Jav, and Shawnyouwillhate in a powerpoint presentation.

Although it took a while to convince him to do this, meeting with responses ranging from "Do I actually have to listen to it?", to "I physically rage too hard and can't get past the first few words.", He finally, after getting drunk today, managed to put himself through the "Finders Keepers EP" by T Mills. This is what he had to say on the matter (warning, excessive British anger and use of the word "cunt"):

"Right now I'm more than a bit drunk, otherwise this piece would never happen. The alcohol softens the autotuned blow to the side of the head. I'm going to make this blunt and then maybe try, somehow, to relate this foulness to philosophical thought. WHY is there a T Mills?


I have been aware of this cunt (now known to me only as "cunt") for a few months and I've done everything I possibly can to avoid having to hear anything he's done. If I'm having drinks with my buddy listening to something acceptably FUNky he might slip the cunt into the playlist and half way through getting pumped on Job For A Cowboy or even Despised Icon (questionable hand gestures but you can't ignore the jump-around-sound) my ears get a surprise molesting and I go flying for the skip button. Thank FUCK the EP was short, the only smart thing the cunt ever did. It's over now and to calm down I'm deep into Meshuggah's hypnotic Catch 33.


Its not just the cunt himself that gets to me. It's more than his cunt face and his cunt voice spouting those typically cunt lyrics. It's the amalgamtion of all his cunt elements which makes him the epitome of cunt. The cuntness of it all in turn, makes me question the entire image. I have always questioned it and strongly avoided any involvement but have been vaguely accepting of the ideals of scene. It's by myself being labelled part of the no fun club that forces some tollerence out of me, in a fickle, pathetic argument against this claim as if I'm saying "hey I can be fun, but it doesn't have to involve neon.". You scenesters like to dress up in the name of fun. Well I think it's gone a bit too far, irony is now post irony, in other words, dressing up like a neon gimp was ironic because who would do that in seriousness, right? You look like a gay toddlers imagination, but now you've decided its crunk all the way and you're not fun if you're not a zillion shades of black and blonde, labels or CUNT neon.


Back to the cunt. He stands for nothing good. He stands for deluded ideals of "fun." He stands for poor life choices. He stands for the death of music. He stands for every scene bitch's shallow, restrained 2 dimensional mind. He will soon be the most embarrassing crush you ever had."

"I was never meant to work but I was meant to make money"
-Travis Mills

SYWH endorses FRISKIES catfood

This is the finest television commercial ever produced. My favorite part is where kitty is batting at the fish as he passes by them in the fish-like boat. And how he is fascinated by the sparkly, dancing turkeys!

--


I no longer own a kitty, but if I did I would definitely feed him Friskies. What a magical adventure for kitty!!!

Who the fuck are JAMIE'S ELSEWHERE?

I was reading the latest issue of AP the other day and came across an ad for some band called Jamie's Elsewhere. I have no idea who the fuck they are, but I am guessing they're pretty popular with "teens who mosh 4 Christ" since they are A) on Victory and B) warrant spending a few grand on this ad. Now, I'm a big fan of Victory (stay tuned for an upcoming post about how they defined 90s hardcore), but I couldn't stop LOLing at this ad. In no particular order, here's what made me LOL this loudest:

1. Free advertising for mnstrm brands
These guys might be screamo fggts, but one thing we can agree on is that Hollister makes some sweet plaid shirts! They might be even bigger HCO fans than I am, because they conspicuously rocked the logo in this ad, presumably without getting a cent in return. Very cool!!

2. Member's Only jacket
I have a couple of these myself, only the difference is that I'm old enough to remember when they were popular the first time around, and that they were pretty much the laughingstock of anybody with decent taste. Basically they were the Affliction/Ed Hardy of the mid-late 80s (before this dude was born, most likely).

3. No neck scenebros
I have to hand it to them, these dudes look solid. I would have never guessed that a bunch of dudes who are built like high school wrestlers would choose to play third-rate metalcore instead of Avenged Sevenfold covers, but it just goes to show that you can't stereotype. Husky dudes can be emo too!

--

ADTR?! More like a high school talent show band covering Circa Survive

4. Not-so-subtle code for "We mosh 4 christ"
1. LOL @ voluntarily comparing yourself to Alesana! That's kind of like saying, "I might be dumb, but I'm ugly."
2. They sound nothing like A Day To Remember, but mb Victory will sell a few more units to unwitting Christian moshcore n00bz with this misleading comparison?? Can't fault them for trying, at least.

5. "Package deals"
I'm guessing this is where you buy the CD, a t-shirt, and an autographed poster for $30 or something in an attempt to get kids to actually pay for physical product. Personally I can't think of anything I value less than some 21 year-old dipshit's "autograph," but if Victory can get dumb, middle-class girls to drop cash for the singer of fucking Aiden or whatever to scrawl his gay stage name on a cheap, 11x17" poster than more power to them. Kinda reminds me of when Century Media had some Suicide Silence 7" that was "limited to 10,000" lol. How punk!!

6. Victory social networking
If MySpace is for poor ppl (and it is), then VictorySpace or whatever is for ppl with severe head trauma and Gabe Saporta fetishes. I just looked up Victory Metal and apparently they are the notorious shit merchants behind Carnifex and Between The Buried And Me. It is pretty sad when your label's most legit metal band is fucking OTEP, but such is the case here. Why, Victory, why?!

7. Awful hair
First of all bro, get some Frizz-Ease! Your shit looks like you stuck your finger in a light socket! Scene hair only works if you have the body of an anorexic 14 year-old girl, and these guys are built more like Roseanne Barr than Kiki Kannibal.

What is your favorite Victory band, past or present? Did u buy a Jamie's Elsewhere package deal?? Which no-neck Christian metalcore band do YOU want an autograph from??

New Jamz: Hurry! Lets Go and Scene Valentines/Romance

I am pleased to introduce the newest contributor to SYWH, Eyelicker-- you may know him from his other blog, Hyperviolence and comments on this site. Like YeahYouKnowIt, he's about 10 years younger than me and ShawnYouWillHate, but I'd like to think that we share a common post-ironic appreciation of contemporary youth culture. Bro, you're one of my top internet bros, bro! Welcome aboard and we hope to see many more posts from you! - Sgt D

It's no secret to the world that scene/crunk/anyone who has ever used autotune bros are fuckin' pro with the girlies. In fact, while the majority of us scene kids would have you believe that we're ghetto as fuq playas till death, and are the kind of bad news that most chicks lap up, we're also totally down for some legit romance every once in a while, when not smashing up the town in our sweet osiris high tops (not actually mine, cos mine're some limited edition shit that'r too cool for the internet) and dot dot curve :) t's.

Enter Hurry! Let's Go, crunkcore romantics (in the old world sense of the word) and regular contributers to my "xgenuinexscenexfeelingsx" playlists, whenever I wax sentimental with a chick. In the world of internet crunkcore acts, they are like the Michael Cera, to DDC's parallel of Larry Clark's 1995 film "Kids". Seriously, these kids are so clean cut and sincere I almost feel like they're gonna get bullied when I playlist them with BC13 and Hollywood Undead. Fuck, even Breathe Carolina look like scummy creepverts next to these!

Yes Stacy! I would love to meet your parents!

Their jamz are pretty much universally about love (unrequited or ace), to a sometimes pretty sickening degree. They tread very close to the line of "this is so fucking soppy I can't even listen to it ironically", with about half of their stuff going over it and being rendered unlistenable. That in mind, the other half is actually pretty decent, especially for putting on in the background when you're tryna convince a chick what a genuine legit guy you are. Just time it right so you don't look like a massive sap.

This one is a pretty cool collab with the equally unthreatening and German XOXO

I kind of feel like Hurry! Let's Go are probably the logical conclusion of the "non theatening dudes singing about feelin's" aesthetic. This is probably more of a detriment to their success than anything, as it just makes them come across as really fuckin' dull people, instead of at least pretending that they're off the wall crazy people like every other band does. Not that anyone actually believes that DDC, BC13, HU, BOTDF, T Mills and anyone else are actually one iota "srs buisness", but singing like they are is enough to make them pretty much like crack for most chicks. Dudes who are essentially harmless with enough of a veneer of badassery to indulge most girl's natural affliction of the wild without being any kind real risk (hence how most chicks are completely fucking clueless about rap music (Kanye west dosn't count)). Still I guess Hurry! Let's Go are prolly at least filling a gap in the market, and are sometimes pretty perfect to hit that spot. Props! Also, it's probably worth a mension that they are proud owners of the accolade of being the only band who I have actually bought an mp3 album of online (but this was only because I couldn't find a working rapidshare, and it was the beginning of the term so I was yet to squander all my cash).

You arn't fooling anyone, especially with that Akercrombie shirt, the "scarlet letter" of the middle classes.

Anyways, further on the topic of genuine scene love, this Valentines day (sunday b4 yesturday) taught me that scene love is the fuckin' shit! After the past few years with boring middle class mainstream no fun club chicks who just don't get it and equate having fun, piercings, tats, and wearing sick ass scene threads with being immature/stupid/a looser (not that I'm not immature, but you're doing a course in TV production honey, while I'm waxing scientific at one of the best Universitys in England), having now recently found a down-ass scene chick to allign personal brands/band merch/crunkcore playlists with is gonna be fucking sweet.
Anyways, hope you had a pro V-tines day too, and didn't let the no fun club's cynicism ruin it for you. I made a playlist with some help from my scenie that I was gonna post to my other blog, Hyperviolence, but ended up pulling a cba (via having just returned from Germany), anyway, here it is, as my introductory gift to the SYWH readership; Eyelicker's officially scene girl approved playlist for those intimate moments with that special scene chick in your life. You may hate this shit, in fact you probably do, but I would advise having it handy. Much like a fire extinguisher, you may never need it, but if the unthinkable happens and you do get Becky Brutality or whoever back to your crib, you don't wana be caught without some legit crunkcore romance jamz. You'll get extra bonus points too if she had you down as some square who only like "srs music" from the surprise factor!

2. Seventeen Forever - HORSE the band (I mean Metro Station)

3. Dressed Up To Undress - Breathe Carolina

4. Shades of Grey - Setting for Disaster

5. I wanna love you - The Maine

6. Bamboozle - T. Mills

7. Kandyland - BrokeNCYDE

8. Pimpin' - Hollywood Undead

9. The Killer Anna - The Medic Droid

10. Scream For My Icecream - Blood On The Dance Floor

11. I cant do it alone - 3OH!3

12. All I ever wanted - N!tro

14. Another Song For the Weekend - ADTR

15 Crunkizzle Romance - Dot Dot Curve :)

http://www.mediafire.com/?0jniznnjzin

(if you work for a label, let me know and I'll take down anything you own, but you should think of this as promotion not piracy-- don't rain on the parade!)

Update - Hurry! Lets Go have requested I take down their jamz, so the download now omits their tracks. Fair play to them, go buy the download EP like I did!

SYWH Spring 2K10 lookbook

The only thing I like more than Forever The Sickest Kids is shopping-- especially at popular mall retailers for teenagers. I definitely have several pairs of $250+ jeans, Versace ties, and Prada shoes in my closet, but that shit is only for when I have to hang out with No Fun Clubbers/middlebrows who overcompensate for being unpopular in high school by buying expensive-yet-boring clothes and trying to impress each other. I'd rather be getting wasted in my Hollister hoodie or moshing it up to some Winds of Plague with my New Era at a jaunty angle.

Only ass holes dress like tryhard fashionistas. Cool kids who like fun and kicking it with their friends (do you even have any??) shop at the mall. With that in mind, let Sergeant D, ShawnYouWillHate, and YeahYouKnowIt be your guides to looking (and feeling) your best in Spring 2K10 with this handy guide to what's hot and what's not. Print out a copy, take notes, and bring it with you on your next trip to the mall!
Longtime readers know that we are huge fans of Forever 21, whose selection is pretty much unparalleled. Whether you're a rich, slutty azn girl who drives a Lexus and needs a trashy little party dress for slutting it up at your local hip-hop club, an introspective, nerdy emo chick who wants something that quietly tells the world how much you like owls and kitty cats, or a fggty dude like me who likes trendy cheap shit that looks like Diesel but costs 90% less, Forever 21 has something for you! Here are a few of my favorites:

Boat necks are flattering on just about anybody, even if u "r a little bit on the porky side," and we love this nautical look!

The best thing about Forever 21 is that you can get stuff like this for $2.80-- less than the price of a large Red Bull!

Whether you're a scene girl or a blipster, you can't go wrong with a neon chartreuse, cropped pleather jacket!!

Forever 21 is also on the cute animals program for their girls' graphic tees. This one combines a kitty with a kyut bow AND stripes-- three things indie girls can't resist!! Oh, and it's a fucking v neck, so it might as well be crack for 19 yr olds who listen to Death Cab and pine for Michael Cera.

I won't lie, this kinda makes me want to vomit with rage

All in all, Forever 21 is pretty much the shit. You could probably buy your entire wardrobe there and look awesome, but it is a bit of a mixed bag in that they have some serious turds mixed in with the gems. Plan a few hours to sort through all the jumbled crap, especially if a crowd of teenagers have been through before you and tore the place up. The selection is great, but Delia's has them beat on quality.

Rating

3.5/5 flatirons

I would be a bad friend and a shitty tastemaker if I didn't include Homage Clothing in this lookbook. You can think of them as all the good things about vintage sportswear (cool graphics, classic silhouettes), but none of the bad (skyhigh prices, bad fit). If u want to impress your friends with "things they don't know about yet but u already do," stock up on some Homage gear-- it's FIRE, bro!

This shirt speaks the truth. I stayed in Detroit for a weekend once for a Spazz show, and I heard gunshots at like 10AM on a Sunday *eep*

Nothing says "scene gear" like 80s references such as "sk8 or die." Note the Integrity/Project X font

I'm real into all of Homage's "Surf Ohio" shirts, genius!

If you don't have a retailer near you, hit up the Homage online store and cop that shit! Tell em the Sarge sent you.



I first heard of Delia's when I lived with BloodyGuts. When she got the catalog, I would look through it to eyefuck the models in it (I was 18 at the time so it wasn't creepy). These days I'm just a fan of their clothes, but I like them more than ever. This popular tween retailer is making a big cute animal statement with their graphic tees, with some especially cute ones featuring animals in love (like the giraffes below-- they're boyfriend and girlfriend, awwww!).

Tiger cub says "RAWR DO U WANT 2 PLAY?!?!"

This little kitty is attempting the sexy librarian look... I'd hit it.

You can tell the one on the right is the girl because she is a pretty color

Aside from really nice graphics, Delia's assortment has really nice handfeel, with buttery-soft tees, water-based inks, and nice use of wash/spray to make them feel like your favorite piece of vintage. Hats off, Delia's!

Rating

4/5 flatirons

I feel sorry for ppl in the midwest because u don't have leading action sports retailer Zumiez, which means you have to either buy your action sports gear at "some shithole mom-and-pop skate shop" that is never open and full of dickbags who "make u feel like u aren't cool enough to shop there" and are always out of stuff or worse, shop at Pac Sun. I would rather get herpes, AIDS, and cancer on the same day than set foot in Pac Sun, so it really hurts when I see midwestern teens who don't know any better buy their neon plaids there instead of Zumiez :(

Aside from the usual assortment of "core action sports brands that establish their credibility," I am super stoked to see that Zumiez now carries core scene gear brand Glamour Kills. This is very cool b/c I heart GK, here's hoping that they pick up Crunk Kids, Rockett, and Cuttin Up Hookers too!

Wearing this shirt is a good way of telling the world you will fuck any guy who looks like he is in a band

Jesus fuck, what a denim fail!! Not only are they too short to wear with ballet flats, who the fuck wears BOOTCUT jeans in the 2k10 aside from guidos and Fox Racing bros?! Barf.

I'll always be a sucker for girls who wear buffalo plaids in bright colorways like this one. Wonder what the handfeel is like on these joints, tho???

I am also a sucker for girls in cute hoodies, like this simple but cool one from Glamour Kills. Would really like to see this one get some wash, grinding and destroy, though, to make it feel a little more worn-in. Also, the sleeves look a little baggy... but overall, super cute!

These Monster/DC hoodies should sell by the truckload in Riverside, New Jersey, Tacoma, Cleveland, and anywhere else there are large concentrations of stangry white ppl.

Moar DGK, less DC!

I'll always be a Zumiez fan, but I feel like their spring selection is a little bit bro/downmarket. Leave the Fox Racing gear to Pac Sun (very popular with bros and posers) and focus on the core action sports brands that got you where you are!

Rating

2.5/5 flatirons

Basically, Am Appy is the uniform for insecure, upper middle class kids with "rich parents who don't love them/were never around" and overcompensate by becoming uptight, pretentious hipsters/indie slutbags who fuck DJs/band dudes bc "they r doing something amazing with their lives." Oh, and because they manufacture everything in the US, their quality is fucking awful and the prices are laughably inflated.

Reminds me of the movie Tootsie

A "Best Bottom" contest is a great idea. Instead of sending yours to Am Appy, send your ass to us!

O kewl, they got Kip from Napoleon Dynamite to model their ironic Sesame Street shirts

File under "bonerkillers," ugh. How about something a little sexier like some leggings and Uggs, baby?

I respect AA for recognizing that most of the ppl who work at their stores have low self-esteem and using that as a way of convincing them to "model 4 free/cheap," but mb they could find girls who are more attractive?? I dunno I'm just kinda burned out on the "OTW hipster after a three-day coke binge look" ya know? (OTW = "other than white")

Rating

.5/5 flatirons

If you have been to a college or mall recently, it is nearly 100% certain that you've seen scores of hotties in Pink sweatpants and hoodies, usually accompanied by Uggs or flip-flops. I'm not into Victoria's Secret bc it's kinda cheesy (most of that shit looks like it was designed for the part in an 80s movie where the girl says "let me slip n2 something more comfy" and comes out in some ridic lace boustier or whatever), but Pink is basically the best thing ever if you want boys to think u are "open 4 business" without looking too overtly slutty.

This dip-dyed, slash neck hoodie looks as comfy as it is "open 4 biz"

DO WANT

Kyute bow + neon animal print = authentic scene gear

Rhinestones, srsly? Bedazzler fail

Pink, you've come a long way! Their undies are still the best, and their cut-and-sew gear is getting better all the time. Their fleece still isn't as good as A&F's, but nothing says "sweetly slutty" like a girl in some sweats that say "PINK" across the slightly-jiggly butt. SYWH fully endorses Pink!

Rating

4/5 flatirons

Where do u get ur scenegear?? What are the most popular places for teens to hang out/shop/flirt at your mall? Are u "too uptight to wear things that mnstrmrs like"? What is ur favorite item in the SYWH SPRING 2K10 LOOKBOOK??