The official SCENE TIMELINE, 1980-2010

We all know that Scene was inspired by the ’80s, but did you know that it started there as well? One of the first Scene Queens ever was Madonna. Think about it- back in the days when she was still “like a virgin,” all girls did up their hair in messy, curly, red or dirty blonde with black ponytails, chewed on Bubble Yum, and wore really tight spandex pants. Girls copied her, and guys wanted to bunk her. Who knows why this was all appealing, maybe she had a nice ass? I find nothing appealing about sneering and flaring my nostrils like I just got my nose pierced. But, as time would tell, we took that concept of big hair and tight pants straight outta the glory days.

Look at that- neon colors. Be bold, make a statement with electrifying pinks, oranges, greens- it doesn’t matter what colors you use or where. As long as you were eye-catching or head-turning, you can clash. Think techno, maybe like today’s crunkcore. Anything doing with thumping beats (and not much else) was what was clutch back then.

Itty bitty titty committee

In the early ’90s, things dimmed down, but man did they heat up. Gwen Stefani was the “it” chick. She had washboard abs, which all girls envied, giving future scenesters everywhere their “must have 24 inch waist” attitude. Although the rest of Gwen’s body was… eh, not the sexiest- no tits to speak of and an ass so tiny it was practically nonexistent- she captured Hipster hearts with the way she moved her body to pop-punk, edgy music. But I guess she’s been “walking into spiderwebs” ever since.

Courtney Love- ickgh, the thought of even typing in her name into “Google” made me gag! Most hipsters of all sexes, creeds, and races can’t stand to face that Courtney Love was ever the queen of any scene at any time! Trust me, I feel the same way, but I am willing to swallow my pride (and my beliefs in the conspiracies that she did, in fact, hire a fatass creepvert to kill Kurt Cobain… he will be avenged!) and admit that we got something from this slutty, dopey bish. That’s all I needed to say- slutty, dopey. Yes, the sex and the drugs of it all.

Remember when we all wore boy shorts and ties? The days when all the chicks were jamming to tunes like “Skater Boi” and “Complicated?” Thank God those days are over! But we remained digging that blonde over black thing she did with her hair. But, I wouldn’t go as far as saying she was one of history’s Scene Queens, because, let’s face it, she was a poser in all respects, as exposed by her recent divorce to that punk-ass Derek Whibley kid. “Irreconsilable differences” means that you’re not the same kind of person. But, I digress.

“I can’t find my keys”

I recently read that memorable post “Mid-00s Emo Flashback” done by our friend Sergeant D, and everyone will agree with me on this: the scene chicks around 2004 were fat goth chicks who were obsessed with anime and Ville Valo. I know, I was one of them (pre-teened, but still one of them.) The former promiscuity had since died down, and no one was getting any. Obviously, we haven’t kept anything from this stage. But I did pee myself laughing looking up “fat goth chick” on google images.:D

2008 was what I consider as the peak of the emo stage of all of this. Everyone was wearing band tees, tight black skinnies, and cutting their wrists. It’s when the guys were developing the skater boy/emo hair that all girls got cloners over. Hear that, JBiebz? You weren’t the first one! Hardcore was considered to be My Chemical Romance, Hawthorne Heights, and Funeral For A Friend. Going to shows, such as Warped Tour, Lollapalooza, and Bamboozle was the xXHardXCoreXx thing to do. Haha, and everyone’s Quizilla! and MySpace screennames always contained X’s, like they were badass.

2008 / Buzznet / Quizilla lol

Today’s Scene Queens like Kiki Kannibal, Audrey Kitching, and Brookelle Bones are the ones that made us all realize that we’re doing it wrong in 2010. It was deciced that you needed to have a certain hairstyle, complete with colored extensions, coontails, bows, and clips to be considered “scene.” Not only that, but your wardrobe couldn’t be too dark, or too bright, and your playlist had to contain no less than two trannies. And, not only that, but they decided that hipsters should get laid. Hallelujah! Snort some coke and take off your panties!

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11 Responses to The official SCENE TIMELINE, 1980-2010

  1. Alex_P says:

    I just GISed Fat Goth Chick, not realizing I had SafeSearch off. I need eye-bleach now…

    • Kenzi says:

      Lolol, Alex. And that is why you make sure of putting it on safesearch before looking up anything with the words “fat,” or “hairy.” You have much to learn, Grasshopper.:3

  2. Sergeant D says:

    I might swap the positions of Courtney Love and Gwen Stefani, but that’s a minor quibble– I had never really thought about how all these ladies influenced scene style, but I think you’re on to something with this!

    Since all the former scene kids are turning into gross Urban Outfitters style artsy hipsters, could Lady Gaga have a place in this for like 2k11/2k12?

  3. the condor says:

    It took scene kids till 2008 to get on the X’s in your screenname deal? That’s XpatheticX.

    I feel that a lot of what you say started in 2k8 actually started in 2k4/5. now it didn’t catch on in the malls until 2k8, but yeah, I don’t know. “Today’s underground is Tomorrow’s shopping malls.”

    Is this a timeline for scene girls?

  4. CallPastorJerkface says:

    I still remember seeing Madonna’s “Lucky Star” video in the mid-eightes. The song stank and she came across as some STD riddled, talent impared copy of The True First Queen Of Scene: Cyndi Lauper. Girls just wanted to have fun and, dammit, I wanted to have fun with girls…well, when I was a boy that is.

    • Kenzi says:

      I can’t believe that I forgot Cyndi Lauper! But then of course, if more scene chicks even knew her name, she would have made it in a heartbeat.

  5. Tom Cash says:

    dude, gwen stefani. remember the “don’t speak” video? that was like the exact moment when she realized she was out of control hot and didn’t have to wear stupid bondage pants anymore. thank god.

    • Sergeant D says:

      srs– but that was the 90s, when girls weren’t allowed to be hot (lest they play right into the hands of the cock-man oppressors), so I totally understand why it took her a while to come to terms with her hotness

  6. jondabudz says:

    The bitch who wrote this shit sucks. Not very accurate or funny for that matter.

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