I come from a proud tradition of distinguished service to your country, with my father and grandfather both being combat veterans. It’s cool that they traveled to the other side of the planet to fight against the enemies of America, but not half as cool as all the people who write songs about doing it.
In this post, I will honor all the brave men who stood up for what they believed, who had the courage to pick up a guitar, enter the recording studio, and talk about how America is awesome and war is cool. I ask perhaps the most important question of our generation: what is the best patriotic song???
Kid Rock “Warrior”
This commercial for the National Guard features an appearance by Dale Ernhardt Jr and lyrics that would make Trey Parker cringe. My favorite part is at 1:35 where they’re in Iraq and some little kid runs in front of their APC. The black guy is like “Should we will kill this before or after we rape his mom?” but then the white guy is like “No man, we’re here to win hearts and minds, let’s give him his soccer ball back.”
Team America “Freedom Isn’t Free”
I know this is a joke, but the lyrics are so similar to the Kid Rock song that it might as well be serious.
Three Doors Down “Citizen Soldier”
Another National Guard commercial featuring a hard rock band from the 90s. This one is all about how rescuing someone’s cat after a storm is pretty much the same thing as fighting against the British in the Revolutionary War.
Clint Black “Iraq And I Roll”
Fan-made video for this legendary troll’s most famous song. My favorite part is at :13, where the lyrics are about how anti-war protesters are fags and the guy who made the video uses an image of someone picketing in favor of a minimum wage for migrant farm workers.
Toby Keith “Courtesy of the Red White & Blue (The Angry American)”
In this video, Toby Keith goes over to Iraq to show the soldiers how much he appreciates them. “Showing his appreciation” apparently means riding around in a tank and playing Army in front of the cameras, instead of helping them fix a fence, doing dishes, or any of the other stuff that doesn’t look as cool as holding an M4 that you don’t know how to use.
Team America “America Fuck Yeah”
Best part about this one is how many times it’s used non-ironically in patriotic YouTube image montages. Also, “Sportsmanship! Books!”
Jesse James Dupree “Open Invitation”
This is what patriotism is all about: people like the singer for Jackyl who aren’t afraid speak up in defense of their country, such as this courageous stand against Osama Bin Laden.
i like listening to Rise Against’s Hero of War” antiwar songs are the best war songs
and this song, its so true:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufCL38cVOkg
I may or may not know what im talking about. Maybe some combat veterans can steer me down the right path. For those deployed: watch out for IEDs, I hear they blow off your nut sacks and legs.
AND THEY CALL ME WARRIOOOOOOOR
Where’s the Lee Greenwood?
Taco Bell! Fuck Yeah!
But Sarge, where is Five Finger Death Punch’s “No One Gets Left Behind”? That’s my all time fave! I never knew politicians could be so scummy until they 5FDP let me know that they have no backbone
toby keith, imo. “we’ll put a boot in your ass, it’s the american way” is my favorite lyric of all time.
Yeah, definitely Toby Keith. Though my favorite patriotic song of all time is “Screw You, We’re From Texas” by Ray Wylie Hubbard. “And the other states, uh, I believe they’re OK.”
Neil Diamond – Coming to America
Today!!!
Winds of plague makes me want to join the army and kill terrorists. They should do a free show for the troops and I’ll bet the war on terror will be done in a week cuz of their awesome motivational skills
“or any of the other stuff that doesn’t look as cool as holding an M4 that you don’t know how to use.”
AHAHAHAHA An already epic post became pure comedic gold with that line.
Whatever happened to all the srsly self labeled patriot/patriotic-core bands that were springing up all over the place a few years ago?
Jon Schaffer from Iced Earth started a band a few years ago called “Sons of Liberty”. Listening to the album, the only thing I kept thinking was “Tea Party-core”.
Haha fucking jackyll is playing a free show here in town today. Fucking rednecks are gonna shit themselves.
Dude, I’m from the midwest. So this shit is all completely unironic here. Fuck all these artists. Seriously, do other parts of the country have country music played at senior proms and shit? Also Dubya has TERRIBLE teeth. Look at that Clint Black video, they’re disgusting. Floss, motherfucker!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OX7l1AyN8E&playnext=1&list=PLF03AF1C3815F7B9E
happy forth
I’m not “pissed”! I’m DRUNK! I don’t “shag”! I FUCK! I got style! I’m not “sussed”! Are you one of them or are you one of us? Now what’s this crazyness I hear today? Did I wake up in New Jersey of the fucking U.K.? Why the limey accent and the silly words spoken? Last time I checked you grew up in Hoboken! I see your mindless antics and my mind is blown. From what I understand a football is thrown! When the Steelers make the playoffs I get pretty excited. But I don’t give a fuck about Manchester United! I’m not “pissed”! I’m DRUNK! I don’t “shag”! I FUCK! I got style! I’m not “sussed”! Are you one of them or are you one of us? I fly Old Glory, not Union Jack! And in the revolution my side kicked ass! Fronting like you’re British? You gotta be ignorant! You’re worse than an illegal, you wanna be immigrant! Move your ass to England if you think it’s so bad! I’ll make you eat a bottle if you call me “lad”. I’ve got alot of rage, and people like you trigger it! You sucking on a “fag” or a motherfucking cigarette?! I’m not “pissed”! I’m DRUNK! I don’t “shag”! I FUCK! I got style! I’m not “sussed”! Are you one of them or are you one of us? I gotta be real, got no time to imitate, So I’m hanging with my boys, not with my “mates”! Fronting like you’re British? You’re just about criminal! I sleep with women, not winged, feathered animals! I hear your limey sass. I know it’s a farce. I’ll kick you in the ass if I hear you say “arse”! You fill me full of nausea, you wanna be scrub. Now I’m going to the bar, not the motherfucking “pub”! I’m not “pissed”! I’m DRUNK! I don’t “shag”! I FUCK! I got style! I’m not “sussed”! Are you one of them or are you one of us? I’m not “pissed”! I’m DRUNK! I don’t “shag”! I FUCK! I got style! I’m not “sussed”! You wanna-be herman, here’s a message from us: HEY YOU ASSHOLE, ALL TALKING LIKE JAMES BOND! YOU’RE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE FUCKING POND!
Toby Keith makes any ignorant HXC fuck look like a Harvard grad.
This post = SOLID GOLD
My favorite one is the Three Doors Down song because they make the revolutionary war guys seem like they were bros just like you and me. I remember they used to play it in the movie theater before the previews five or six years ago and then switched to the Kid Rock one. Also, I live in Georgia and remember after 9/11 they played the Jesse James Dupree one every third song on the classic rock station.
The Exploited- Fuck the USA. http://youtu.be/3bZzM4s0Hgs Blasted this song all day on the Fourth.
‘Merican – The Descendents
how about “this is war” by smile empty soul? That would be my favorite. … “i’ll blow your fucking head off, for my country” can’t really beat that line. lolol
Ummm, glaring omission, Sarge. Who could forget the immortal “USA for USA” by Carnivore?
When Pete yells the part about “All the bullshit countries who think they’ll beat the Giant,” I put some fresh red, white and blue jizz in my pants.
P.S. Fuck everybody who says that song is “ironic.”
lololol great band
Dying Fetus – “One Shot, One Kill”
You don’t even need to know the lyrics.