If there’s anything that we can all agree on, it’s how annoying (yet also lulzy) girls are. But not all girls, just the stupid ones who are totally into themselves and live for the purpose of getting male attention. In this post, I will discuss some of the most common and irritating kinds of girls who live for male attention and make me want to suicide myself every time they speak. Your thoughts are welcome!!
BTW, please don’t take this as an attack on all women- rather, take it as an endorsement of the ones who AREN’T like this. So if you know a girl who is smart, normal and cool, please take a minute to thank her for being awesome after you read this!
Fig 1: HOT SLUT WHO ONLY DATES ASSHOLES
True fact: most hot chicks are into dudes who treat them like shit. This is because they are used to guys kissing their ass, and that is boring because girls like a challenge (but only when it comes to guys, never anything involving exercise or mental exertion). With that in mind, your best move is to talk a lot of shit to them, never EVER pay them a complement, and try to bang one of their friends. If all goes well, they will be jealous of another girl getting attention and let you fuck them.
“I hate u mom now buy me some pop tarts”
Fig 2: SELF-CENTERED, UGLY BRAT WITH EXCESSIVELY HIGH SELF-ESTEEM
Obviously we all know how much hot girls who are totally into themselves suck, but what’s even worse is an ugly, dumb girl who is totally into herself because she thinks she’s hot but is in fact a grose little troll who’s been pumped full of self-esteem by her doting, retarded parents. Usually seen updating Facebook/Twitter with shit like “I LOVE IT WHEN PPL TELL ME HOW AMAZING I AM BUT I ALREADY KNEW IT :P”, so when you see the updates you’re like “Oh word, this must be some hot slut” but then you click on her pic and you’re like “WTF bish you are like a 6.5 who do you think you are?!”
Fig 3: ENTRY-LEVEL ALT PORN “STAR”
Am I the only dude on earth who thinks “alt porn” is grose?? Call me crazy but I don’t know why anyone would choose to fap to some bitch with shitty tattoos and a dumb haircut who looks like the rude bartender at your local shithole when they could be jizzing over Lexi Diamond (who is perhaps the only girl on earth hotter than Jess Bowen) or Sarah Jean Underwood.
Fig 4: DISGUSTING OLD HAG WHO THINKS SHE’S HOT
Is there anything worse than when you are at a bar/party/show and some rancid bitch like this comes up to you, drunk off her ass, makes some “sexy” face and says with a slur “You… are so…. hot!” and stumbles toward you, sloshing her drink all over herself? GTFO grandma, unless you have a smashable niece or something that’s driving you around who’s bored and DTF.
Fig 5: UNDERCOVER MAINSTREAMER
On the one hand, I appreciate this girl for having the good sense to dress really slutty (short shorts and one of those trashy stickers you put on while you tan?? WANT!). But on the other hand, I am 100% sure she is the definition of high-maintenance and after fucking a few guys in B+ level Warped Tour bands, will marry an investment banker, and cheat on him with her boss. Hot? Oh fuck yes. But not worth the trouble.
Intermission: DUMB BISHE SOLVES GLOBAL WARMING
Fig 6: OLD LADY SLUT WITH MISLEADING TWITPIC
When you saw this pic, I bet you thought the same thing as me: “Hm, looks annoying but would definitely smash. Might consider following her in case she gets drunk and posts n00dz.” But not so fast!! Not only is she 30, sxe, and vegan (which means her tweets will all be about cupcakes, cats, and knitting), she is actually busted as fuck in every other picture. UNFOLLOW.
Fig 7: UGLY NERD WHO PRETENDS TO LIKE COOL SHIT
Oh the old “wear a shirt of some ghey, shitty band that betas like so they’ll shower me with attention because I ‘like the coolest shit’” trick. I’ll admit, it worked on me when I was 18 and a bish told she liked some stupid hardcore band that I loved at the time. But then I told my roommate about it, who was herself an advanced-level flirt and she was like “Ummmm you know she doesn’t REALLY like that, right? She only said it so you would like her,” as though I was the most gullible person on earth (and I probably was).
INTERMISSION: Necro “86 Measures of Game” = all you need to know about banging hot sluts (warning: does NOT work for wifing- in fact, if you are looking for wife material, do the exact opposite of everything in this song)
Fig 8: “ONE OF THE GUYS”
Honestly, this might be the very worst kind of girl: the ones who think it’s cool to do stuff like burp, fart, mosh, and other things that groce teenage boys do. You aren’t “making people respect you,” you’re making everybody really uncomfortable by trying way too hard. You’re also so digusting and mannish that you are making my penis retract inside my body.
PS- I actually know the girl in this picture (and in case she reads this, <3 U Lizzy, sorry but you are the best example ever of this). Do you like her kyut wristbrace??
Fig 9: ARTSY TOMBOY WITH A BIG BUSH
Think of this girl as “just one of the guys lite.” Confession: I kind of have a thing for tomboys, and I might smash this one even though I hate Have Heart and there is at least a 50% probability that she is a SIF with a huge bush. The part that sucks about these girls is that they are usually really cool people, but since they’re afraid to dress/act slutty it’s hard to be attracted to them. If only they would wear jeggings and act more DTF!!! Which brings me to the next type…
Fig 10: NAIVE, UPTIGHT PRUDE
That awkward moment when you realize all dudes watch porn and you need to get over that shit. Protip: if your dude is more into porn than you, maybe you should start acting more like them (at least in the sack– please don’t act like them IRL).
Fig 11: THE NOTTIE (WHICH ONE OF THESE IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS)
That girl who is substantially less attractive than her friends, but can’t admit it to herself… you know, the one who will pull her friend away in the middle of a boozy “so how about we get out of here and go back to my place” conversation with you, and she’s like “my friend does NOT want to go home with you!!!!!” Meanwhile, the friend is mouthing “sorry, I have to go!!” as her fat, grose friend drags her out the door of the club and you start creeping on your plans B, C and D.
What do you hate most about women? Which of these girls would you smash in spite of how annoying and dumb they are? Have you told every girl you know who DOESN’T act like this how awesome she is?