Punk is kind of like that one friend of yours who is a good dude and you love him, but you can’t let him into your house because he will steal your shit, barf on the carpet, and call your girlfriend a whore, then apologize for all of it, sob uncontrollably until 3AM and pass out in your bed. You really WANT to be friends with him you just can’t be, because he’s such a fuckup that it’s impossible for grown-ups to handle his bullshit.
To make a long story short, I guess I love punk as much as I hate it. Like most old hardcore dudes, I grew up on punk and it still has a special place in my heart. But thanks to 20+ years of interacting with punk rockers, sometimes I want to use the shards of a shattered Angelic Upstarts 7″ to dig out that piece of my heart and feed it to some crust punk’s starving-mutt-on-a-string.
Like a woman who keeps going back to her abusive boyfriend, I pull it close to me at the same time as I push it away… I’m violently repulsed by the foul stench of sweaty black jeans, yet also intoxicated by their musky fragrance. I… I don’t even know what I want anymore!!!
In no particular order, here are my thoughts on punk… what do YOU think??
If you could stick an instrument cable directly into the brain of a 13 year-old with fetal alcohol syndrome who is really angry at the world but not sure exactly why, you would have punk rock. Only usually that 13 year-old brain belongs to a 30 year-old loser who works at a gas station, drives a 1994 burgundy Saturn, and collects Frankenberry merchandise. Accordingly, punk rock is rivaled only by “one-man Myspace grindcore bands” when it comes to genres with incredibly low standards. Behold:
When I say “PUNK” you say “CASUALTIES”!! This band is so shitty and retarded it’s seriously like something my friend and I would do for a sarcastic joke if we were bored on a Saturday afternoon, only it’s real and these guys are like 40 years old and have been in this band for like 15 or 20 years :(
There are some questions that seem to be timeless, each generation answering them for itself, it response shaped by the unique context in which it exists. For example, are Circle Jerks punk or hardcore??? I once got in a legit fight with my ex about this topic, she was furious at me for like a week (srs). Either way, one of my favorite bands of all time!
The only thing worse than the the fact that DIY basement punk shows exist in 2011 is when people refer to all those awful, gay art rock bands like Television and X as “punk.” I was so mad when I got tricked into buying these records when I was a kid!!! I thought they were going to sound like The Exploited, but this is like the background music from some early 80s movie about a down-on-his-luck private investigator.
Green Day were punk as fuck back in the day (srs). Obviously their music was always super poppy, but they played tons of shows at Gilman or DIY basement venues with bands like Neurosis, Capitalist Casualties, and shit like this bizarre show with Shelter and fucking Edgewise of all bands. Fun fact: the Spazz song “Thrice The Hiney” is about how Tre stole Max’s drum chair when Plutocracy played with Green Day once at Gilman.
The singer for GBH went up to Alex Bigman at Warped 09 and told him how much he liked the Fight Fair song “Sexyfancymoney.” Also, don’t be fooled by the massive amount of truly dreadful songs in their catalog, they actually have like 4 or 5 really good songs!
On the one hand, there are few bands who enrage me more than Anti-Flag. On the other, it’s really funny to call them ANTI-FAG. So I guess it’s a wash??
Destroy are easily one of the lulziest bands of all time. Lyrics like “Smash the spectacle / Of consumer society / Burn down the mall / Loot burn and destroy / Mall of America / Burn down the mall” are hilarious enough in their own right, but the punchline is that Felix Von Havoc was probably like 26 when he wrote them (I’m sure he would say the lyrics were ‘tongue in cheek’ but COME ON SON you’re not fooling anyone if you’re wearing a bullet belt when you say that). Also, I once saw him outside a show giving 100% non-ironic ‘moshing lessons’ to kids in the grass across the street from the venue.
If you thought the music was bad, wait until you meet the people who listen to it!! Seriously, if you haven’t had the misfortune of spending time around punk rockers, count yourself lucky. I’m not even joking, they are as dumb as rednecks, as dogmatic and reactionary as Tea Party people, as immature as the worst Tumblrslut, as angry as wiggers, and as ugly and embarrassing to be seen with as Juggalos (and also, Juggalos are way nicer). Anyone else who’s been around them as much as I have will confirm in an instant.
That awkward moment when you are proud of being who you are, but “who you are” is really bad
Punk: the only genre whose fans make metal nerds seem intelligent, open-minded, and easygoing.
“Punk is not a clothing trend; please dress accordingly.”
I was going to say, “Not sure which is worse, @narcho-punx or nazis,” but then I realized that I’ve met tons of nazis who were pretty chill, friendly dudes and that every single @narcho-punk is a faggot asshole
When I look at this picture, my first thought is that the Stalinists’ defense is going to be way too good for the Anarchists to get anything started. The only question is if the Stalinists’ forward can stay healthy– he was sidelined with knee injuries most of last year, and without him they’ll have a hard time dealing with the high-pressure offense the Anarchists are known for. Either way, the real winners of this matchup are the fans!!
LOL @ how every scene had at least one “older, rapey punk dude” who was exactly like this
I had kind of let my mind wander and I was thinking about Demi Lovato so I got like a half-boner, but then I saw these SKINBYRDS and my penis not only went limp instantly, it sucked up into my body so fast it made a wet snapping sound kind of like if you stretched out a water balloon really far, then let it go
LOL WE’RE PUNX AT DISNEYLAND EVERYBODY IS GOING TO SHOCKED BY OUR OUTRAGEOUS CLOTHING AND UNCONVENTIONAL LIFESTYLE
Did you ever like punk?? Do you consider yourself punk??? Do you play the Total Chaos track from Punk-O-Rama 2 every couple years in hopes that it’s not as shitty as you remember, then get bummed out because it is???? Which is worse, political vegan crust punx or fuck shit up mohawks-40s-n-Filth-shirt punx???