Maybe they should go to the Ohio Institute of Crabcore

Posted on November 28, 2011 by Sergeant D

“We wanna do this fast so PLEASE RESPOND”

Thanks to reader Stephen for the link!

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About Sergeant D

I was like yeah ok whatever
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56 Responses to Maybe they should go to the Ohio Institute of Crabcore

  1. dope says:
    November 28, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    oh man i hope they get signed. can’t wait to go home and prank phone call them

    Reply
  2. imfeelingcunty says:
    November 28, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    hahha dude im fucking with the dude right now hahaha.

    Reply
  3. Christastrophe says:
    November 28, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    How long til they realize living in a shitty van with five dudes is nowhere near as cool as going to collage where you can party/smash sluts while you live off your parents money and maybe end up getting a job you can actually live off of when it’s over.

    Reply
    • Anonymous says:
      November 28, 2011 at 12:47 pm

      ^Backed so hard it hurts
      Woohoo college!

      Reply
    • Austin Nutter says:
      November 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm

      Well they have two guys and they need two guitarists, a screamer, clean vocalist, and synth player, so do that math and it’s actually seven guys. Because lord knows nobody who plays this music has the ability to play power chords while singing a simple autotuned melody anymore.

      Reply
  4. heemeyer says:
    November 28, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    disregard crabcore, acquire massive student debt

    Reply
  5. grymboner says:
    November 28, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    hhahahahah it says please respond

    Reply
  6. Bronson says:
    November 28, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    In b4 the “STUFF YOU WILL HATE | SUP BRO” semi-slogan changes to “STUFF YOU WILL HATE | PLEASE RESPOND”.

    Reply
  7. LeandroS says:
    November 28, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    “we are gonna try to get big before we have to go to college, but if we are good enough we won’t go”

    goddam kids! go to college! it’s a better decision.

    Reply
    • idrivearangeover says:
      November 28, 2011 at 9:52 pm

      Is it? It’s ass hats like this that make a mockery of american higher ed. Let them tour, get neck tats and then later in life make me pizza.

      Reply
  8. Brah says:
    November 28, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Kids trying to make calculated decisions on trying to be rockstars is pretty funny. “Well we COULD go to college, but we could also try to be the world’s first gay astronaut pirates!”

    Good luck with that synth play.

    Reply
    • Sergeant D says:
      November 28, 2011 at 4:18 pm

      with their obvious knack for management and business savvy, they should become financial planners: “buy low, sell high– that’s MY motto!”

      Reply
    • Martin Regnen says:
      November 28, 2011 at 5:24 pm

      Eh, they’re kids. They’ll have fun, get laid a lot, and pretty quickly figure out there’s no money in music. Not even playing weddings is good money anymore.

      What’s worse is dudes who are like 30 and trying to eke out a living from music. It’s not that they’re still clueless, it’s that they’re not really employable (via useless college degrees) so they’d never make a good living doing anything else, either.

      Reply
      • Brah says:
        November 28, 2011 at 5:33 pm

        >have fun, get laid a lot

        This does not work when you are 18, your band sucks, and you’re ugly. The girls who are going to tag these guys belong in an Anime Club youtube tribute.

        Reply
  9. Anonymous says:
    November 28, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    I feel bad for texting the dude and telling him I have “00ber obscure demo tapes” circling around and that I am a big deal in the underground crabcore scene.

    Reply
  10. Save Parker says:
    November 28, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Easier route:
    1. Pay Joey Sturgis to write their demo
    2. Get signed
    3. Find some fill in dudes that look like Blessthefall bros
    4. Program everything on a laptop and play first show with no one really plugged in
    5. ???
    6. Profit

    Reply
  11. Isaac says:
    November 28, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    “if we are good enough we won’t go”
    GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR LACK OF A MASTER’S DEGREE IN 2011

    Reply
  12. Brah says:
    November 28, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    Just noticed he said hardcore/post-hardcore and then listed a ton of metalcore as influences? Is post-hardcore another word for IKEAcore, or does it sound like ISIS and Terror? What happen? What do?

    Reply
    • Wintermute says:
      November 28, 2011 at 8:36 pm

      None of the words you just listed mean anything anymore.

      Reply
      • Sergeant D says:
        November 28, 2011 at 8:40 pm

        srs reply: these days “post-hardcore” means those bands like Jamies Elsewhere, Pierce The Veils or whatever that are like lite-metalcore (mostly clean vocals, only a few breakdowns, etc).

        Reply
        • VyceVictus says:
          November 28, 2011 at 9:02 pm

          …fuck. Thats what I’ve been calling shit like Misery Signals, I am confus. When I browse getmetal .org and search the post-hardcore tag, it lists a whole bunch of records that sound completely dissimilar to each other and the sound you describe.

          So, I guess the post-Hardcore truly doesn’t mean anything anymore (if it ever did). Its like saying your favorite food is “fried”.

          Reply
  13. Chainsaw Majini says:
    November 28, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    I like how he listed Jamie’s Elsewhere as the second influence. Them bros are HUGE!

    Reply
  14. Void Eater says:
    November 28, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    This is gonna sound totally IMN-ish/faggotish, but I was very happy upon realizing that he didn’t call his band metal. That being said, if I lived in their area, I’d totally give the band a go. Worst thing that happens is we suck and our video’s amass 50,000 views on Youtube, best thing is we become crabstars and snort cocaine off of our groupies tits every night.

    Reply
    • Sergeant D says:
      November 29, 2011 at 2:58 am

      Actually, it IS mildly surprising he didnt say he was starting a “sweet metal band” or something gay along those lines

      Reply
  15. Negrodamus says:
    November 28, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Oh shit, they live in Orlando! I should totally apply for screamer. I still have the scene bro hair plus tight band shirts and deep v-necks. I’m gonna join, write lulzy heartfelt lyrics with stangry breakdowns, and get blown by scene sluts after shows. There is no way this plan can fail.

    Reply
  16. Anonymous says:
    November 28, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    I am new here, how did this please respond joke get started/ what does it mean?

    Please respond.

    Reply
  17. ge5undhe17 says:
    November 28, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    This band has potential it seems. I hope the band name has something to do with Jedi Dinosaurs

    Reply
  18. VyceVictus says:
    November 28, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    I wish bands would start having open calls for a Hype Man. I need something to do when I retire and still wanna be in the scene without looking like a creeper.

    Reply
  19. nahrhead says:
    November 28, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    Chiodos is post hardcore. That’s all you need to know

    Reply
  20. nahrhead says:
    November 28, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    I haven’t thought about that band in 4 years.

    Reply
  21. Brah says:
    November 29, 2011 at 3:25 am

    I have non-ironically listened to The Carrier, so I won’t pass judgement on any of this stuff. I’ll just say that when more than 2 bands sound the same I pick 1 or 2 to like and tell everyone the rest suck dick.

    Reply
  22. herinderpin says:
    November 29, 2011 at 11:05 am

    starting a band online in 2011
    ishygddt

    Reply

  23. Pingback: SEEMS LIKE A GOOD PLAN TO ME | MetalSucks

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