Some kid writes an embarrassing fan letter about how THE WONDER YEARS made him cry

Via the same bro who brought you the butthurt rant about Asking Alexandria comes this incredibly embarrassing “open letter” to The Wonder Years (I bolded the especially lulzy parts):


Dear Dan, Matt, Josh, Casey, Nick, and Mike:

Thank you. Thank you so much. That’s just the first thing that I want to say to you. Before anything, I just want to let you know how grateful I am for having a band like yours in my life. You’re the only band that I’ve ever gotten so caught up in the hype and excitement that I started crying. It was Warped Tour at the Oceanport, New Jersey date. Dan was telling a story about getting hurt and STILL going to see the band he wanted to see. I think it was Less Than Jake. That was the most inspirational story I’ve ever been told. Just knowing you went out of your way to still go see them gives me hope. Injured, if I may add. Another event that happened at that stop of Warped that changed my life was when you guys played Washington Square Park. I was crowd surfing, and someone was thrown on top of me. The security guards payed absolutely no attention to me, and Dan stopped singing to point out to security that I was in need of help. He basically dropped me on my head over the barrier, and I hit my head on the ground. I never realized how far of a drop it was. I got up, and Dan pointed at me and winked. I cried. Not just because I love you guys, but because you stopped to point me out. And that was AFTER the Less Than Jake story. Maybe it was coincidence, but with a concussion, I found myself back in the crowd screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs. Luckily, I didn’t get that hurt, but even if I did, you could find me in the crowd. No matter what. All of you have inspired me. Music-wise, and you’ve given me the ability to have a positive attitude about right now. You care about every single one of your fans. Every single one of your songs are perfectly crafted. You can write about anything from ninja girlfriends and zombie invasions to feeling like a loser and missing the town you grew up in. All of your songs can fit a wide, and might I add, diverse range of moods, and you never cease to amaze me. Whether it’s on stage, or on a new album, I feel like everything is going to be okay in the end. And if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. I’ve learned that, because of you. You don’t write about ex-girlfriends, or being dumped. That’s played. I’ve never felt the way I do at one of your shows about anyone or anything else. You’ve pulled me out of a lot of shitty moods. Sometimes, I feel like nothing is worth it. But I know as soon as I turn you guys on, everything is perfect. Thank you. You’ve taught me to keep my head up, and if it’s not okay, I just throw my hoodie up and listen to The Upsides. “I’m Not Sad Anymore.” That’s powerful. It’s not even a lyric to me. It’s a fucking anthem. It’s four words cemented in the back of my mind, and across my heart. I love you dudes. I know you must hear this drivel all of the time, but you mean the universe to me. I can’t thank you enough. And next time you go back home, tell Hank I said hey. He deserves love too.

Taking it a day at a time,
Matt Ealem

Thanks to commenter Thetotalbro for awaring me to this! Notes:

  • Fucking lol @ male groupies
  • That awkward moment when “the most inspirational story you’ve ever been told” involves Less Than Jake
  • Who else is shocked that this bro is single??! I figured he would be drowning in pussy– I mean, girls love it when dudes have a Tumblr where they post about crying over pop-punk bands, right???

“I love you dudes. I know you must hear this drivel all of the time, but you mean the universe to me. I can’t thank you enough.”

About Sergeant D

I was like yeah ok whatever
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68 Responses to Some kid writes an embarrassing fan letter about how THE WONDER YEARS made him cry

  1. Walker says:

    I expect this from 14 year old girls, not from 23 year old men. Holy shit.

    Also, I think it is only fair that you link this guy to this post and give him a right of reply!

  2. Philbasa says:

    I cant for his rant about SYWH.

  3. thetotalbro says:

    Can I confess something? I never got passed the part where he started crying because he “got caught up in the hype”. Couldn’t do it. Too embarrassed for him.

  4. Perverted Tom says:


  5. Watt Par says:

    Reminds me of being in speech class and seeing people give speeches that are so bad that I stare at the floor as hard as possible in hopes that they disappear. The worse it is, the more toward the floor I would stare. In some cases, I felt like I was going to accidentally front flip out of my desk from the force of trying to continue to stare down even harder because it was so awkward and vicariously embarrassing. This is that but in word form.

    • Sergeant D says:

      I used to be like that, but now when I see people making a total faggot out of themselves like that I get really excited like a kid on Christmas morning and in my head I’m encouraging them like Joe Rogan on Fear Factor: “Come on bro, keep going!! You can do it!! Get all those emotions out– don’t stop now!!!!”

  6. Thomas says:

    To embarrassed for him to read this whole thing as well.

    That last picture in the post is pretty much the last thing I go on the internet to look at, so thanks for that.

  7. nustej says:

    Dear SYWH readers,

    I cried while reading a post the other day about some fruit who sent a roundabout love-letter to some band of other fruits who don’t even matter. I cursed the universe for being so unfair as to not give these lame’s one neck so that I could choke the life out of them, & also that Sergeant D used rhe phrase “awaring me” again, when he KNOWS it actually “making me aware of”. Why god, WHY?!!!

  8. Ottis Shredding says:

    Why U fag bro?

  9. This makes me wanna kill myself.

  10. abraham says:

    this has nothing to do with this post but look at the guy on the left’s shirt, lyk post-ironic omg!

  11. drunksteve says:

    I once saw two guys making out in the park,until I read this guys letter that was the gayest thing i’d ever seen.

  12. Anonymous says:

    That whole letter is gayer than five dudes blowing four dudes.

  13. Post-Modern Warfare says:

    This guy is the walking embodiment of those Band Confessions Tumblrs, except he’s a 23 year old guy and not a confused 16 year old Tumblrslut so it’s REALLY REALLY SAD.

    It reminds me of this one guy I knew who was REALLY into Emmure then he got into Man Overboard/Title Fight etc and he had ADHD and he was like in love with his fat girlfriend and got shitty tattoos of Pokemon on his arms and was pretty much the essence of everything this site is the opposite of… He got so much fucking tail though, so I have no clue. If he ever gets a tumblr I’ll make sure to link it.

  14. uppercut613 says:

    holy shit.


  15. freftd says:

    i cried at a madball show once, im not sure why. true story though #moshingthruthetearz

  16. thecodelus says:

    I think all the SYWH readers should write a letter to one of their favorite bands and we can make a big ol post about it.

    “Dear Defeater tysm for teaching me about history of the 1950′s because of you I passed my history mid-term. You also made me appreciate my dad more. Oh and that story of your stolen merch, omg what a lil pissant!!!! How you got it back and handed it back out for free was truly inspirational for me and embodies da hardcore spirit. Amen god bless ily”

    • Chainsaw Majini says:

      “Dear Design The Skyline:

      OMG you guys have SO changed my life!! With the other countless bands in the scene, you guys are like, a diamond in the rough. It is so tr00 roots that you guyz are inspired by Led Zepplin and The Doors. Me and my bros have written some crazy fucking moshbreakdownjamz thanks to the inspiration of Def Leppard. We are even opening for you when you play the Ye Ol’ Coffee House next month here in town!!

      I would die for you.”

  17. Sven McSven says:

    What is the world coming to?

  18. Travis says:

    I cried at the Wonder Years show when Kevin missed his chance with Winnie Cooper :(

  19. protofail says:

    I cried.

  20. bricktop23 says:

    i bet it´s the sarge´s alter ego
    this can´t be for real

    and: relying on securities in attendance for your safety = never not funny

  21. Chinny chin chins says:

    Lol @ being saved by security at a wonder years show

    • Sergeant D says:

      “thx dudes, if it wasn’t for you i would have been trampled by that 15 year old girl in a For The Fallen Dreams hoodie!!!”

    • Chainsaw Majini says:

      But even with that concussion, he was back in the crowd screaming lyrics. He self-diagnosed himself at that moment and decided that he was well enough to be released back to full-duty.

  22. Chinny chin chins says:

    As for being moved to tears at a show, it’s ok as long as you handle it correctly. Act like someone poked you in the eye and punch someone in the face. ALWAYS turn your sadness into violence (just like daddy used to do)

  23. Save Parker says:


    Dear Soupy, Joe, Drummer, Lefty, Dan, and Pablo:

    The first thing I want to say to you is what’s up? How you guys doin? I’m pretty grateful you guys made some decent pop-punk records, but never really got caught up in the hype. I heard a story one time about Soups hitting up a show even though he was pretty hurt, seemed reasonable to me, some bands like barely tour and I wouldn’t want to miss them either, ya feel me? Not really inspiring or hopeful, but seemed pretty chill, cool if I may add. I haven’t seen you guys live, but I bet if security guards were beating me up you’d step in, or at least yell at them through the mics. People winking at me usually weirds me out. I barely know any of your lyrics though, lots of great music has been comin out you know, can’t focus on like one band and learn all the words. Music-wise I can back you, but not really my thing, and I was positive before I heard any of your songs, plus I love college. You guys craft some solid songs about a bunch of different stuff which is cool, so i dig that. Writing about girls is cliche so I’m glad ya’ll avoid it, just hope your positive type song writing don’t get cliche, cause that would suck. I’m not really that sad ever, but if I was I bet your songs would cheer me the fuck up pretty quick, like some kind of pop-punk modern Beach Boys. So thanks. If I ever get way sad I’ll hide in a hoodie and play those Upside jams. “I’m Not Sad Anymore.” That’s from one of your songs. It’s even a lyric to me. It’s four words. I bet a lot of people probably get a tattoo of it. I bet they show you them all the time, so that must be cool, but I you have better lyrics that are more meaningful that you wished people got tattooed more. Maybe someday they will. So keep it up dudes, and tell that little pigeon bro ‘What’s good?’ for me.

    Party party party,
    Parker Jones

  24. jm6g90 says:

    ” Dan was telling a story about getting hurt and STILL going to see the band he wanted to see. I think it was Less Than Jake. That was the most inspirational story I’ve ever been told. ”

    I’m getting a lump in my throat just hearing about it.

  25. cougar party says:

    Oh. My. God. This really couldn’t be more embarassing.

  26. Not Michael Moynihan says:

    I thought this was gonna be about the TV show. Fuck, I didn’t even know there was band named after it.


    Dear Leonard Graves Phillips, Stan Lee, Greg Hannah, Dave Teague, Travis Johnson, and Dylan Thomas,

    My God, thank you. Thank you so very much. It’s hard to write this, because my hands are trembling. I love you guys, and your band means the world to me. All of my life, I have doubted myself. But when I heard the lyrics to the song “Gigantor”, I knew that I could overcome anything. “Gigantor the space-age robot/he’s at your command”. Those aren’t just words, they are like a fucking commandment (like the kind Moses had) etch-a-sketched across my heart, except they will never leave me no matter how shaken up I get. Thank you, thank you so very much that. Thanks to you, I know that I can throw on “All This And Puppet Stew” and know that the world is beautiful again.


    Guy Who Wasn’t Aware You Had That Many People In Your Band

  28. BKD says:

    The letter….the comments…. the embarrassment I feel as a fellow human. I can’t.

    I cannot go on….

    Laughing. Too. Hard.

  29. HERMAN says:

    I was gonna ask, “is this guy from new jersey?” Then I scrolled up and realized, yes, he is from new jersey. I dunno why but it seems like these kinda phagz are always from NJ. I bet he’s from northern NJ, my bet is chatham.

  30. Elise says:

    I’m so honored that I was at the same Warped Tour stop as this kid. COME FIND ME NEXT YEAR, BRO. WE’LL HUG

  31. Madison says:

    the wonder years suck

  32. Anonymous says:

    I actually like this band, but some of their fans just take themselves WAAAAYYYYY too seriously and will probably be listening to Pitchfork-approved “indie” rock 5 years from now.

  33. OG says:

    He looks like the kind of guy who bakes “vegan treats”.

  34. Fred Durst says:

    Founder of Band Confessions perhaps?

  35. John says:

    An Open Letter to Emmure

    Dear Thanos, Jesse, Mark, and Mike,

    You guys are sick. Just fucking sick. Every time I listen to “Children of Cybertron” or “A Ticket To The Paralyzer” I get my fucking mosh on. I don’t give a fuck if I’m at church, I don’t give a fuck if I’m on my smoke break at the foundry, I don’t give a fuck if I’m smoking weed with my bros. You guys go hard as fuck. I remember one time I saw you guys open for Unearth and Born Of Osiris and shit. I was smashing punk ass bitch ass motherfuckers in the pit all night. YOU CAN’T FUCK WITH US! Decepticons for life. Fuck Transformers this shit is fucking real. I remember one time I was in the pile up for WON’T YOU BE MY BRIDE and Thanos Reignz looked right at me and gave me the brofist. I cried for two weeks straight. Not because I’m some faggot bitch, but because Thanos is my fucking role model. Jesse, I love how you write riffs using only the Whammy pedal. I’m so stoked that you guys went to Joey Sturgis for Speaker Of That Dead, that album rules fucking AOTY 2010 no fucks given. Also, if I see any of those punk ass Acacia Strain bitches talking shit I’ll be sure to cut their dicks off with a fucking hatchet.


    • Austin Nutter says:

      I bet Frankie got into Transformers because of the movies. He just seems like that kind of person who tries to seem like they’re nerdier than they are.

  36. alex says:

    Dear Sergeant D

    I still remember the first time I read Stuff You Will Hate.
    I cried myself to sleep. I couldn’t believe how beautiful the articles were.
    Just think of all the slang I learnt from this site. “Lulzy, butthurt, for srs, bish, smashable,
    why you mad tho?”. I have got all of this tattooed on my testicles. The way you write about how silly 90s subcultures were or how gay modern scene kids are really keeps me going through the tough times. Kindly give me your adress so I can sit in the bushes outside your house.

    Ultra creepy over obsessed fan who may possibly try to rape and/or kill you when your style
    vaguely changes.

  37. Wintermute says:

    I could go for some Less Than Jake right now, and I’M NOT EVEN HURT!

  38. T-Bone says:

    Easily one of the best comment threads ever on SYWH. Fucking hilarious!

    The douche chills are at 11 with the letter. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we’ve got a generation of self entitled pussies out there who think the world needs to hear every story or feeling that pops into their heads. “Shut Up and Act Like a Man!”

    If I was in the Wonder Years and I read this letter I would smash all of our equipment and move to Afghanistan. And I’d consider myself a domestic terrorist since I am guilty of turing a large number of the American male youth population into fggts.

  39. Alexander says:

    I once wrote a “fan letter” to Chris Simpson. it was way less LOL than this.

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