HOLY SHIT THIS MOVIE. This movie is literally everything a movie should be (without straight-up being a faithful sequel to Reign of Fire). This is ultimate real steel BDC(Big Dick Cola) not even MIXED. This is why film exists as a concept. There is nothing wrong with this movie. There are a million things right with this movie.
First off:
Pretty sure the whole movie could have just been them saying "WHAT, MUTHAFUCKA???" to each other for an hour and it still would have ruled
Clash of the titans. Fuck, I will never be that buff ever, but I’ll be damned if I can’t live vicariously through their physical feats of gravity-defying BDC shit. If you’re not stoked by the mere concept of them fighting, then I just don’t know anymore. Get out. Bonus points to The Rock for talking in interviews like he’s trying to channel the spirit of Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive, but still just coming off like The Rock in the actual movie.
This is basically his character the whole movie, as it damn well should be.
Anyway the movie has a plot and stuff, and to be honest, the characters are all really likable and it doesn’t feel forced when it comes to the acting and stuff, but let’s face it: you watch this for the cars and destruction, and you get tons of it. Nothing about this movie is realistic and everything is awesome.
LOOK AT THIS SHIT HOW EVEN
So yeah The Rock and Vin Diesel fight, and chase scenes like that happen. Watch this movie. Now let’s talk about Vin Diesel’s hilarious and super posi facebook.
"South Africa... I always dreamed of making a movie there... /smile 8 more weeks, 2011, make it count... P.s. Trust that spirit inside of you..."
Not shitting you, I c/p’d this directly from his public facebook page, that he runs and updates himself. Now, Vin Diesel comes off as one of the nicest dudes ever, so my theory on why these pictures constantly get put up is because some friend or relative of his makes them for him and he doesn’t have the heart to reject them, so he posts them for the world to see. Unfortunately we also laugh at them and mock them mercilessly. Some more gems:
"This is your summer, own it. /smile P.s. Thanks for the love..."
This one is amazing/ridiculous/confusing for so many reasons
and finally
Fuck
The worst part is, I feel bad for making fun of the guy, because these aren’t even PR stunts. He just cares, bro. Vin Diesel is just a_genuinely_nice_guy who also happens to be full-time alpha. But holy shit these make me die laughing every time, it’s amazing. There’s really no way you can hate the guy unless you’re just a complete asshole yourself, in which case you can go to your black and white arthouse movies with your thumb up your ass and leave the actual art of entertainment to people who know how to do it right (Vin Diesel and Michael Bay are those people[srs]). Anyway I’ll leave you with this last reminder that you have decided you need to see this movie and love it visibly:
BIG DICK COLA
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS YET??? HOW AWESOME WAS IT???I KNOW! IS VIN DIESEL THE REAL LIFE VERSION OF GOOD GUY GREG? DO YOU THINK THE ROCK DOES A GOOD JOB OF CHANNELING TOMMY LEE JONES? ARE YOU AS STOKED FOR THE THIRD RIDDICK MOVIE AS I AM????????
“IS VIN DIESEL THE REAL LIFE VERSION OF GOOD GUY GREG?” = Perfect
After hearing some genuinely positive reviews, I am indeed dying to see this movie. Hopefully I can find some bargain matinee place still running it if I get a chance. Will watch DVD, but I really wanna try the theater experience for this bank vault chase scene I keep hearing about.
Whats even more awesome is that alot of the art house cinema fggt critics that I read reviews by had absolutely no choice but to concede that this was an aight movie because the sheer entertainment value was so overwhelming. Oh, and the future of cinema belongs to OTW Action Heroes, serious.
Nice post!
I like this post and I like this movie.
Diesel never gave up on getting another Riddick movie made, he’s even taking a pay cut to make it happen. Gotta love him!
Seriously, there is no reason not to love Vin. He loves what he does, and genuinely just wants good things for people. Most alpha that there ever was.
ARE YIOU FUCKING SERIOUS I LOVE THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK!!!!!!!
totally srs, Vin is cool and Riddick is his best work
Not even surprised that Vin Diesel cares so much, because of the Iron Giant.
Also, again, Justin Lin is a bad ass.
Michael Bay’s career as a whole is the shit, but the Transformers sequels were about as entertaining as watching a dick flop directly in front of my face for two hours.
+1, hated the latest one for sure.
Moral of the story: humans don’t have any willpower to defend themselves, are giant pussy faggots who won’t even try to fight on their own.
The second one was mediocre but the last one was so gratuitous and over the top that I couldn’t not love it 100%
I didn’t know there was a third Riddick movie coming out until I read this post. I now have a visible boner.
this post is backed 100%. I saw this movie in the theater and it was fucking mind blowing. I think it is easily one of the best action movies of the last few years. I cannot recommend it enough!
Also, be sure to check out the new Mission Impossible movie if you havent already. it isnt quite as insane as Fast Five, but it still has approx. 1000000 awesome things happen and is close to as good.
And it has “Danza Kuduro” on the soundtrack!
Pretty much the most alpha D&D player out there.
Yeah this movie was the best thing I have ever seen and if I could watch that fight scene on repeat for the rest of my life I would die happy. One of my bros disliked this movie and I really just couldn’t understand it. Dude was fuckin up.
Those fucking Facebook images… MINDBOTTLING!
I saw this movie on a plane a couple weeks ago, I was giggling the whole time because it seemed like something the South Park guys would do as a parody of this series. In other words, FUCKING AWESOME.
Also, I think Paul Walker and the one guy who they think is a traitor are the only white people in the movie??
There should be an entire post just like this dedicated to Paul Walker.
People were moshing in theaters during the roof jumping favella scenes.
Last time I saw that was during the Doom movie finale.
oh myyyyy goooooddddddddd was that movie awesome!!!!!!!!
i wish they played Hatebreed during the fight between Vin and the Rock, like when they blasted “perseverance” when Vin was snowboarding down the mountain in “XXX.” that shit was so postmodern.
Don’t forget that movie setting the scene for evil Euros with an opening concert by Rammstein!
also, where Vin and the bad guy leader sing “Anarchyburger” by the Vandals (I think Joe from the Vandals is friends with the director?)
I didn’t know there were movie reviewers worth paying attention to, but now I do!!!!!!!!!
This movie was alright. It’s just weird that it was filmed here in Brazil. Also, people weren’t too happy with the desert scene and that train. FYI theres no desert neither a train here in brazil. But I guess is like that, we watch it for cars and actions
“THIS VIN DIESEL MOVIE IS NOT GEOGRAPHICALLY ACCURATE!!!”
hahaha that’s right!
also, in XXX where he is a DEA agent. they parachute into mexico to bust a coke operation and the mexicans flee screaming “la migra!!”
brb the DEA has jurisdiction in mexico now
brb growing cocaine in the desert
brb mexicans in mexico afraid of immigration cops
HAHAHAHAH holyfuck! I never noticed that! Thanks, sergeant!
FAST FIVE WAS FILMED IN PUERTO RICO BRAH!
also, i caught a glimpse of vin diesel…i felt his alpha essence empower me
The best part was near the end when the Rock says to Vin Diesel: “I’ll ride with you Toretto”. Classic non-intentional comedy!
TORETTO.
I’M IN.
ART HOUSE CINEMA BUTTHURT FAGGOT CHIMING IN! i only let this movie get away from my harsh criticism because dwayne “the rock” johnson is my hero and apparently a 100% legitimately nice dude.
folks who worked on fast five though told me a story about vin diesel throwing a huge temper tantrum at the whole crew when someone’s cell phone went off during filming: it turned out to be his personal assistant’s, and before filming he apparently gave a flowery emotional speech about how they were all here to “make cinematic history.” so you may be off-base about him being totally alpha. JUST SAYIN
So the gossip is that Vin Diesel is 100% serious about his work? Cool story bro.
point is that he flipped his shit at the entire crew when it was his assistant (in other words, VIN DIESEL’S) phone that went off. sick retort, bro.
pretty sure he is gay (srs), so that was probably just his emotional, feminine side showing
All signs point to yes on that one, saw an interview where he banged on about how “fabulous” Judy Dench was and talked about buying her bunches of flowers. And I don’t think it was cos he’s into GILFs.
didn’t want to mention it, but yeah: speculated that the personal assistant is his lover.
I think it’s kind of awesome. Nothing is more macho than smashing other dudes.
I keep hearing that from everyone but whenever I go to the internet for answers I read stuff to the contrary, referring to him living with girlfriends in South America and shit like that. Either way he’s one of the coolest dudes ever.
I guess to really know you’d have to have sex with him, and then check whether you’re male or female.
Seriously cannot wrap my mind around his facebook page. I feel like I need to show the whole world. Amazing!
DISREGARD METAL
DANZA KUDURO
Are there any post-ironic metalcore covers of that song out there?
Also why is “real steel” tagged ahaha
I can’t help but picture Osama bin diesel when I look at these pics
ha ha yes Human Giant! When they took over MTV he made an appearance.
This one was good but not Tokyo Drift good. One of the main highlights of these movies is watching Paul Walker be srs and well spoken until a black person shows up and he lets out his inner wigger.
SYWH makes my day again.
Good Guy
GregVinny