Big ups to Germany for being the only country of adults in the Eurozone. I honestly feel sorry for them: sandwiched between the soft, weak pussies in France and the UK with their “idealistic dipshit in his first year of University” politics and the lazy, swarthy gluttons of Italy, Greece, and Portugal, it’s not easy being in their shoes. They spend so much time babysitting and bailing out the rest of their lulzy continent that it doesn’t give them much time to get good at things like sports and music.
We can forgive them for small hiccups like having a suicide-inducingly dull, “technical” style of soccer yet still losing to Serbia, but when it comes to hardcore, well, they clearly have a long, long way to go if FOUR SKILLZ is any indication. Here’s my checklist of items they need to address at the 2012 OECD Mosh Summit in Geneva:
- First of all, contrary to what many people who sent me this said, the singer bish = would NOT. Do stumpy German girls have bush? IDK, I don’t smash western Euros (hungarians, czechs and russian bishes COME AT ME tho)
- Do Euros even know the origins of varsity jackets, or do they think hardcore bands invented them? Srs
- How hard did you LOLWAT at :45 when she starts RAPPING?? I don’t speak Hitler so I could do only make out “paws-ee-teev” but it was enough to make me nearly fall over in my chair
- Her halfhearted wiggerish arm movements, as though she wasn’t really sure what to do but thought it looked cool in the Biohazard “Punishment” video her uncle that roadied for Arkangel in 1999 always watched when he babysat her
- 1:07 when the bro stands up to cast an introspective look across his village and he’s wearing a fanny pack on his back
- 1:14 push-moshing through the cobbled streets of your village
- 1:55 PARKING LOT MOSH!! If only there were some fortress walls in the background… Also, I wonder if anyone tried to park on the roof while they were filming this? “Achtung, vee ah filming a moshwideo!! This area is werboten!!”
- Someone who speaks German please tell me what she is telling the dude during the “impassioned plea to be moar positive” speech at 2:35. I’m almost afraid of how retarded it must be :/
- Why isn’t this band on X CATALYST X??
The video isn’t complete fail though, I’m definitely mirin the absolutely massive amount of mesh shorts, basketball jerseys and New Eras! The only thing that could have made it better would be a couple strategically placed Old Navy tech vests.
i just asked my gf from Georgia (the country, lol) if she knew what a varsity jacket is. didn’t. explained it to her. she thought it was the brand name of those jackets.
elohfuckingel. they all seem so confused walking/running/moshing? through the streerts. that’s some good shit
3:05 till the end-Does she expect me to shout FOUR SKILLZ! from my computer or something? And lol at 3:00 when the bro, “Just can’t handle it anymore” and breaks his new i-phone in a fit of rage. Shame on you kid, your mom paid a lot of money for that.
Loling at “So much for eugenics” tag!!!
You might be too smart for your own good Sarge – I think it might go over the heads of some of the meathead crabcore moshlords that frequent the site – but holy shit that’s funny.
Failed aryan racism = never not funny!
You are def alone in your deep appreciation of what this site is REALLY trying to say. Gonna go crabcore back to my meathead moshlord lair, lolololololol.
oh fuck! ahahahahha loved the intro you did. “..and bailing out the rest of their lulzy continent …” good stuff!
oh man! but some western euros are hot as fuck! Like most of the german chicks, some french chicks. One time in paris I whiteknighted this hot chick that was working at mc donalds, no fucks given. Anyways, then they have the swedish chicks. As for portuguese girls, we here in brazil say that they have mustaches. The italians are hairy as fuck also. And the easterns are super hot and slutty!
by the way, i’d do the chick from the video. Love me some blondies. And the video is not synced with the sound
I think she was not synced with the crowd.
Unless you are under 20 you should be bitch slapped for saying you would ‘do’ that poor naive yet adorable little thing
“oh man! but some western euros are hot as fuck! Like most of the german chicks”
WAT u ever been to germany brah?? or just watched german porn?? Ive been to germany a handfull of time and the girls = pretty groce… Ive debated this with with my boys and they agree, so its not just me
its hard to believe. 90% of all the german girls I met so far were hot or really hot
After seeing this video, Black Metal seems slightly less delusional.
too true haha
ouch… but true!
They should have chose a different camera angle (at least once) it make the singer look like she is 4″1″
leichtcore FTW!
i wouldn’t call them adults. i mean, they don’t have a military because the US doesn’t let them, like japan, they can’t be trusted. they’re kind of like children on punishment.
just so you know: it’s 2011, not 1945…
http://www.globalfirepower.com/country-military-strength-detail.asp?country_id=Germany
The pep talk she’s giving that guy = the rap part at the beginning.
I suck at translating, but this shoudl give you an idea:
Look at it from a different perspective
See the positive side of it
In every situation, there’s always something going wrong
So, stop pulling everybody down
It’s better to learn from your mistakes
Than to die like this
that’s pretty much exactly what i expected– “euromosh pep talk”
it’s no big secret that many parts of europe looks like somebodies neglected backyard, but claiming that germany is the only country of adults in the eurozone is quite a stretch. and that’s about all it is to say on that matter, can not defend all the shit that comes out of my continent. just glad my country are not part of the eurozone in economical ways though, no need to bail anybody out, no given fucks registered.
That was kinda funny. But those kids look like 18, possibly younger considering no tats. If me and my friends made a hardcore video at that age it would have been at least as embarassing as that.
you would have gotten a chubby 14 year old girl to rap about being positive on the rooftop of a parking garage?? come on, give yourself some credit brah!
It’s hard to believe,Sarge but on the band website
http://www.hx-hc.de/page1.php
She got 23!! and one of the guitarist got 31!damn she look like a 14 yrs old girl listen to hc to make friends and sucking ”scene” veteran cock.She sing about staying positive..Damn Grown up..make hardcore with a huge pairs of balls,stay positive is good for your HIV test (hahahaha)
The guitarist look like a kid with a pair of mesh short.Shitty band,shitty lyrics,shitty video.
Is just me but all the folk in this video are adults look like a bunch of funny and laughable teenagers listen too much posi-core
Say what you want about the British, some of them still have a decent sense of humor. LOL at “swarthy lazy gluttons”, I don’t think there’s a group of people on earth more full of themselves than the Italians.
To a point, but on the other hand its almost impossible to get them to shut up about how crap their country is
and rightfully so! :)
I’m sure you’re right. Sweeping generalizations never hold 100 percent. That being said, I think the biggest problem with France and Britain is that self-defeating lefty white guilt or immigrant-bashing are the de facto stances, so you’re either a self-hating limp wristed milquetoast or a paranoid racist asshole.
^ fucking THIS
Western Europe: Where everyone is Ira Glass.
rofl I lived in England for a year, and this describes it perfectly. “HAY U AMERICAN FAGGOT I BET U HAEV SEX WiTH UR SISTER LOL” meanwhile i was in a city that was known for having imbreds
while i agree that germans = uber-smart master race etc, at least the uk had the foresight to not join the eurozone (pretty ballsy for being the 3rd richest economy in eu). common currency is ghey; bring back the mark!!
backed (srs)
…her uncle that roadied for Arkangel in 1999…
Why do you remember those bands, Bro? U should do a post on lulzy euro “vegan metal”.
groce, i hate that stuff haha. i’ll let someone else take that one on.
Yep, I hate that crap too…for some reason it was really popular among southamerican hardcore back in 99-00. I was thinking on writing something about it but’s not that funny tho.
About the girl on the vid, there´s something about it since I’m an OTW male atractted to pale skin but those pants are fucking ugly and ruin the vibe for me.
^ backed about the girl in the vid!
I like how she’s literally just talking over the whole song, not even rapping or shouting. Just casually saying the lyrics at an easy pace
I really want to know if the brightness was intentional or if they just dont know how to operate a camera.
FFFFFFFFFFFFF-
One word, Enhancer. That’s the first Eurocore I ever heard. I didn’t know it’s a thing.
girls in baggy white pants, never attractive.
This blows but not all of Germanland is like this… Any of you guys into War From A Harlot’s Mouth? I saw them in my city (Melbourne) a week or so ago, decent tunes brah, but I must admit the banter between songs was strange… ‘For thees song I wunt you alll to bowunce’ along with a creepy Kraut hand movement to imply a bouncing motion
worst german band at the moment. I hope noone takes them too seriously…
sarge d, i like making fun of videos too but all of your prejudice sounds like as if you’d fit perfectly into the stereotype of the bellybutton staring, cultural ignorant american. maybe you should leave your basement, come over to europe and try to have a good time for once.
btw: 4 skills does suck and are ridiculous. forgot to mention that in my post.
jokes, how do they work??
In that dude’s defense, Germany is seriously like the fifth least funniest place on Earth. Somehow sarcasm just missed that place entirely.
“She looks like she could suck a golfball through a garden hose!”
“Ach, how ist zis posseebull?! Sie golfball ist zo big und sie garden hose ist zo small!”
SARGE WHY DO U ALWAYS MAKE FUN OF BANDS WHY DONT U JUST STOP HATING EVERYONE AND RUN A RESPECTABLE BLOG WEBSITE
too busy being a narrow minded bigot 4 real journalism brb im racist against germans
hey sarge it’s anonymous here again…your eurojokes can hardly be filed under sarcasm let alone fun. pretty positive that you’re not the bigot u want us to believe you are either. will follow your site nonetheless and try to ignore parts on europe. greetings from belgium ( a small country squeezed in between hitleristan, cheesereich and windmillland).
a small country squeezed in between hitleristan, cheesereich and windmillland
it’s very confusing to me that you are able to make jokes like this (cheesereich = A++) but don’t get my jokes about the eurozone (srs)
hey sarge, my apologies for the confusion. truthfully, what bothers me most is that u don’t make one comment on europe but keep on ranting on about it. that’s all. often you are right: bands that include ‘roadkill’ in their names ask to be mocked for that.
did someone troll D for once?
im diggin the sweet guitar spin at 2:48, looking cool playing guitar is considerably more important than knowing how to play
this wouldnt go down in the ruhr. at least not the one that i know, this makes me sad/dying of laughcancer
i’m stationed out here and not even this video does it justice. they’re massively behind the times. i hadn’t seen gym shorts at a hardcore show since ’06, but every show i’ve been to despite the season, they’ve been in them. i thought spin kicks were like an ironic joke kids did in a ‘hey, remember these’ way, but THEY LOVE THAT SHIT. if anyone else from germany is in here, maybe they can explain the spastic movements/fist in the air/headbang thing they love doing. also, the the ironic loud flatbills are still in full effect.
to be fair though, they generally put on awesome all day fests and everyone’s pretty chill.
Happy Xmas
http://wiredwrists.madtracker.net/4s.gif
I’d totally smash dat bish, fuck y’all I love west euro honiez!
The Germans are masters of Power Metal, though. I think the style is more suited to them.
it pretty much just sounds like they’re chanting “FORESKINS!” at the end. also, her awkward kicky thing with chicken dance arms at 3:15 . . . that’s a move that elaine from seinfeld definitely had in her dance repertoire.
Still prefer wiminz with athletic ability. Bishes from the scene are a no-go, bro.
I want to represent Somalia at the 2012 OECD Mosh Summit in Geneva.
(I)SLAM WILL RULE THE WORLD
Dont you mean SLAMalia?
i am austrian (hitlers birthplace / we hate that guy) and whenever a joke doesn´t quite work out or is resulting in akward silence, we call that “german´s humour”
christoph waltz is spot on : http://teamcoco.com/video/christoph-waltz-germany-austria
as far is moving around in the pit etc. goes: western euros generally suck at this, first time i saw a pit were people actually danced HARD was in the states. theres close to no fights at any given hardcore show tho…you can sip your glassbottle of beer right next to the pit, it´s ridiculous
have you ever been to essen or duisburg ??
no bro
I fucking lost it @ “Achtung, vee ah filming a moshwideo!! This area is werboten!!” lmao
Scene Eurocore vocalist
Four skills is an awesome joke and of course symptomatic for europe – but since you celebrate to bash Germany, it’s funny that none remembers that Patrick Kitzel who runs Reaper Records is German. That his old bands merch (true blue – which didn t really gained any interest during their existance) bargains more bucks than any us-hardcore band does (besides maybe the mags) on US ebay, is another thing that you douche-amore-alistening-fag not consider. This blog is a joke as well as four skills is.
you douche-amore-alistening-fag
you nailed it bro, SYWH = touche amore fanboys
See: You act as bitchy as em, when someone criticizes you – so get over it.
Wow, You run a blog whichs only purpose is to provoke and to argue on the internet but since you don’t do anything serious hardcorerelated beside this funny-bullshitblog its obvious that you’re not able to do anything better.
And yeah hating on a whole continent makes you seem very mature. One could also put the worst american band ever and say its symptomatic, no better, an evidence for disability the whole country, or better the whole continent. Or better one can choose you dickhead as an example for the disability to differ.
btw. what is that internet-nerdy-hipster-”lulz”-shit? Why do you write like a retard? you’re so hardcore
hilarious blog. all the comments/hate/arguments are great. keep up the good work, d!
what’s the thing with catalyst records? whats wrong with bands as anchor, wolf x down or unveil?
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