Thanksgiving has come and gone, but if there’s anything I am really thankful for, it’s the fact that this site has somehow attracted a pretty good sized amount of awesome people who seem to think along the same lines as I do. I’m kind of a weird fucking guy, so that comes as a big surprise to me. With that said, I feel like there is still some confusion. I get a fair amount of emails/asks/etc that are like “DUDE I HATE EVERYTHING TOO KIDS THESE DAYS SUCK SO MUCH,” when that is exactly the opposite of what I’m trying to say.
Reading this bummed me out :(
I know it sounds gay, but I just wanted to take a minute to talk a bit about what SYWH is all about, and why we waste spend our precious free time on it. Not to be all “ITS RLY COMPLICATED U WOULDNT UNDERSTAND,” but I just wanted to spell it out. Sorry it’s TL;DR but I JUST HAVE TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST, MAN!!
1. I HATE HATERS
Although this blog is called “Stuff You Will Hate,” what it means most of the time is “stuff that I like (or at least used to like), but you will probably hate if you are an uptight asshole who takes music really seriously.” I used to have a metal blog, but I quit doing it because every time I posted about anything other than IMN-approved, old-school death metal, the commenters poured on the hate. I obviously don’t do this for the money, and I got so sick of all the negativity that I bailed on the site and metal in general.
I landed on the idea of praising stuff that I am into, especially since I have always been notorious for liking bands that nobody else does and people seem to find that entertaining. I was talking to a tr00 hxc friend of mine about this and said “Dude I should do a blog about bands I love, but everybody else we know hates.” Without missing a beat or a hint of sarcasm, he said “You will never run out of content.” AND AT THAT MOMENT, A BLOG WAS BORN.
2. MAKING FUN OF STUFF WE LIKE
You can tell if two guys are really good friends, because they’re constantly busting each others’ balls, bringing up embarrassing shit from the past, and generally having a really good time being complete assholes to each other. Therefore, you can tell I genuinely love punk/hardcore/etc because I spend most of my free time busting it’s balls on the internet. Obviously, I talk shit on here all the time, but don’t mistake that for being a hater.
Also, it’s important to point out that when I make fun of this stuff and the people who like it, I’m really making fun of myself just as much. I used to be a super-PC vegan sxe warrior, a snobby internet metal nerd, a self-pitying beta fggt, a loudmouth teenager with excessively strong opinions about music, and just about everything else I make fun of on here. If I was 16 now, I would probably be the most obnoxious Defeater/Title Fight/tr00 hxc fggt on earth with the most embarrassing, lulzy Tumblr that would haunt me for years.
3. MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY
Is there anything worse than people who rain on the parade by being RLY SRS, especially when the thing they are taking way too seriously is something as stupid/inherently unimportant as music?? A lot of things fall into this category, with No Fun Clubbers on the more annoying side of it and overly-enthusiastic teenage fangirls on the harmless, funny side of it. My point is not to hate on anyone, but to say “Bro, lighten up, it’s just fucking music.”
Giving a shit what kind of music other people like? WACK. Getting mad because genre X exists? EMBARRASSING. Taking the fun out of punk/hardcore/etc by writing songs about how your pussy hurts because you don’t like the people you go to college with?? PURE FGGTRY. Basically, lol @ u if you care about anything other than acquiring currency and females (I suggest pursuing them in that order, but you are free to prioritize for yourself).
4. DON’T BE MEAN
You know what sucks even more smug douchelords, people with tr00er-than-thou attitudes and attention-starved Tumblrsluts? People who are just plain mean. Obviously it’s hilarious when people get butthurt when we make fun of them for dumb shit like how they have a mancrush on Austin Carlile or inadvertently get a Dodge Ram tattoo, but I would never post about someone in a way that was genuinely hurtful or would fuck up their life (eg sending n00dz to their boss, posting their parents’ phone number, etc). And when I do mock them, it’s because I want to help (srs).
4. REASONABLE OPINIONS AREN’T VERY ENTERTAINING
Lettuce be cereal: nobody gives a shit about copy-pasted news, fair, “professional” reviews, and dull interviews full of stuff like “HERP WE THINK THE NEW ALBUM IS OUR BEST STUFF YET” and “DERP WE DON’T CARE HOW PEOPLE LABEL US WE JUST PLAY WHATEVER WE WANT.” And if they do, that’s what AP, Absolute Punk, The PRP, etc are for, so who needs more of the same? I’ll let the NFC/oldfags/’srs music journalists’ handle it.
I think reading about music should be fun so brb letting AP get really mad about how some pop punk band for 16 year-old girls uses autotune too much. So when I say that Man Overboard makes me feel like I guzzled a gallon of rageahol, what I really mean is “I am mildly annoyed by this band for the following reasons,” but nobody wants to read that or “ummm this band is pretty good I guess, I don’t mind listening to them but I wouldn’t fave them on Spotify.”