Who are the new KINGS OF CRABCORE??

ATTACK ATTACK!, the former kings of crabbing the core, have gone to a much more we-are-srs-djent mixed with radio rock chorusy route, as evident by their new ‘politically charged’ music video.

They love their country so much, they’re trying to vaguely do what’s best for it. Their lyrics went from being vaguely about partying and God at the same time, to be about ‘real’ and ‘complex’ emotions in very vague ways. You can read a big ol’ long detailed description of it in the post before this one, but it is clear that their days of digging on the beach are done. They’re going to try to save face by touring with the Ghost Inside and hoping srscore will accept them. Good for them if you’re into that, but more importantly, WHO WILL FILL THE VOID ON THE CRABCORE THRONE????*

SKIP THE FOREPLAY?
They are Epitaph, and do love to party. But their nu-metalness may keep kids from grasping on to the appeal immediately, and they are from Canada. The last Candian crabcore sensation was Abandon All Ships, who followed Attack Attack’s blueprint exactly, yet I haven’t heard anything from them in like a year. Must not have worked too well. These guys seem like Dukes of Crabcore if they’re lucky.

WOE IS ME????
These guys would have definitely be the heirs to crabcore like six months ago. They were blowing up, had a record with only breakdowns and clean parts, tumblrsluts were all over them, but then their vocalist ditched crabcore to go all RnB. That usually means nothing good for a rising young band, and they’re coming out with a rerelease instead of a new album. Rise must smell their train derailing clearly enough to only pay to record like two new songs in their last money-grab attempt. Poor guys, so close, and they really want to be famous instead of breaking up too. They can be Vice Chancellors of Crabcore, and Presidents of Changostudioscore, which is pretty similar, just less dancey.

MAKE ME FAMOUS???
File these guys under lulzy Europeans and five year old trends. I chose a live video so you can look at that headset on clean vocal bro. Cause without seeing it its hard to believe its real. They’re trying all the old school scenecore things like way too late, looking like Confide and sounding a little too generic metalcorey to really take off in crabcore. Whiny headset bro might hold them back too, but I’m usually wrong on that type of thing. I pronounce them Crabcore Foreign Affairs Council Members.

WE CAME AS ROMANS????
I gotta mention these guys because they are one of the biggest bands in the world with any crabcore influence. But I’d say really they are more TDWP sounding than Attack Attack, and have more of a programming focus than straight synth loops. That, and I heard they generally released the Hangover 2 of crabcore albums, in that it sounds the same as the first one, but whatever. If they release a third heavy on the synth and mosh they should definitely be the Crabcore kings, but they’ll probably try to be more serious and real, as per the trends, or follow in Asking Alexandria**/Escape the Fate’s footsteps and act like rockstars. Their screamer bro is great tho. They’re like Archbishops of mosh4Christ to the Devil Wears Prada’s Pope of Mosh4Christ, with a dual position as Treasurers of Crabcore, cause they make bank on merch all day.

I SEE STARS??????????
This is my pick above the rest. I See Stars used to be a dece crabcore local band, then signed to Epitaph SUMERIAN and became a pretty poppy band with some heavy parts. They chose to go really poppy instead of heavy on their second album, pretty much to be Forever the Sickest Kids with breakdowns. Apparently that didn’t work at all, so they went back to the studio after like two months to record what should be a heavier straight crabcore record. Autotune is back, breakdowns are like tripled per their breakdown per song average, and their is weird random synth shit everywhere. Guessing this album will be 30-40% breakdowns, a formula guaranteed to succeed. If they can pull it off before srscore gets a stranglehold on the market, I See Stars should be the very profitable Kings of Crabcore very soon. For now, I’ll call them the Princes of Crabcore.

But what do you think?? There should be plenty of up and coming crabcore senators ready to pounce on a vacated throne that I am forgetting about! Or a lot of crabcore peasants who may have a really nice video and all the right moves, but don’t really have a chance to become crabcore royalty. Becoming the Royalty is also probably a crabcore band.

Notes:

*This is a totally objective summary of potential huge crab bands based on marketability and appeal to the scene market. Remember, crabcore is pretty much basic metalcore sound with choreographed stage moves and heavy synth usage.

**While slightly crabcore, Asking Alexandria really just threw scene trends in a blender for their first album, and the synth breakdowns and dance parts didn’t last for their later stuff, so they’re not really even in the strictly crabcore conversation. Kings of We-Wish-It-Was-The-80′s-Core.

About Save Parker

I used to be in some band, now I'm in a rap crew. Catch at me your college campus playin basketball and chillin with mixed race broads.
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67 Responses to Who are the new KINGS OF CRABCORE??

  1. Obsequium Mindris says:

    i think that band Tasters might get big (if they’re not already. i’m not caught up) since they’re doing a tour with of mice and men.

  2. VyceVictus says:

    I lol’d heartily at all the politcal crab positions (especially vice chancellor). Political science actually coming in handy for once!

  3. bwahaha says:

    Woe Is Me needs to break the fuck up.

  4. Void Eater says:

    Not sure if props to Make Me Famous for being so blunt in the reason for the band’s existence or rage at them for being so blunt in the reason for the band’s existence.

  5. I wouldn’t write out Make Me Famous just yet. They’re Euros, so they could be considered “The next totally undiscovered hit!” by scenebros who still think their music is indie and underground.

    Btw, nice submit link to Reddit, are you a redditor?

  6. Anonymous says:

    headset mics.

  7. artxxx says:

    oh sweet jesus christ. i can’t believe that Make Me Famous even got some lines on this blog. they are all like “make me attack attack” (even got this merch lol http://funkyimg.com/u2/631/490/merchnowt.jpg i’d buy it tho)
    but anyway they sort of DEFEND CRABCORE in eastern europe (ukraine, but no one doesn’t care) and they’re doing it way too hard producing lulz on local boards
    oh, and be sure to check out this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqzAsSlz6lQ at 2:45 – DAT FUCKIN POWER RANGER 4-PIECE CRAB!

  8. outbackcore says:

    Dream on, Dreamer

  9. Leigh says:

    Eskimo Callboy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJX0o0Z5T0s

    There’s also an Irish band called Censura, who are low on dance moves, but heavy on breakdowns over dubstep synths: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNlCGqGuFKs

    • Inb4skin says:

      Dat Irish band is actually pretty good! Can dig that song. (wouldn’t really call it crabcore though)
      Unfortunately, these days, good music means nothing, they probably won’t get very big because their vocalist is fugly as fuck. Mirin’ their next-level video location though, on the rocks by the ocean.
      Could that become the new “grassy field”??

  10. Anonymous says:

    I’m 12 and never heard Enter Shikari or Skith.

  11. Anonymous says:

    This blogvertisment fcuk yeah!

  12. ge5undhe17 says:

    Look down south. House VS Hurricane. No programming bullshit. Straight out synth just like AA!

    Or, if you want danceable lines to get out of the squatting position in breakdowns, FAIL EMOTIONS (Russia)

    Other than that…I think that Cap’n Chunk band would do well. Or We Came As Romans

  13. Brah says:

    Make Me Famous’ drums are fucking lololololol

  14. Six Strings That Drew Blood says:

    What’s the point of crowning a new king of crabcore, when we all know that lobsterslam is about to take its place as the new scene fad?

  15. Nahrhead says:

    I read Skip the Foreplay as Lip the Foreskin and I don’t know why.
    GAY?

  16. Stef says:

    Out of the bands listed I’m going with Woe is me. Because they still have the same (for the most part) sound as they did with the new singer. I think they will take over as the crab kings or whatever.

  17. Mills2k says:

    Fucking love the dude in Skip The Foreplay who is balding so badly but refuses to let go of the scene hair and still bleaches it blonde to the max despite having no hairline. Respect bro

  18. Mills2k says:

    WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???

    I need to up my glamcore game, had no idea it was him.

    I can understand why he’s gotta keep the hairdo then, he can’t shave it & rep a snapback or anything like that as that’s against everything BBABH stand for.

  19. SirCaresALot says:

    Oh fuck. I thought Asking Alexandria were crabcore. Am I getting old!?

    • Sergeant D says:

      This topic is hotly debated among crabcore/trancecore/risecore scholars. There are two schools of thought on the subject– I personally agree with Save Parker that they are post-crabcore at this point because they have abandoned many of the genre’s signature elements (“strict interpretation of crabcore”), but one could argue that crabcore is more than just it’s formal elements (“expansionist interpretation of crabcore”).

      Both are intellectually valid imo!

  20. LeandroS says:

    I hope it’s Skip The Foreplay.

  21. Watt Par says:

    I’m really feeling this Skip the Foreplay band. Nu metal bounce riffs with sweet-ass synth lines? All day, baby. All day.

  22. neonjesus says:

    I’m really hoping its Skip the Foreplay just because they seem the least likely to pull an Attack Attack on us and get all serious. Like the new Attack Attack album is good, but it all sounds the same thanks to every song following the same formula and there being no standout breakdowns really. Can we start calling it ‘pulling an Attack Attack’ whenever a band decides to get all srs after basically being a borderline party band?

  23. Kakedo says:

    lolled @ that elf in make me famous.

  24. Nathan says:

    I really enjoy those we came as romans and i see stars songs

  25. MasterSlave says:

    Skip the Foreplay for sure. I See Stars are ok, the rest was nauseating garbage. Trying not to be a hater but I still can’t get behind 90% of clean vocals :(

  26. dankmathuss says:

    i don’t like them, but you weree quite wrong about headset bro keeping them back. he has a youtube channel that had 1k’s of views for him singing and covering crabcore like AA, AA-er, attack and alexandria. idk why but im just saying aha

  27. XbringbackprohibitionX says:

    Y’all forgetting the incredible Design the Skyline

  28. Ghostship says:

    I try to look at crabcore as a group of people bounded together together by the power of squats, so for your crab flavoured tea, look no further than these guys, you get the synchronized teabagging and the good ol’ torn jean look (did you notice dat fringe?)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1N1Q9Xxn7M

    Fuck, don’t get me started on the hipster triangles and nebula shit, these guys are really going for a diverse target market.
    No hate though, I actually think they’re the shit and shouldn’t be put among said bands but you can’t ignore that vast amount of Arabian goggling.

  29. mcskwish says:

    It’s cool that they got Andrew WK, Methods of Mayhem-era Tommy Lee, Gaear Grimsrud from the movie Fargo, and Donnie Wahlberg w/ goatee to sing for Skip The Foreplay

  30. uppercut613 says:

    i hope its i see stars.. i love those guys.

    most slept on award definitely goes to that’s outrageous though

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUt5DwbNQTA

    their 2011 album is like a risecore/crabcore masterpiece

  31. CalebShomo says:

    All of you guys are nothing but a bunch of fucking smears, the whole lot of you. Srs djent? Radio rock?! You fucking smears are pathetic.
    Fuck you 12 year old fagatrons. Come back to me when you become as sucessful as me. I’m out.

  32. Derpppppppp says:

    Chelsea Grin crabcores so intensely in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ca6B2uMCoc&ob=av2e

  33. Derpppppppp says:

    Chelsea Grin, crazy deathcore with plenty of crabcore breakdowns: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ca6B2uMCoc&ob=av2e

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