Some beta in a shitty band writes a love letter to CRUCIAL DUDES

A few people sent me this shameful, cringeworthy Tumblr post in which some turd in a gay pop-punk band gushes about how awesome CRUCIAL DUDES are (read our previous post on how it sucks they wasted such an awesome band name):

This kid is really longwinded, but lettuce be cereal, only hot slutty girls can get away with rambling this long and this is just some fat kid in a gay band so I’m sure you TL;DRd a couple sentences in. Cliffs:

  • Apparently they are rude and hostile to kids who like them and try to give them (admittedly stupid) compliments. Although he claims otherwise, clearly he thinks there is a strong correlation between being an asshole to ‘ppl who don’t get what your band is really about’ and tr00-ness.
  • He calls out people who “think Man Overboard and The Wonder Years are the best bands ever,” presumably because they ‘aren’t REAL pop-punk fans.’ Could this be the genesis of the TR00 troo pop-punk movement???
  • I didn’t realize these guys were so fat and ugly, but that makes sense and explains their ‘bitter guys trapped in the friendzone’ vibe. Unfortunately for them, they are also unpleasant, offputting dickholes, like those fat girls with excessively high self-esteem and the personality of a hot slut. Tough combo!!
  • Bums me out that fggts like these guys are the only people who like Descendents these days… pretty sure they never meant to be the flagbearers for grose, antisocial beardos with low self-esteem but here we are in 2k12 and that’s the deal :(


About Sergeant D

I was like yeah ok whatever
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68 Responses to Some beta in a shitty band writes a love letter to CRUCIAL DUDES

  1. Void Eater says:

    Great, right when I start getting into The Wonder Years and Man Overboard, they’re not tr00 anymore? Time to redesign my personal brand AGAIN…

  2. Save Parker says:

    “DEFEND dudes playing pop-punk defending other dudes who play pop-punk that hate the kids that like them because they sound similar to more popular pop-punk bands.”

    Gonna be hard to fit that on a t-shirt. Elitism makes me sad anyway, wouldn’t buy.

  3. Inb4skin says:

    I like when they get all Zero-Tolerancey! and I especially like how when they “call you out” and “make fun of you”, they don’t use curse words or say anything mean, they just act like they’re kinda stuck up shit heads. They’re so tr00. We can all learn a lesson in trolling from such br00tal callouts like: “Seriously though, every band you guys listen to is bad.”


  4. RJG says:

    Wait, when can I expect chapters of tr00 pop-punk’s hardline equivalent to show up and carry it into truly depressing levels of the no-fun club? Who is the Sean Muttaqui of tr00 pop-punk? Who is the Kurt Catalyst? Will Euro’s be sweating tr00 pop-punk between the year 2023 and 2040?

  5. jeh says:

    Wait now, the Descendants are supposed to be good?

  6. darth spader says:

    skate punk fans wear corpse paint now?

  7. this guy has the comments says:

    Founding members of TSU – tr00 shit up

  8. Đebz says:

    “…like those fat girls with excessively high self-esteem and the personality of a hot slut.” SO FUCKING TRUE !!!

  9. Kvlt times Kvlt measvres says:

    Damn it feels tr00 to be a gangsta

  10. vedicardi says:


    note that the guy writing this shitfest doesn’t know the Descendents, only the actual band. Thus, there is still some hope.

    That said, these are not the only guys that like the descendents. these are the guys that listened to the fall out boy cover of suburban home or whatever and have never heard of ALL! Hu ha!

  11. HERMAN says:

    “they don’t ever try and act like they are pop-punk”

    This is not a new observation, but holy shit, can’t believe “acting pop-punk” is a thing now. I’m only 22 and this makes me feel like I’m entering “get off my lawn, lousy kids!” territory :(.

  12. Latinoheat! says:

    Lmfao @ “flabby white people” and “why are you standing in a river” tags… Awwww but WTF I like da descendants… Milo did go 2 college and I respect an educated emo faggt that is sprung on stupid bitches named Catalina and states that he himself is not a loser….becuz he has a job and is being an alpha average Joe and not sucking other bands cox like the male groupie above…. Besides @ least he’s not sad anymore … Why the fuck do I know that gay ass lyric? …. GODDAMN U SGT. D!!!! I am so gonna get ripped p90x style and stab da guts outta lil Debbie n Ariana grande in a nice 3way n send the vid ur way 4 the good faps just cuz I still somewhat admire ur page….

    PS: SLAYER KIX ASS and I can’t wait for the new GOJIRA album to come out…. IMN’s UNITE!!!!

    Defend Tr0o mainstream METAL!!! >=D

  13. Walker says:

    Dying of vicarious embarrassment. I sometimes imagine that when people die and are trying to get into heaven, Saint Peter shows them a list of all this mortifying shit, looks them in the eyes and demands ‘EXPLAIN’ in a booming voice.

  14. Anonymous says:

    So wait, let me get this straight: they are the greatest band ever because while they pander to the dumb teenage demographic (and lettuce b cereal, all teenagers are dumb, myself included) but make fun of them for liking them?? So the big accomplishment is reeling in certain kind of people by putting in the right bait and then making fun of them for that? And this guys is really special because “he really gets it” AKA he’s a prick to others and is making sure the whole fanbase hates him?

    Remind me again how this is supposed to make sense?!?

    • Sergeant D says:

      it’s very important to make sure that the wrong people do not like your band– one poser is all it takes to turn a tour from a meaningful gathering of likeminded enthusiasts into a simple pop-punk show!!

      • suchjosh says:

        And they get so, so butthurt the minute someone looking/acting even moderately different than the rest of them turns up at a show. I have been on the receiving end of this so many times, the scanning eyes, the “who-the-fuck-is-this-poser grimace.”

  15. jm6g90 says:

    Getting a strong ‘beta faggots who use obnoxiousness as a placeholder for high self-esteem’ from the band; groce

    I kind of get the impression this guy reads SYWH though, the whole thing sounds a bit like a failed attempt to copy Sarge’s style

    • Sergeant D says:

      ‘beta faggots who use obnoxiousness as a placeholder for high self-esteem’

      “If I act like I have a superiority complex, maybe nobody will notice that I am an insecure fggt” *looks nervously from side to side*

  16. Randy420 says:

    Now I’m afraid to tell Crucial Dudes that I cried when I saw them live.

  17. Chipster says:

    Totally tried to click the play button for crucial dudes that turned out to be a picture. Neat trick!

  18. Bill says:

    It’s funny when pop-punk kids are elitist. I don’t get how he thinks these guys are really any different/better than a band like Wonder Years or Man Overboard.

  19. Anonymous says:

    Crucial Dudes got butthurt on twitter last time you posted about them, here’s hoping for more of the same.

  20. JFC Carbomb says:

    I’m so confused… Srsly I’ve loved blink-182 since 6th grade (2005) and it was called pop punk back then (or at least that’s what I call it) and I still call it pop punk how the fuck do bands like this get called pop punk? Am I misclassifying?


  21. Adam says:

    I’m definitely in the minority here, but I really like Crucial Dudes. Go ahead and call me a fggt or a beta or a tr00 pop punker or whatever. In keeping with the spirit of this site, I don’t care.

    I saw these dudes live once (actually booked their show) and they’re fun as hell. They stayed at my house after and I don’t think I’ve ever met more down to earth, kind and genuine guys in my life.

    I love this site but based on my personal experiences, I think you’re a little off base with this one.


    • toast says:

      They might be the most chill dudes in the world, but judging on what they wrote above they sound like butthurt elitists that would start foaming from the eyeballs with rage if you slightly misinterpreted what one of their songs was about.

    • Bill says:

      I’m sure they are nice dudes, and I dig their music as well, but I don’t see how they are any different really from bands like Wonder Years. I don’t think they have the right to bash other bands that are exactly like them and send out the same type of message.

      • Adam says:

        The thing is when they stayed at my house we talked about The Wonder Years, Fireworks etc and they didn’t bash them at all. So that’s why I’m confused. I haven’t seen the “proof” that they bash similar bands.

        They’re just kinda sarcastic dudes who joke a lot. I feel like stuff is being taken out of context.

        Maybe I’m wrong, but what D is describing doesn’t sound like the dudes who crashed on my basement floor at all.

        • Sergeant D says:

          well THEY didn’t write this post, some fan did. Maybe they would think it’s just as dumb as we do, and maybe they’re not at all like this guy is making them out to be- the point isn’t whether they are even as he describes them, it’s more about what a tard this kid is.

          • Bill says:

            The tards who posted this were their bros in the band Shared Arms. They have a 2 song split with them and I think they tour with them sometimes. But yeah, I’m still not positive if what the blog says reflects Crucial Dudes thoughts as well. Either way its lolzy though

        • Bill says:

          Well it was just that one comment “Seriously though, every band you guys listen to is terrible”. Either way this Shared Arms band who they are broz with seems to think Crucial Dudes are superior to these other bands, which does not really make sense to me.

  22. Perverted Tom says:

    He said “they don’t even try and act like they are pop punk”, but I really don’t know any pop punk band (except Man Overboard and so on) who do it. Massive lol

  23. Progmatic says:

    I wonder how this article would have sounded if that Pop-Punk chick from that video from a few days ago wrote this rather than some beta fggt

  24. sfagdfh says:

    I love Crucial Dudes but I think it’s funny that a few years ago they were making songs with 4chan references and covering Never Gonna Give You Up and now they’re all srs. Fun music though.

  25. Autodidact says:

    If you replace the band names with some C-level-Pitchfork-approved black metal this bro’s post would sound EXACTLY like an IMN buttrant =(

    Never thought I’d live to see the day that pop punk would have elitist cockholes in their fandom. And this scene used to be about dick jokes and high-school crushes (via Blink-182 ’94-01)

  26. assbait says:

    thanks 4 using my e-mail, sarge! STAY TR00

  27. Anonymous says:

    Actually, now that I think about it, this reminds me of this one time that I went on Metal-Archives (and there’s a reason why I can remember all four times I went there–mega lulzy, mega depressing) and saw some dude bash Slayer’s “Reign In Blood” for having songs that sound the same.

    He then proceeded to give near-perfect scores to generic but more obscure albums by generic death metal bands such as Monstrosity.

  28. King Krakken says:

    Bums me out that fggts like these guys are the only people who like Descendents these days… pretty sure they never meant to be the flagbearers for grose, antisocial beardos with low self-esteem but here we are in 2k12 and that’s the deal :(

    That moment when you look up and go ‘what the fuck happened?’

  29. Wintermute says:

    “Pop-punk couldn’t be more popular right now.”

    Blink 182 sold 3.3 million records from 1999 to 2000…or does that not count as pop-punk anymore?

  30. ge5undhe17 says:

    My god, groce bearded people who act like assholes OTI? Sounds like the typical basement dweller to me

  31. Klem says:

    Those Crucial Dudes sound like insecure ex-nerd-turned-PUA’s negging some 5s in a lounge bar

  32. SalviBro says:

    What is this? I cannot comprehend what this beta is ranting about. Fuck it, back to my A$AP Rocky mixtape…

  33. I think its funny that as soon as Pop-punk became the flavor of the month, the kids who were going to Wonder Years and Man O shows last year immediately put distance between themselves and the new kids. I really believe that Tr00 pop-punk is the new scene, and no one wants to be associated with them so they just give up on the shit they used to like, even though it still sounds good, which bums me the fuck out :c.

    BTW, trying to distance yourself from wiener pop-punk kids by citing another pop-punk band? I don’t see the logic in that

  34. Jared says:

    LOL the real butt hurt faggot here is the op who got so angry at sarcasm he spent his day compiling a poorly written article that completely contradicts itself…sucks you just accomplished what Crucial Dudes wanted out of all this “being arrogant and rude to fans”

    massive trololz #foreveraloneeeeee

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