EVERY TIME I DIE are back tard even though I don’t rly liek their music

A couple years ago, I learned the hard way that girls are 30-50% less attractive than they appear in their OK Cupid profiles. I ended up on a date with this girl who was really funny, very cool and nice, but unfortunately not anywhere near the 8.5 she appeared to be on OKC. But I learned from Shallow Hal that it’s what’s inside that counts, so I tried really hard to be into her. We went out a couple more times, but no matter how much I told myself that I should be attracted to her, I just couldn’t do it :(

I don’t mind their older stuff, but no breakdowns = not music

This is essentially how I feel about EVERY TIME I DIE, who are the ultimate example of a what you could call a friendzone band: “OMG they’re soooo great… for someone else.” They seem like chill bros, and even though I just can’t get into their music, I totally support them, and I’ll be clapping louder than anyone when they finally find that special someone who doesn’t care what they look like.

That awkward moment when a metalcore band from upstate NY turns into zakkwyldecore :/

The one thing that puzzles me about ETID is why they have the approval of so many IMNs, and why people think of them as a ‘metal’ band in the first place (see also DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN and DARKEST HOUR). The reason they have my approval is that they’re 90s hardcore dudes like me, which I know because I saw them a bunch of times with sweet bands like 18 Visions, Throwdown, and Candiria. Any veteran of the late 90s moshcore scene is my bro, so regardless of my indifference toward ETID’s music I consider myself a fan (“You would make the BEST boyfriend… for my fat friend!”).

So for the 10 million people on Tumblr who asked me what I think about ETID, there you go!

About Sergeant D

I was like yeah ok whatever
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86 Responses to EVERY TIME I DIE are back tard even though I don’t rly liek their music

  1. Butts says:

    If Bored Stiff doesn’t = moshing I need to recheck some calculations.

  2. nustejjj says:

    Feel eggzackly the same. 2 many hackneyed literary references in their lyrics for my taste, but at least they brought the party to the stagnant, uptight-PC hardcore scene.

  3. Jonnyfilth says:

    These guys may be my favourite band ever (or at least top 3)
    So glad u like them and are not mean 2 them!!! (srs) They’re hella chill dudes and put on the funnest live show ever. I like to believe that they’re immune to tr00bonic plague.
    And they do have some ttly moshable breakdowns, just not in every song.
    The end of this song = punching people

    0:33 = best breakdown call ever: HEY THERE, GIRLS, I’M A CUNT!
    I am moshing.

  4. ur moshing says:

    they’re one of my favorite bands, but i can totally get why someone wouldn’t like them. i think theyre so imn approved because imn’s hate most metalcore except for skronk-core and they’ve got skronk levels that are pretty high(but not as high as Norma Jean and SFTP)

  5. Girl U Gay! says:

    <3 this band 4eva!

  6. derekpants says:

    That girls teeth look too big for her mouth and she scares me.

    • TLDR says:

      Srs. I hate to be that “2/10 would not bang” guy, but they could have used a better stock photo for this meme.

  7. Walker says:

    oh yeah i see why you dont like them: skronkcore + at the drive in parts…id never heard them before, but this band sounds like theyre artfag approved :(

  8. yonder says:

    Sarge, what’s ferretcore? I know you’re a cultural tastemaker now so you can make up whatever subgenres you want and we’ll all start talking about them, but some explanation would be useful – is this like a smelly land-dwelling version of crabcore? Awkward-aging-dudes-from-Buffalo-who-wish they-were-from-Texas-core? Halp!

  9. jm6g90 says:

    My mates love this band. On record I’ma bit meh on them byt they were great live.

    The biggest hint that they are IMN-approved is the fact they are (or were) called mathcore on their wiki page :(

  10. Anonymous says:

    Ferret records, bruh

  11. FUZZY PICKLES says:


  12. CallPastorJerkface says:

    As a mathcore jerk, I have tried to get into this band over and over again. It’s just not happening.

    I’m sorry Every Time I Die. It’s not you, it’s me…

  13. wlfblnkt says:

    If you can’t at least back this, you hate fun: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5otNfMIsKo&ob=av2e

    Do IMNs like this band though? All the IMNs I know are into only into super obscure Blackened Pagan Funeral Doomcore bands from Scandinavia. Maybe I need new IMN-friends :(

  14. beholdthesharktopus says:


    • Sergeant D says:

      idk about Naplam Death and Bolt Thrower I don’t really listen to much 80s music

      • Midas Welby says:

        “Naplam Death” – I lal’d. Both bands are good if you like death metal that intrinsically has the feeling of living in a shitty flat in some industrial city in England where your fingernails never get clean and you can hear your neighbors’ Coronation St. accents through the walls all hours of the day.

        • Sergeant D says:

          Grose, y wood i want that feel

          • Lerato says:

            //ஒர ப ண ண ச ல ல ச ச சரத க ம ர ‘ன ன .. எனக க பயங கர ஷ க க .. எப பட ங க இத ..? அட த த அந தப ப ண ண க ட ட சரத க ம ர ஏன ப ட க க த ‘ன ன க ட ட அவர நல ல பண ண வ ர ‘ன ன ச ச .. சரத நல ல ப பண ண வ ர ம . எனக க த த ங க ம ட யல.//athaane atha saraththoda muannal manaiviyo, radhigaavothaane solla mudiyum eppadi intha ponnu solluchchi. Something somewhere wrong.

        • Michael Caine says:

          +1. If only this were true.

  15. Tom says:

    If you don’t like ETID, you must be a homosexual

  16. BC says:

    Breaking News, Sarge sick of people asking him about my all time favourite band. This gave me the utmost amount of lolz

  17. sauce says:

    love this band. they aren’t really afraid to shit talk other bands which is always awesome.

  18. Rob says:

    Didn’t get this band till the latest album. Since then I’m moshing.

  19. Save Parker says:

    Love these dudes. They should be making records like twenty years from now still playing shitty bars to kids who are mad they’re friends ‘don’t get it’. Hopefully I’ll be there in the back with my annoyed wife who wants to dtch on our jetpack leaving me to buy a teleport home.

  20. Dude, why is Zach Galifianakis in the band photo??

  21. Superfist McDeathpunch says:

    Whoa, people have opinions on stuff? I still will never understand why people care what music other people like, and especially why they get bothered if others don’t like the same bands. Just one of those things that goes over my head I guess?

  22. white guilt says:


  23. Anonymous says:

    it was a sad day when they were headlining this one tour and BMTH was the co-headliner. BMTH set = packed as fuck and everyone moshin’. ETID set = 20 people in the room…..

  24. grymboner says:

    Had eerily similar OKCupid experience(s) just a few months ago =/

  25. this band has always been the epitome of shittyness

  26. Mr. Kitty says:

    These guys are artfag approved because of the apparent converge worship. Don’t care, they still rule.

  27. Offthewall says:

    This post is EXACTLY how I feel about despised icon

    • Sergeant D says:

      Good call, I have definitely friendzoned that band too. “They’re sooooo fun and technical! Here, let me introduce you to them” *brings fat friend over*

  28. weedlord says:

    yo etid used to bring the mosh, look at this siqq fuckin mosh and pile on circa HELLFEST 2002 lol i went to this


    i put it at 2:31, if the link doesnt work fast forward to there

  29. Nightshift says:

    It’s like Drowningman started playing Wiseblood era COC songs or something. So weak. Why do these bands have singers who sound like chicks? When did acting like a sassy little kid playing rocker dress up take the place of having actual swagger?

  30. Skrillex Sex Party says:

    The main guy from this band (dont remember his name) had a really lulzy article on ap.com about how he hates breathe carolina and people that listen to them.

  31. jorbams says:

    I thought it was the general consensus that many IMN’s hated these guys via being the lightest band on a metal bill and being the heaviest band on a punk/scene bill. I, personally, love the shit out them. I will be honest and admit that I love them harder because Keith, Jordan, and Andy are genuinely funny guys. I think they walk the line perfectly of being angry old heads while not taking themselves seriously at all.

    While I don’t think that every band should be Entombed-worshipping, Southern-fried by way of being from a Northern state, metalcore, I think that the world would be less face-palmy if every band had these dudes’ sense of humor.

    Haha I was one of the bros who asked you how you felt about these guys, Sarge. I apologize for adding to the pile. I, correctly, guessed that you would at least be tolerant of them via their chillness and having the “omg, I could totally just be bffs and chill with these solid bros all nite!”-vibe.

  32. TLDR says:

    So did you tell the OKC girl the real reason you weren’t into her, or what did you say?

  33. fuzz says:

    One time my IMN friend was telling me about this band and he described their new album as having “the southern metal style of Cancer Bats combined with the technicality of the Dillinger Escape Plan.” That is honestly one of the funniest things I have ever heard

  34. xStizzy says:


  35. Michael Caine says:

    Got CD signed by em when I was 16. They wrote “Eat pussy” on it :(.

  36. AndySixx says:

    I have now concluded that Sergeant D doesn’t like any of the music that I like…


  37. Pingback: PARAMORE + breakdowns + an additional hot bish = this band | STUFF YOU WILL HATE

  38. Anon says:

    The fuck is an IMN?

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