SCREAMO RECORDS, LLC exists; creeps me the fuck out

I saw this lulzy ad on Facebook this morning and naturally had to click on it. With copy like “blazing a trail for rocking radicals,” I was hoping it would be some kind of ridiculous, scene version of Ark Music Factory, but it was just a barren Facebook page with this header:

Strong “creepy, clueless old dude who delivers phone books for a living and is in a band that sounds like Ministry that only plays at the local gothic bar every 3rd Wednesday and gives you a flyer for it every time you see him” vibe. Kewl Strat, too.

There are only like 3 updates to their Facebook, one of which is this. “Buttphuqs.”

Very confused. How did someone like this even hear the term “screamo,” and how did they interpret it as cybergoth girls with purple extensions and promo pictures where you are wearing sunglasses and have a soul patch?? How much would I have to pay you to look through their demo submissions??? Why does this whole thing make my skin crawl? Srs can’t figure this one out :(

About Sergeant D

I was like yeah ok whatever
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22 Responses to SCREAMO RECORDS, LLC exists; creeps me the fuck out

  1. GoingDeaf? says:

    The only band on this “Hit Factory” label is exactly how you described only worse. I was almost convinced by this amazing copy, however:

    “SCREAMO RECORDS LLC proudly presents the LIVE RECORDINGS of MELTING MOUNTAINS. Live it! Pop Punk. Hard Rock.
    Blast your radio up the highway. Melting Mountains freely howls at the moon, will look you dead in the eye while smiling big. Fall under her spell and feel all warm and fuzzy in your private world. This guitar instructor has been in bands from NYC to Las Vegas. Mood driven deep lyrics. Long live the guitar solo! Several fun videos on YouTube. Great selection range. Check it out now! Blast it loud! From early years of basement jams to playing church fairs and local malls (!) Melting Mountains’ chops have been served up hot for your listening pleasure. Walking around New York City after a gig has a quiet magic about it. Walking around Las Vegas after a gig is exhilarating!”

    • Sergeant D says:

      Brb waiting in line for autograph

    • Feathered_Derpent says:

      what genre is this meant to be and why is it written in a white guy trying to be gangsta without swearing or sacrificing punctuation and grammar way.

    • Clitsterical says:

      Checking out her Facebook page for the thing is enough to make me believe that she made up the label herself as a ploy to get attention. Both the band and the “label” share the same awkward syntax and enthusiasm, as well as having shared a scene from the same movie in a short amount of time.

  2. thesaddestcat says:

    this makes me sad that screamo is still associated with this bullshit

  3. RJG says:

    Is it possible for a webpage to be a narc? Cuz that’s what this feels like.

    “Bro, are you cop? You know you have to tell me if I ask, right?”

  4. Walker says:

    In b4 front for identity theft ring/money laundering/child porn distributor

  5. mayo says:

    this is skramz as fuq

  6. Not sure if the picture in the middle is the dude from Everclear…

  7. chris says:

    ten thousand to one odds this record label has sponsored some sort of “BACKSTAGE PASSES TO MEET THE BAND BEFORE THE SHOW” and/or “SUPER EXCLUSIVE VIP SOUNDCHECK PASSES”

  8. Save Parker says:

    So these are the guys behind all those hit songs.

  9. Matthew Dunn says:

    I thought the same thing about these guys: Seems legit…

  10. Thanks for the free publicity. In the grand view of life – any publicity is good publicity. You read the thread, didn’t you? Cheers.

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