From my inbox:
Hey Sarge, commenter Midas Welby here with a serious question: I love the site and have, like others, come to accept others’ tastes more and accept the existence of bands I have no interest in rather than wish for their deaths. It’s a big step! I get a feeling from your posts and a lot of the comments that others are on the same path of acceptance but it’s a hard slog at times.
My question is this: have you truly reached hater nirvana or are there some bands/artists that still grind your gears no matter how well-lubed your butt is? For me it’s lesbian/vegan Canadian twin sourpusses Tegan and Sara, aka The Bitchy-looking One and The Extra Bitchy-looking One.
Keep up the great work on the site and, as always, PLEASE RESPOND.
Since I’ve gotten several questions like this recently, I figured it was worth answering in a post. But before I do, I would like to make a couple points:
- Wood probs smash the one cute bish from Tegan And Sara (even tho lesbot)
- Caring about anything is gay. So, when I say that I ‘hate’ a given genre, what I really mean is that it makes me mildly annoyed. I do not care nearly enough about music for it to cause me the extreme buttpain experienced by IMNs and other pathetic people who care about stuff.
- It is impossible for me to decouple the aesthetic qualities of a genre (ie how it sounds) from the people/culture that make up the genre’s fanbase.
Fig 1: Theoretical model
While it is impossible to adequately summarize my incredibly nuanced, richly detailed and absolutely unique musical opinions, this three-dimensional chart is my best attempt at doing so. Lettuce examine it in detail: The Y axis represents how I feel about the music itself on a purely aesthetic level, from love to hate, and on the X axis we have my love or hate for the genre’s fans. Finally, a colored square shows how I feel about the genre as a whole: red, yellow or green.
There are other factors that can affect my opinion of a genre (such as quality of merch or whether it is loved or hated by fans of a genre I hate), but for the purposes of this post I have simplified things. In a future post, I may attempt to construct a function to model it more completely (like S=Lf2+Bk+.75Bd, where S is how stoked I am, Lf is amount of leggings worn by fans, Bk is breakdowns per song and Bd is frequency of bass drops).
Fig 2: What I think about stuff
Last but not least, the answer to OP’s question. Please do not nitpick this chart (“WTF u hate crust more than ponytail metal?? I thot u were punx!!!”) or try to convince me that I should like something that I do not (“but sargant d if u don’t liek [fggt's pet genre] u hate fun!”). This is not a debate, and if your butt hurts because of my musical opinions then you have much bigger problems than defending ikeacore.
How do YOU decide what you like and what you hate?? What genres cause the most pain in your anus? Did u get mad when you saw that your favorite, gay little genre was yellow/red on my chart??