SYWH FAQs: “What SLAM bands should I liek??”

For whatever reason, people ask me questions about everything from streetwear to their resume to convincing their girl to let them PIITB. I think that’s awesome, because I pretty much never get tired of giving people advice! But hands down, the single most commonly asked question is “DEAR SARJENT D WAT SLAM BANDS SHOULD I LIEK PLS RSPND!!!”

I could just list a bunch of bands, but the truth is that the answer to that question really depends on how much experience you have with the genre– it’s important to take things slowly, or you could end up hurting yourself and others! With that in mind, here’s the four basic TIERS OF SLAM. Where do you rank??

ENTRY LEVEL (SLAM099: Remedial Slam)
It is important to start with the most accessible bands to build your tolerance. I suggest beginners check out proto-slam/NYDM and the slammier br00tal death bands: they’ll ease you into the world of slam without leaving the safe, familiar confines of traditional death metal. This stuff isn’t REALLY slam, but it’s close enough enough to prepare your anus for the real thing.

Suggested Artists: Pyrexia, Suffocation, Internal Bleeding (NYDM); Putrid Pile, Wormed, Defeated Sanity, Guttural Secrete (br00tal death with slammy elements)

INTERMEDIATE LEVEL (Topics In Slam)
If your reaction to the entry level bands was, “this is pretty cool I guess but WHERE IS THE PIT RIFFMENT, BRO??” then you are ready to move on to tr00 slam! But proceed with caution: you’re still learning. My research suggests that the most easily-digestible ‘real’ slam for newcomers is the Russian bands like KATALEPSY and ABOMINABLE PUTRIDITY, most likely because they occasionally border on deathcore and their HM 2-like guitar sound is appealing to metalfags who aren’t quite ready to abandon dinosaur metal. DEVOURMENT are another great choice, thanks to their super catchy, bouncy riffs and polished production (by genre standards).

I don’t personally like this tier of slam all that much. It’s stuck in that awkward “neither here nor there” place where it doesn’t have the charm of old NYDM nor the crushing brutality of the advanced level bands, but it’s the most popular tier of slam from what I can tell. Basically, if someone tells you their favorite slam band is ABOMINABLE PUTRIDITY that’s kind of like saying their favorite hardcore band is HAVE HEART: it doesn’t exactly make them a poser since that’s a more-or-less credible band, but it does tell you their taste level is still relatively undeveloped.

Suggested Artists: Devourment, Human Rejection, Abominable Putridity, Katalepsy, Abnormity

ADVANCED LEVEL (Slam Seminar / independent study in pitt riffment)
When you immediately discard a so-called slam band at the first appearance of tremolo picking, skank beats, or anything resembling a chorus, you are ready to appreciate REAL slam. While it may be tempting to skip right to this tier, I really can’t stress enough how important it is to work your way up to it. The truth is that most people simply aren’t ready for material this advanced, as I’ve learned the hard way over the years!

What I mean is, I used to immediately recommend these bands to anyone who asked me for new slamz, only to be met with gay, weaksauce responses like “IDK I can’t really get into the vocals” or “All the songs sound the same, they’re kind of boring.” That was usually followed by “OK so what are some other bands that sound like Katalepsy?”

Much like snorting a fat line of 99% pure coke would put an inexperienced lightweight in the hospital, advanced level slam is simply too much for most people because it is PURE PITT RIFFMENT! There is absolutely no melody, dynamics, song structure, or anything else that will resemble the comfortable, familiar conventions of highly traditional, rock and roll-based genres like metal and hardcore. Just relentless, crushing SLAMS one after the other, with zero fucks given about “songwriting” or other flowery, pretentious artsiness.

Suggested Artists: Cephalotripsy, Repudilation, Cerebral Incubation, Rest In Gore, Female Nose Breaker

S-RANK (unlocked only by finishing New Slam+ with 101% completion rating when you have a Sweatpants save on your memory card)
Only the most dedicated slam enthusiasts will have the determination its takes to reach S-Rank, staring slackjawed as the boss of pitt riffment bellows “Now you’re ready to see my TRUE FORM!!” and reveals slams so high-level that you thought they were just schoolyard rumors! Even experienced slammers can have trouble appreciating the incredibly advanced-level techniques displayed by these artists. To most, they will just sound like sloppy, underproduced, amateurish garbage… and that’s exactly what they are, yet it is also why they are the most sophisticated, avant-garde auteurs who are pushing the boundaries of the genre into places that few of us can even visualize (srs). Don’t feel bad if your mind is blown, just keep SLAMMING THAT SICKNESS!!

Suggested Artists: Cumbeast, Epicardiectomy, Vulvator, Ezophagothomia (demo ONLY, not their overproduced album- srs), Slamentation

Check DJ TWOSTACKS COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO SLAM for extra credit!

About Sergeant D

I was like yeah ok whatever
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95 Responses to SYWH FAQs: “What SLAM bands should I liek??”

  1. this guy has the comments says:

    This is my favorite post out of all that have graced this site.

  2. Void Eater says:

    I remember hearing that Pyrexia was a shitty Suffocation clone and avoided checking them out, but that song was fucking sweet. Slammy enough to get ignant to in the pit, but plenty of uptempo moments, and played by “ppl who rly no how 2 play their instruments”. And anybody who hasn’t checked out Short Bus Pileup needs to do so immediately! And Vulvectomy brings some of the sickest slamz known to slamkind. +1 on posting something that I can enjoy less than 10% ironically

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfwDueDd5Ng

    • Anonymous says:

      Short bus pile up goes hard, although they don’t have THAT many slams in the songs I have heard from them. Nonetheless 1+ slam rep to you sir!

  3. HeroinJesus says:

    the reason i love stuff you will hate: the last post was about a band that sounded like forever the sickest kids, then it’s about slamz. thanks for helping me remove my head from my ass and realizing good music is good music, as well as introducing me to many crushing slamz D /brofist.

  4. getxstoked says:

    I still feel like slam and beatdown hardcore are 99% the same thing, just more brass knuckles in one, and more songs about necrophilia in the other

  5. Latinoheat!!! says:

    I just came to the sounds of vulvectomy… TY SYWH <3

    Im in between the Devourment and Cephalotripsy level… does Rompeprop count?
    Love me some pyrexia too doe…
    how about cybergrind/ one-man cyber slams via old school myspace? (Ishitrainbows/Ishitrobots was my fav)

    Must work my way up to S-Rank… IDK Y but i think Slam n Grind are one and the same… guess its cuz I always associate pig-screeching vocals to grind n shit… don't know why… does anyone care to debate thee?

    PS: faggot holocaust is a nice boner-inducing song but i think the most faggy faggiest faggoty faggots will get annoyed and butthurt at the word FAGGOT in the song "Faggot holocaust"…

    PS: I love saying the word faggot…. In case you can't tell it just rolls right off da tongue real cool… can't wait till Emmure or some other ignant mosh band will use "YOU FUCKEN FAGGOT" in a sick mosh song and put in on impact font on merch…

    PSS: now as charlie brown would say, " I'm the black zorro you dirty spics!!!"
    peace cabrones.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STjjwHFW5jY

    • this guy has the comments says:

      shouts out 2 iamerror

      • Anonymous says:

        Indeed. It seems that most people who aren’t into grind or slam think they are the same. Fair enough, they both have blasty parts, just you don’t hear too many breakdowns in grind, and not too many grind bands I have heard have brees in them, but generally I listen to the punkier grind.

    • nustejjj says:

      Mikey Hood (of the Hoods http://youtu.be/d6X3grJcF8s ) loves to berate the crowd @ shows w’ faggot-this-faggot-that, which gets even funnier when they play Gilman.

  6. PINKDEATHCOREFONT says:

    New pyrexia cd this year! I can’t wait because Age of the wicked ruled, Shit, all 3 of their full lengths are awesome. 7 H. Target has released the best slam/b00tal death metal cd of the year so far. DEM RUSSIANS http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRgP1KxHcjo

  7. Thomas says:

    Thank you for the informative post, you are good and lovely. What do you think of Pathology? My friend says they are “the best slam metal band out” but idk.

  8. k10 says:

    Been stuck on Devourment and Internal Bleeding the last few weeks via Sarge’s Metal Inqusition article on Slam. I’ve been waiting for this article to happen.

  9. Girl U Gay! says:

    You pretty much nailed it my man

  10. roid freak says:

    come at me with the euro slams bro

  11. thetotalbro says:

    Where did Artery Eruption steal their album artwork from? I hate it when a band has siq album covers but I’m not really into the music(looking at u Iron Maiden and Slayer) :(

  12. 13Enjam!n says:

    I like how the vocals sometimes sound like the “robot fart” noises I associate with dub-step.

  13. Jonnyfilth says:

    Biggest lolz @ that S.L.A.M. acronym up the top!!!
    Also “with zero fucks given about “songwriting” or other flowery, pretentious artsiness.”
    LOL. brilliant post.

  14. JAShearman says:

    I’d put Abominable Putridity is entry level, good band but every deathcore kid out loves them so yeah…

  15. thetotalbro says:

    Not to be a Critical Christopher, but Cumbeast actually seems pretty accessible to slam newcomers. They actually barely seem like slam other than the vocals. It sounds like Lamb of Gawd riffs mixed with weaksauce pseudo-slamz. Maybe I jumped too far ahead and just don’t get it:(

  16. snores says:

    Does Torsofuck count as slam? I remember digging that shit in high school.

  17. The Ice cream man says:

    Where you chewing gum while writing this post serge!

  18. Latinoheat!!! says:

    This! +1

  19. Brah says:

    guys let’s not confuse one eastern european/texan shithole genre with another.

    shit like torsofuck/rompepromp/cbt = pornogrind

  20. thedevilelectric says:

    I heard some tremolo picking in the Infertile Surrogacy jam are they still OK to listen to? Pls respond

  21. Isaac says:

    I’ve been into Cumbeast longer than any person should be into Cumbeast

  22. Proteinpowerxxx says:

    As a former imn who used to lurk the cesspool of the Internet known as the devourment forum (only a few cool guys on there), I have been heavily exposed to absurd amounts of s-rank slam bands like Awaiting the autopsy, Cystic dysentery, vomitous, Human mastication, down from the wound, Inhuman dissilency, intestinal alien reflux, the list goes on. IMO devourment is really the only band that I can thoroughly enjoy without getting bored, I totally “get” what the most extreme bands in this genre are going for and from time to time even enjoy some of the better bands like vomitous( surgical abominations will have u mawshing) but slam really is an acquired taste and definately not for everyone. Another thing I love about slam is that it is pretty much reviled by the nerdy prog fags and tr00 met4lh3adz

  23. hankmccain says:

    Sick post bro. Makes me realize what an entry level faggot poser I am. Lots of work to do!

  24. hankmccain says:

    By work I mean using my PC to download these slam artists from Napster, transferring them to my Archos MP3 player, listening to them daily on the commute to and from my office, and hoping my clients don’t somehow know I just listened to a song about forcible late-term abortionectomyment.

  25. zunathustra says:

    i lol’d a lil too hard @ the titles for the tiers. brb, hoping to become a placement candidate at the SYWH Institute of Higher Slamentation.

  26. VyceVictus says:

    Love it when sarge takes us to school. Don’t forget to take part in the advanced study group led by our boy Shiv!
    http://www.nocleansinging.com/2012/04/15/the-sweatpants-mosh-update-no-2/

  27. hankmccain says:

    Will I still have time to lift if I take these classes. Please respond

    • roger_camden says:

      If you’re not lifting during these classes, then you’d better be half-drunk with a microwave burrito in your hand

  28. beholdthesharktopus says:

    What u tihnk about Katalepsy’s newer stuff. The riffs are groovy as fuck but a lot of the vocals sound like Florida death metal-style vocals. I hadn’t checked anything of their’s out other than Musick Brings Injuries until the other day and it blew my ass off.

  29. J_hunter says:

    I’m scared to skip ahead :(
    How do I know if I’m ready for S-Rank????

  30. B. Edge says:

    I started out at S-Rank without going through entry-level, intermediate, and advanced stages first. BIG MISTEAK!

  31. BSMitchell says:

    I’m ashamed of how little of this I’ve heard. I’ve seen most of the entry level stuff (Wormed and Defeated Sanity kick ass) and Devourment is awesome. Most of the slam I listen to is the techier stuff that’s one sweep pick away from being regular death metal.

  32. Anonymous says:

    What do those dudes at slam minded mean when they talk about funeral slams? Like a Finnish Doom Slam or something? Why do I envision a monster truck roaring out of a grave when I read it?

    • Anonymous says:

      slam with some dark melodly in it…death metal influence!…listen to new chrodotomy for ex…Heaven shall burn slam, 15 tone slam…

  33. Chipster says:

    BTW, how DO you get your girlfriend to PIITB??????
    PLz Respond and will respond with pics

  34. savethecirclepit says:

    How about “Now that’s what I call slam vol. 2″?

  35. slamthatsiqqness says:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUkw-fGnMuc im hardly an expert on slam, but check out INGESTED. some of the best wigger slam evar

  36. Keka says:

    Inspired to make my own slamz! (srs, expect a song or two to be done over the weekend, probably in the course of one afternoon)

  37. Anonymous says:

    for all the people wanting more slam but not knowing where to get it (beginner to elite tier slam):

    7H. Target
    Abnormity
    Abominable Putridity
    Acranius
    Amputated
    Artery Eruption
    Begging for Incest
    Bodysnatch
    Bowling for Columbine
    Cemetary Rapist
    Cenotaph
    Cephalic Impurity
    Cephalotripsy
    Cerebral Bore
    Cerebral Effusion
    Cerebral Incubation
    Chordotomy
    Cinerary
    Clitoridus Invaginatus
    Condemned
    Cranial Osteotomy
    Cropment
    Cumbeast
    Dark Prison Massacre
    Defeated Sanity
    Degrade
    Dehumanized
    Devourment
    Disarticulating Extinguishment
    Disconformity
    Disfiguring the Godess
    Dain of Impurity
    Dripping
    DrowningIn Phemaldehyde
    Encephalotpathy
    Ezophagothomia
    Female Nosebreaker
    Fumes of Decay
    Gortuary
    Gory Delivery
    Guttural Engorgement
    Guttural Screte
    Human Mincer
    Human Rejection
    Infantiphagia
    Infernal Revulsion
    Ingested
    Inhuman Dissilency Vomitous
    Katalepsy
    Kraanium
    Orchidectomy
    Pathology
    Pighead
    Prophecy
    Pus Vomit
    Repudilation
    Rest In Gore
    Sect of Execration
    Short Bus Pile Up
    Soils of Fate
    Stabwound
    The Gurchick Tree
    Torture The Mass
    Trenchhead
    Turbidity
    Visceral Disgorge
    Vomit Remnants
    Vomit the Soul
    Vomitous
    Waking the Cadaver

    lots of it got quiet some brutal death in it, cause i love slams slamming more slams but also like a tremolo here and there between the slams…

  38. Name says:

    Female Nose Breaker >>>>>>>>>

  39. Pingback: Album: Devourment - Conceived In Sewage | Thrash Hits

  40. Ralph says:

    Entertaining, but why bother classifying like this? It just makes it seem like slam is another hipster-like culture. Fuck that. I don’t see why if the music tends to be generally less appealing to the general population it’s value is higher. Putting it in classes completely detracts from the fact that it is music to be enjoyed by anyone. People can like what they want. If a person likes deathcore and a slam band that I like, I don’t discard the slam band. With this logic, the noisiest, least melodic, inaudible slam metal would be classified as the best; that seems pretty contradictory. It also seems insulting to put the bands that created the genre in an entry level or intermediate level. This ultimately seems like a way for people to feel better about themselves if they like “heavier” slam.

  41. ballzach says:

    Devourment should be higher than Epicardiectomy, and stuff like that, album- Butcher the Weak……. explains itself…
    (Vulvectomy gets a point as well)

  42. Mr.Repulsive says:

    Visceral disgorge is sick as fuck and definately worth checking out if you are just getting into slam/brutal death. Cephalotripsy is my fav slam band though and I feel a lot of people agree. Long live slam! No karate pits, no comb overs, no bullshit

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