I’m equal parts scientist and daydreamer, so I spend a lot of time thinking about experiments I would do if I had unlimited time, budget and staff. There are just so many questions that need to be answered! Like, what if we went around with tranquilizer guns and darted every chubby girl with low-self esteem, rolled them over and inspected their blubbery, pale underbelly: how many would have an ALKALINE TRIO tattoo on their hip or forearm?? I want to say it would be at least 70%, but without data I would only be guessing!
I’m not a fat girl with low self-esteem, so I’ve never really been able to get why they all love ALKALINE TRIO so much. But if a lot of other people like something, I try my hardest to like it or at least understand why they do. I’ve skimmed through the ALK 3 catalog a few times over the years a couple times, and I can only find two songs I like, although to be fair I absolutely LOVE both of these:
If there is a pop-punk regretcore hall of fame, “Stupid Kid” is definitely a first-round inductee. It’s basically like if “What’s My Age Again” was written by the poor kid who lived in a trailer with his alcoholic single mom, instead of well-adjusted kids who grew up in Poway with their happily-married parents. I like to think that instead of being about a girl, “Remember when I said I love you? Well forget it, I take it back” is self-directed.
“Take Lots With Alcohol” approaches MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK levels of self-loathing, dark lyrics masked by catchy, upbeat pop-punk. Entry-levelers might mistake this for whiny beta-ness, but if you are an advanced-level student of self-destructive behavior and genuine depression you can tell this song is the product of an authentic fuckup who hates himself.
Did I shortchange ALK 3? Are there any other songs that I’m missing out on? Will I liek them even tho I’m not a chubby girl who cries herself to sleep???