I generally avoid jizzing over early 80s hardcore (aka RECORDCOLLECTORCORE), but sometimes there’s an underappreciated gem that needs to be re-introduced to Kids These Days. With the SRSWAVE movement in full effect, I think it’s time for us to appreciate one of hardcore’s first and finest troll bands, THE MEATMEN. I think of them as the punk version of South Park: very smart people making insightful points via fart/gay jokes.
If you like awesomely shitty, sloppy/thrashy hardcore, it doesn’t get much better than THE MEATMEN’s debut album “We’re The Meatmen And You Suck.” It kicks off with a really ignorant, homophobic skit that introduces the first song “Toolin For Anus.” “Activity night” = S-rank attention to detail. Also, I’m assuming the homophobia is ironic, but not entirely certain of that.
These guys were also waaaaay ahead of the curve in terms of trolling musicfags, such as this song called “One Down, Three To Go” about THE BEATLES. Keep in mind it only came out a couple years after John Lennon was murdered, so the butts were still very tender.
The lyrics to “I’m Glad I’m Not A Girl” are some of the world’s best ‘making a very insightful point in an extremely juvenile, idiotic way. I lol every time @ “They look for love / We look for meat / They think that’s bad / We think that’s neat”
“Crippled Children Suck” might be my single favorite MEATMEN song, because I love really dumb, offensive shit that exists for no other reason to make you giggle about how naughty it is (like you’re in 6th grade and just learned the word ‘blowjob’).
Wait, I may have spoken too soon: “Camel Jockeys Suck” is even more giggle-worthy. Extra bonus points for tricking the imbecile who made this video into thinking the racism and xenophobia were non-ironic.
Having taken offensive, shitty hardcore about as far as they could without repeating themselves, THE MEATMEN explored new frontiers of trolling on their later albums like “Rock N Roll Juggernaut”: really, really, really bad bar rock. Still not sure how much of this is a troll/self-parody and how much is them just turning into shitty hard rock like every other 80s hardcore band did, but either way it’s really funny that Lyle from MINOR THREAT played on this.
This song is 25 years old, but so advanced that few have even come close to equaling it in terms of being awesome, shitty, and puzzling at the time time (other than S-rank artists like DEPRESSED TEENAGER). It is an incredibly long, awful, boring song about being a centurion in the Roman army, with absurd, super-literate lyrics like “Lillies that fester smell fouler than weeds / The citizens of Rome have but one vital need.” Again, unsure how much is troll and how much is genuine crappiness… which is exactly why it’s so great.
Non ironically liked the Centurion song, regardless of the overly long length and sloppy everything.
was completely unfamiliar with the meatmen, but liked and laughed that the centurion song more than any of the others. definitely s-rank, and will be stuck in my head all day.
Interesting- these guys seem to be a kind of proto Anal Cunt for all of the obvious reasons.
Ive been thinking about it, and Im coming to the conclusion that being incredibly childish is an advanced level sign of maturity. Being able to say something really intelligent and insightful by way of something really stupid is a skill and a talent, and the consumer being able to pick the message out of it is as well. This is why stupid people dont understand anything beyond face value, and why people who dont find this stuff funny often cant pull the serious message out of something like this “cant see the forest from the trees”. Even if there isnt some kind of deeper message, being able to enjoy acting like an idiot is cathartic when you have to spend all day doing serious stuff!
THIS. I honestly think the ‘feigned-imbecile masking extremely intelligent, insightful commentary’ genre of humor is the most advanced (eg, gh15, uncel dolan, and Hipster Runoff). Also, it weeds out all the tards who are too stupid to read between the lines and just take it at face value and raegquit, leaving only the people who get it.
I highly suggest the movie The Guard. Sergeant Gerry Boyle trolls the fuck out of the world in an imbecilic fashion but he’s also the most insightful movie character I’ve seen.
I love how you’d expect that character to have a ‘heart of gold’, but he really doesn’t, at all.
He has a heart, just look at how he treats his mom; that’s enough for me.
#2deep4u
I hadn’t thought about it before, but Tesco’s preoccupation with ABBA is similar to Seth Putnam with the Village People.
The Meatmen were/are awesome! I got the “Stud Powercock” cd back in 9th grade (which compiles their first three albums), and have been a big fan ever since.
Given Tesco’s proclivity for wrestling dudes in revealing caveman outfits and the fact that he has posed in gay mags (srs), I think it’s safe to say he’s simply an s-rank troll rather than the stangry goon he portrays in his music. Lyrics like “we’ll steamroll you/you’ll eat our poo” (from the hit song “Lesbian Death Dirge”) are the type of so-stupid-it’s-brilliant material which only really intelligent people and/or children are capable of writing.
I don’t really get why people jizz over midwest 80s hardcore so much (same way I don’t get why people are so nuts about Boston Crew hardcore), but The Meatmen were definitely one of the best to come out of that region, and definitely way underrated.
Whoa, I had no idea that Tesco was in gay mags. That makes me feel a lot better about liking them, and also makes it even more funny. Not WKing homos, but srs it kinda ruins a band if they are non-ironic homophobes ya know?
A non-ironic homophobe is something you can laugh at once, and from then on it’s just kinda sad.
This, however, is just the gift that keeps on giving.
^Pretty much exactly why I couldn’t get into The Meatshits. At first I was thought they were pretty lulzy, and the logical next step in what The Meatmen were doing, but album titles like “Sniper At The Fag Parade” didn’t really seem as funny to me when I realized the main dude WAS actually (or at least sure seems to be) a gross, hateful creep (+ added butt sensitivity from being an occasional literal fggt (no homo)).
Then again, I think Skrewdriver are hilarious precisely because they are so shitty, yet so serious/taken so seriously, so I’m like everyone else in that I’m choosy with regards to what objects I allow to cause butt damage.
It was easier to take Skrewdriver seriously when they were inspiring so many assholes to shave their heads and kill blacks. But having the main guy be dead for 20 years kinda takes the wind outta those sails.
Of course, but my point was more so that I find funny that the band that has inspired that much blatant assholism is the same band who wrote music as stupid as “oh no, here comes a commie”. Not making light of what some people have been motivated to do because of listening to them, more so of the fact that what they are listening to sounds so inept and stupid to me. It’s on the same level as somebody saying ‘OMG THE CASUALTIES CHANGED MY LIEF, THEIR LYRICS INSPIRED ME TO STAND UP FOR MYSEFL”, albeit obviously Skrewdriver’s legacy is more hateful and destructive.
(like you’re in 6th grade and just learned the word ‘blowjob’)
This applies to the words “stiffy” and “spooge” for me.
Also change 6th grade to 12th grade (……not srs)
I really love this kind of stupid over-the-top humor. I srsly believe that it takes a lot of intelligence and brilliance to find the perfect balance, without making it too obvious that its a troll, and also still blowing minds at the same time. Especially when you’re using juvenile jokes as your basis, lol.
The first time I heard the word chode i thought i was going to die i was laughing for so hard and long
re: wondering if homophobia was srs or not
I’d actually heard of these guys before and I’m pretty sure at least one of the dudes was also in a gay hardcore band.
Also, hadn’t heard that Centurion song before. That shit is seriously next level, good gravy.
I keep looking for some kind of metaphor or other sign that song is ‘REALLY about _____,’ but I cannot find any. Which is amazing, because writing a derpy hard rock song with ridiculously verbose lyrics about literally being a Roman soldier is so advanced-level that it’s essentially Dadaist performance art (srs)
“it’s essentially Dadaist performance art”
this, dude. The parallel between the two is fucking hilarious to me.
Thank you for calling attention to a truly funny, creative band. My personal favorite of theirs is Come on over to mah crib.
there ya go finally sum good funny ignant hxc from the generation of rubix cubes, popped polo collars, tapes, hair metal, n beta [ew]….
isn’t if funny how the people who grew up in this era created the neon/scene/myspace kids of the mid to late 00s hehe
also, listening to “one down, three to go” reminds me completely of “forward to death” by dead kennedys. :/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxg7kNC82oo
You’re onto something, young Sargeant D. Tesco Vee is a smart man. His day job was teaching.
I was told once that he played shows with the microphone up his ass years before GG Allin thought of doing that. Talk about ahead of the curve.
You should have included some classics from his solo EP “Dutch Hercules.” That had most of the “Superbikes”-era lineup (both Brian Baker AND Lyle Preslar, along with Negative Approach’s bassist, can’t remember his name right now). “Crapper’s Delight” is the centerpiece but every song is awesome. From their buttrock anthem “Wine Wenches and Wheels”:
big breasted girls, little breasted girls, in my back seat, smellin’ sweet
like cans o’ tuna fish when you just opened ‘em up!
big breasted girls with red wine in their guts, fine lookin’ sluts!
slam it into overdrive, tape’s blastin’ iron maiden live, so glad to be alive!
Got a Meatmen cassette from my neighbor who got me into lots of metal/crossover in 2005, and loved it. Gotta find and download their shit ASAP!
“I think of them as the punk version of South Park: very smart people making insightful points via fart/gay jokes.”
I honestly think American Dad is often this way too. I feel like it gets a bad rep because it was created by Seth McFarlane, and Family Guy has gone downhill and the Cleveland Show sucks, but it’s a seriously clever show.
so true, definitely the best animated show of its generation
come on guise – every episode is about dad can’t connect to son(no homo).
Great band. And by that I mean funny band.
I always thought Pitboss 2000 was kind of like the 90s version of the Meatmen, but with the addition of their own invented lingo (wiggario, emo faggario, nerdario, anything with “ario” at the end of it), but Tesco Vee is actually an intelligent, literate person, whereas Pitboss are most likely just plain meatheads who are making each other laugh.
Also, props to Angry Samoans for being funny in the same way as the Meatmen, AND actually playing good music.
I am deeply offended that you did not include ‘French People Suck’
Last time I flew Air France I played a tune on my uzi and made the sissies dance.
I thought I was the only person in the world who actually liked the meatmen. Found them in the napster days when I typed ‘tsol’ and found ‘tsol are sissies’. Great punk song with hilarious lyrics
I wish my middle brother had bought “We’re The Meatmen…And You Suck!!” instead of that crappy Dayglo Abortions cassette.