I generally avoid jizzing over early 80s hardcore (aka RECORDCOLLECTORCORE), but sometimes there’s an underappreciated gem that needs to be re-introduced to Kids These Days. With the SRSWAVE movement in full effect, I think it’s time for us to appreciate one of hardcore’s first and finest troll bands, THE MEATMEN. I think of them as the punk version of South Park: very smart people making insightful points via fart/gay jokes.
If you like awesomely shitty, sloppy/thrashy hardcore, it doesn’t get much better than THE MEATMEN’s debut album “We’re The Meatmen And You Suck.” It kicks off with a really ignorant, homophobic skit that introduces the first song “Toolin For Anus.” “Activity night” = S-rank attention to detail. Also, I’m assuming the homophobia is ironic, but not entirely certain of that.
These guys were also waaaaay ahead of the curve in terms of trolling musicfags, such as this song called “One Down, Three To Go” about THE BEATLES. Keep in mind it only came out a couple years after John Lennon was murdered, so the butts were still very tender.
The lyrics to “I’m Glad I’m Not A Girl” are some of the world’s best ‘making a very insightful point in an extremely juvenile, idiotic way. I lol every time @ “They look for love / We look for meat / They think that’s bad / We think that’s neat”
“Crippled Children Suck” might be my single favorite MEATMEN song, because I love really dumb, offensive shit that exists for no other reason to make you giggle about how naughty it is (like you’re in 6th grade and just learned the word ‘blowjob’).
Wait, I may have spoken too soon: “Camel Jockeys Suck” is even more giggle-worthy. Extra bonus points for tricking the imbecile who made this video into thinking the racism and xenophobia were non-ironic.
Having taken offensive, shitty hardcore about as far as they could without repeating themselves, THE MEATMEN explored new frontiers of trolling on their later albums like “Rock N Roll Juggernaut”: really, really, really bad bar rock. Still not sure how much of this is a troll/self-parody and how much is them just turning into shitty hard rock like every other 80s hardcore band did, but either way it’s really funny that Lyle from MINOR THREAT played on this.
This song is 25 years old, but so advanced that few have even come close to equaling it in terms of being awesome, shitty, and puzzling at the time time (other than S-rank artists like DEPRESSED TEENAGER). It is an incredibly long, awful, boring song about being a centurion in the Roman army, with absurd, super-literate lyrics like “Lillies that fester smell fouler than weeds / The citizens of Rome have but one vital need.” Again, unsure how much is troll and how much is genuine crappiness… which is exactly why it’s so great.