Filth’s Law Of Musical Objectivity

WRONG ANSWER, FGGT!

Here at Stuff You Will Hate, we generally try and take the high road, and ignore those random morons that show up to enlighten us with their true pearls of wisdom like “This band sucks” or “You should listen to [some completely unrelated band] instead”. We just say “Yah cool story bro, idc” and go back to having girlfriends and enjoying life. However, since we are only human, and this is annoying as fuck, it can be really hard to just ignore it. We try and inform them that their taste is subjective, but despite this hard fact, they continue to act as if music is objective. So with this in mind, I have been hard at work developing my new mechanical law to deal with this problem, and my project has reached fruition. Next time some groce pizza faced dungeon-dwelling ponytail janitor tells you that your favourite band sucks, just quote Filth’s Law Of Musical Objectivity (FLOMO):

“Music is objectively “good” if it satisfies the expectations of its intended target demographic”.

Another way of putting it: A band should always be considered “good” (and/or lovely) if it lives up to the expectations of (the majority of) its primary listeners within its target genre, regardless of technical skill, songwriting ability, or anyone else’s personal subjective opinion. If they are popular or have recognition within their demographic, then they are succeeding, and we shoudn’t bother trying to badmouth them. Let’s look at some examples. These may be hard to swallow, but stick with me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnuedkSl9vM

The Acacia Strain is a truly amazing case study. Rarely do we come across a band that incites so much intense butthurt from people who don’t listen to this kind of music. This music is not intended to satisfy prog geeks or tr00 metalheads or melodicore bros. It’s made specifically for those of us who suffer from moshalepsy. TAS’s music does its fucking job (I’m moshing.) It satisfies the people it aims to satisfy, therefore it is “good”.

Hundredth, on the other hand, is not aimed at wignorant thugs who like beatdowns. It’s aimed at kids who like 2 srscore4Christ. Their melodies and minor keys and Christianey lyrics may sound whiny and horrible to moshlords and metalheads, but that’s not the target audience. If you’re not into it, don’t listen to it, and don’t complain that someone else likes it. Simpel!!

This (remixed?) Wynter Gordon song gives me a party boner. It makes me wanna hit tha club and danse all night like an intoxicated whiteboy and rail some random bish. It has a totally different mission to most of the music we review here, but damn, mission accomplished.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GuqB1BQVr4]
The Beebz is another one of those artists who incites universal butthurt from people who are not even remotely involved in this genre of music. Yet he has legions of female fans who would probably kill 4 the chance to sniff his soiled underwear. If he’s selling millions of records and getting good reviews from people who like pop, then he is doing it right.

The inverse application of this law states that if music does not satisfy its intended target audience, then it is “not good” (does not have the ability). This usually brings lulzy results, like the band members going on retarded rants about how they don’t get the respect that they “deserve” (lol). It also applies to pretty much all metal, since metalheads can never seem to agree on what actually constitutes “good” metal. (Don’t blame me, blame yourselves)

Basically, arguing about whether you think bands are good or bad is really gay. It is entirely pointless, because we cannot change the established opinions of music fans. Their favourite music satisfies them. We can’t make gang$tas think rap sucks. We can’t make easycore kids renounce their PG ways and take up a crusade on behalf of misanthropic death metal. We can’t make 14 year old girls think Bieber sucks and listen to Hatebreed instead. We can’t make beardos think anything is good. Why bother trying? FLOMO says it’s all good anyway.

About Jonnyfilth

All I want is bitches, BIG BOOTY BITCHES
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84 Responses to Filth’s Law Of Musical Objectivity

  1. Void Eater says:

    Lol at Biebs’ 1950′s dad haircut. A+ science. The only thing that would have made it better would be putting Waka Flocka in here somewhere-incites immense butthurt in fans of “real” hip hop, but is very successful amongst the ignant brothas who just want some hard shit to jam.

    • Jonnyfilth says:

      Yes – very true. Although honestly there are a million things that tr00 hip hop fans hate so it’s kinda a broad subject to cover. I guess there are hated artists within every genre, this post could have gone on and on for days. But still, I’ll put in a good word for you when they’re about to appoint new professors in the butthurt fggt research department.

    • TLDR says:

      Was noticing that 50s haircut too. lol

  2. B. Edge says:

    use of the word “wignorant” = me clapping.

    You are a genius and deserve the Nobel Prize in . . . something.

    • Chillin' says:

      Non-fggty Musical Theory. It’s a brand new category created to actually make musical theory relevant.

  3. Walker says:

    Wow dude, this is actually a pretty good serious theory. I have a few comments, I’m not trolling, Id like to know what you think:

    1) how do you account for “underrated” bands/artists who are by and large ignored or disliked by the majority of a certain genre’s target audience? Does this mean the listener likes objectively bad music?

    2) how do you account for liking something that you aren’t the target audience of? I think KMFDM are sweet, but everyone except for cyber goths hate that band with a raging passion, and I am far from a cyber goth.

    3) I think this formula can be made to fit depending on the specificity of the tastes of the consumer. If the consumer is interested in top 40 pop then clearly anything that can stay on the top 40 is objectively good. I would also say that If you are a “decibel core” IMN who is primarily interested in sludge, doom, black and death metal then you can be classified as such. I think if your favorite band is 16 your opinion might not contribute to whether Animals as leaders is objectively good. Thoughts?

    • thecodelus says:

      I think J-FILTH was going for a more generalized formula. While his findings are spot on, it doesn’t touch upon another important part – you the listener. Each band/artist/singer makes a type of music that’s generally intended for a certain demographic, but “outsiders” can still come in and enjoy it with said demographic because hey, if you like the music then who gives a fuck!?

    • Jonnyfilth says:

      Dude I’m recommending you for assistant professor of trendy fggt research. Very good points. My thoughts:
      1) “underrated” is really a pretty subjective term, you might happen to be one of the few listeners that see past what everyone else considers to be “flaws” or whatever. Of course, I think there are lots of great underrated bands out there but I guess if it doesn’t satisfy long time fans of the genre, then it’s not “doing its job”. Which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t like it or whatever, obvs.

      2) I like shitloads of music that people wouldn’t expect me to like / wasn’t made with me in mind, but I think it’s because I recovered from tr00bonic plague and learned to enjoy other stuff. I think liking only one genre or a closely similar group of genres is dumb, and being ok with listening to “weird” music outside of your usual taste is a sign of being normal and well adjusted.

      3) yeah it’s a very broad statement, I guess lots of bands fall in and out of “good” and “bad” but again a lot of it is due to subjective tastes, people who like Hundredth might not like Counterparts even though they’re really really similar. Also I guess within genres, the regular listeners have more weight in deciding what’s good or bad since they are the primary audience. So maybe that should be included in the law’s extended description.

      • Latinoheat!!! says:

        True fucken shit…. mirin’ dis post for the truthfulness of being da truth….

        now back to studying for finals the day after tomorrow…

        procrastination cram-sesh studying for lyfe!!!

      • Deeestroy says:

        1) The formula of F= (m x a) aka Fame= (money x attractiveness) to the term “underrated”… therefore, resulting Fame is affected as the initial values increase or decrease. Thus explaining such phenomena as the FTSK vs ATL scenario.

        2) Bro-Weirdo Duality. One can exist as both a Bro and a Weirdo at the same time. This means everyone has their quirks. You can totally be into nrml fag stuff and liek sports, weight lifting and chicks in public, yet go home and listen to MDFMK and watch art fag movies b/c of the ‘cinematography’ at home, ALONE. Just make sure ppl are rly ur bros before discussing such topics in public.

        3) Instead of giving core listeners more weight when considering matters of “good” vs “bad” to avoid subjective ‘tr00ness’, maybe go along the lines of a longevity scale. A band only becomes “good” they have released X number of songs of the same caliber and a general populus of fans of that genre claim that it is ‘good’. Until then, the band is in a subjective limbo and the ‘liek wat u liek’ rule applies anyway.

    • Sergeant D says:

      Don’t want to put words in his mouth, but IMO this model assumes that awareness among target audience is held constant. For example, it is likely that if say Forever The Sickest Kids got the same marketing push that All Time Low did (and they did not), they would be just as popular.

      Most ‘underrated/underappreciated’ bands could be just as accurately described as under-capitalized, and suffer from inadequate marketing budgets.

  4. Nightshift says:

    You guys complain about this shit happening more than it actually happens. These kind of post border on beating a dead horse.

    • this guy has the comments says:

      these posts r not bad they r just not 4 the target audience of u.

    • Jonnyfilth says:

      Happens to me lots, not here though bcz most people are chill.
      Also it’s probably because I listen to ghey music that brings it on itself

    • Chillin' says:

      I don’t think so! Instead of having to plow through Sarge’s tumblr where the Anon army keeps on throwing the same artillery of butthurt, we now have a fucking H-Bomb to drop on those mofo’s (Save Parker’s take on “real music” would be our A-Bomb) once and for all.

      + I can just link any of my bros whenever we’re discussing music rather than have the same convo again with all my chill musicisartbros that sometimes lose the path of chillness for the temptation of butthurtness, which leads to Betahell.

      • Nightshift says:

        He makes fun of the music they like and calls them faggots for liking it while putting his favorite bands on a pedestal and getting stangry if anyone returns the favor. Internet is crazy.

        • Sergeant D says:

          The difference is that when we make fun of bands and call people faggots for liking them, we don’t mean it. We are exaggerating our opinions for the sake of comedy and entertaining others. On the other hand, they are actually in extreme buttpain.

          “WHO’S THE FUCKING FAGGOT NOW?” – Elysia

          • TLDR says:

            “WHO’S THE FUCKING FAGGOT NOW?” – Elysia

            Dying. Forgot about that old hype deathcore band, whatever happened to them? Did they suffer from an inadequate/nonexistent marketing push as well?

          • Anonymous says:

            came for the lulz, got a lecture.

  5. TLDR says:

    Good show, lad! Best post of yours yet, imo.

    TBH my butt was really hurting that you weren’t making any more posts, but this one was definitely worth the wait.

    I guess I’ll just have to adapt to this plan of rare but good posts from the Filth

  6. “We can’t make beardos think anything is good. Why bother trying?”

    I shaved off my beard and I still don’t like anything but pretentious artfag music and crustpunk. Wat do!? :(

    • Nightshift says:

      Start lifting lots of weights. Beardo/beta/IMN jokes lose all their meaning when you look like you could pull a boxcar with your hands whilst wearing your Anti-Cimex or Doom shirt.

      • That’s pretty much the singer of my Grind band in a nutshell. Dude’s huge and can lift bass cabinets one-handed like it ain’t no thang, but is chill as fuck. Pretty good goal to work towards.
        Don’t know if I want to get real big though. My natural build isn’t really something that would look good with big muscles and shit. Lean and wiry is more appropriate for me.

        tl;dr: Yeah, I gotta start lifting soon.

  7. Chillin' says:

    Yep, yep, yep, I wish 15 year old me would have read this! Much less butthurt about Ke$ha (who, btw, is dope) would have ensued and I would’ve jammed out sooner to her. I was just having this talk with my bro who dislikes “Call Me Maybe” b/c in his words, it’s a vapid song anyone could write (to the judges of the scene, don’t judge him too harshly, for he knows not what he says) and my point was that it’s besides the point, the song is a great summer trax and it’s stellar at being the catchiest, cutest song ever made, so 10/10 from me.

    It also accounts for why “awful” stuff like Butthole Surfers are pretty sweet. Great damn music to trip to and it makes perfect sense when you’re completely gone. Mission accomplished. Obviously horrendous music for getting a party started but that ain’t it’s goal.

    Worded this shit better than I ever could. You should contemplate a career in English! (not srs at all)

  8. aneurofag says:

    This is spot on but i’m pretty sure people on SYWH already agree on the theory.
    Sadly this wont make youtube comments any less offensiveand unsollicited because butthurt also has a demographic: people who fulfill their need for validation from their loser peers by conspicuously showing love for “tr00 music that makes you unique”.

    Could we save the world by sharing this gospel on nerdist blogs?

  9. beholdthesharktopus says:

    So because 99.99999% of death metal fans hate the new Morbid Angel album is it objectively a terrible album?

    • Jonnyfilth says:

      Haha! Da law says yes. But I don’t know, is it shitty??
      I don’t really listen to dm so I’ll practise what I preach and not say anything ha

      • Sergeant D says:

        I don’t listen to DM and have deliberately avoided hearing this album so that I would be unable to discuss it on the internet, but I think it’s a pretty solid general principle that when a band releases and album that is a dramatic shift in musical style that alienates their entire audience and is universally hated by ‘critics,’ it is indeed shitty.

      • The whole “Illud Divinum Incident” really is sort of mindbottling no matter how you look at it.

        The stuff the DM crowd took objection to with that one, was the techno/industrial songs, so in that respect they missed the needs and desires of their target audience by an unimaginably wide margin. Old School Death Metal fans want just that from a band like that, not third-rate Rammstein-esque dance-metal.

        The most baffling thing was that this stuff was not even fashionable, so they weren’t even bandwagon-jumpers. They just made an album with some songs that sounded like rejected Rob Zombie B-sides from the late 90s. Understandably, the old-guard fans hated this, but the real problem was that the songs that were like oldschool MA also sounded phoned-in. The fact that they went on record in numerous interviews, saying more or less that their fans were stupid if they didn’t like it did a large part in fanning the flames of IMN rage though. Remember the backlash Flo Mournier got when he called his entire fanbase idiots for not liking Cryptopsy’s shift to b-rate Deathcore!?

        When viewing the big picture here, it almost seemed like MA were deliberately trolling people by making something that noone at all would ever like, since the audience for late-90s style Techno Metal is ludicrously small, and even then the material was waaay sub-par by those standards, so even there it failed. The 3-disc Remix album where they got a zillion coked-out Dutch Gabber DJ’s from the 90s to make the songs even more unlistenable only put more nails in the coffin. The sad part was just, that it seems to this day, that they were serious about it.

      • richard brunelle says:

        it’s like every other morbid angel album, a few cool bits buried in the most retarded shit imaginable. the dance tracks are pretty catchy though

    • Godeye says:

      Depends on whether you want to call it a death metal album or an industrial metal album. The DM tracks (like “Blades For Baal”) are pretty siqq, but the industrial side is- actually nvm, I can’t really judge it since I’m not cybergawth. The headpiece-wearing kids seem to like it, so w/e.

  10. Anonymous says:

    The 3-disc Remix album where they got a zillion coked-out Dutch Gabber DJ’s from the 90s to make the songs even more unlistenable only put more nails in the coffin.

    This exists?! Sweet!

    brb looking that up

    • Yep. So sad for the poor schmucks at Season Of Mist that had to market this steaming shitpile with a straight face. They more or less had to put all other promotion for other bands on hold to at least try and get some of the money they paid MA back, since just dropping them like a stone apparently wasn’t an option. The fact that they a lot of other legit good bands had to suffer because of that album is pretty hard to forgive as well.

    • Godeye says:

      Igorrr is on it, that alone makes it worth checking out. dunno about the rest of it.

  11. kotkotkot says:

    Please change your name to “Jonnyfilthofgay”!

  12. Anonymous says:

    How sick is that Wynter Gordon song!

  13. Ben says:

    It saddens me that this isn’t just common sense :(

  14. Michael Caine says:

    BOTDF: backtard

  15. BLEH! says:

    I think this is a pretty spot-on post.
    I often wonder why various musicbros of mine get quite upset about some outside-context music (like Beebz) when they have no reason to listen to or care about it.
    It’s massive waste of energy that could be better spent barebacking new categories on fapdu.com

  16. nochance says:

    objectively speaking, everyone should like Crotchduster and hate Merzbow

  17. Save Parker says:

    “You don’t like that thing I like??? And you like a different thing that I don’t like!?!??? LET ME TELL YOU HOW YOUR LIFE IS WRONG AND HOW I GOT EVERYTHING FIGURED OUT!”

  18. thedevilelectric says:

    Does this mean I can’t pick on Nickelback anymore?

  19. JoeTheRipper says:

    But what would I do with all my free time if I didn’t spend it complaining about ur bad taste on the internet?

  20. Blah says:

    How bout this

    A band is bad if they are ignored. NOT hated, ppl wont waste their energy hating a band that nobody likes.

  21. Wut I got out of this post: “Blah blah blah fancy words blah blah words Christian Death is the best band evar blah blah”.

    New phrase coined: NO-FLOMO

  22. JFC Carbomb says:

    A+ post, my friends brother literally every time i see him he trys to convince me that Thrice is objectively the best band evar! All it does is make me hate thrice and not be willing to give them a chance srs.

  23. I just want to say that this is probably the best article I have come across on SYWH.
    “If you’re not into it, don’t listen to it, and don’t complain that someone else likes it.” = A+ A+ A+ A+ A+ A+ A+ with a fucking gold medal. BLESS THIS POST.

  24. Anonymous says:

    this is preaching to the choir, do you assume your average reader is a true fan or IMN?

    • Jonnyfilth says:

      Honestly half the SYWH readership seems to be recovering IMN’s (srs)

      • Jonnyfilth says:

        Also lots of annoying hardcore/punk fans, as evidenced by the recent Refused/Terror beef. Sorry metal guys, not trying to pick on you, beardcore dudes are just as bad (srs)

      • Komrade Vlad says:

        I’m definitely a recovering IMN.. or maybe even worse.. a recovering wannabe-IMN.
        Used to look up to IMN’s and wished I knew as much about metal as they did :(

        • Anonymous says:

          so now u look up to sarge d and wish u knew as much about hardcore as he does? you hipster bro?

          • Komrade Vlad says:

            Not at all. I actually realised I don’t give a shit about what anyone else listens to. Except when I want suggestions for new music to listen to though..

      • Notderek says:

        99% sure you’re right a lot of us seem to be recovering imns. Four years clean of butthurt and music eliteism this September via moving to college when all my imn friends decided to work at Guitar Center.

  25. Anonymous says:

    ThIs law Is true and just

  26. Komrade Vlad says:

    This is all so very true. Never understood why J-Biebz gets as much hate as he doesn, especially from the IMN community. Pretty sure his music isn’t aimed at them.. although my guess the hate comes from the extreme jealousy of having 100,000 screaming teenage girls wherever you go.

    Which you have to admit, would be pretty damn cool and is what everyone wants (IMN’s included).

  27. Rob says:

    Nice to see someone taking a sensible approach to music opinions.

    Personally I think there is an element of objectivity in music, but it’s more to do with songwriting and talent than it is to do with enjoying something. There are objectively awful bands out there (like Emmure) who are just terrible at almost everything… but I enjoy the shit out of it.

    • Jonnyfilth says:

      See, I don’t get why they’re considered “objectively terrible”?
      There’s no rule book that says every band must be [X] level of technical and stick to [Y] limit of breakdowns and write lyrics about [Z] subject or else it’s “bad songwriting”. I’m glad you can overcome that thought and still enjoy the music tho.

      Like I said, if it’s aimed at dudes who like breakdowns with occasional melodic choruses, techshreddaz don’t get a say in it.

      “There’s not enough pentatonic arpeggiatic wankgasms in this song so it isn’t good songwriting”

      • VyceVictus says:

        Indeed. A human being recording with sincerity the words “I want to watch you suck his dick” over a thumping groove that actually makes you bang your head in spite of the inherent ridiculousness is by all indications “doing it right”. “Objectively bad” doesn’t mean a god damn thing if it works. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ll never use the phrase “objectively bad” ever again. It’s meaningless.

      • Rob says:

        It’s not that I think it has to be teh shredderz. I just find the chuggy of the open A string lazy song writing. I mean TAS aren’t complicated but at least they sound like they put some effort it.

        • VyceVictus says:

          I see where you’re going. I’ll only say that “dilligent” song writing doesn’t necessarily mean anything either. Who gives a fuck how focused or concise your arrangements are if they’re fucking boring? This aint about Emmure per se, its about the illusion of skill automatically equaling good. If music dont make you feel shit, then its not working, no matter how much effort the creator puts into it.

        • Jonnyfilth says:

          Fair enough. But everyone seems to forget that emmure has chords and other shit, like Emmure fans were literally complaining about how much melodic stuff was in the new album. I think (almost) everyone who says Emmure is just A string chugging has never actually listened to them…

  28. Internet Metal Nerd says:

    I felt a slight change in the wind while reading this (& Posessed playing in winamp) & for a second I was enlightened. Cold shiver went down my spine as I recovered from this peaceful god-like state and I headed back to metalsucks to diss Metallica; headed back to blind safety of Megadeths 7″ b-sides.

    There is Hope.

    God have mercy on our souls.

  29. fFgt says:

    yah cool story bro idc

  30. 1) Great post! not sure why there’s an unusual amount of phaggots in the comments tho?? 2) So many props for the Wynter Gordon song – one of my favorite jamz!

  31. Adam says:

    FLOMO bcuz YOLO

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