I think it’s funny when people accuse me of ripping off Cracked, The Dirty, Vice, etc, because I have literally never even looked at any of those sites. It’s sort of like if you ask a good band about their influences, they almost never listen to music in their genre. Along the same lines, I only steal ideas from people who have nothing to do with music: people like Ninoplata, superCalo or any of the geniuses on Misc.
My latest inspiration is an S-rank troll by the name of gh15. His poorly-kept secret identity is legendary pro bodybuilder Nasser En Sonbaty, and he’s considered a god on the hardcore bodybuilding/steroid forum GetBig. The genius of his material is that he gives out literally the best steroid advice on the planet, but delivers it through the persona of an incredibly irritating imbecile with deliberately horrible spelling (brilliant insight + masked by feigned ignorance = never not funny). The punchline is that he actually has three masters degrees– think of him as Zyzz meets Hipster Runoff.
Here’s one of my favorite of his bits, “I show the forever alona how to get the pussy,” in which he discusses how to fuck hot 20 year-olds. It’s not only hilarious, but also PURE FUCKING TRUTH- I’ve bolded the lulziest/truthiest parts:
“,i have yet to meet a fitness girl that was not very easy to get ,,and that wasnt really into muscular fellas,,its like they are deer in the headlight when they see big lean fellas,, they really really will **** you with zero problem i had it so many times i cant even count,,”
at the age you talk about you can get a girl via few ways,,
- be very muscular as in conditioned muscle ,, doesnt have ot be very big..170 lb true 6%…dry…5’9 will get her ,, no matr how old you are by the way ,,can be even 32 she will go with you at 18 if you are what i describe here,,yes americana girls are like that
- money…if she know you have money,, never spend a dime on her ofcourse but….if the girl know you have money as in from rich family she will be there,, americano girls!
- love,,well for that she need to love you and be inlove with you ,, doesnt happen at all at age 18 ,, they think they are inlove they are not,,
over all i suggest you to fuck other girl and move on ,, the fact you want to be with her in aplatonic way and go to movei with her means even worse….means you have nothing sexual for this girl ,, you have to want to FUCK THE FLYING DAY LIGHT OUT OF A GIRL and be extremly attratcd to her to end up with her ,, otherwize you will end up like brother and sister ,, you will love her but wont be inlove,,
she is americano right? she is far righgt? she doesnt think about you not even for a damn second,, most of them are very very very very and then some very flat as in they dont think deep,, they dont thikn deep at all especialy the 20 year old of now days,, they dont have the ability to think complicate ,,
“Mr. Jay Cutler? Are you ready for the terminator workout? I meet you in 2.5 minutes please downstairs.”
at her age ,, she may end up going to a club and listen to me carefuly ,, at her age she may end up going to a club with her mama and her mama brest friend,, meet the bouncer there and go to his place and tell him …you can do anyhting to be beside fucking me ,, thats how weird that age is and those type of girls are,, kind of not whores but want attention if you knoe what i mean ,, since from reading fast what you wrote i understand she is not exactly a whore…so the not exactly whores fall in the catagory of….do anything you want ot me in yuor place beside penetrating my pussy …mainly making out sessions and blow jobs at times,,this is their way of getting to be out there yet not whores in their head …
forget about her,, if she was 31….then id say maybe ,, buit her age not a chance unless she is INLOVE with you and keep in conctant contact with you from her will!
jew fellas stress too much over things like that,, it kills their life and muscle get their estrogen level up ,, you will have another layer of fat or water on midsection just from her,,girls are worse than sodium manipulations for a bodybuild,,
you hav eto remember! the girl who want you WILL MAKE SURE MAKE SURE! THAT YOU KNOW IT AND THAT SHE IS THERE SO NO ONE ELSE CAN GET YOU ! ,, SHE WILL DRIVE FOR YOU ,, AND DO HER HALF AND MANY TIMES WAY MORE THAN HALF ,, SHE WILL BE UP FOR YOUR SHIT ,, SHE WILL LAUGH AT YOUR NOT FUNNY JOKES,, SHE WILL PAY HER SHARE OF DINNERS ,, SHE WILL WORRY ABOUT YOU ,, YOU WILL SEE IT AND FEEL IT ,, THERE WILL BE NO ONE ELSE ,, SHE WONT EVEN GET ON HER TEXT WHILE WITH YOU ,, EVERYTHING WIL BE
YOU YOU YOU AND THEN SOME MORE YOU
get over that girl will never work you just going to fuck up your bodybuilding and end up still NOT BEING WITH HER!
okay, 1: someone is going to have to translate that cave man gibberish to me. i mean, yes smart people can figure out what he is trying to say, but I am so smart that my intelligence level cannot stoop to such stupidity, therefore i cannot compute.
2: the girl in the picture is boner-iffic; she is perfect. very well TONED and not all built with giant veins and six packs like other “fitness girls” (which are gross by the way)
3: even though i did not understand what he said, the pictures and videos alone are enough motivation to keep lifting and kick myself in the ass whenever i get lazy and choose to grab the funyuns and lay on the couch while watching the biggest loser (that show is NOT motivation for me to work out at all. all it makes me want to do is grab a bunch of junk food and stuff my face, and laugh at the people on the show for being fatties and not being able to eat junk like me and still be nice and lean).
Jillian Michaels should have her own signature line of HGH, clen and anavar since that’s definitely what she’s on.
would still purchase her wii fit game and tug to 3d animation closely resembling her/10 though.
More like her own signature line of HNNG, amirite?
Its like golden kernels of truth from the Honorable Prophet himself.
Beautiful.
Also ^bro harsh vibes. Let the light wash over you.
Did Rick ta Life ghost write this? i have no idea what the hell is going on.
A+ comment
the differences are subtle but significant. in particular, note that OG NYHC King RTL uses semicolons rather than commas, eg “YO;;;;;NEW BACK TA BASICS DISTRO LIST OUT;;;SUPPORT DA SCENE REAL DIY;;;;;;;;COMMIN CORECTDIRTNAP SPLIUT CD OUT NOW;;;;;OG NYCH RTL 1 LOVE’;”
problem is 90% of women either actively dislike or don’t give a shit about big muscles. Its basically “going all in” like having long hair, wearing metal shirts and being like “now i can attract metal chicks, but ONLY metal chicks, who are .9999% of the female population”.
although, other bodybuilder dudes and 99% of gay dudes are really into muscles.
“99% of gay dudes are really into muscles.” not true actually, the gays are like women:
“as in conditioned muscle ,, doesnt have ot be very big..”
Exactly. Most women (and fggts) consider Bradd Pitt in Fight Club to be the perfect physique, and I’d guess he’s no more than 160-165 in that movie.
Pitt is pretty much the golden standard for handsome men
True. But as a dude who was already thin, And works out just to get toned, Girls done notice until I take my shirt off, and at that point it’s a done deal, so I wouldnt say it’s gonna help you with pickup unless you are fat of course, or need the placebo confidence boost.
he said “some” size, like 170 @ 5’9″ 6%
also, go to more beaches and pools
remember, 170 @ 6% looks pretty fucking big– maybe comparable to 185% @ 9% or something (since without drugs you will never lose ‘just fat’)
Smash roids, Smash chicks. Simple.
this.
shoot, eat, train, repeat.
defend roids
I love his ‘krazy arabro’ engrish!!!! #nohomo
I know so many bodybuilding Middle-Eastern bros that sound like this IRL it’s not even funny.
Alright, I’m always up for more pussy advice, but this was too hard to understand (although luzly). Someone summarize the main points plz?
alpha as fuck son
that dude looks like guido from x-force
this
You have to want to FUCK THE FLYING DAY LIGHT OUT OF A GIRL
Holy shitballs, I may never recover from laughing at this, but if I do, I’m using that saying all the time IRL. This guy is the king of the genius wizards.
Yeah, ain’t no half-stepping; that’s what them limp dick motherfuckers don’t realize: you gonna fuck that pussy then fuck that pussy proper, the rest is jsut bullshit and if you only wanna treat her right yo ass might be gay lol.
This guy is the king of the genius wizards
if I can ever reach even half his level of greatness, i will die a happy man (srs). fucking brilliant.
this is universal knowledge for nailing materialistic girls.
i feel many people won’t “get what this post is all about”
that being said most girls seem to think that theres big and then theres too big…i remember putting on weight with the aid of Gaspari SizeOn tablets (since banned for some fucking retarded reason, as it was just a really effective form of creatine, not a prohormone) and the only two girls on the base were like “OH HAY” and i was like YEAH and then i was introduced to the tren and the the test p and got MAJOR SWOLE and the same girls were like uhhh…ew. and my RAGING BONER was sad. /story
that being said, listen to harms way and do roids.
What u think of gaspari test boosters like viridex/novadex??
waste of money…the increase is barely a drop in the bucket.
you wont notice any sort of “massive gain” like they advertise.
you can still buy prohormones from the internet and local bodybuilding shops, and they are actually effective because they are legit semi-legal steroids, but the have some nasty side effects. the most bang for you buck is high doses of creatine imo. works wonders. and food. lots of food.
also, this guy lays out alot of the same kinda no-nonse shit gh15 preaches but without all the lulzy/unreadable grammar
http://rhinoden.rangerup.com/ranger-up-fitness-workouts-plans/
his article on nutrition is good to read.
but yeah…the supplement industry is just like the women’s cosmetic industry in that it’s all hype and total bullshit. no “natural herbs” are really gonna boost your test levels in a useful or muscle-building way. that being said, most dudes under 21 grow retarded fast once they really get in the gym…local high school kids regularly place higher overall in state level bodybuilding shows here, winning over way juiced out 30 year olds.
waste of money IMO. even if they ‘work,’ the results will be underwhelming. acquire prohormones/designer roids (like beastdrol etc), real AAS, or don’t bother with ‘supplements.’
someone set you up the tren bomb? was it the magical elixir that everyone makes it out to be??
also, this:
listen to harms way and do roids.
someone just set me up the tren bomb again as of yesterday to be exact lol. tren allows you to eat fucking mcdonalds all day and TURN INTO BRO-JESUS!!! you’ll be able to clap your hands three times and make it rain affliction shirts and flat bill hats.
Damn… I’m trying really, really hard to talk myself out of acquiring trenbolona but it sounds like a better idea every day…. for now I’m sticking with tren-lite aka anavaroni, but I’m afraid that it’s only a matter of time before I set myself up the tren bomb :/
PREPARE FOR THE NIGHT SWEATS!
girls really, really dont like it lol.
but fuck, if youre staying the whole night with them then youre fucking up anyways i guess. acquire tren imminently.
DISREGARD SIDES, ACQUIRE HORMONES
i would purchase six more shirts if this guy could somehow be a regular contributor to sywh.
^this is an important comment
I would swoon like a Tumblrslut who brushed against Austin Carlile’s leg if I could get gh15 to post on SYWH!
That video. I fucking love that one dude doing leg presses, trying his best to ignore the two mutants flexing in the mirror right in front of him.
What’s wrong with just being lean ‘n mean?
That feel when I did that exact workout this morning, but without the use of steroids.
How was your sauna?
Not too bad, enjoying myself in ThailaHNNNGGGGGGG
ahaha well played
As a dedicated getbig lurker, this is easily my favorite SYWH post of all time.
‘natural bb = lol’
What made you quit doing MMA and start bodybuilding?
Also, I recall you mentioning in a podcast that you go running. I always heard that this was bad for bodybuilding (n00b question)
im not a bodybuilder lol, i’m like 180 lbs. i just want to look aesthetic, and cardio is important for cutting!
i wish i would still do mma, i just dont have time due to work :(
I’ve heard that lots o’ running drops t-levels.
Could be wrong, but HIIT is better for cuts and size instead of running. Do Prowler sprints, barbell complexes, battle ropes, etc. Get on the swole patrol, brah!
y u think ‘running’ doesn’t include HIIT?
Semantics, I s’pose.
I think of running as being more distance oriented, as in anything more than a mile at a moderate pace. Whereas sprinting shorter distances at maximal effort (while still the act of putting one foot in front of the other quickly which is, in essence, running) is more HIIT and physique friendly, if we’re strictly talking bodybuilding-esque aesthetics and t-levels. Stuff like hill sprints, Tabata sprints, suicides… (suisides?)
Either way, any running is better than no running, and I enjoyed this post maybe a little too much.
i used to do a lot of HIIT stuff when i was training MMA (because distance running is basically useless for building fighting cardio), it’s ridiculously brutal. i need to get back into it…
want 2 no how tall u r bruhbruh, trying to set goals for myself. 170 seemed reasonable, but I def want to look like I could slap someone’s shit, tired of being “slim” as opposed to “muscular”
i’m like 6′ tall, so i look skinny as fuck @ 180. wood like to get up to 200~ @ 8% but not sure if it’s worth the ‘supplements’ it would take to get there and maintain it.
Did anyone else read the title in the Terminator voice?
Alta la vista gh15
The thing about these guys who start cycling some hormone cocktails after 1 to 3 years of by the numbers strength training because some top level guys do is that they don’t understand that the top level guys would be pretty impressive either way. They aren’t big strong lean guys because of some genetic potential bullshit, but because they work their fucking asses off and have been for years and years so they have an acutal base built up. They didn’t eat 50 big macs a day and drink gallons of chocolate milk for a month then pop some magic pills to look cut out of stone. They started off as modestly as anyone else and gradually improved their strength and by default, gained some size and definition by pushing themselves and figuring out what kind of lifts they especially enjoyed or were good at and worked the shit out of them. If you don’t believe me, look up Marvin Eder, John Grimek or Reg Park. They were all pre-steroids, and they were all every bit as strong as they looked.
no offense dude but this couldn’t be more wrong… genetics play a HUGE role in your physique. Look up the literature: there is tremendous variation in how individuals respond to calorie restriction, how protein synthesis is affected by resistance training, and how you respond to hormones. For example, how many random black dudes playing basketball in the park are fucking shredded despite eating nothing but potato chips and grape soda?
They didn’t eat 50 big macs a day and drink gallons of chocolate milk for a month then pop some magic pills to look cut out of stone
do u even tren/gh/slin? that is EXACTLY how they get huge, followed by a bunch of clen/var/diruetics to get into contest shape.
“do u even tren/gh/slin? that is EXACTLY how they get huge, followed by a bunch of clen/var/diruetics to get into contest shape.”
Obviously I don’t dude. Not OCD about food either. Look, I’m not saying any guy can look exactly like Steve Reeves, but if you’re convinced that, outside of looking like a mutant, hard work, focus and adaptation is/was less of a factor than genetics and clen or tren or you can’t have even some modest ab definition without cycling designer hormones, then the internet lifter mentality is getting out of hand. I’m not going to bash SCIENCE, but it’s really hard to compare double blind tests performed in a controlled environment to real world training full of environmental variables and where the training variations are only limited by your imagination.