Music videos are really short if you think about it. Less than five minutes is not a lot of time if you want to get a good plot in, which is why most music videos do not have a plot or at least not a good one. But some bands have a great plot, they just waste time with other unimportant shit. Which brings me to this video from April 2011 I just stumbled on…
At first I was like, oh its just them in a garage with really cheap cuts to the singer bro singing by himself (and a few to the other singer bro who looks like Mark Hoppus‘ son singing by himself). Standard band on a budget basic music video, I get it. But then it cuts to them rolling a dude in a shopping cart at the local Meijer, and I’m like, is this gonna be a zany hanging out with bros video? They do have a bro in a trunk and a Darth Vader mask for no reason. But then HALFWAY through the song it turns into the PG-13 EASYCORE PARTY video that I definitely would have wanted to see for an extra two minutes. And because they wasted so much time, all the major plot points are rushed.
They have to quickly introduce the only fat dude as the total douchebag character by just being fat, having a dumb greasy short haircut, and taking a bro’s drink and ‘acting all tough’, establishing him as the villain with no redeemable qualities that stands by himself cause no one likes him and they’re pissed he showed up. Then they immediately introduce the chill bro whose girlfriend is the only really hot girl at the party. Props to the editing bro for cutting out any clear shot of a girl over a 5. Next thing you know the fat asshole has won over the hot chick with a single head nod, and the chill bro punches his face when he sees his girl kind of touching his shoulders. Leads to a perfect a sync up with the ‘Payback’s a bitch, bitch’ breakdown line, and hot girl just shrugs and accepts that now she is with a fat asshole loser for the rest of her life and no longer has any friends. A harsh lesson learned. But it could’ve been so much better!
The hot girl could have been disappointed in the chill bro in the beginning for like forgetting their anniversary or something, the douchebag bro could have been invited by her in a ploy to make him jealous and ‘really appreciate her’, and he could have gotten thrown over the fence by everyone at the party’s combined hate for his douchebag ass after getting his face punched in. An ending where the girl and guy get back together would have made a lot more sense, but its clear from the bitter lyrics that the dudes in the band wanted her to suffer (AKA be with the fat asshole loser guy forever oh man do I hate him). Could have at least flashed to the future where she’s miserable rubbing his fat feet while he’s on the couch eating chicken wings and the chill bro is having a threesome with multicultural girls. Would have that message hit home lot harder. So many possibilities, so much wasted potential, so much hope for an hour long TV special on Nickelodeon (where instead of fighting they talk out their differences). If only those band bros didn’t get all up in the way of this beautiful story with their little garage practice and grocery store shenanigans :(
Would you watch this tale of betrayal stretched out for another forty minutes (plus commercials)? Whose idea was it to waste so much time dickin’ around with the band when they had that great plot written up? Should that hot bitch have reacted more than a little shrug when called a bitch and ditched by every single one of her friends for one fat loser? Don’t you just fucking hate that guy? ughhhh, wish that fight scene was longer. Its so cute how they just bought bottled water.