We’ve covered the difference between the crappy girls who are only smashable and the awesome ones who are wifeable, but this thread on the SYWH forum raised a great point: if you’re a wifeable girl, it’s pretty fucking hard to find a husbandable dude! A couple anons on Tumblr have asked me about the same thing, so I figured it was worth a post.
I talk shit on girls a lot, because it’s funny and SYWH’s readers are 99.9% socially-awkward males, but make no mistake: girls are more evolved than guys at any given age, and dudes are far from perfect. Hopefully this will help the 3.5 ladies who read SYWH find the right guy, and help the rest of the SYWH sausage-fest evolve into husband-type dudes! Please note that when I say ‘husbandable’ I don’t literally mean ‘get married,’ I just mean ‘dudes who are ready, willing and able to be in a real relationship and can make a wifeable girl happy.’
The easiest way to explain things is, as always, with a chart. As I see it, there are essentially 6 kinds of guys at this age, only ONE of which is husbandable:
BETAS: We have discussed these guys endlessly on SYWH, so I’ll assume you know the drill. They may someday evolve into husband-type guys, but as long as they are whiny betas, they are too weak to handle a real relationship.
DOUCHELORDS: Dudes who are pretty much just interested in stabbing the guts of as many randoms as possible. Nothing wrong with that, but they are not husband material for obvious reasons (ie, they will cheat on you with your sister because she has bigger tits). Any band dude whose fanbase consists mostly of girls probably falls into this category.
Replace with picture of sweaty guy with guitar and ‘plays shows for high school girls, 25 years old’ and you have a portrait of most band dudes
LOSERS: You know that guy who is like 23, rides the bus to his part-time job at Subway, and spends his free time (which there is a lot of) smoking shitty weed with high school kids? That’s this guy, and I’m pretty sure you already knew you didn’t want to date him.
WEIRDOS: See above, only instead of smoking weed he collects anime figurines, tells everybody he’s going to move to Japan to teach English, and is a mod on the Gamefaqs Virtual Boy forum. I’m picking on weeaboos because they’re an obvious example of grose weirdo dudes, but there are many other weirdo-type males you may encounter during your quest for husband material (IMNs, comic book nerds, record collectors, and basically people who collect anything)
Don’t be fooled by his child-like, cuddly demeanor– the manchild is just as un-husbandable as the most weak, disgusting beta! You might as well just date your little brother.
MANCHILDREN: Pay close attention to this category, because it describes a whole lot of dudes that appear like they’re husbandable but are anything but! The manchild is essentially a guy who has his shit together enough that he seems to be adult, but is still 14 inside (and not in any of the good ways, like thinking dick jokes are hysterical). Picture every character Jason Segel has ever played: the manchild is more interested in his hobbies and hanging out with his friends than he is in a relationship, and only barely capable of taking care of himself. This means he will view his girlfriend as one part annoying obligation, one part mom– what a combo!! The manchild is a good guy, but until he evolves into independent-type male and is ready to put you ahead of poker night and his band, he just isn’t husbandable.
NORMAL DUDES: If you’ve gone through all of the above categories and none of them seem like a good fit for your dude, then congratulations! He’s probably just a normal dude, which means he is husbandable. The tricky part is that a lot of girls don’t notice normal dudes because, well, they are just normal- the same reason dudes often overlook wifeable girls in favor of attention-seeking bishes. What you want to look for is a guy who has a good job but doesn’t let work control his life, has friends but doesn’t have to hang out with them every single night, is supportive but not clingy, and basically just has his shit together. If that sounds ‘boring’ to you, then you probably aren’t wifeable yet and should just be prepared to spend a few more years get effed by douchelords until you grow up.
Bros, which type of guy are you?? Ladies, which guys do you find yourself dating??? Why don’t people realize how much manchildren suck??