PORTRAIT OF A MUSICFAG

swans

Feel liek SWANS may be the ultimate musicfag band, because I have literally never even heard of a non-shithead who likes them? I have akshually never listened to SWANS (srs) because everybody I ever heard sing their praises was an unbearable ass hole and I decided it was better to leave them unheard. Also, ‘low bit rate.’

About Sergeant D

I was like yeah ok whatever
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110 Responses to PORTRAIT OF A MUSICFAG

  1. aaron m says:

    i like swans but that picture is funny.

  2. wilk-money says:

    this reminds me of myself at parties except I wish i was at home listening to hatebreed :(

    • TLDR says:

      THIS x a million. And i DGAF about clothes.

      But seriously, why am I so shitty? I even know I’m this way, and even knew if before seeing this comic.

      MUST

      FIX

      SELF

    • Anonymous says:

      I’d rather be moshing syndrome. Sometimes I just wait in vain for a shitload of wasted losers to storm the place, play some terror and get hurt.

  3. blablub says:

    not wanting to sound like the “ultimate musicfag”, but you should give swans a try, they’re actually really cool….

    • Godeye says:

      oh so u like emmure and adtr? I think u mite also liek merzbow, theyre p cool

      • I don't get it says:

        i like merzbow and swans but I can’t recommend them. if you can relate to/enjoy that music I feel bad for you, cuz it means you’re weird.

        • Chillin' says:

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlGh_okr5nI

          The amount of nuance and different layers of sound are the ultimate manifestation of sophisticated hearing. If you can’t even find the different layers of the sounds of a washing machine with a brick on it, you’re not worthy of listening to music!

          #TeamSophistication

        • AndySixxBitches says:

          I’ll jam to Merzbow any day.(Read: Listen to him on youtube and pretend to like it so I feel leik a deep person) Swans just sounds like pretentious bullshit.

          • Swamprock says:

            Nothing says cool like the sound of a chainsaw going through a bathtub. I dig Merzbow and his 27492831412374098209143 released recordings, though. Srs.

        • aaron m says:

          ha ha ha i relate to swans because every day of my life is pain ha ha ha

    • SexHaver1987 says:

      I just listened to them – D, don’t do it.

    • Martin Regnen says:

      OK, I’ll admit “God Damn The Sun” is one of the funniest songs ever, and I can’t even tell if it’s intentional or not.

    • The shape of Crabcore to come says:

      Swans are the most unintentionally highlarious band evr. With the possible exception of the Fall, who are just full retard.

  4. SirCaresALot says:

    Low bit rate? Lolwat?

  5. Jayson says:

    2/10 on the butthurt scale @ low bit rate. I care enough about that shit to have written this comment.

  6. nimplysaked says:

    Portrait of my laif, except replace Swans with something non-shitty :-(

  7. AXERIPPERX says:

    Swans 2 deep 4 u Sarge?

  8. Martin Regnen says:

    100% accurate. At shows, the same guy thinks he deserves to be on that stage sooo much more than the band who’s playing, because they don’t have real talent and only stupid sheep like them.

  9. ub3rmusicf@g says:

    Srsdoe. Sworns is gewd. Picture minds myself of me at porties accept I porty lotz nd enjoy stills while listens to sworns. Lerv.

  10. lol /mu/ comics

    sarge what are your thoughts of Neutral Milk Hotel and they’re fans? jus wanderin

    also
    >2012
    >Abercrombie
    >ISHIGGDIY GIGGIDY

  11. snores says:

    >listening to music
    >2012
    I shiggy diggy wiggy biggy

  12. Ben says:

    This pretty funny lol’d at low bit-rate
    Tbh most the people I know who are like that are unbearable weaboos who only listen to the soundtracks to Ghost in the Shell and other anime films. Most people I know (IRL) who like arty pretentious music like Swans and Edward Ka-Spel are super laid back and not judgemental at all.

    • Swamprock says:

      Those of us that like shit like Swans, Angelo Badalamenti, and other artfag music are generally musicians who like all sorts of shit, and yes… mostly laid back, but only because we all smoke too much bud.

      I wouldn’t exactly call it pretentious music. What are they pretending? I think that term has become generic for “artfag”…

      • Ben says:

        Ok I can see how you might disagree with me on that. I’d say that even though Swans make some alright music they’re pretending a greater sophistication to it than’s really there, particularly in their older material.

        • Swamprock says:

          Good point. I didn’t get that from their earlier stuff, but I can see how one could, I suppose. I went back and listened to their first two albums. It’s not exactly complicated material, and I can hear a bit of that “trying to be complex, but wind up just being different for different’s sake” thread running through it. Well taken.

  13. GG Allin says:

    lold irl @ “low bit rate”
    also longtime swans fan
    not sure how to feel about this :(

  14. Briggzy says:

    thought swans was dead swans at first, and i actually like them so i was about to reconsider if i was a fgggt :S close one!

  15. Midas Welby says:

    Swans = the ultimate example of a band not sounding nearly as good or as threatening as musicfag journalists making them out to be.

    • Bronson says:

      That’s mostly because musicfags draw from a closed circuit of acceptable bands to listen to. For example, it’s “cartoonish” or “contrived” when it’s post-recordcollector hardcore or DM, but some art faggot yelling over thumping noises and tape loops is “oppressive and frightening”.

  16. Tom says:

    “that feel when superior patrician” is fucking awesome. I haven’t heard that word since my 11th grade Latin class…

  17. Brah McBrodown says:

    this reminds me of myself at parties except I’d be drunk, partying and generally not acting like the guy in the comic. Also I like swunz :( do I like cock now?

  18. Isaac says:

    swans is fecal. thanks for reminding me to delete them off my hard drive

    • eurotrash says:

      Exceptionally worded. Last year I succumbed to the musicfag hype and out of curiosity dl’d their discography (but never listened to any of the songs) and went to see them live. Cue boring tuneless banging of instruments, felt like it was a mockery of all I held good and lovely in music. You could argue that, in a way, they succeeded in their artistic mission via making the listener feel more miserable than the artist / perpetrator. I felt as if I was ten and a disgusting pervert had touched me or something.
      So I left before the encore and deleted everything Gira-related off my hard drives. I can only recommend listening to the Swans if you’re still in your ‘I want to experience things’ phase, otherwise it is to be avoided like an HIV-infected exhibitionist pedophile crack-addict molester at a playground.

      • Brodiak says:

        “I can only recommend listening to the Swans if you’re still in your ‘I want to experience things’ phase, otherwise it is to be avoided like an HIV-infected exhibitionist pedophile crack-addict molester at a playground.”

        Back tard. In my pre-chill days, I covered a couple of their really old songs – it’s some miserable shit. I also read Gira’s book, The Consumer, and the stories are similar to that last sentence of yours.

  19. TWO STACKS says:

    DYING

  20. nyk3 says:

    Listening to Satisfaction is the Death of Desire now. So good.

  21. breadwolf says:

    brb. Listening to Swans while wearing my Emmure basketball jersey and HS lax shorts.

  22. beholdthesharktopus says:

    I’ve never listened to Swans but I really like Poison Idea. Feelsbadman.jpg, will never share that fact with anyone but my other musicfag friends.

    • beholdthesharktopus says:

      I just associate those with each other because Napalm Death cited those two bands as influences, no idea if they sound similar or not.

      • Inmyheadache says:

        Poison Idea is the greatest, no need to be ashamed. Pig Champion RIP.

        Also, not to sound like a fruit, but when I got a vinyl copy of Pick Your King (not bragging haha) it sounded way better than the cd I had of it (the greatest hits or early years or whatever). It didn’t sound more warm or organic or any shit like that, but it definitely sounded more raging.

      • Swamprock says:

        A few Napalm tunes here and there. Mick Harris used to name-check them all of the time. I think there’s at least one dirgy song on pretty much all of their albums. Contemptuous from Utopia Banished and Evolved As One from Enslavement are a couple that come to mind…

  23. Walker says:

    THat picture is GPOY of me 3 years ago, albeit a slightly more fun version. I would stay away from Swans if i were you, theyre a big deal amongst the “decibel core” type of IMN because they were influential for noise rock/Godflesh/napalm death and their later stuff was sad old man Americana folk. I think they’re sweet, but they’re literally the exact opposite of what you like.

  24. TLDR says:

    OK, how low of a bit rate are we talking? Because I actually like Sublime, but don’t want to hear them in like 64 kbps where the cymbals are all weird. Then again, this hasn’t happened since like 2005.

    • Godeye says:

      Amazon and iTunes sell at 256k, eMusic sells pretty high-bit VBRs, any non-shitty torrent is 320k, and LimeWire is dead; really, low bitrate is a non-issue unless the guy really fucked up his settings and ripped a CD at 48k.

      • TLDR says:

        Yeah, this is what I figured. In that case, I don’t know what musicfags problem is with bit rates

        • Chillin' says:

          To be honest, I can usually spot the difference between a 256kpb and 320 kpb. There’s something about 256 that’s just a bit off from what my mind thinks it should sound like. Anything after that though is pretty useless. Doesn’t round out the sound, it just…adds more nuance to w/e you’re listening to and usually it doesn’t matter since most people are doing stuff while listening to music, not shutting themselves in a sound-proof cage where you can identify the difference.

          Not to mention, your expenditures are insane once you want to listen to anything beyond 320kbp. Minimal gain, huge social cost. You’re essentially paying to become a cunt.

  25. shrek says:

    my favorite part of this image has always been the rick owens/gothninja fit
    as an aside i wood be interested in sarge’s thoughts on gothninja since he has a pretty keen sense for design and aesthetics
    plz take a trip to stylezeitgeist and respond

  26. Inmyheadache says:

    It definitely sucks to be like the dude in the picture, but plebs is such a great insult.

  27. AetherJake says:

    strong feels on “hair too long 2/10 wood not bang”

  28. Fuck fuck FUCK, Sgt. D WHY? I was feeling chill, until I saw this. Now I feel like I’ve got to find some fggt talking about Death Cab For Cutie or Dandy Warhols or some shit & just get a running start and !BAM! just fucking sucker-punch him. ALL YOUR FAULT. NOT COOL BRO.

  29. bob says:

    don’t hate on swans without investigating, their output is so diverse there’s something for everyone. even if you don’t like the early stuff, albums like Children of God and White Light From the Mouth of Infinity are really good and interesting. sorry if that makes me a an asshole but I do like swans.

  30. Zayresbro says:

    There really are people like this, they need to be around others to feel superior, and their presence is tolerated because they can express their superiority by pitching in a superior share of the pizza tab.

  31. Honestabebread says:

    Fruity Loops 10 and Reaper can export audio at like 350 and 450 bit rate. Shit is retarded.

    Also, one time in high school this IMN was like “Yo John did you check out Cradle of Filth?”
    And I was like, “Yeah man they were decent I guess.”
    and he was like, “Dude you probably just got a shitty rip. Try to find one that’s 320″
    I was like, “Dude they just aren’t good…”

  32. jake says:

    “lukewarm opinion guy” here and i’m sure EVERYONE is looking for another comment on their take on this band…swans is pretty much a mediocre, sometimes enjoyable band that got a lot of undeserved critic praise. they’re basically the star wars of music.

  33. Midas Welby says:

    There hasn’t been enough praise in these comments for the palatte swaps for the hot pleb bitches.

  34. CallPastorJerkface says:

    The only Swans I own is “Filth” which I do like but very rarely listen to.

    It can be super fun loving terrible rock music as long as you remember it’s terrible and that you should be embarrassed for liking it.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s late and I need to clear the room.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKX9uwTxUNM&feature=related

  35. Nightshift says:

    I like The Great Annihilator. I think it would’ve made a good soundtrack for a mid-90s Cronenberg movie that I would hear people rant and rave about but I would never actually watch.

  36. Floss says:

    swans kinda changed a bit over the years.. I like children of god as it’s a blend of what they were and what they became. I like the brutal stuff more than the dour stuff.

    I have no problem being a music fag. I love neutral milk hotel as much as I love suffocation.

  37. AetherJake says:

    Legit fuck you sarge for sparking my curiosity to go look at a youtube video for swans and then read the comments and die of rage

  38. mayonnaise says:

    cop was high school music for me so I’m pretty much never gonna not like swans

    • Wigger Alley says:

      Srs my senior year lol.

      Not going to lie Swans is really pretensious if you look at their frontman Michael Gira. Total prick. “do not mosh or haedbang, stand awkwardly for 2 hours!” (He actually said this in an interview).

      • i don't get it says:

        his side project ‘the angels of light’ or something is really lame as well, it was like an acoustic version of swans.

        the filth is still cool tho

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