Hello, attractive reader of SYWH. Are you too successful in your daily life? Do you sexually storm the genital castle of anyone you desire? Do you have your shit well and truly together?! Are you tired of drowning in respect, money, and pussy?! (man pussy if you’re a lady, I guess…mussy) If your answer to all of these questions was a resounding “who are you?” well then let me be your guide to a world that will thunderfuck the shit out of your boring, happy life: tabletop gaming!
Hero Quest
Stay away, girls!
Hero Quest is the gateway drug into tabletop gaming; at least it was for me. It is the foreplay to further geekery…the clumsy teenage handjob, if you will (Clumsy Teenage Handjob is the name of my pornogrind band BTDubs).
SadFact: I definitely played this game by myself in the basement when I was a child because my “normie” friends weren’t interested. My parents were probably super stoked on what a winner I was absolutely going to turn out to be.
Good luck finding this game anywhere besides eBay. Be ready to pay out the ass for it. However, it would totally be worth the price. Hero Quest is a stripped down version of Dungeons and Dragons (which I REFUSE to put in is post!). You rock whatever pre-made class you want and then rage with some of your best bros, slaying skeletons and goblins amidst high fives and and crucial MtnDew slams.
Looking back, this game was pretty advanced level as far as RPGs aimed at children went. You had to DM each campaign via setting up the rooms, objects, and monsters. You were definitely rolling for damage: rolling a “skull” on the die was good! The game came with character sheets that required you to track your stats, items, etc. I believe that I kinda just said: “fuck it” to the pre-made quests most of the time and just went on monster hunts. How did my parents not just drive me out into the country, throw a copy of TMNT: The Arcade Game out into a field, and then drive off when I gave chase?
Wizards of the Coast released some Dungeons and Dragons board games in the past few years and they are essentially the spiritual successor to Hero Quest. When I found this out, I definitely installed the cum app if you know what I mean (I came a bunch). If you want to have some nerdy fun with some friends, yet don’t want to go full on Sweatpants, I can’t recommend the DnD board games enough. They’re well made, super balanced, and a great way to dominate a Saturday night. Just make sure you hide them away in the closet lest your GF think you’re a pedo. If she finds them though, that’s cool. By then you should already have the clown mask on and the door to your Silence of the Lambs basement wide open.
Munchkin/other card-based games
Upon playing, target has 30% – 50% chance to contract condition: Theatre Major
I never really played a whole lot of card-based RPGs because they kind seemed like playing “just the tip” with a human lady. If you’re going to go at all, you might as well go the whole way. As that practice has lead me to no less than 7 paternity suits dick-wise, so to will it lead you to much more fulfilling tabletop endeavors game-wise.
Munchkin (and to a lesser extent, its 8,000 spin-offs), stands out as being a mildly entertaining cooperative/competitive nerdy card game. It is best deployed if you’re going to hang out with some normie, yet dork-sympathetic friends due to the game’s light RPG nature, humor, and the fact that it’s easy to learn. You can chuckle to yourself and pop rad boners inside your Symphony X sweatpants as you, and you alone revel in the brilliant satire that Munchkin levels at the “traditional RPG.” Plus, if you’re good at it/lucky, you can troll the shit out of your friends until you drive them all away. Speaking of no friends…
Magic: The Gathering
Tee hee! Aren’t I quirky?!
Pppppppppppbbbbbbbbbbhhhhhhhtttt
Risk/Axis&Allies/other strategy insomnia cures
zzzzzzzzzzzzz….
I tried playing Axis & Allies once and it put me to sleep so fast that I woke up screaming “rape!” because I was positive that was about to happen because I’ll be damned if strategy games aren’t roofies. Surprisingly, my tender bottom wasn’t decimated, but, in hindsight, that might have been preferable to the 2 hours of “sweet shit, I don’t care, take my land!” that followed.
Are strategy board games right for you? If you fall under any of the following categories, yes, yes they are:
- 35+ white male
- a white male with liberal-leaning interests (metal, horror movies, comics, etc.) yet consistently votes Republican
- a white male who self-identifies as a Libertarian and can keep a straight face
- you watch Band of Brothers at least once a year…oh and you’re a white dude
So there you have it. Strategy games are racist. Proved it. Science.
Warhammer 4Billionz/Warmachine/War…stuff
Every heavy metal album cover happening at once.
Do u even paint miniatures, bro?
Most people know Warhammer as “the game that ripped off Gears of War” or “that Bolt Thrower album.” However, Warhammer is way down the rabbit hole of geekdom. If Hero Quest was handjobs, Warhammer and its ilk are feverish missionary followed by advanced-level “butt stuff.” A hybrid of RPG attention to detail and strategy’s rock-paper-scissor combat, Warhammer goes hard in the “nerding the fuck out category. Bros can get CRAZY when it comes to accessorizing. Both cringe-worthy and awesome at the same time, all the set pieces, scenery, and units you can drop money on is staggering. Personally, I absolutely LOVE all the attention to detail that goes into the miniatures and landscapes for these types of games. I dig the art style of the Warmachine figures more than I do Warhammer; sacrilege, I know!
Warning: If you are going to get into Warhammer, make sure your significant other is ok with a ton of nerd shit lying around the house. The more organized you can get all the figures etc. and the classier you can display all the stuff, the better. Nothing kills the nesting instinct faster than: “No! You can’t put a breakfast nook there! That’s where my Blood Ravens live!!1! You totally have to brace yourself for the stigma and prejudice that comes with having a nerdy hobby that has immediately quantifiable evidence of how much you’re into it. Luckily, this shouldn’t be a problem with wifeable/husband able people (yet you need to beat an AC of 18 to not have it be an absolute deal-breaker for dumb, gutstab-and-forget fodder). Just remember: moderation, maturity, responsibility. With those things in mind, you can meltagun the shit out of some orks without having to sacrifice ever touching someone else’s genitals again.
There is no real efficient way for me to even describe how you play this game within the confines of this post so here are two videos that will get you well on your way!:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpH7jGrXlTQ&w=640&h=360]
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PXaEUwAZSc&w=640&h=360]
Dungeons and Dragons
Tee hee! I was just kidding earlier about not mentioning this game (I’m a rascal!). Dungeons and Dragons is the granddaddy of all things RPG. If you haven’t heard of it, you aren’t human. Every RPG you have played on your Gamebox 540 has been influenced by D&D in some way. The main appeal of the game is how much it requires you to use your imagination and to BECOME your character. One of the coolest things that D&D changed my perception of is “what motivates my character?” Most video games have a pretty laughable black-and-white morality system that engages you, mentally, as far as: “well, I’m gonna kill those orphans because I want to unlock the achievement for ‘baddest guy of all the guys’ or whatever-the-fuck.” If you have a Dungeon Master worth a damn, they will make sure you play your character within their alignment and according to your stats. For example, say you’re someone like myself: a smooth-talking, witty sonofagun in real life yet you are playing a character with a charisma of 5. It doesn’t matter how many quips you can come up with to jibe the innkeeper with, your character is an AIDSy hobo that knows two words: “mudrape” and “mungthrust.” Basically, the game engages you and challenges you to truly ROLE PLAY.
Finding a solid band of bros to quest with can be a bit tricky, especially if you are some in their late 20′s/early 30′s looking to get into gaming. Many local comic shops will have “tabletop gaming nights.” You could luck out and find some age-appropriate, casual players looking to start a campaign as well as guide you gently through your first time, but chances are you’ll find walking Aspergers case studies who have no time for newbies and they’ll turn you off immediately from ever playing D&D. Constant vigilance, friend! My advice is to try and get your friends in on it. The D&D board games I mentioned earlier are a great gateway drug. Playing with friends is always better than playing with strangers, anyway. The biggest hurdle you’ll face, being a group of new players, is that someone is going to have to step up and be the Dungeon Master. This can be intimidating but it is not impossible. Also, D&D can be as simple or as complex as you want it to be; you can play at a pace that is comfortable for you. No nerd with eczema and a “witty” Snorg Tees tshirt is going to bust into your house and give you a citation for “playing wrong.” If I do show up, don’t worry, you could TOTALLY beat me up.
lost it at mudrape and mungthrust
New favorite words = FOUND
My major in college was Word-Creating Wonderstorm-ery with a minor in Parent Disappointment.
Congrats, as your DM, I have awarded you 2 skill points to dump into whatever skill class you desire.
1. All my high school friends were huge into 40k; I never really found it THAT fun to play, honestly. Kinda boring, and 0 Roleplaying behind the battles.
2. Played munchkin a couple times, not quite my cup of tea
3. Magic was the shit, haven’t picked it up in a while tho. Also blew too much of my parents money on it, I kinda feel bad looking back :(
4. D&D is fucking SWEET, no fux given! Though I’d say it’s ONLY as good as the people you’re playing with, especially the DM. So if youre with a bunch of weird nerdy virgins instead of your close buds who are open to new shit… well thats like, your problem, man I feel like most everyone I know grew up in the “lord of the rings” generation and are at least open to the idea of D&D. I’ve had awesome early college memories hanging around our dorm common room all night, drinking pop and eating chips, going ballistic over critical hits and fucking with random NPC’s. Good times, man.
Tip: try playing World of Darkness. Way more role-playing that d&D (my jam), and set it a modern, lovecraftian era. I’ve had INSANE memories with the shit my group pulled in that game.
1. Haha I’ve definitely played more of the Warhammer vidja games than I have the game proper (Space Marine and Dawn of War/10). There has always been the price gate/finding bros to also commit the money/time issues of ever really getting into it seriously.
2. Yep.
3. I stopped playing Magic around the Ice Age expansion (Magic did it before cool hipster cred plz?). I had an allowance still at that point and my parents weren’t down with letting me spend it on faggy wizard cards. I became angry that my friends who had more of a card budget beat me regularly. Lession in capitalism/10 via: “You don’t have the money to buy new cards –> you will have nothing that other people want –> you cannot trade if you have nothing worth trading –> you will wallow in magical poverty via not being able to dig out of the self-sustaining, self-defeating cyclical hole of not having rad cards”
4. All of this. I was lucky to find solid bros to campaign with. But I know the feel of dudes who want to get into it and just kinda being at the mercy of taking any port in a storm via playing with smelly dudes with strong, onion-breathed opinions at their local comic dispensary. But yes, having good people to play with is worth its weight in gold…or masterwork weaponry! Nerd reference! Can I write for Snorg Tees or ThinkGeek now or JInx?!?! —cum
I enjoyed this post immensely. Add me to your mailing list pls.
Oh god I play munchkin D:
This is a fucking awesome post, btw.
Love DnD. Nerd4lyf.
I like to play Munchkin every now and then, because it is pretty simple, but still strategic. I never win, doe. : (
My friends found a Cthulhu d20, and they were super into it. It had like a “sanity” stat that you had to keep in check. Sounded sweet, I wish I could’ve played. : (
Lolololol, this is one of those semi-uncommon posts where willing posters/commentators completely surrender their dubious “bro” persona in favor of admitting to immensely beta-tastic interests.
Anyway, I never really got into the table top RPGs as much. I get the appeal of the escapism, but the mechanics frustrated me, and I never really enjoyed having to stay in character. Tradable card games were always much more to my liking, and when I was younger I was way into Pokemon, Magic, and miniatures games that essentially behaved like TCGs (Mageknight and Heroclix). These days, I have very casually gotten back into Magic, but pretty much only at the behest of my girlfriend (srs), who also the only person I play with. IMO amongst hobbies and interests that will not get you laid, being into tabletop RPGs is much rougher than listening to super retarded wigger slam or retardo drone music because unlike being a secret wierd/stupid music nerd, it’s relatively easy to hide the evidence of your interests. Thats said, unless you happen to have an outlier girl who is actually already into that sort of RPG stuff, it’s best to bury that shit under your house until you are comfortable enough to fart around her, lest you quickly quash any chance of appearing remotely fuckable.
*it’s relatively DIFFICULT to hide evidence of being a tabletop game nerd. I couldn’t see what I was writing in the field as I was typing it :’(
Don’t get too ahead of yourself here man, I’m 100% weirded out by this post. I didn’t realize that this stuff existed. I mean, yeah, sure, I realized that the weird band kids who were always telling stories about how their rents almost caught them watching Hentai were up to SOMETHING involving a board game, but I never realized that D&D was so comprehensive–hell, to be honest, I never really knew quite what it was.
I first heard of Warhammer 40K a few weeks ago in the SYWH forums, but I didn’t realize how fucking gone that game is until I saw the videos. No kidding, that’s an insane amount of customization. Can’t believe people actually spend their time learning all these rules!
Not that I’ll judge anyone for liking this shit or anything. I just don’t “get” it and I probably want to keep it that way. As long as we can bro down and not worry about seeing any obnoxious Snorg T’s (srs, A+ work there), we can b bros 4 lyfe <3
PS: I did go through the mandatory 13 year old phase where I collected an insane amount of Pokemon Cards. No joke, have a bin full of them, been meaning to sell them somewhere and reclaim the money I spent on that shit. Never even learned how to play the game. "WHAT? I can't play my holographic Charizard right off the bat? wht the hell kind of stupid game is this? OKAY NEW RULES, any pokemon can be played whenever!"
classsic.. where we collect pokemon cards for such a long time that it gets a lil much even for us small kiddo’s with healthy materialism issues, (hell i even had some friggin japanese cards.. ffs) and then decide when we stop buying them that we’re gonna sell em all, in no time.
thus, years later, the same amount of cards is obviously still around somewhere ^^
would smash chick in baseball card dress
P sure those aren’t baseball cards! Not sheriff nerdbaiting or special snowflake, but agreed, smashndash worthy.
wood stab dem guts n make her cocksprung/10
She has the ability.
Yo bro, all cards look da same in the dark!
But yeah, despite raeging at mediocre girls nerd-baiting for attention/stomach glazing, still wood use Trample on dat puss, then sacrifice Baby to graveyard to summon Continued Money/Sleep/Independence Elemental.
Insufferable Nerd Bait Raeg/Still a Gash Acolyte kno dat feel.bmp
OH SHIT
oh man
I’m always calling the sleep elemental
I should give it a rest
Girl in card dress has ugly, turned in big toe/likely bunion issues. Wood not do.
I was obsesses with Warhammer 40k from age 8-13. Tyranids , Chaos, the artwork rules and Bolt Thrower all rule. Whilst slightly embarrassing, reading all that fluff and some of the corny novels improved my reading no end. Perhaps it made me into the scholar I am today…
I don’t give no fucks what anyone says, a lot of the Black Library novels are just straight-up Good Books, not just Good Enough By Tie-In Fiction Standards. Anything Dan Abnett writes is legit awesome, and the Horus Heresy is a LOT deeper thematically than critics give it credit for.
Sorry, I’m calling bullshit.
I tried SO HARD to get through Eisenhorn (I played a bunch of 40k as a kid, and thought the dawn of war games were awesome, so I didn’t have to be convinced about ‘the universe’), but by god that was /horrible/ fiction. Completely one sided characters, a bunch of uncorrelated action scenes that always one-upped each other and just a straight up not interesting story. I rarely get hate-y on anything, but that book annoyed the fuck out of me :( If it’d been ~150 page story it would’ve worked fine, but that tome of chopped up sequences wasn’t my cup of tea. Sorry :(
Also, let me just underline that I don’t have /anything/ against one-sided books at all (I love corny space-operas) or books with great action sequences (see ‘space-operas’) but Eisenhorn was just to ridiculous. Kinda like crank 2 was just /to/ much, although the basic idea is great!
‘sall good brah, it does undeniably go from moderately crazy to full retard in the span of the plot, but I really dig that aspect. Even though it’s set in “civilian” life, it still goes all-in with crazy daemon shit, Titans popping up out of nowhere and all manner of nonsense. It remains one of my favourite books outside the Heresy series, though I suspect the sequel Ravenor might dethrone once I read it through again. Ravenor is definitely all-out nuts in places, but waay less than Eisenhorn and generally the subtler of the two.
Def. looking forward to going through that one again, since I liked Eisenhorn better the second time around.
Also, lovin’ the fact that you’re pitching in here. I recall something about you saying those exact things in the tour bus last year and my dumbass self almost getting butt-sore over it :D
Haha my buddy was into all the Warhammer…them shits is too big to call books –tomes, Warhammer Tomes. They’re ridiculously big. Haha, I always wondered how someone could write THAT much about the Warhammer universe. Ah well, my bro seemed to like them. Also, can’t talk/10 because I totally read all the Gears of War books and most of the Halo novels. Hey, don’t judge, Karen Traviss can make you care about the dumbest of meatheads.
This post has scary good timing, my housemate just got his hands on D&D, and is bringing the rest of us along on his descent into utter nerdiness…but I’m down with that.
gooble gobble one of us one of us
A+ reference work
Real talk: I play a LOT of magic. Ive played consistently for 10+ years and now do so quite competitively, to the extent that I have gone to other countries for large tournaments. Ive dabbled in other nerdy stuff, but this one is obv my true nerdy obsession.
The reason why the author flippantly/jokingly dismissed MTG is because out of all of the nerdy tabletop games you can play, it is probably the most normal. given that the game is relatively easy to learn, it attracts lots of slightly nerdy (read: all) dudes and therefore puts some hardcore nerdz off (srs, at the old game store i used to play at there were a group of really weird nerds who basically refused to play magic because it was too mainstream). Although i was ashamed for years, i now pretty much dont care about telling friends about my hobby and most people are like “oh cool w/e”.
a group of really weird nerds who basically refused to play magic because it was too mainstream
NO CRIPPLING SOCIAL STIGMA ATTACHED? NOT GAMING.
Basically this. These people were a sad lot. They obviously had terrible social skills and were really awkward, but they somehow manifested it in a kind of nerd elitism- basically they feared and hated everyone who didnt spend all day playing $100 board games and card games that would go defunct after 18 months because no one else played them. I sort of felt sorry for them but most of them were kind of too far gone down the elitist nerd asshole path, like dogs that had been beaten until they are vicious even though all they wanted is to be loved.
A+++ analogy bro. I’ve met some sad cases too myself, but not that many, really.
I’m such a self-loathing geek/nerd/whateverthefuck; i hate my own. Everyone is so polarizing and discriminatory. You’d figure “outcasts” would band together but no, “you like a slightly different thing so not only is it time to not just politely ignore you, it is time to openly mock you!” So much so that I’m going to throw my hat in the ring right now via nerds are more judgemental and ostracizing than your average normie:
Normal person: “Oh, you play Magic? Ok well that’s kind of dorky but whatever.”
Level 10 Elite Nerd w/ variant paint Green Sweatpants: “U play Magic teh Gaythering!?! fuk u dumb jockaklbajdeiblergablergdevintownsend!”
Hipster nerds.
http://memecrunch.com/meme/5O9J/sywh
My main gripe with it, is actually how it is ludicrously expensive if you want to play competitively. Card prices for good cards, at least here in Euroland are through the roof. Buuuut it’s not like 40k is any better though :/
Did play it when I was a kid though. Just ended up liking 40k better, because of the deeper backstory and the added bonus of the creative outlet (painting, modelling, that stuff).
As soon as you want to play competitively it can get quite expensive, but if you know what you are doing you can make a large amount of your money back. The problem I’ve always had with 40k is that it is ludicrously expensive and time consuming, and its pretty much impossible to sell out. When they change the rules and you need to rebuild your army you have to pay through the ass!
40k does have a sweet universe, I like chaos and the tyranids.
Nail on the head. Your Detect Trolling roll succeeded. I don’t have anything against any of the stuff I made fun of in the article. For whatever lulzy reason, Magic is totally the Call of Duty of the tabletop world; the mnstrm game for commoners. Leave it to nerds to subdivide and segregate even further via creating their own, sad jock hierarchy.
Although, I do totally dislike the pay-to-win underlying foundation of CCG’s…unless you’re playing draft or something else that levels the playing field monetarily. I also stopped playing because I dislike being outsmarted. I don’t want to find out how truly stupid I am.
Wow. Just… WOW!
This article is so spot on it just HURTS! Even with implying that Magic: The Gathering is kinda ghey.
I’m a hardcore 40k for 12 years now. Love the game, love the stories even more. My favorite Sci-Fi setting, hands down.
Also, thumbs up for mentioning Bolt Thrower, and the innumerable brilliant quotes in this article. Makes me almost want to write a more in-depth article about the 40k background, for that special day where there is absolutely nothing new to post.
Ive always got the vibe that 40k is somewhat towards the normal side of things on the nerd spectrum. Is this true, or is it for weirdo recluses?
Well, I have met a few dudes who were really, really nerdy, but never really any that were genuinely unpleasant. What 40k and other tabletop games have going for them, is that you’re forced to leave the house to play it, ie. you need at least some modicum of social skills to do it.
My 40k buddies in my immediate gaming circle are all chill bros that I can just as easily go out and drink beers with and shoot the shit. Generally they’re just normal, well-adjusted people with a nerdier-than-average hobby. I think the real bad basket case aspies still reside mostly in online gaming.
This is a really good point– I haven’t played 40K since high school, but my 40K buddies back then were all punk/hc dudes who I also played in bands with, skated with, etc. 40K was just another thing for us to do, and we definitely laughed at ourselves for it.
There are definitely some far-gone, super aspie 40Kers, but the fact that it does require you maintain relatively long-term relationships with a group of other people in order to play it effectively excludes the real basement-dwellers. Unless they are the person who dedicates their basement to hosting an incredibly elaborate board full of incredible set pieces, and lets you borrow minis from their massive army, in which case you tolerate them (via buying your friendship).
I used to be into this shit (40k), but I quit when one day I went to the local gaming/hobby store and witnessed a 45+ yr old man red-faced arguing Pokemon rules with a child.
Fuck that.
Oh man I would have loved to see that. Textbook example of truly hitting bottom.
It was like…
NO. IT ENDS HERE.
For some reason the Japanese/anime hams attract the worst people in the world. IMO yugioh players are some of the worst people in the world- they all are either 12 year olds who act like they have fetal alcohol syndrome or creepy old guys who act like 12 year olds with fetal alcohol syndrome. I’ve spoken to a few game store owners about them and they agree that they are the worst. Constantly screaming and flipping out, never buying anything and stealing each others shit
My aspie flatmate used to compete at international level at the Pokemon card game, but he left when he found out that the winner of the tournament he was in, in excitement over his victory, shat himself and smeared it all over his hotel room, and he just went “I don’t want to be around these people anymore.”
My flatmate smells like a month-old racoon corpse, so when he says something’s gross, I believe him.
Wow…
Irony Combo Breaker via the culture these loud, rude, creepy water-heads fetishize is a culture of mostly polite, reserved, disciplined people.
Never really thought of that. Extra lulz were had, excellent work!
This shouldn’t be something that happens outside of one person/one occasion, but this breed of guy is EVERYWHERE. Humanity is swell.
Hey do u liek spess mehreens??+
pls rspnd
acually choas marine
^^lost it harder at these two than I have in a while
Cholos Marines
A lot of the more mnstream stuff is a ton more acceptable than it was 5 years ago. I caught one of my normal bros reading through DnD 4th Ed. Rule books during class last year and he was all sheepish about it, but I was like “iknowthatfeelbro.jpg” and he told me that he and his roommates started playing as a joke but they got into it.
exactly. i’ve spent many years of my life and probably thousands of dollars on all this shit (mostly D&D and white wolf games, but some 40K CSM shenans, and MtG when i was younger) and honestly, i don’t regret like any of it. i still spend a fuckton of time on it. it’s never really hindered my gutstabbing and most of the bros i’ve gamed with are relatively well-adjusted, funny dudes who are into similar music and shit. for me, going to shows and playing D&D literally involved the same exact group of people. it’s cool to hear other people are in a similar boat. THX 4 TEH VALIDATION.
Yeah, the guys I knew who were into 40K never took it too seriously. They consistently referred to the Warhammer club at school as the ‘Faggot Society’.
In my town we mostly refer to ourselves as “doll-pushers” or “doll-shovers”. Not sure how to translate best from Danish. But yes, self-irony really seems to be a huge part of this segment of geek culture, and I love it. So much less butthurt.
Yeah, when I played it none of the friends I played it with were super nerdy/weird. It was similar to playing Blizzard games, just something we enjoyed doing. God damn I blew some fucking money on it though.
But as far mainstream acceptance goes, you’re probably right that it goes towards the “normal side”, since the dawn of war games were very successful, as was Space Marine. This has led to a higher visibility, in any case. Also, the books of the Horus Heresy series consistently reach the New York Times bestseller list, and I’ve seen Dan Abnett books stocked in the most unlikely of places, so there’s that as well.
It’s still nerdy as fuck doe, no matter how popular it gets. I make no bones about that.
I used to 40k a bit when I was about 10 – 12. I bought some a couple years back because my friend is obsessed, he has like 3 different full armies, all painted and customized. Sad thing is his gf of 5 years just broke up with him so he’s gone down the path of Magic and now he’s bought a D&D set (i’ve been invited to play, i’m totally up for it)
I want to get back into 40k but its too expenssive (i’m trying to get rid of all this excess pussy, so im gonna nerd up). I love the video games Dawn of War though, so I’m still “with it”.
My buddies and I all used to play 40k from the ages of, like, 11-13, but then the double-whammy of Dawn Of War being cheaper, more fun and more socially acceptable and the upcoming discovery of boobs as an actual achievable thing drove us away. It’s almost a shame that it’s quite so lame, it’s the only sci-fi setting I’ve ever actually liked.
The Warhammer universe is fucking awesome. Kno that feel of wanting to geek out so hard yet wanting to have a lief.
Just like hardcore: the earlier stuff was way better, man!
I was into 2nd ed 40k when I was 8 (via ridic nerdishness), and it was much deeper and darker than the simplified fluff today (bar the novels, but the fluff is better when its not being used to try and make a coherent narrative).
Obviously I was down with Andy CHambers when 40k was just several notepads of Tolkien/ sci fi ripoffs. +100 basement points.
I really only ever played D&D once, it was back on one of my highschool summer breaks my friends invited me over for a campaign (long term bros, I never got into D&D with them before though) and it was a total blast.
The best part was the end of the campaign where it was relieved our DM’s character was a double agent and turned on us sending a large pirate ship directly up our poopchutes. While we were all flipping out over the twist our asssistant-DM (the DM was a bro currently in Florida on Skype) turned the laptop around to show that the DM had donned sunglasses and the Gendo pose while telling us to suck it. That motherfuckers face is burned into my brain from that day on.
I also gave away all my MTG cards in college and then like 3 months later my normal friends randomly all bought decks, fuckers.
That sounds fucking awesome. Creative DMs are a national treasure.
Due to Dexter’s Lab, Freak and Geeks, and Community episodes, I have always wanted to play a way intense game of Dungeons and Dragons with a bunch of huge nerds. But I know no friends lame enough to make it happen. :(
Same here
wood let you bro down with my group if geographically feasible/10
Do you even Arkham Horror, bro?
eh… that game ACTUALLY put me to sleep once
Absolutely bought the shit out of it but absolutely have not played it yet. One board game night, we’re usually rockin’ one of the D&D board games I mentioned. Arkham Horror will be cracked into soon enough though. Daddy loves him some Lovecraft/weird fiction.
I feel the need to give a shoutout to Risk:Legacy. I’ll agree that most Risk games bore the ever-living shit out of me, but Risk:Legacy actually has permanence of decisions. That is to say, 5 people play on a game board,but physically alter the board as they play, so each game follows on from the last, and so you can shape how the world changes, makes former strategic strongholds dangerously exposed, for example. It even has extra rules that only come into play once certain criteria have been fulfilled. It’s a board game where description of it necessitates spoiler tags!
Not to mention that you gain perks if you name cities and continents etc. so you can call them ‘DickPiss City’ or ‘Asstopia’ and giggle like a schoolgirl whenever you invade somewhere with a silly name.
In short, Risk=boring as balls, Risk:Legacy=fun and exciting as playing with your balls.
Will give it a try on board game night. If you are wrong, I’m coming for you armed with mustache kisses and snuggles.
Just a word of warning. Since you physically mark the board, once you start playing it you’re kind of committed to keep playing in that world. but that’s also what makes it awesome! A rash decision you made in Game 1 can bite you in the ass in Game 7. Similarly, you can get someone back for stabbing you in the back a few games later.
Are strategy board games right for you? If you fall under any of the following categories, yes, yes they are:
a white male who self-identifies as a Libertarian and can keep a straight face
you watch Band of Brothers at least once a year…oh and you’re a white dude
This is totally me… haven’t done a “true” tabletop strategy game before, but I would be 100% interested in it. I play a lot of pc strategy games (look under: Civilization, Victoria 2, Total War series, Sins of a Solar Empire) and enjoy the fukk out of just nerding out and getting super into my fictional country…
Sins is awesome. Love zooming in on individual ships in my huge fleet! (ugh, I cringed doe).
This thread invites talk of Starcraft (via nerdishness and similar to 40k sci fi). Starcraft 2 is srsly insanely addictive, I sit back after 5 hrs and think about the other great stuff I could be learning but damn it’s fun/ 1st world problems.
Blizzard = time thievez. Send the TimeCops after them.
Been waiting over a year for a SYWH bro to bring up SC2.
You play on NA server?
Disregard real life, acquire ladder points
Nah EU. I played it this morning .FML.
I get far too emotional about it, raging hard if I lose and getting pumped up if I win. If I lose I want to win a game to feel better, if i win I want to keep going. Starcrack!
I get far too emotional about it, raging hard if I lose and getting pumped up if I win.
I get far too emotional about it, raging hard if I lose and getting pumped up if I win.
Story of my life.
Sadly, I play on NA server, but when HOTS comes out with global play we’ll have to get a SYWH clan going.
What rank/league are you?
What kind of music would aspi-core be?
J-pop gets in a suckfuck sesh with swing music. Their chud baby would be aspi-core.
Prog/ tech-death. You know it brah.
Black Metal
hahaha
Nightwish, DragonForce, Danzig, The Conan The Barbarian soundtrack. Source(s): I played D&D with a huga ass-pie for years.
Nightwish is the EXACT thing, swear to god…
Def J-pop and anime soundtracks, as well as Zelda thrownin for good measure. Knew a faggot who was huge into that and D&D; gave the rest of us a bad name
I used to play pen & paper RPGs like Rifts and Car Warz. It was amazing. I wish I still had my books and characters. Juicers 4 lyfe!
Also played Hero Quest with my brother and neighbor for days when we were younger. Loved it.
Heroquest & TMNT: The Arcade Game = my lief 20 some yrs ago
fuck im gonna have to do a post on wow
Google -> “Symphony X sweatpants” -> no other results
I USE TO PLAY D&D AND MAGIC THE GATHERING
need
more dick p ix
no one wants to see that twisted root of sorrow.
Black Metal album title right there, boom.
Myron the strength of these recent guest posts. Mad jelly of your abilities, awesome work you guys!
I mentioned a bit of my RPG escapades before; I had hella fun even though I was on the surface totally not the prescribed demographic. I guess the reason I did so well was because even though I’m terrible at calculating stats, my omega level movie nerd knowledge made it easy for me to role play various kinds of characters for maximum fun output.
One time I was playing some savage worlds games where we had to stall some old west townfolk while my crew set up our vampire killin trap. With 8 beers and 3 whiskers in my I went on a 10 minute drunken harangue about vigilantes, vampire race war and justice being an amputee….I earned mad lvl ups for that one.
STACKIN’ LEVEL UPS LIKE JUNK MAIL. WHUTCHU FAG NIGGAS KNO BOUT SUM LEVEL UPS?
Srs doe, I’m with you in the “I’m really good at role playing and pretty average at other RPG elements” camp. I always had fun on fun if I chose a cool character to be.
Thanks bro. [engage dick sucking] I have a ton of respect for your fierce internet humor game, so that means a lot. I was super nervous about poppin’ my cherry with this post as everybody that posts on here is super, super funny. I hope to stick around for a little bit and bring some lulz while chillin’ with crucial bros. [disengage dick sucking]
And yeah, being quick on your head-feet with the dialogue is super rewarding in RPGs. It makes me want to dump points into charisma over the “jock categories” so I can be a suave, Joss Whedon-y type. Savage Worlds sounds fun as shit.
Loved the post. Loved reading about D&D (just started playing about a month ago), bummed by the diss on MTG :(
Never got in to all this gaming stuff (except for Pokemon/Yugioh cards when I was a kid) but I’m obsessed with Legos and involved in the huge Lego online community, though not too much these days due to college. You would be blown away by what some of these guys can do with some pieces of plastic
Lego fucking rules no matter what. Best toy ever made, for all ages.
Ridiculously good post, I love how long and detailed it is (srs).
This also ranks officially as the nerdiest post of all time on SYWH, even outdoing Sarge’s post on JRPG’s.
Your ability to give absolutely zero fucks about tabletop gaming nerdery inspires me.
My only criticism of this post is that it left out the part where Blizzard Entertainment was commissioned to make a warhammer 40k video game, then backed out at the last minute leaving Bliz with no choice but to change all the names and release the game as Warcraft, spawning the most profitable video game franchise of all time with no copyright strings attached. Lesson learned: disregard nerd cred, acquire mass capital.
Also DandD got basically turned into Diablo. Any D3 players here?
You mean Starcraft brah.
SC=40k
WC=standard warhammer
but the point still stands. Those two games are two of the biggest ever. Gutted GW.
Pleez google “Whorecraft”
I lost it at “That’s where my Blood Ravens live!” Ugh, man I was so into Warhammer 40k in high school. Way too many shitty fan fics……
Fun story:
I’m a relatively normal, slightly alpha guy, albeit one who is mega into 40k. If I’m ever going out on the town, or doing anything where there’s a chance I might bring a girl back, I always hide my warhammers, because I cba explaining what they are and sperging out in front of some chick I’ve just met and am trying to eff.
Once however, I remember when I was working in this bar, I had been chatting with this new girl working there, and after work she came home with me. Got halfway up the stairs before I remembered “fuck!, I’ve left out my paint station with 2 squads of eldar, and all my paints everywhere!”. Suddenly broke into a run up the stairs, leaving her confused behind me, and dashed in, didn’t turn the light on and as quick as I could bundled as much as I could onto the paint station and shoved it under my bed, just as she reached the door and said “what are you doing with the lights off”, turned the light on to catch me crouching by my bed looking suspicious as hell.
And there was still one dark reaper left on the desk looking at us with his little faggot grin…
Lost it. SO hard.
“one dark reaper left on the desk looking at us with his little faggot grin…” Pure fucking gold!
I’m a relatively normal, slightly alpha guy, albeit one who is mega into 40k.
Would have raged on this oxymoron if I didn’t know a jacked prison guard that was mega into this game too …
Been playing the living shit out of Arkham Horror lately. Doing battle with the original gangster Cthulhu? Sign me the fuck in!
Great article, but no coverage of euro boardgames? Thats basically all anyone plays now (via Rio Grande Games & other US importers…)
so what are SYWH’s thoughts on GURPS and other d&d-like games that aren’t d&d?
Damn i could only read the first 1 and a half paragraph, so boring, did a girl write this?
Pingback: SYWH Game Night! | STUFF YOU WILL HATE