I have an idea for a metalcore video (no homo)

Posted on June 5, 2012 by Sergeant D

Any other thoughts on what this bro’s semi-generic (read: rly generic) metalcore band can do for their video??

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About Sergeant D

I was like yeah ok whatever
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54 Responses to I have an idea for a metalcore video (no homo)

  1. VyceVictus says:
    June 5, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    FORTRESS WALLS MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SCALE THEM?
    This shouldn’t even be a question. FRTRSWLLZ2K12

    Reply
    • Martin Regnen says:
      June 5, 2012 at 5:05 pm

      I think only Euros really have fortress walls to climb tho.

      Reply
      • VyceVictus says:
        June 5, 2012 at 7:09 pm

        Depending on what state you are in, we have plenty of armories and fort remnants from the Revolution and Civil War times. As well as any number of fake castles rich people live in that these metalcore bros could crash.

        Reply
  2. Bardok says:
    June 5, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Shot 4 Shot remake of Dio’s Holy Diver.
    /thread.

    Reply
  3. Martin Regnen says:
    June 5, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Make a complete and blatant ripoff of Pati and Didi’s “Willi Willi Dance” video.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHZqjFAPKfo

    You can thank me later.

    Reply
  4. tickle says:
    June 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    BEER BITCHES BOX N’ BROS

    Reply
  5. XheartburnX says:
    June 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Just do it in the suburbs where you live. troo/roots/never forget the streets/dont sell out/upper middle class domicile core.

    Reply
  6. Mike says:
    June 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    What about like they’re playing in some abandoned looking something, and then there is also a sub-plot of like a decent looking blonde girl being chased by some killer or something?

    Reply
  7. Zoloft says:
    June 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    wear teletubbies costumes and then beat the shit out of eachother while drunk/on coke/both and film the process

    Reply
  8. Christian Jensen says:
    June 5, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    I back this idea immensely. Almost started writing 10-page treatment and extensive storyboard as soon as I saw on the tumblr.

    Reply
  9. Haystack says:
    June 5, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    Play soggy sayo and record it. Make sure the least cool guy wins in your band and the alpha loses.

    Reply
  10. eurotrash says:
    June 5, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    Assuming it’s melodeathcore we’re talking about it could be something like this (need more details):

    *opening shot
    Band members being zany alpha bros 4 life, the singer’s little brother hanging out with them, gets slightly ridiculed, hot bish teases him, hot bish’s awkward bff has a secret crush on him.
    Little brother wants to be like them big boys, gets peer pressured into doing something krayzee.
    *cut to shoddy alley
    Enter slightly inebriated but determined little brother, surrounded still by zany band members.
    *pan to shop front ROMERO’S TATTOO
    ->First dramatic high, cue breakdown, pan to hero’s face, close up: The Decision, little bro enters tattoo parlour
    *cut to tattoo chair
    Little bro + singer bro predator handshake
    *cut to tattoo being made: BAND LOGO
    * cut to celebration
    Brofists, happiness, hot bish ironic but hot kiss, bff gushing, partying
    * cut to BAND PLAYING
    * cut to bathroom
    Little bro is sick, expect him to throw up, throws up blood, starts to change
    * cut to bathroom door from outside, opening
    ->Second dramatic high, cue breakdown, pan to hero, full body shot then close up: little bro’s turned into a ZOMBIE
    * follow hero across club / dancefloor
    Little Zombie Bro terrorizes audince, tears apart hot bish, invades stage, slays band members, disfigures singer bro & turns him into a zombie
    * cut to bff
    Little bish still enamored with little zombie bro, they leave club holding hands.
    THE END

    Reply
  11. jake says:
    June 5, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    scientific illustrations of how a fart is formed, from ingestion of food to reactions of others smelling it.

    Reply
  12. Bronson says:
    June 5, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    THE ULTIMATE PARTY:

    Scene: One of the band members’ parents’ expensive house.

    + Start with scenes of people drinking, chatting, schmoozing with each other.

    + Cut to scene of somebody in the band doing lines of partially crushed (but unmilled) pepper.

    + More liqour, maybe some people bumping a few rails.

    + Dudes in the band start suiting up in jogging gear; short shorts, head bands, sun glasses, looking like they are getting hyped for a big race.
    > Instead, they each grab porno mags, and one after another, they take the same red cup off of a nearby counter and head into the bathroom, where they compete to see who can jack off the quickest into the red cup.
    > Explosive cum shots (can use fake dicks/cum for an exaggerated effect) blast into the cup, synced with bass drops.
    > One member can come out of the bathroom within three seconds, synced up with a little blast beat section. He looks triumphant, and is high-fived but the other band member as he slams the cup down on the counter and grabs a shot from a nearby friend. Somebody dumps a mostly-eaten bag of nacho cheese Dorritos over the winners head. The winner playfully pushes the assailant back, and although the dialogue is muted, you can read the word “faggot” being uttered from the winner’s lips.

    + Band members take turns sitting on a photocopy machine in someone’s mom’s office, making copies of their asses, as friends around them laugh and knock back drinks.

    + Bongs rips, bongs rips everywhere.

    + One band member takes a rip from a giant pink 6 ft bong. Just a moment later, seemingly out of nowhere, some other partygoer runs headfirst into a nearby wall, causing a dent in the wall as he collapses on the floor, bleeding and laughing, a little dirty from some drywall falling on him.

    + Cut to scenes of band members (and various party goers) strapping on boxing gloves, taping up hands. A de facto MMA championship is held in the living room. During a breakdown, slowed-down footage of people getting punched/kicked in the face, and various valuables around the room being trashed and smashed is shown.
    >Cut to shot of somebody who looks severely beaten. A hand from off camera splashes some vodka on the person’s bloody, swollen face as the knock-out victim is dragged into the back yard, where they are left as the party goers return inside.

    + Another mosh section: Sluttily dressed girls are bumping and grinding up on some of the partygoers and band members. A group of partygoers wearing bandanas around their faces burst in as the music reverts back to a faster tempo, throwing eggs at the dancers and pouring milk on some of them.
    > Pan to shot of one guy (and slutty girl) who got away from the egg raid making out in a secluded room. Just as things get steamier and steamier, a couple band members kick the door open and antique them with copious amounts of flower.

    + Maybe shot of band playing in the garage, I don’t know, who gives a fuck.

    + One of the band members is seen passed out. There’s a still-lit spliff on the coffee table next to him (the table of course, also has crushed beer cans, bottles, and ashes everywhere). One of the other band members takes the red cup from the aforementioned contest and pours the collective spunk of the band on the passed-out member’s face.
    >Band member snaps up, and promptly starts wailing into the member, who is still holding the red cup before he drops it to shield his face.

    + Final scene: Everyone is passed out, surrounded by filth and destruction. Flash band name, and bandcamp URL.

    -END-

    This treatment may be based off of some true events.

    Reply
  13. Save Parker says:
    June 5, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Premise should be a how-much-coke-can-you-do contest at a strip club filled with big breasted ladies. Every band member has an opportunity but fucks it up in hilarious ways, and one of them dies (probs the bassist, or keyboard bro if they have one). The winner is a mysterious man in a trench coat with a giant moustache, and in the end it turns out to be two kid’s standing on top of each other. Last shot is of them post-fuck in a pile of strippers.

    Reply
  14. Sandy Duncan's Glass Eye says:
    June 5, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Get a bunch of footage of young ‘uns suffering from ‘Special Snowflake Syndrome’ of the neck tattoo and gauged ear variety. Get ‘em to talk about the meaning of whatever nonsense they have. It doesn’t matter what they’re saying, you just need the footage of them pointing at themselves and yammering away.

    Intercut w/ footage of hilarious oldz with neck tattoos who are relegated to eternal-wage slave status (i.e. starbucks ‘barista’). Add old-school Batman exclamations like ‘WTF!’ or ‘I was a special snowflake but I melted’ because kids are dumb and need to have everything spelled out for them.

    My coffee has not been good this week.

    Reply
  15. Alan says:
    June 5, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Brazillian shit, so gooood
    http://youtu.be/yDWvQNrWNcw

    Reply
    • Tony says:
      June 5, 2012 at 8:17 pm

      Someone make a gif of the chubby bro jamming out NOW.

      Reply
    • richard brunelle says:
      June 6, 2012 at 6:42 am

      lol @ the laptop chubscout

      even money on him being the singer paolo’s shy brother martinho; his moms made him let him join the band as a condition of her getting them a slot in between cumbia and hot yoga classes at the bairro nobre community center for band practice

      Reply
  16. Wang of thunder says:
    June 5, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    stock footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts looped for the duration of the song

    Reply
  17. Hughycash says:
    June 5, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    whip your hair back and forth

    Reply
  18. josh says:
    June 6, 2012 at 9:14 am

    start it by eating someone’s face off

    Reply
    • harrison herndon says:
      June 6, 2012 at 9:46 am

      it looks like its zombies eating faces but at the end after the break down it reveals that theyre actually eating those fruit roll up masks from the 90′s and everyone laughs but then the useless bassist didnt get the memo and was actually eating faces the whole time
      *shoulder shrug WHOOPS!

      Reply
  19. Brian says:
    June 7, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    I just made a music video for a powerviolence band that’s sped-up footage of a gay orgy with dudes butt-fucking at the tempo of the song. It also has spliced in footage of Paula Deen eating a donut sandwich. Try to go for something like that.

    Reply

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