Hola. Me llamo latinoheat. Yo soy un Angelino con orgullo. Yo tambien soy un Estado Unidense que es hispano. If you understood that then you must live in some part of California, New York, Florida, Illinois, Texas, or some lonely poor place in the southwest or the south (yes us brown people are gonna eventually take over that place too after all the racist senators/religious prudes die off eventually and we make more pocho/mulatto/mixed kids con las gueras/morena natives from this region yo!), Spain, Mexico ( its a given but had to insert my dad’s homeland for illustrative purposes n shit) and/or everything that is 3rd world Central America (wassup to all my pinolero, guanaco, chapines, n catracho homies!!) and everything that is South America except Brazil (Booty smell good doe ;-D). But now that I’ve introduced myself lets talk about the greatest place in the whole fucken you-es-ay: motherfuckin’ El-Lay.
L.A is very diverse as you can see. I made some small adjustments so people can understand how this place functions. Note our love for the color blue: It’s because we always have clear blue skies up in this bitch most of the time.
First things first though, Yes LATINOS R BORN 2 MOSH. Now, with the ongoing theme of repping random places in the USA and the world in the SYWH community I felt that I have to say something about this gorgeous city full of smog. Now, now I know what you are going to say: “Goddamnit why the fuck do I live in (insert retarded boonie place/small town here). Why can’t I live in the golden paved roads of So Cal/L.A.?” well first off lemme tell you sum sum homie. In order to live in this place you have to know something about el-lay’s history, geography etc. Since I’ve taken a couple of California geography and chicano studies classes @ ELAC and haven’t flunked these courses or mouthed off to professors/teachers (bcuz the teachers didn’t like me of course!!!) and actually listened to wtf they had to say, I actually learned a lil something about this region. In order for me to avoid the TL;DR syndrome I’ll cut it to a couple of short phrases: Gabrielino Native Americans (ooohh note the PC term- that means im edu-mah-cated), Spanish conquistadors, Mexican ownership of the southwest for some time, USA then took over after some retarded war in the 1800s, da Zoot Suit Riots (I hate musicals btw =/), Tagbanging/surenos, da LAPD beating the crap out of minorities until the Rodney King beating and da 92 riots, umm.. the L.A Xtreme/Avengers, and mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (The next mofuckin’ Bill Clinton IMHO).
My hero Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa from da boyle heights/city terrace section of east los. Just like Bill Clinton, he banged some hot bish. Not an intern but a hot mexi-slut reporter from telemundo.
wood smash 4 the sole purpose to hear dat broken english-espanol accent/10. And you only thought Tiger Woods had the ability… shame on you!
But anyways as you can tell from my tone of um sin-tax that I love this place. We are spoiled as fuck when it comes to weather. It’s pretty funny when out of towners (I’m looking at you east coasters) act all shocked when they wear shorts during December over here. We are pussies when it comes to weather though, as we think anything under the upper 70’s is cold. Even though we have a high cost of living, the only thing we gotta worry about is mofuckin’ Earthquakes, getting shot, and/or getting into car accidents since this place is essentially a city full of cars.
Earthquakes are a staple of cali culture. If you can’t handle the quakes then gtfo.
What we don’t have to worry about : twisters, hurricanes, snowstorms, retarded rednek hix (look up the high/low desert area/imperial county/ I.E part of so cal not el-lay[there are white trash doe here n there in the suburbs of L.A county]), sick deep unemployment (I’m sorry Detroit you were once da happening place but now you’re a mad max apocalyptic city) since we have better job opportunities now, natural disasters that the rest of the you-es-ay has to suffer with, and guidos from new jersey (making fun of people from NJ = never not funny :-D).
I also forgot to point out that along with a kickass diverse culture, we also kickass in sports, music, and pretty much everything else. We don’t have accents tho. Sorry bout that. Sorry we don’t say “hella” or “wicked”. Actually no, I take that back. Fresh immigrants do have accents lolz. The latin/Hispanic nation over here says certain vernacular like “guey”, “foo”, and we have a certain way of pronouncing LA (see the title of this post).
srry for da low quality pic but you can make out the diversity over here. Da mustard yellow/beige color be hispanics aqui.
There is a lot of sensory overload on da music, women, sportz, fewd, and overall culture over here. One post won’t do it justice as this is just something I wanted to do so sgt. D can say his blog is diverse but for now this post will have to do. I will now leave you with two el-lay natives that have something to say about the city of angels.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oM4EBr7F9Jc&w=480&h=360]
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1nAV6BPJSU&w=480&h=360]
So now that I have given you a somewhat intricate picture of el-lay’s diversity. I want to know what do YOU think of El-Lay??? Do you think L.A is gay as fuck? Can you believe Da Kings are the mofuckin’ Stanley Cup Champions?? ARE YOU JELLY OF OUR CHAMPIONSHIP CULTURE IN SPORTS??? Do you hate this piece of shit shithole like the rest of the out-of-towners?? Will you ever show up to a dodger game @ dodger stadium wearing SF Giants gear?? Did you know that the 5 goes all the way up to the state of Washington (I think)??? Are you down with the brown??
strong tagging
Yo, is that racist?
tl;dr
+1
Honestly not trying to be a dick, but a few of the writers need to learn a bit of editing discipline. Too short always beats too long, always.
not sherrif want in MLA or APA format =/
Disagree, I love excessive detail in posts and have the seemingly rare ability to just not read them if I’m not interested.
srsly makes me want to at least visit the place now when originally i was incapable of giving any fucks at all.
Also there might be more tags than actual post.
kinda went crazy on da tags since all of em can describe this place. but yeas so sorry amigos
only culeros hate on LA without ever setting foot there (srs)
lol @ kool arrow tag
Sir, your calicentric chauvinism really undermines the overall quality and universality of this wonderful blog.
Nah just kidding i’d like to back to LA and just live there sometime instead of being a bullshit tourist.
Also, i understood that first line via not being illiterate and speaking a roman language UROPE fuck yeah!
wood love to visit europa too hermano (preferably norway/russia so i can look at a blue eyed blondie and just look at her and poke/prod)!! wood love to be lazy as fuck wiff de spanish and italianz n talk futbol n fuck shit up anarcho protest style!!!
in terms of girls i highly recomend central europe: Poles & Czechs all the way! Russians are fine too, but i dont really know about Norway.
I rly like mixed African/European girls too <3
As for rioting, there's allways a car burning somwhere, except now it's in Greece, France got quiet :(
chose spain over italy if you wanna chill and chose norway/sweden/finland over all if you want hot girls
oh and I recomend germany if you want to party
brb planning my sexcapades through Urope
You deffo have to visit Catalonia, srsly one of the best places in the world imo, great people, weather and pretty much everything, and not that pricy, wood spend the rest of my life in Barcelona in eternal siesta/10
Only place worth visiting if you want to chill in Italy is Sardinia, especially the Costa Smeralda (si tienes plata para limpiarte el culo), only problem with the whole island is that pretty much no one, which isn’t really a problem if you can speak spanish, since quite a few people speak it there.
The rest of the nation is for artfags/historyfags, with the only exception of Milan, which is for the filth of gay and cocaine.
And if you want dem blue eyed blond bishes disregard norway and go to Hungary(beware the nazis), Czech Republic (beware the drunks) and Sweden
Love the whole “Sergeant D if he was translated and then retranslated from spanish using babelfish” vibe bro. But LA is definitely on my “cities to visit” list, so this is really welcome!
I fucking LOVE how when you put your mouse on Culture, is says Doyers.
LOS DOYERS FTW!!!!!! Tailgate drinkfest in the parking lot. On me!!!
You want a $50 ticket? :( Major bummer to get popped pre-game. Just get shithammered in the darkest bar known to mankind AKA the shortstop. $2 PBR’s on game day broseph and you can walk to the stadium.
As a chicano I have to say chicano rap is some of the worst music ever. Shit is srsly emburrissing. Also, good shit with the article.
I feel your pain brah. I’m thinking of doing a post on it along w/ skacore ala “Brown foolishness” ;-P
Do u remember Los Rabanes bro?
yes
apologize for reggaeton
different kind of browns– i consider them to be more monos than latinos (just being honest)
Nah there’s some good stuff beside cypress hill (oh so cliché)
KEMO THE BLAXICAN!!
http://youtu.be/h6qtWhLbNoI
+ 5000 for Psycho Realm. Saw Sick Jacken perform with Murs a few years ago here in Tucson
Kind of surprised Frost (aka Kid Frost) hasn’t been mentioned. Always thought he was kind of quintessential LA Mexi-rap.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z4tsc1nbWI&w=400&h=300
U beat me to it, same for Delinquent Habits.
Also absent the Silver&Black aka that whore who broke ur heart but u can’t stop loving.
see also Proper Dos, Lighter Shade Of Brown, and The Mexicanz for more entry-level, 90s mexi rap
I miss LA. I lived there for college. You just forgot unprotected left turns. If you can drive in la you can drive anywhere. I also took an urban studies class about la, although my jr college was SMC. If I was to move back I would pick Irvine over LA proper though. LA has the best food too. You can get anything ever. I also lived in the valley which is 90% Latinos. To me the good things out way the bad. Bad things being traffic, rent, and neighborhoods you don’t go into if you aren’t that race. Good being everything else.
Brb living somewhere people go for vacations, more songs written about la than anywhere, center of american culture, seeing famous people all the time and not giving a fuck
Dude, you went to SMC? I never went there myself, but I live in Westchester, and I know a lot of people who went/go to SMC. Where did you go for your 4-year?
I went to CSUN for my 4-year. I know I only go to the finest higher education institutions.
I bet you got your picture in your hometown paper and everything
10/10 for Earthquake picture.
this post is fucking gold. illinoisbro here, hablo un poco, and that helps a lot because you brown fuckers are everywhere. also everybody i work with at my minimum wage job says guey, except for this one chilean dude who says weon.
also i wear shorts in 50 degree weather. hardasfuck.jpg
i’d love to visit LA, although the only excuse have to go would be grad or undergrad at USC or something. my family used to have a good friend out there but then he went crazy evangelical and lives in missouri or arkansas or something now.
also another point of shame for indiana: highest kkk population
New retirement home prospect noted.
Bro just where the robe and hat all the time along with some white gloves and they’ll never catch on.
enjoy ur blue collar meth addicts
So stoked you finally did a post bro, been waiting on one forever! Woke up in a bad mood from hearing about Blood for Blood’s singer last night, this improved my day (srs).
Don’t listen to the h8ers whining about the length, this had some good detail.
A+ map, will print out for directions next time I go to LA.
Srs, this map is all you ever need. Land at LAX, rent a car, and take the 105 out to fucken wherever. The surface streets pretty much just drive themselves. Watch out for all the one-ways in DTLA and Old Town Pasadena, though.
most of the co writers suck, bar save parker, but this is pretty good latinoheat!
thanks!!
as most artists and pseudo hollywood writers trying to make it big say out here: “I’m just trying to find my voice”.
Nigga you crazy, nice work! That map looks like something out of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
I cant help but get rectum sadness everytime people post factual evidence proving how LA/West coast is better than NY/East coast. What can I say, it’s in my blood. Still tho, would love to bro out wit U one day in El-Lay and make fun of all the different species and phylum of California White People while eating genuine Mexican food made by illegals.
Viva La necedad marron!
it really is superior tho… i mean i totally get how people can like an inferior thing because they grew up with it, so if you prefer the east coast then so be it, but the simple fact of the matter is that the west coast is empirically shown to be superior.
I used to be butthurt about LA, complaining that it was dirty and gross, etc. then I spent a week there staying with a family friend in east LA and I loved it- incredible food, cool people. You forgot to mention the weird, LA only shit like gay men carrying little dogs in bags that you see when you go to the fancy part of sunset!
complaining that it was dirty and gross
erm, what? compared to where, yellowstone national park? it’s way cleaner than all the filthy, decaying shitholes in the midwest and east coast, that’s for sure.
strong post, being from around Portland I couldn’t really dig LA too much (as I HATE Portland and its vintage hipster trash) because it was pretty dirty and hot as fuckkkkkk when I visited. But, this post may cause me to reconsider!
also, six lane highways- ‘mirin!!!!!
Tagged “I <3 TACOS!!!" Ur so zany lol :p
Idaho – “Weakest Gov’t Influence”
That’s a plus to me.
problem is there’s jack shit to do in idaho unless you’re really outdoorsy in which case any state on the west coast works just as well
what is this about exactly? my east coast humor does not compute.
yawn.
srry theres no philly cheezesteaks, thin crust/deep dish pizza, Nathan’s coney dawgs in here brah…
Can’t wait for someone to do a post on NY doe (looking @ big chocolate/twostax for this one or someone from dat magical place full of dat brooklyn accent/domis-boricuas stacked on each other miles high ). I better see jokes on middle-eastern cab drivers and the difference between the buroughs by examples of entry-level streetwear
big chocolate is from OC akshually! and lives in seattle now. he is a westcoastbro too <3
whorely shit didn’t know that…
the more you know NBC.mov
is the coffee really da shit up in sea-town bro?? must visit the house where kurt cobain died in and mock a pic of me shooting my head wiff a shotty hehe =P
westcoast<3
latinoheat is so annoying
Anononymousity is so annoying
Latinoheat is my fave commenter so I’m stoked he did a post!
As an LA native, who went to high school with Murs (Hami High class of 9-6, not that we were homiez), I can say Latinoheat is 100% accurate, especially the hand-drawn map. I’m in the “hipsters” area now, next to Doyer Stadium.
Once I told a Mexi co-worker of mine that I visited Australia and the first thing she asked is if there are any Mexicans down there! I said no, and she said, “I like diversity.” Doesn’t sound like it! Sounds like the opposite. Besides she lives in Boyle Heights where EVERYONE is Mexi. How’s that for diversity? Then it made me wonder if LA is becoming less diverse because it’s now overwhelmingly hispano. Way more blacks when I was kid. Me don’t care. Just don’t shoot me.
XLatinCo-workersLoveMyWhiteAssBecauseIKnowALotAboutGangzX
LA sounds amazing always seemed to me like the perfect paradise and this is only more confirmation
sweet post too latinoheat has the abili9ty
I lived in LA for a period of time. It was terrible. Being from Oakland, I think it’s in my genetics to hate everything about Southern California. I do like parts of Silver Lake, Echo Park, Downtown, Santa Monica and WeHo doe. I think it’s mostly the driving I hated. I guess I prefer to live without a car cause you save dat $$ and your body feels good walking everywhere you go.
Everyone saying LA isn’t dirty is fully of shit – it’s the dirtiest, nastiest place in California by a long shot. Doesn’t LA also have some of the dirtiest air in North America?
Dirty = nope…but am ‘fully of shit’
I’ve been a Europa tourist in LA twice now, your roads are easy as fuck to drive, they just go up and down, left and right! Ours resemble a bowl of noodles on a map. I’m eternally grateful for the black man who told us not to walk through Inglewood at night to get to our motel, thought that shit only existed in the movies. And yeah, we cottoned on to the fact no one uses their legs to get around LA, lazy fucks. Seems like a place worth living but not visiting.
ELAC represent! This post brought tears of joy to my eyes. My aunt went to high school with Villaraigosa (or Tony Villar as she says) and talks mad shit about him but she’s a Jesus freak so whatever. CLINTON #2 indeed!
lol did you srsly go to ELAC? Is that why everyone hates Villa? I never pay attention to local politics