Preface: Many people love Every Time I Die. Many people hate Every Time I Die. I don’t give a fuck where you fall on the scale. Shut up. You’re not special. Go back to Leagueing all the Legends. This post is exclusively about the band’s recent music video output. Ah, you’re going to do whateverthefuck anyway. Go have your sweaty discussion in the comments.
I love Every Time I Die. They seem like genuinely cool bros. The Buckley Brothers and Andy are super funny –Legs and whoever they have playing bass for them at the time of this writing are probably pretty swell. Honestly, if I had to Make-A-Wish, I’d give some serious thought to requesting to bro-down/beer-down with the ETID bros and totes create a real/special connection via showing THEM how chill I am. We’d exchange besties lockets and then I would succumb to the Hantavirus a month or so later; secure in my knowledge that ETID <3’s me.
Shit, that went off the rails…
Ok, so what I’m about to say comes from a place filled with good intentions and wuv:
Ur music videos, stop them.
To me, these guys perfected the “just enough zany/sick riffage/going hard formula.” Stage banter and lyrics = funny/witty. Riffs = tasty. Songs = back tard. I am a principal investor in the ETID brand, so to speak. Their music video output leading up to the newest album (Ex Lives) has been humorous or, at least, very light fare; enjoyable and consistent with the ETID “let’s have some lulz with our rockin’ good times” mission statement. Then the bed got well and truly shat…
Not even the laid-back adonises in ETID could resist the current trend of the dreaded srs! I can’t say anything more about the “srs trend” that Sarge hasn’t said in a much funnier way already, so search the archives of the site if this is the first time you came across that term — I’ll wait…
Good they’re gone. Fucking dead weight. Ok, moving on. The vibe of one of my favorite bands went from “yeerrrr, let’s slam some beers and see what gets fingered tonight!” to “You guys! We NEED to Occupy something! It is time to WAKE UP! Business are doing…THINGS, man!”
I’m being paranoid? I’m reading too much into something that isn’t there?! Fuck you, person I made up. Let me present the evidence for my “Plz stop doing da vidjeoz, etids” intervention:
Underwater Bimbos from Outerspace
Jesus christ. Some art school undergrad is fuming that their final project got stolen by ETID LLC. Al Jourgensen is kicking himself for not finding all this sick B-roll first! How does THAT shit feel, Al?!
The thing that stings the most is that Mr. Keith “I Have a Tattoo of Spock’s Head in a Lawnchair Dreaming About Itself With a Mustache” Buckley directed this. Mirin’ them sick Sony Vegas skills, Keith. Does typing: “fucked up public domain footage” into Google count as directing something? Egh. What does it all mean man?! Something. Is. HAPPENING. to our world, man!
Here, I made this one funny like their older videos: “After a night of LARP’ing a custom “Very Bad Things” campaign turns ironically real, the guys try and get rid of Andy’s carcass. But it’s ok, because he’s Darkman, apparently. I don’t know. (insert fart noise)”
I Suck (Blood)
Ok, they have to be trolling us at this point. I defy you to convince me that this video doesn’t have the rejected plot from an Atreyu video that never got made in 2003. “Ok, so Jackie Earle Haley’s younger brother is super into this chick and she’s all like ‘omg creeper is super creepy and distracting me from pinning things!’ so she gets all empowered n’ shit and turns the tables on him!” Some art school graduate is super pissed that a professional video production company stole his Kickstarter proof-of-concept video test footage…he should have learned after he got his final project stolen: mail EVERYTHING to yourself!
At least we get to see some top-shelf Rain Boobs (Precipitits?). Also, consolation prize for the 4th wall-breaking shot at the end of The Dudes consoling creepvert in a desperate attempt to “keep some of the old flavor.”
Music videos aren’t nearly as important as they used to be. They’re kind of like your Xbox Live Vision Camera: they’re just…there. So, I’m not super butthurt/worked up over this… It’s just a shame to see dudes who got popular because they bet on an unlikely pony called Ol’ Southern Fried Metalcore by way of Suburban Kids From the North (people name horses dumb things) succumbing to the way the wind is blowing at this moment in time.
ETID bros: luv u. Still luv u and I kid because I luv u so much. I don’t want you to make videos that are so zany they would make The Aquabats look like Type O Negative, but please, give us a break. Do your own thing and let the damn kids do the whole tri-yearly “let’s hope no one brings up that phase of our career” facepalm circle of life.
Do you think ETID have gone srs? Are you in a ETID rip-off band? Have you asked Sarge what HE thinks of ETID yet? What Tales From the Crypt episode will our heroes plagiarize next?