Back in 2009 or so, it looked like MILLIONAIRES might actually get big. They were good and lovely, and with the right producers they could convincingly pretend like they had the ability. But it was not meant to be: they peaked at playing the Fleshlight stage of Warped 09 to 125 kids at 3:30PM, kind of disappeared for a while, and now they are playing the Gathering Of The Juggalos.
I imagine that accepting the offer to play Gathering makes you feel the same way as shopping in the ‘Meals For One’ aisle at Target: “So this is my life, huh? *sigh* Well, I guess it could be worse…” It’s not so much humiliation as the ‘time decay of ambition,’ the realization that you are entirely willing to settle for less. Like how my mom doesn’t really love my stepdad anymore and vice versa but they stay together because they’re too old to deal with starting over again. And besides, they both know they’re too fucked up and difficult for anyone normal to love them– they deserve each other’s miserable company.
Skip to 12:55 if it doesn’t automagically start there
When non-Juggalo bands play the Gathering, I feel like that is essentially the same thing: playing to a bunch of fat people in clown outfits is probably not exactly what they had in mind, but it’s better than nothing and Juggalos certainly seem easy to please. They’re so used to being shit on by life that they embrace you with wide open arms if you simply treat them like human beings– maybe they aren’t the fanbase you dreamed about as you sang into your hairbrush in the bathroom mirror, but like a fat girl who will treat you like a 10 when you know you’re really a 7 at best, there is something hard to resist about people who think you are great simply for acknowledging their existence.
While I am sad that Millionaires did not turn out to be the next Ke$ha or Carly Rae, sometimes that is just the way the cookie crumbles. At some point we all realize that we are not going to be an astronaut or the president. And if you ever do find yourself browsing the aisles of the ‘Meals For One’ aisle or standing on stage in front of a sea of Juggalos, just remember that life is a journey– this too shall pass.