Don’t get me wrong, I like answering questions about teen angst, but as an upper middle-class professional and semi-douche, THIS is the kind of question that is relevant to my lief! (srs) If you are too young and/or poor for this to be relevant to your life, print it out and pin it on your wall… it will give you something to aspire to while you toil away at community college:
Let’s face it, all luxury cars are more or less the same in terms of price and features (via the invisible hand), and only blue collar poors care about performance, so choosing one is really about answering the question of, “I know I’m a douche, but what specific kind of douche, and what vehicle will best communicate that to the world??”
BMW
There’s nothing wrong with a beemer by any means. They are great cars. It’s just that they’re so… entry-level :/ Sort of like if someone tells you Suiside Silence is their favorite band. They’re a solid band and all but REALLY, of ALL the bands you chose THAT one?? Basically, a 3-series is the default car for bros who want to announce that they’re ‘doing rly well for themselves,’ but are too dumb and lazy to give it any more thought, so I would say steer clear of them if you don’t wear Dockers. Avoid BMW until you can get an M3 or M5.
INFINITI
I personally like this brand a lot, but the fact is that it’s on the bottom rung of the luxury car ladder. Buying an Infiniti is pretty dumb, because you are essentially paying a premium for a luxury car that nobody will know is a luxury car. Bro: “Nice Altima, what year is it??” You: “Acualy is Infinititi” Bro: “Oh, my bad… *awkward pause* That’s cool.”
PS- I do have a weakness for the 96-00 G20 though. If you are an poor, you can get them for super cheap these days and you’ll still look more rich than you do in that burgundy ’98 Saturn you bought from your older brother (weathered Screeching Weasel sticker still in the back window)
AUDI
Lettuce be cereal: Audis are luxury cars for betas. It’s the default ‘first big purchase’ for every fggt who gets promoted to Sr Graphic Designer, finally has a little spare cash, and trades in the Jetta they’ve had since art school. If you doubted that Audis are pure fail, consider that indie girls will want to fuck you for driving one, as opposed to the disgusted roll of the eyes you’ll get from them if you roll up in a Lexus or Mercedes (ie, a REAL luxury car).
If you are into being a magnet for high-waisted denim shorts and giant bushes then definitely get an Audi, but otherwise stick with a ride that says ‘I’m a shallow, materialistic shithead and if you want to fuck me you better have a freshly-bleached asshole because believe me I will notice if you don’t.’
MERCEDES
It’s not just a great stripper name, ‘Mercedes’ is also shorthand for ‘I’m a rich asshole; deal with it you poor faggot.’ In other words, a great choice of luxury car! Yes, the fact that it’s a European brand knocks it down a few notches, but I feel like all the tanks they built for the Nazis offset any of the negative aspects of the brand’s heritage. Just don’t get one of the convertibles, unless you want people to think you are a homosexual or an anorexic MILF.
LEXUS
Being a Lexus owner doesn’t just say that you’re a rich douchelord who is into displaying their wealth, but also that you are kind of conservative and uptight, which is obviously an awesome combination. I personally love the idea of rolling up to a THE STORY SO FAR show in a white LS460 with tan interior and all the little tr00 pop-punk fggts rolling their eyes because they think I’m their boring asshole uncle who sells insurance, then them being even more annoyed and disgusted when I roll down the window, turn down the new EMMURE joint I’m blasting via the USB connection to Spotify as my azn disinterestedly shops for a new $2500 couch from DWR on her phone, and ask them if they have change for a $100 bill so I can tip the valet before I pick up my tickets (guest list, of course).
PS- miss u IS300, what a dope fucking car :(
ACURA
Seeing as how I just purchased my second TSX (traded in my 05 for a 2012), I am clearly a big Acura fan. Like Lexus, the brand combines multiple layers of douchiness: a sturdy foundation of uptight boringness (via your asshole uncle’s car), but with roots in Fast & The Furious-style import tuner culture (via every 19 year old aznbro on the west coast driving an Integra or Vigor in the 90s). I like to think of it this powerful combo as custom-mixed fggt repellent!
Also, I love when people are like “Dude why would you buy an Acura, it’s just a Honda- you’re basically paying an extra $10K just for the logo,” because they are right. And that’s exactly what makes luxury cars so great: they tell everyone you have enough money you can waste it on useless status symbols.
What is your favorite kind of luxury car?? Are you spoiled by the world-class customer service of luxury dealerships? How lulzy is it when poors try to tell you luxury cars are overpriced, as though being overpriced isn’t the entire point??? Do you get embarrassed when you travel for work, rent a car, and it has a cloth interior?
swag!
Fun fact: the German auto industry groups cars by the economic background of their primary market. No need to worry about out which car you’re supposed to get; those guys think of everything.
Srs tho luxury production car class is ranked by country- British > Swedish > German > Japanese > American > Korean
U broke it down very simply yet eloquently, sir. Thank you for educating me.
Ah yes, dat world-famous british engineering (not srs)
apparently they haven’t been to mexico as they jock german engineering via still using old school 70′s VW beetles as their taxis n shit brah lol
central america is all about diesel mercedes doe =/
well yeah a big part of baller status is being able to afford having your car in the shop every few weeks and not relying on one vehicle as your sole means of transportation. that’s why they’re at the top, plus that hand-cut rare wood & leather trim
I don’t think an Acura is a good way to announce you have money, as someone who knows nothing about cars (which is also 90% of the population), I had no idea they were expensive. Didn’t know Audi or infinity were supposed to be fancy either, if you’re going for pure brand status recognition I think it’d be better to go with a BMW or merc, those seem more like classic brands to me than entry level, like, could you call levis jeans entry level?
Every BMW model except for the SUVs look like post-divorce cars to me
Arguing about which brand is cooler and less entry level like we’re discussing some obscure music genre doesn’t really make sense. Shouldn’t the point be to attract women, not car nerds?
You’re right and I think this pretty much excludes the BMW as a female-attracting car since only old dudes trying 2 feel “young again” get one, and that’s if they’re not adventurous enough to join a biker gang.
Strong “i’m really insecure so I need a huge goddamn car” vibes.
The other ones are cool tho, I don’t suppose buying a Rolls-Royce is a good idea??
My personal fav brand is Lexus- it isn’t flashy at all but it shows that you have money and are a srs adult. BMW and Benz are too entry level for me (also, Benz are old man cars), and Audi is just a Lexus for self-loathing liberals who want to by an European car. I don’t know much about the Acura but it seems to be the luxury car for obnoxious idiots who are very successful and good at their job, basically a troll mobile. Infiniti seems weird, I didn’t know it was a luxury brand which entirely defeats the purpose.
Im looking forward to being an ignorant upper middle class asshole who just buys the most expensive car within their price range, has to pay someone to get it fixed because I don’t know shit about cars and has no idea about the differences between models. normal person: “oh I see you have the x model with y performance stats.” me: “idk I just got it because it looks cool.”
thank you =]
dat 323i, i get a semi to full-boner for seems so cooler now <3
Dat Lexus so hard
“And that’s exactly what makes luxury cars so great: they tell everyone you have enough money you can waste it on useless status symbols.”
I always assume that ppl with luxury cars are just lower middle class and in massive debt but want to look like they be stackin hella cash.
Of course, if you do have spare cash and want to blow it away on luxury cars, you should just look up the most expensive one that is just out of your budget and buy it. And when driving, be sure to have a popped color and shutter shades, and be blasting out douchey music. When somebody looks at you, look up in a snobbish manner and roll your window up. Poors don’t deserve to look at wealth unless it’s through glass.
Leasing a luxury car is like the middle class white version of letting your kids starv so you can buy new Jordan’s.
well yeah that’s the thing; luxury cars are purely a noveau-riche thing. real money don’t give two shits what their driver hauls them around in
its like the trust fund babys who move to brooklyn and pretend to be poor cause the are “over materilism” … people who grew up poor are OBSESSED with tacky, shiny, flashy shit. (see: black people/the entireety of hiphop culture, etc.)
TY for this fact i already know via being mexican n buying bleu de chanel w/ shitty capital one credit card and no department store card =/
im not in dat level yet =P
Cadillac CTS-V is actually a pretty sick car IMO, 500+ hp V8 engine for around $70,000. It’s legit the world’s fastest production sedan (or so I believe)
$70,000? Please, Serg isn’t a janitor.
This.
That’s not luxury
What a 500hp? Does it look expensive
They look like a condom full of wallnuts #nohomo
Bro did u read the post?
Performance is dead last in the list of fucks given, right after the dimensions of the power window buttons
Fuck you, I base all of my automobile purchases on the dimensions of the buttons. If button is not 1/2″x1″ or more, shit is considered a povertymobile
(brb, about to drive to work with my ’08 Sentra)
been living in osaka abt a year now so i’ve kindasorta lost touch with the car scene in ‘merica
but i agree that i wouldn’t consider a beemer or audi unless it were m3/m5/a6.
honestly always thought acuras were pretty entry level. the new tls are fugly as fuk, tho the rl shreds dat horse power.
contrary to what tokyo drift may have you thinking all cars here in japan are joke, I’m talking hot wheels size. ironically enough all the mid-level ballers over here drive eruo
Troo on the well-to-do japs driving euro–I remember reading a while back that Acura/Lexus do really poorly there, probably because they are plebeian domestic.
Acura, lexus and ininiti actually dont exist in japan, they just carry the mother brand (honda or whatever)
isnt lexus really a toyota?
As a upper-middle class / mid-level mgmt / 3/4 douche, I have to agree with pretty much everything the Sarge said. Being an euro, some of the brands don’t matter that much over here, but other than that, we’re on the same page.
One thing though – I wouldn’t call these cars luxury cars. They’re maybe stepping stones to true luxury cars, but I don’t think they qualify yet.
They’re upper-middle-class cars for upper-middle-class douches.
“They’re upper-middle-class cars for upper-middle-class douches.”
Sergeant D?
Be a real man like me and drive a done out 83 Monte Carlo.
My bestest bro drives a 1970 Montecarlo
feelsbad.cbr
trailerpark.cbz
I don’t know why you aren’t pushing a siqq mini van, bro. Shit is gnarly. Comfy, bad gas mileage, people think it is your mom’s whip but it’s not, you can haul much bros, you can haul as much stuff as a pickup without having to look like you buy your shirts at Rural King.
Also, what the fuck?? Are those first two couches designed to be Play Doh accessories?
the best part about minivans is you can smoke out while driving and cops ignore you
Also I find it hilarious that Lexus, Acura, Infiniti etc are all just literal redbages of japanese market Toyota, Honda, and Nissans respectively. It just goes to show you how obsessed western people are with status brands that the companies have to make completely new shell brands to market their high end vehicles.
I love telling Lexus owners that their car is just a rebaged Toyota because they look like theyre about to burst into flames
Also, I love when people are like “Dude why would you buy an Acura, it’s just a Honda- you’re basically paying an extra $10K just for the logo,” because they are right. And that’s exactly what makes luxury cars so great: they tell everyone you have enough money you can waste it on useless status symbols.
Lol I saw that and I agree, I just find the whole situation hilarious
not as bad as the American companies that have two models that are COMPLETELY FUCKING IDENTICAL but have a different name (eg the ford escort and mercury tracer / subaru impreza and saab 9-2) and are sold in the same market. GEE I WONDER WHY THEIR BUSINESS IS IN SUCH BAD SHAPE.
Hahaha I forgot about that shit, it was sooooooooooooo bad in the 90s. You’d have 5 versions of the same car with slightly different body shapes, what an efficient use of resources and production lines!
All of these car brands are pretend luxury cars. As someone who’s grown up with brand new Rolls Royces and Jaguars every few years, all these brands of cars are driven by people who can’t afford a real luxury car, but want to look like it. I.e. asians.
and lol @ only rednecks care about performance, but only get an m3 or an m5 bmw. they’re just euro muscle cars.
Its a shame the british cant make a car that wont fall apart in 6 months, I want an 80s Jag XJS so bad, someone was selling one awhile back for like 3 grand though that had a smallblock chevy engine swapped in that I wanted so bad, all the XJS with none of the bullshit Lucas electronic garbage.
Also for a few years there Jaguars were basically dolled up Ford Tauruses, dark dark years.
of course every luxury car sold in america these days is built in mexico, and lots sold in the euro market are built in china and india, which lowers the tone of every brand tbqh
Lol don’t think people cared about “the lowered tone of RR” when they saw the Phantom go by. Usually just people staring, and the occasional weirdo taking a phone on his mobile- which does get old. Especially if you’re just being dropped off to school, or doing routine things like going to saturday morning school sports.
Mum’s jags never had an issue haha, but she upgraded them every 2 years. But reliability goes down the drain with euro cars once they’re more than 10 years old. inb4 someone says that keeping a 10 year old car is for “poors”
r u a lord? plz respond.
pshh 80s and early to mid 90s hondas/acuras 4 LYFE!!!
1990 Acura Legend ♥
get one w/ the inline 5 and ur winning
http://www.dwr.com/product/barcelona-couch-w-black-straps.do?sortby=ourPicks
Dat couch. Wood buy to correct mistaken guests, “Haha, actually it’s not a ‘cot,’ it’s a Barcelona® couch produced by Knoll. Being that it’s a new run, and not a Van der Rohe original, I was able to get it for under ten thousand, which I was happy about especially since I’ve been trying to tighten my budget a little better.”
http://www.dwr.com/product/swan-sofa-classic-leather.do?sortby=ourPicks
Further more, I don’t think anything caps off this post better than the opportunity to spend $17,000 on a white sofa.
Holy fuck, there’s a DWR store (a “studio”) like 3 blocks from where I work. I’m going.
mirin dat rasterized poster of pat buchanan in the 3rd photo
The trick with DWR is to only buy at their sales, when the stuff is only shockingly overpriced, not staggeringly unbelievably expensive. Usually they have an annual ‘warehouse sale’ or whatever where you can get really good deals- every faggot with an art degree for 100 miles lines up before the store opens, but you can get some great stuff for literally 75% off the catalog price if you’re willing to put up with inhaling their airborne AIDS for a few hours.
“only blue collar poors care about performance” THANK YOU
I could totally see myself pulling onto a farmstead in that Lexus with the deed to the property, announcing to the farmer and his family that it belongs to me and that he must move immediately, and then proceed to burn a $100 bill with an overpriced cigar, which I then throw to the ground and stomp out after taking one puff. All the while I have some 10/10 French broad named Yvette with dyed red hair and big tits waiting for me in the passenger seat of my luxury car. The land would go unused.
I was right in the dream with you until you said French. She’s either a 10 or French, can’t be both. Fuckin’ frogs.
LMFAO!!
same her cept shes was a tall russian/norwegian/swedish blonde n had the sexual appetite of peggy bundy =D
I’m down for french bishes if dey shave down there n talk dat dirty french talk when dey be in bed ;-D
“french bishes if dey shave down there ”
Well shit, since we’re fantasizing about non-existent French girls, why don’t we add that she’s a non-smoker and never complains at restaurants?
I’ll co-sign the Russian part though and add my unwavering love and support for Polish ladies. My Polish GF even lets me play Deicide in her (non-luxury) car… sometimes.
R u dating Marting Regnen’s mom
why don’t we add that she’s a non-smoker and never complains at restaurants
also, doesn’t look like a pillowcase full of cottage cheese when she takes her clothes off
Just threw out some random foreign country really for the whole “I’m a rich dude who bangs random foreign bishes” thing.
Damn straight brother
This is why I ;-D
The land would go unused.
A++++
The people who say “Lexus is just a rebranded Toyota” are invariably poors who have never actually even been near one IRL
^ fact
Except they actually are, all Lexus models are sold as Toyotas in Japan and made in Toyota plants, same as Infiniti and Acura.
lol losers better learn how 2 keller model
Nah, I’ve been in Lexus’s (Lexi?) and they seem exactly like Toyotas but with leather seats to me.
Also on the topic of showing off the ability to waste extra money on status symbols: fancy watches. Reality: nobody uses a watch to tell time anymore, they check their phone instead. But wearing a bigass expensive watch is a great way to say “this cost more money than you earned last year, and i don’t even actually use it for its intended purpose.”
Not true- only poors get really huge, flashy watches. everyone with actual money knows that that shit is tacky and embarrassing, and have ludicrously expensive but subtle watches that never break, e.g. http://www.patek.com/contents/default/en/5123R_001.html
*puts away his guess watch in shame*
Too funny and true! I wear a Rolex or a Breitling, neither of which ever show the correct date or time. I would never trust a watch over my iphone anyway. A few people have noticed that my watch is wrong and I have to explain that it’s automatic, I don’t wear it for a few days and forget to put it on the winder, etc etc. Of course they don’t understand and think I should just change the battery lol..
I like Volvo’s, safety and luxury and obscure enough that most people don’t have preconceptions about them. They all also have bad ass seat heaters and flawless seals on all the doors = Your cruising in a box of warmth and safety designed to battle the Swedish winters ;)
When I first realized I was somewhat successful a couple years ago and looked at how it affected me, I realized I was rolling on the road of douchedom. Cue the cringing selfhatred, denial, and finally acceptance. I finally gave in to society and “The Man.” Aw fuck.
15-year-old me would throw himself off a cliff if he knew wtf he was going to be when he grew up.
don’t know about ‘merica, but owning a bmw in northern italy is like saying “i was an poor”, azn cars are for fggts and no one buys them, mercedes are for lawyers and gays, alfas are loved by everybody and really entry level, so if want to look like a douche to piss of people alfas aren’t for you (also, you can’t have them in the usa), and audis are for betas.
If you really want to show people that you’re not a beta/ex-poor/fggt, and want to show how you have them big moneyz, you get either a jaguar xfr or a porsche panamera, the latter being the best choice.
Yeah but it also takes 5 months to mail a letter from Rome to Naples because everybody is too busy being on strike, committing adultery and smoking to do their job
becouse rome and naples are in the central/southern part of the country, where people are even more lazy than the avarage italian.
In the north the situation is a bit different, here you can still get a job (if you have the qualifications) and times are faster. Most of the problems we have in northern italy come from the obligations with the other regions
True dat. Tho in france Audi got a bit cool since drug dealers droped BMW for A5/6/7s because of the transporter movies.
Among “thugs” Audi is cool for the very same reason, and that’s the reason why businessmen avoid them
Panamera is butt ugly doe
tbh, every brand in that list sucks for me, except for the Alfa, only brand I’d ever buy a car from
pshhh… lamborghini diablos n high class rolls royce/jags FTW!!!!
yes i know i just pulled outta da driveway and wasted 50 bux of gas!!! i don’t give a goddamn fuck!!! im rick james on a speedball bitch!!!
You are the worst type of person.
brb, gonna go fuck off
brb gonna go devour the unborn.
This article made me lol so hard. One of the best SYWH posts evar.
Used BMW. Don’t buy new.
I have a 750i. NO FUCKS GIVEN!
Strong. What year?
The IS300 was so rad. It made me happy to see i’m not alone in that belief.
my first real car after getting an adult job was an ls 400 with 35% tint because the south is a broiler 7 months out of the year. endless people asking me if i was selling coke
Yo I’m down for like 2 grams for this weekend… but none of the bunk Midwestern shit that’s like 75% baking soda and makes your nose all stuffed up for the next 2 days. Hit me up if you got dat soft.
In all honesty, this post makes me fucking hate you so much, mostly disgust with a little bit of jealously mixed in there.
Thoughts:
-I’ve always thought that Volkswagons are like BMW’s for people that can’t afford the latter.
-Really hope i never become as douchey as you, although I’m probably on the path already =(
-Even if i start to roll in the K33$H when i graduate and start being a working douche for a few years, right now I don’t imagine myself ever owning something more than Nissan, Honda, or Toyota lmfao.
-Fuck Rice Rockets
-Fuck poor azn kids in their late teen’s/early 20′s who buy faggot 2 seater rice rockets from the 90′s to try and show off how “rich” they are to the other poor races, because its fucking pathetic and hilarious at the same time to watch them struggle to find parts and workso slowly and so hard to make the car run “better” even though its a piece of shit, and drives no better than my 03 Altima. No one thinks your rich when you work part time at American Apparel bro, you’ve got nothing to prove.
-Why are there so many HXC kids who are obsessed with Volkswagons!?
-Like seriously!??? ^^^^ Is it trendy or what? I don’t get what makes it so appealing to the hardcore crowd.
Even though this post was about luxury cars, makes me think about stuff like what I mentioned above. I could go on forever.
Oh and lmfao about how performance is for poor people, so true.
Oh, and i do know that some of the luxury cars you mentioned, are subsidiaries of the Honda, Toyota, and Nissan. But I’m going by actual brand name. An Acura maybe be a Honda, still got an Acura Logo on it hahaha. Like you said Luxury vehicle division are all about showing people how much money you make.
I drive a VW. A GOLF. Not even enough cash for a GTI. Actually, that’s not true. I make pretty good bank. I just don’t like sinking a ton of cash into a car. I do have sweet rims, though (came with the car which I got a great deal on).
This is a pretty lol post from sarge. Be more beta. I mean you write this big missive about how sweet shallow luxury car owning is and then try to justify Acura as your brand of choice. I mean, acura man? Acura.
Not sure why performance is for poor people. If I drop an assload on a car, it better be fun as fuck to drive. But you’re obv getting pretty nice performance out of all these cars (aside from maybe infinit? Never been in one. They look gay).
I am not a hardcore kid.
Winston Wolf from Pulp Fiction drives an Acura and I dare you to tell me that nigga ain’t alpha as fuck.
He’s got an NSX. That’s a super car, not a fucking soccer mum car.
lol u have a volkswagen (aka a artfagwagen) bro brb not caring about your car-related opinions
Whatevs, bro. I squat more than all you clowns.
My opinion on cars is that they’re lol to care about, but it’s extremely lol-worthy when you’re all like “def don’t get one of these beta beginner brands like bmw or audi, stick with lexus or something, oh by the way check out my acura.”
Acuras are pretty sweet, all things considered. Just not for the reasons you state.
hey, if you wanna be a bush-magnet don’t let me stop you from enjoying your audi!
I told you. I drive a GOLF. The only bishes my ride is attracting are in high school.
The only bishes my ride is attracting are in high school.
A+ strongest comment in this thread so far
2007. Had it for almost four years. Love everything about it except how huge it is. Probably going to trade it on a 5 or M3.
Also, great post.
Unrelated, Sarge-Did you write about the fact that the almighty QUICKSAND got back together?
I love this post, as I will be a lawyer in a year and will be looking to up my douche quotient.
I’d hate to get the seats in the Benz wet, but that’s how good your ass is.
Bite the bullet and buy a Masarati Quattroporte. Alpha as Fok.
this 100%
brb i’m not a euro faggot
this was an amazing read <3 thx D & commenters
i’ll probably never own a car again, via living in places where you dont need one, but isn’t everyone here like 20 years too young to drive those?
That’s the point. It’s a v advanced personal branding tool.
loled IRL. I think you would like living in Marin County where, if you haven’t spent more than 75k on your ride, you’re a poor, worthless piece of shit.
For sure, or Contra Costa County, where I can sip wine with Alex Bigman’s parents in Orinda and compare notes on our Acuras
that feel when my family owns two porsches (via jews)
Article made me LOL hard, but as someone who knows aboslutely nothing about cars, I do have srs question about all this – does anyone REALLY care this much about cars IRL? There aren’t many cars I see that turn my head, and the ones that do certainly aren’t cars that look like these.
Btw I’m 25, never owned a car, never even had a driving lesson. Is that a life failure?!
it has nothing to do with how the cars looks or handle, it’s all about how well they function as status symbols. If I just needed transportation I’d buy an 87 CRX and call it a day!
Great post. The story about blasting Emmure from the Lexus really hit home for me.
Back when I was 19 and an intern at Morgan Stanley I decided I wanted a career in finance. I set 2 alpha goals for myself, accomplishments I could wave in the faces of other dudes and take their bishes:
1) I wanted to make $100K a year by age 23 (I know, I know.. why such a low figure lol.. Give me a break, I was young and didn’t know yet about $10K/day jobs lol)
2) The more important goal - I wanted to leave work each day in a black Mercedes, with NWA blaring from the windows – on my way to go party with hot sluts at the club.
So I accomplished those, but didn’t realize at the time how low I was actually aiming. Those goals were pretty entry level in retrospect. But I woke up and really took it to the next level in recent years, totaling not one but two luxury German sedans. Both after long nights of vodka and cocaine fueled debauchery with college age sluts and strippers.
So my moral here is: It’s not about having a Benz, it’s about how many Benzes you wreck!
Tl;dr
“If you are into being a magnet for high-waisted denim shorts and giant bushes then definitely get an Audi, but otherwise stick with a ride that says ‘I’m a shallow, materialistic shithead and if you want to fuck me you better have a freshly-bleached asshole because believe me I will notice if you don’t.’”
Pure gold
Thoughts on Lincolns like the MKZ?
Need to know for friend-mocking purposes.
I would just find out if you can smoke in his backseat, how long it’s gonna take to get to the airport, and does he take Amex
Is your friend black and/or elderly?
Srs doe the MKZ is p sweet
…I was just about to ask what you for a personal recommendation
I can really only comment on Lexus since i work at a Lexus dealership and also know precious little about cars. I can tell you no one under 85 drives an LS and the new IS’s are popular with the ladies. The 2013 GS and ISF are my faves.
the ls used to be the go-to upwardly mobile black dude car in the 90s. sad to see it’s fallen from such heights
I like it when white trash argue about cars. Merica!
I am gonna make the case for performance just being the next level beyond “look, I can spend money on a badge.” It’s “look, I can spend money on a badge and all of this horsepower and engineering and I don’t even know what to do with.”
My supporting evidence for this argument: Porsche.
You also have to get an automatic. The only people who care about manual transmissions are car nerds. It only cements the status symbol of the car if you get some performance luxury car in automatic. Hurt the butts of people who care about that stuff.
Wat is luxury car? Do it have air conditioning? Sorry but I from eastern Europe.
What are you guys’ thoughts on Porsche and Lotus?
so many truths here
you forgot that Lexus is a very black person’s car- nothing wrong with that tho
beamers are very entry level merchant, but as long as you know that it can be a funny car to have
I’m pretty much going to drive an 80s corvette for a few years (american made) then jump to a brand new 911 when the time comes to be a complete asshole…..it’s coming.
Meh isnt Jaguar considered a luxury car in USA? Maserati though would be fucking awesome, Alfa’s are shitbags of car that rarely work.
I think you reached the next level with this post, Sarge. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh, to cry, or both.
Seriously though, it takes some high level trolling to butthurt the people who not only KNOW you’re trolling, but are in on the joke themselves. In spite of knowing that this is a blog that is hilarious largely for inflammatory reasons, I could not contain my mild to medium level butthurt while reading this. I kept going back and forth between laughing and wincing. The only other post eliciting such a reaction from me was the “Keegan and Cody” reality TV pitch where they pelt illegal immigrants with rotten eggs.
The thing about these type of posts is that my butt adapts to them and becomes less sensitive each time one comes up. Now I’m not cringing anymore, only laughing. So I really appreciate these posts for their desensitizing properties, thanks so much Sarge! (srs)
SYWH is like a gym, except instead of building muscle we build develop trolling skills, learn to reduce our butthurting, and enhance our fun levels.
Your anus has been prepared <3
“I bought a Jeep.”
Just bumping this because I just reread it and COMPLETELY lost my shit @ LEXUS
“I personally love the idea of rolling up to a THE STORY SO FAR show in a white LS460 with tan
interior and all the little tr00 pop-punk fggts rolling their eyes because they think I’m their boring asshole uncle who sells insurance, then them being even more annoyed and disgusted when I roll down the window, turn down the new EMMURE joint I’m blasting via the USB connection to Spotify as my azn disinterestedly shops for a new $2500 couch from DWR on her phone, and ask them if they have change for a $100 bill so I can tip the valet before I pick up my tickets (guest list, of course).”
Comedy gold <3 <3 <3
I just bought my wife a 2009 Chevrolet Equinox. Like straight up bought it, cut a check for 15k. Lrn 2 save fggts
Also, people with money tend to drive loaded models of basic shit.
Example: Coworker who makes like $60k drives a BMW. District manager who makes $120k plus gets 56 cents a mile when he drives from store to store drives a loaded brand new Ford Explorer.
Honestly you guys are the worst people ever you’re not semi douches you’re full on. To me performance is way more important than a $10000 symbol which shows I’m rich, I’d rather have a 0-60 time in under 4 seconds. You’re the type of people car lovers make fun of
2Tr002Furious