Insofar as trending analysis goes, I try to keep abreast of the latest movie happenings. The past several years have been the era of geek friendly comic book franchise dominance (Marvel Phase 1, Batman, Harry Potter et al.) This has left red blooded balls-out action lovers like you and I a bit wanting. Aside from a few big name tent poles, this summer has been pretty lackluster. Fortunately, the old faithfuls starring in The Expendables 2 allow us to go out with a bang, as well as bringing tidings of excellence yet to come.
Bottom line up front: The Expendables 2 is better than the first, mostly living up to the promises that the original failed to deliver on. Ultimately it’s still a full-retard plotless piece of cinema, but if you’re concerned with silly things like story arcs and thematic depth, you watching the wrong movie brother. The best thing about the movie is how they embrace the self awareness of a bunch of leathery skinned arthritic granddads doing high octane action they should’ve stopped doing 20 years ago. There’s plenty of in jokes and self referential parodies abound (Chuck Norris as a “Lone Wolf”…get it?…you morons will watch anything!!) and the big names ham it up and look like they’re having a blast doing it. For all the irony, however, what you may find most surprising is that Sly and Arnold are far from finished kicking ass and taking names, as evidenced by the trailers before the movie even started. Behold!
A Texas Sheriff with an Austrian accent? No Fux Given.
I’m interested in this for several reasons. In both The Expendables and The Last Stand, Arnold seems to be fully coming to terms with being long in the tooth. It looks like hes down for diving into the role of a grizzly badass who’s Too Old For This Shit and just letting his natural larger than life charisma ride alongside with his older and wiser experience. This is also the American debut of Korean Director Jee-woon Kim, famous for The Good The Bad and The Weird as well as I Saw The Devil. I have only seen Devil, which was a motherfucker of a Korean revenge movie (5/5 murdered torture porn actresses……it’s a pretty fucked up movie), but I understand that Kim can handle various different genres well. Whenever a respectable director famous for solid Cannes-Level movies overseas comes to America, they usually end up making shitty big budget B-Movies. I get the feeling this one might be playing upon that expectation though, so I definitely am looking forward to it.
Gritty Hired Killer: The Movie
Now this is whats up. The crazy thing about this trailer is that it honest to god looks like it came straight out of the 80′s. Its got all the great earmarks of a run of the mill action yarn: hired killers in suits, dead partner spurring a quest for vengeance, buddy-cop comedy racial tension, Rocky, Conan, Christian Motherfucking Slater, this is the goods. As it turns out, this story is an adaptation of a Graphic Novel of the same name which was inspired by the very same 80′s action burners that Sly helped cultivate. My, how things come full circle. More interesting is the confluence of comics and mindless action cinema that indicates that they need not be mutually exclusive, as well as the opportunity to tap into a huge well of source material that could potentially lead to more great action films for years to come. After all, it worked for Sin City and The Losers.
The thing I enjoyed most of all about about the Expendables 2 was the fantastic performance by the Muscles from Brussels himself, Jean Claude Van Damme, who plays the creepy Euro villain to the Hilt (John Vilain….yeah the whole movie is like that). They even added my very favorite action movie trope: Badass Right Hand Man/Lieutenant, played by the extremely capable martial arts actor Scott Adkins. Van Damme and Adkins have appeared in no less than 3 DTV films together, which makes me think he might be somewhat of JCVD’s protege. Moreover, they are starring together in another joint coming soon that’s super high on on my give-a-shit meter:
This kind of batshit insanity is what DTV is ALL ABOUT
Adkins has been steadily building his hollywood career. He has been in other big name films, but you probably haven’t even recognized him (X-Men Origins: Wolverine, The Bourne Ultimatum). If Jason Satatham is the heir to the throne of Action Superstardom, Adkins is the spiritual successor to the runner-up niche Action stars like JCVD, Segal and Dudikoff (lol) who specialize in kicking motherfuckers to death with style, grace, and a steely grimace. Take a look at this semi-sizzle reel to get a better Idea of Adkins chops:
Scott Adkins is The Truth!
In conclusion, Expendables 2 is Big Stupid Fun, emphasis on the stupid and fun. I give it 3/5 HGH Injections! There are a good number of old dudes kicking ass still in play and on the horizon. Hell, Liam Neeson has re-invigorated his career based on this concept. Let me know in the comments about any other of your favorite over the hill action stars still going strong and your favorite current films featuring them who deserve some love. And as always, I encourage you to share all your Euroland, Down Under, and Brown America favorites. Peace!
Can your grandfather still whoop your ass? Who The hell is Liam Hemsworth anyway? Is trailer-trending totally lame? Are you getting too old for this shit??
Someone’s probably mentioned The Raid a couple of months back on a similar post but I am here to remind everyone that it is a kickassly awesome balls to the wall action flick incase any SYWH’ers haven’t grow a pair and watched it yet. Has anyone watched Danny Trejo’s Bad Ass yet? I initially thought its crap but its a pretty good B movie standard action flick, not as awesome as Machete but definitely a fun flick to watch that doesn’t take is self to seriously.
Aye, I wrote that article as well. I totally forgot about Bad Ass, will have to check that out. I thought it was a joke trailer at first! Then again, Hobo With A Shotgun was also a joke to begin with, but that turned out to become an excellent grindhouse flick by another perennial old badass by the name of Rutger Hauer. Highly recommended.
Plus Ricky from Trailer Park Boys getting his head ripped off!
Bad Ass is pretty terrible, I watched all the way through and then said “why the fuck did I watch that all the way through”.
But then again, seeing a 10 minute youtube clip and deciding to stretch that out into a whole movie was never going to produce amazing results…
The Grey was the best movie of all time
Was that Andrei Arlovski in the new UniSol??? Fucking awesome.
Indeed! He has a couple excellent fight scenes playing the main villain in the previous entry, Universal Soldier: Regeneration. Definitely a top shelf direct to video movie, if that makes sense.
STOKED. Wd smoke some shitty weed liberated from my sketchy housemates room then watch the fuck out of/10
does the protagonist defeat him once he finds out about his GLASS JAW???
I wonder how many times he got knocked out on set by a key-grip accidentally getting like sort of close to brushing his chin with a foam covered boom mic.
Poor Arlo, I liked your for a bit :(
came to make similar joke, looks like you covered this ground sufficiently in my absence doe. gjdm
I’m too stoked for the new UniSol. And it’s got BOYKA in it. Fuckin’ a.
I love how you write like an eloquent and well-read Internet Movie Nerd (aka scum of the mother fucking earth) but you write about actual fun/stupid/awesome movies. This is SYWH getting back to its roots. I feel like you’re actually indirectly trolling movie reviewers by being awesome at writing and reviewing, but choosing to use your critique skillz on The Expendables and other shit that would land any other movie reviewers in the Terminal Butthurt Ward in critical condition.
I give this 5/5 “I was about to retire next week” s.
Thanks Bro! I guess the trick is that I actually do give a shit about the positive and negative comments made by stuffy critics and contemplate their in-depth analysis. At the same time, being an independently thinking human, I incorporate all that into my undying love for ‘splosions, roundhouse kicks, and one-liners. Just like the modus operandi of SYWH, I can fully recognize the stupidity of my favorite things and still enjoy them.
did anyone else noticed van damme’s flabby arms in the expendables 2?
I thought he looked pretty solid :(
idk, during the last scene his arms look quite flabby, only when he rises them tho
HOW ARE HIS SPLITS THO??????????? TRAINING MONTAGE????????
yes!!! I must get a bloodsport dejavu in or i will not watch…
I love how I can be totally apathetic about all these movies (movies in general really) but still enjoy reading this.
Means a lot coming from you (srs). Being an effective communicator is important to being a chill bro (also srs).
U are so articulate and well spoken….
Awesome post, these movie reviews/overviews are amongst my favorite on SYWH. I love love LOVE the ultra overblown, ridiculous action movie genre (to give you an idea, my favorite movie is Death Wish 3, and Point Break isn’t too far behind), so it’s awesome to see the movie industry re-embracing it again. I agree fully that Jason Statham is pretty much the only prominent younger guy (in the US at least – I’m very ignorant of any cinema trends outside the US) holding down the the classic style “gnarly, charismatic action hero” steez, but it’s cool that the veterans of this style are still apparently capable of kicking ass. Just saw The Expendables the other day (I’d waited on it because I kept hearing how disappointing it was), and while it certainly wasn’t as amazing as it should of been, I kind of wonder how much of the disappointment is due to the fact that having a cast that stacked is bound to make audience expectations impossibly high. In any event, super stoked to see how the new one turned out, as everybody whose opinion I trust on the matter has been saying great things. Kind of an interesting paradox that as popular music trends right now seem to favor being a “serious artist with a serious statement” (see: Adelle), embracing a more “fun” vibe seems to be on the ups in movies right now.
+1 for Death Wish 3. So many campy series really start to come into their own on the third sequal, and this movie is no exception. I can imagine the pitch for that movie – “Let’s copy the framework for the previous two movies, but in the end of this one Paul Kersey KILLS ONE MILLION MOTHERFUCKING GANG MEMBERS”
Whenever discussing Charles Bronson, I always tell people that I love the Death Wish Trilogy – the trilogy being Death Wishes 3 through 5. The problem I have with the first two, aside from the painful-to-watch rape scenes, is that they are a little too concerned with having plots, and nothing gets in the way of a good movie like a plot.
REPOST DIS IF U PRAY 4 THE GIGGLER
Death Wish 2 always reminds me of that line in DIe Hard 2: “How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?”
point break is pretty much the greatest movie ever made, imho
that shit stacks up against vertigo, citizen kane, l’avventura, all that. kathryn bigelow won an oscar for hurt locker, but really they were retroactively awarding her it for point break. it was so next-level it took the academy nearly 20 years to understand its magnificence
I make this argument often. Also, it was so good they basically re-imagined it with cars and called it The Fast and the Furious.
Totally agree. I mean, Point Break is ridiculous, but as far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t even really fall under the “so bad it’s funny” category because it is genuinely really well made, in addition to being hilariously awesome. The movie is also makes a better case for feminism than I’ve ever seen or heard in an academic/blog setting, as that movie was directed by a woman and it basically set the benchmark for badass action films in the 90s.
Action movie directed by a woman that is essentially about male friendship.
exactly. it’s working on multiple layers, which the best didactic works always do. the soviets and fat albert both knew that the best way to get the word out was make that shit entertaining
The Expendables was terrible, but not in the way I expected– I thought it would just be a crappy action movie, instead I cringed at how it tried to be clever and self-referential but just ended up feeling like a not very bright person trying to convince you they are really witty and clever
2deep4U
Hah, yeah I got that feeling at certain parts as well. Whenever there was actual violence happening, they went full retard and reveled in the absurdity. However, that long stretch in the middle where it was mostly talking and plot was admittedly excruciating. I was thinking of giving it 2/5, but JCVD and Adkins automatically add a +1 constitution bonus.
the part where mickey rourke goes on the soliloquy about ‘black vampire shit’ was fucking absolutely mindbottling. I saw it in the theater and turned to my friend slackjawed, unable to process the unbelievable levels of oldfag hubris that were responsible for that bit of the screenplay.
Oh herpderp, I thought you were referring to part 2 like you were giving your take on it. Yes, I absolutely agree that Expendables 1 one was far too up its own ass. The irony of that Mickey Rourke scene is that although he was a famous B-Movie bad boy, he is a legit good actor. I would have adored that little soliloquy…if it were in a completely different movie.
That’s the thing, it felt like it was from a different movie. Its like the flew it in at the last minute to “add texture”.
Now I am actually excited to see Expendables 2. Was expecting more Jason Stratham girlfriend subplot. But this sounds rad.
Also I fucking loved I saw the Devil and you gotta see Good the Bad and the Weird as it is just pure fun with a camera making cool stuff happen.
Great write up! Im a big fan of “important critiques of action movies” because I think they are one of the best vehicles to deliver socio-polical and cultural debates to people in an easy to understand and entertaining fashion. I think a lot of the staying power of the “classic” action movies of the 80s are because many of them are really clever- e.g. Robocop is a giant critique of neoliberal economics, Predator is a deconstruction of masculinity. I’m pretty excited about the expendables 2 because it looks like it is going to be a lot more over the top than the first
Bullet in the Head is a Walter Hill movie.
Backed forever.
Needs more Morgan Freeman.
Bottom line up front: The Expendables 2 is better than the first, mostly living up to the promises that the original failed to deliver on.
Will see, based explicitly on this statement. The first one was *okay* I just felt it relied too hard on the, “check it out guise we put a bunch of action stars in the same movie lolz” concept.
Your SYWHATM post before this made me check out a bunch of Koren revenge flicks (fav: The Man from Nowhere. It’s like Man on Fire, only he murders the shit out of people in the end with a gun&knife instead of going out like a bitch). How long before Korea puts all of its revenge flick names in one giant blockbuster revenge movie???
Motherfucker! They filmed part of Bullet To The Head at my gym down by the pool. I saw Stallone in there, his face looked like it was crafted out of papier mache hahaha. I was also really cold to the production people when they tried to be friendly because they kept telling me to do my weighed chin-ups quieter, fucking Hollywood douchebags……Anyway, the buddy cop racial tension thing is a Walter Hill signature Vice. He is the man behind 48 Hours, the greatest movie of all time! (after Harley Davidson and The Marlboro Man). Holy shit when all these movies come out on Pay Per View my dad is going to go nuts.
I just double checked Walter Hill on IMDB. I had no idea he had a hand in some of my favorite movies of all time (Warriors, Aliens, the first Undisputed). Learn something new everyday! That’s whats really awesome about our comments.
Also Streets of Fire (this fucking scene!):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv3I1p10sGI&feature=related
Hard Times (Too old for this shit?)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdemGogeve4
lol
I forgot Lee Ving of FEAR was in Streets of FIre
Hahaha when he cold cocks Rick Moranis.
Lee Ving has a pretty solid career as an actor, crazy as that sounds.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0898962/
If you haven’t seen Extreme Prejudice or Trespass or Southern Comfort, line those up on netflix/blockbuster/public library/etc., immediately.
I bet Jesse Ventura is sitting at home blaming the illuminati for not offering him a part in The Expendables 2.
snorted with laughter @ this
F’realz I’ll probably see all of these after getting hammered with my bros. I got a Cobra vibe from Stallone in that “Bullet to the Head” trailer which, IMO, is under-rated as far as 80′s action movies go.
it’s crazy that cobra was originally the screenplay for beverly hills cop
lolwat
Stallone was offrered the lead in Beverly Hills Cop early on. He wanted to remove the comedic elements to focus on the main character’s pathos.
The studio went another direction and Stallone wrote Cobra to use all of the ideas he had for the version of Beverly Hills Cop in his head.
He wanted to remove the comedic elements to focus on the main character’s pathos
i fucking love how badly he wants to be a ‘legitimate actor’ and totally does not at all see himself the same as the rest of the world does
I think all the trouble started when his screenplay for Rocky got him nominated for an academy award. He started writing-directing immediately afterward. His movies racked up a money-making streak until Staying Alive.
Wesley Snipes should be in Expendables 3! Guess he’s still too busy picking up the soap doe.
They’re already in talks to try to work that out, along with some other even bigger old Badass stalwarts:
http://www.totalfilm.com/news/clint-eastwood-in-talks-for-expendables-3
“We’ve approached Clint Eastwood to be one of the guys, we’ve got a character in mind for him. We’re talking to Harrison Ford. [And we want] Wesley Snipes when he comes back from prison. I’ll give you one more name, we’ve got Nicolas Cage to play [one of the characters].”
They should have Nic Cage pull a Peter Sellers and have him play multiple characters. He’d go for it in a nanosecond.
I’d buy the ticket twice, just to see nicolas cage getting punched in the face (srs)
Brootal. This could be the trilogy of the century (semi-srs).
I agree with everyone else’s sentiments that this was really well-written – I was getting a bit tired of some of the other writers overdoing Sarge’s way of writing (u mad?!? etc.).
It is always best when people write in their own voice, but to be fair to them, finding your own voice is easier said than done.
There’s a pop punk song about that concept somewhere.
how there is no Kurt Russell in the Expendables is beyond me
THIS.
cept i also thinks SAGAL shoulda been in this shit if only he woulda been offered some part so he could train and come back to his Under Siege dayz physique!!
exit wounds kicked ass too…
Also a bit of sad news to report: Tony Scott, one of the gods of bombastic action cinema, the Plato to Michael Bay’s Aristotle, committed suicide this past Sunday. He will be missed.
http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/20/showbiz/obit-tony-scott/index.html
Yeah man, he had an inoperable brain tumor and I don’t think his sons are more than ten years old.
Sad news, indeed.
He will be missed.
Saw expendables 2 this weekend. It was great. Had a boner during the previews for all the great movies coming out. Also taken 2, but I fear it probably wont be as cool as the first one.
A great genre of mindless action movies are the ones from hong kong. I am pretty just talking about John woo and Jackie chan movies. Over the top action with silly plots.
HARD-BOILED