When the stars have aligned and the Old Ones shake the earth with their stirring from millennial slumber, we tell our wives, girlfriends, etc. to go…I don’t know, Pin things, so that us bros can get some gaming well and truly the fuck ON. This usually happens on a Friday.
It happened this past Friday.
Provided below is a photographic essay for you bros/gal bros who are the main targeted demographic of my previous post that gave a brief, cursory overview of tabletop gaming. Here, I bring you table-side to check out what I think is the most accessible, pick-up-and-play, and immediately fun of all table top entries (without having to reclaim your virginity by playing something lulzy like Fluxx): the Dungeons and Dragons board games. At the very least, you can live vicariously through these pictures.
The D&D board games are simplified, streamlined versions of the d20 system used in the game proper. The rule book is maybe 20 pages long and you have one 20-sided die that is used to govern all the actions/events that take place. The set comes with an “Adventure Book” that has different quests that scale in difficulty so you’re not getting sodomized on your first outing (they even have a quick solo quest that you can run through by yourself to learn the core rules so you don’t look like a stuttering rube when your friends show up to roll dem dice!). The various quests can take anywhere from half an hour to 2ish hours. They are mostly cooperative quests but the Legend of Drizzt (strong cross-marketing 4 da books!) throws in some treachery/adversarial sweetness that you can tackle once you are comfortable with the game.
What I’m trying to say is: I think the D&D board games are the perfect way to get into some nerdy table top goodness. If you want to ultimately end up doing Warhammer or D&D proper or other more “hardcore” games, this is a great way to get your friends into it without overloading them with a ton of rules or pillaging their wallets right out of the gate.
A warning: You WILL meet with some resistance, skepticism, and inability to get enough people together at one time. The D&D board games can be played by 2 – 5 people. You really want 5, but 4 is cool too. You would think it wouldn’t be hard to get such a small amount of people together, especially when you make promises of delicious treats and beers (see below), but it totally is. It proves to be about as hard as convincing your girl to “do a Death Star run.” BTW, a Death Star run = straightforward anal sex but you hire two of your best bros to stand to either side of you; one tells you to “turn off your targeting computer,” the other says “great shot kid, one in a million!” Oh, and you also hire a black guy to attempt to sodomize you at the same time. It’s horrible.
Preparation. The quests play out on a randomized, shuffled series of dungeon tiles that procedurally generate via the “fog of war” style of your Diablos, Neverwinter Nights etc.
U ‘mirin dat bestiary? Also, Troegs, plz to be sponsoring my game nights.
+5 Celibacy buff w/trample!
Our first quest of the night tasked us with slaying a dragon named Shimmergloom. He was a fucker. As you can see, his fire breath radius attack wasn’t fucking about.
The newbie dealt the killing blow! Also, yes, he IS the owner of the world’s thinnest wrists. He ran over a gypsy a little bit ago. …we try not to bring it up.
The meal of the night: Walking Taco. Google it. Thank me later. Protip: Fritos, never Doritos.
Why go out on a Friday night when you can equip your Adventurer’s Sweatpants, assemble a playlist of faggy, mood-setting prog, and roll some nat fucking 20′s on foolish goblin archers?
Is this like POV porn for some of you?
Thanks to my solid crew of bros for participating in this riveting photo session. Also, Doing a Death Star Run is copyright Jorbam Wordsmithery LLC.
Send me hot pix of YOUR game night here.
Let’s trend #walking taco together here.
Strong contrast with last post.
What kind of a people, aside from gay jocks, hate bad girls and D&D?
+1 agree
At the same time, perfectly encapsulates the SYWH community (actually the current front page is a solid indicator)
this
All that’s missing is a “LINUX #SWAG” post, or something. I have a theory that 40% (which would be significant) of SYWH readers work in the IT industry.
brb, writing random breakdown generator script in Python.
blue collar :P
BRB writing a perl script with breakdowns that are obfuscated it drops tables in databases it doesn’t even have access to.
DO YOU EVEN USE STRICT???
Yeah, I was about to comment how fucking ridiculous it is that it’s placed right above a post about hot ass chicks. Fuckin’ great shit. Fate does exist!
First pic on last post was a trap. This post has trap cards.
Definitely not hating, fact this post prolly gives me more a wooderson tbh.
Making me nostalgia big time for when me and my best bros used to do this on the regular. Then they moved so now we play even more autistic shit like ARMA.
I only roll dice FOR THE EMPRAH.
i can tell just from that blurry album art you guys were listening to YES. good choice.
Literally just arrived home from Friday Night Magic to read this post- good stuff brah!
Dying at that walking taco idea. So good.
My next UFC party will for sure feature the walking taco.
Frito tacos are destined to become a staple in my diet.
the bottle of mountain dew in the shot could not be more appropriate for the content of this post.
Dude speaking of that shit, how come every obese dude I see at the gym is reppin’ that drink? Is it like a staple of nerd culture like energy drinks and chips??
Yes, unfortunately.
Signature drink of wild, zany 13-16 year olds who aren’t cool enough to get invited to parties with beer.
and straight edge graffiti writer bike courier loser fuckups
BRO, Y U NO PAINT UR MINIS?
Also good for entry-levelling friends into this sort of thing: Space Hulk; Blood Bowl.
backed/10
Blood Bowl = my teenage years.
Blood Bowl is just something that shouldn’t be played sober , for maximum lulz. Blood Bowl + Beer + Good Bros = Excellent Times.
somehow, all i got from this article is 1: the mental image of Ice Cube rolling 20s and slaying plastic dragons instead of pickin up the cash flow; and 2: WALKING TACOS (brb on my way to obesity)
the mental image of Ice Cube rolling 20s and slaying plastic dragons instead of pickin up the cash flow
Thats kinda what it’s like when I play!
-Roll to confirm Good Day
-Has 30 – 40% chance of summoning AK
Also, something about jimmys casting sleep spells on asses.
XD niggaUhillarious.gif
ded
Fucking excellent. I love your posting on here bro <3
Only in SYWH would this ever be written. Pure gold bro!
lowled hard @ “stuttering rubes”
Damn man this walking talco idea had me stoked until I realized it needed a spoon.
I must say, based on your description, this looks like a version of D&D I can get finally get behind (via being fairly simple and to-the-point, and not requiring the purchase of a bunch of extra texts and whatnot). The first and only time I ever tried playing before, I was fourteen and it was just me and a friend (acting as DM). The experience went something like this:
“Do you want to go north, to the left, or to the right?”
“I guess I’ll go to the left.”
“The door is locked.”
“Okay, I’ll go to the right.”
“There’s a gaping chasm to your right. You can not possibly pass it without falling to your death.”
“Fine, I’ll go to the northern room.”
“Okay, you go into the northern room.”
[Que giant orc, which kills my inexperienced, itemless character in two hits.]
*ragequit*
This is a sad epidemic that has shaken our community to its core. DM’s not knowing what the fuck they’re doing. You can absolutely scuttle someone’s good time by not knowing how to scale the difficulty. The game can get frustrating really quick and a good DM knows how to push back just enough to provide a challenge without sacrificing fun.
This post is for you, friend. The board games are lovely and have the ability to not overwhelm and punish you.
Holy shit A+ story
ded
do you bro’s ever play any card games? Dominion is pretty fun.
I used to play V:TM
Too embarrassing for me to type the actual words.
i’m callin you out, bro: LARPER
know that feel
It’s okay, I showed up for a V:TM game night because I was trying to hook up with the hawt nerd girl who was hosting it. Once I came in and saw, amongst other archnerds, the dude in a pony tail rocking a leather vest and transition lenses, I knew I was in the wrong place. After waiting about 45 minutes for everyone to finish up their last campaign, I proceeded to fuck up the new campaign by making my character as obnoxious as possible (I’d insist on trying to take the shoes off of important characters as they were trying to give us critical information, my first action after entering any residential building would be ‘go to the fridge and drink their Mountain Dew, etc). Ultimately, I realized that while I like the gameplay engines of RPGs, I am less comfortable with the actual role playing aspect of RPGs, and subsequently suicided myself so I could go home.
And needless to say, the girl was just stringing me along because she liked the attention I provided that her indie rock boyfriend was not. No guts were stabbed, and the furthest I got with was her was playfully touching my butt once :(
Goddamned Greek tragedy right there.
“Y tu, brute?”
Dat dere pov porn is what I’M talkin about
how do so many people seriously not know walking tacos??
Cuz, like, you can walk around with a regular taco from taco bell in your hands no problem. They even make taco bowls. Walking taco bag is like college dorm bachelor frog shit (I’m totally gonna try it this weekend though, looks disgustingly awesome like a bacon wrapped sausage-cheese log.)
Haha I’m telling you man, when you put dat heated meat in the bag, some kind of dark, delicious alchemy happens via the Frito chips getting marinated and saturated. Something magic happens that really takes the shit to the next level and makes it way better than you would think.
Also, feel free to add whatever you usually put on a taco into the mix. Meat/cheese is beginner level (and you certainly can’t go wrong) but putting some pico de gallo and/or sour cream and/or hot sauces really knocks it up a notch.
i never heard em called Walking Tacos except when I lived in Cincinnati, but in Texas they’re called Frito Pies.
here is the easiest way to make: go to 7-11, open back of fritos, hold under free chili and nacho cheese dispensers at hot dog stand, destroy.
Yeah according to my buddy who awared me of them, they originated as street vendor food in the southwest. I don’t know if his information is sound or if he was just trying to impress me with saying sentences.
That is some advanced level convenience store wizardry. Sadly, I only have a chain of stores around me called Sheetz and their food is all made to order, touch screen-ized. Therefore, no access to a nacho cheese font :(
yeah well i was a groce crusty in my youth and so even tho i get paid now, i retain some high-level scroungin skillz
Sheetz is fucking awesome (srs). I love MTOs and Dotz!!! Also, FIZZ CITY
I don’t know if his information is sound or if he was just trying to impress me with saying sentences.
LMAO
I feel like it must be some kind of midwest/mid-atlantic thing because I have never heard of it
I’ve heard the term frito pie before… never knew it was a walking taco… good shit…. try the somewhat healthier mexican version of it… I give jew da almighty TOSTILOCO :
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/–ZlvPGDrU54/Tx8tE5WFPVI/AAAAAAAAA_s/R8Lg4FveJYc/s1600/tostilocos.jpg
That is simultaneously the most utterly repulsive and breathtakingly beautiful thing I have ever seen.
believe it or not it has diced cucumbers/fruit in it along with other crap and chamoy/valentino’s/tapatio or w/e hot saowse u prefer to top it off!!! shit is what makes us live longer on average a good 5 to 8 years longer den white people lol
i know… u gotta try “diablitos” too… google dat shit.. =]
street vendor food will always have the ability
Strong beer selection. I don’t know anything about these games.
mirin’ dat regional mid-level brew brah!!!!
wood try it and argue that Firestone ales are way better via California brew snobbery/10~!!!!
A+++ post, you have the ability
Rly wish I had some friends who would play Warhammer 40K with me. I had so much fun playing it in high school, and now I can actually afford a decent army so it would be even more fun. Sadly the pool of potential 40K opponents does not seem to include ‘chill, socially functional adult males.’
Before I was able to nail down a solid group of bros to D&D with, I was seriously looking into the logistics of how I could Skype in to play with my friends in Pittsburgh who played on the regular. I know that feel :(
Also, I’m not a betting man, but I would wager that: “Sadly the pool of potential 40K opponents does not seem to include ‘chill, socially functional adult males.” = 99.999999999% of the MetalSucks commenters.
venn diagram of 40K players, aspies and MS commenters = 3 circles placed right on top of each other so it just looks like a single circle
Sadly quite accurate.
i lucked into a group of bros into D&D, and our DM moved outta state, but it was fun, so we skype the game
I know that feel bro. I literally just have my brother. Whenever we play at GW we’re like the only non sperg modes there. Yet to come across anyone I’d want to be bro’s with. And I’ve tried, but it’s hard to get any of my normal friends into it, what with the money/social stigma involved. So many people want to and are really interested, it’s just making that jump into not giving a fuck about doing something “for nerds”.
I remember you said you played Ultras, still got them lying around?
The trick is definitely to steer clear of the GW stores, unless they really are a good environment. 99% of the really bad aspies can be found there, whereas independent stores or gaming clubs made up of grown-ass dudes with their shit together tend to be a LOT more dow to earth. At least that’s my experience.
No, my (pathetic) Ultra army is long gone :(
Do Cholos Marines for your next army. You have the ability.
There are plenty of chill bros in my local gaming circuit, but I’ll admit it did take a little bit to find them. At least the 40k hobby still requires people to leave the house, so the atomic-grade aspies thankfully stay on message boards and fap over army lists so you don’t have to bother too much with them out in real life.
this is really more about your last post, but back when i was 13 and a stupid fucking retard, my friend from out of town visited, and brought his older sister (who I was crushin on) and one of her friends.
the four of us skated down to the mall, and my friend talked me into buying Heroquest.
those girls went from party times excellent to total bummer so hard my dick got mad at me
They just would have been teases. Disregard womens, acquire loot/fleshlights.
I could never get behind anything like this, haha. Can’t imagine asking any of my bros to get into D&D for me. Also hear that getting into this kinda stuff is expensive as hell, so even less incentive.
All that said, I’m having an internal debate whether I want to ruin my life by trying this walking taco thing. Lettuce b cereal here, once anyone gets their hands on that shit, it’s a one-way trip to obesity. But by god, it’s one paved with delicious nastiness!
Reminds me of when I played MTG, I really miss that game but sadly due to money issues and refusing to spend every waking moment modifying my deck I get crushed by the kids at FNM. They all just seemed to run either top decks or just Jund. Good thing though is I quit around Alara and had a great time with that block.
Needed feebly dining oh talked wisdom oppose at. Applauded use attempted strangers now are middleton concluded had. It is tried no added purse shall no on truth. Pleased anxious or as in by viewing forbade minutes prevent.
Relevant!
A+ post, it seriously made me wonder if you guys are a dying breed. I am 26 and don’t know anyone who would have/play these games, except for 2 friends who dabbled in DandD for a minute before going back to Diablo 2/WoW. It really seems like MMORPGS have usurped tabletop gaming, at least to an extent. Especially considering the expense of WH40k for example (if I understand correctly), vs the one time or subscription expense of a game.
Would give any of these a shot, especially with SYWH bros/10
Would probably prefer Starcraft/Diablo/10
Don’t doeth the 40k, its got some sweet ass imagery. But dat financial investment is better put into elsewhere doe. If your srs, try warmachine/hordes, less ass burgers and less investment for a better game.
Also somehow indirectly got my italian OTW into painting and playing the shiz bbaaadddd… A+
I am a die-hard 40k fan of many many years, but I gotta say that Warmachine looks fun as shit. The Warjack minis are goddamned awesome to look at!
Yeh man, get a battle box or if you got a bro, get the 2-player kit. You save heaps of dosh in those and act as a great starter for how the game works. Should beable to score a new one for 50-60 dollars and it contains a whole army to work off.
Mirin that obscure B horror reference. THINNER. LIZARD. Also progrock is for fags, wanna suck each others’ dicks? Cause I don’t. Unless you do. I have a Roger Dean mural on my ceiling.
#getonmylevel
#solipsisms
dude you suck
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