When the stars have aligned and the Old Ones shake the earth with their stirring from millennial slumber, we tell our wives, girlfriends, etc. to go…I don’t know, Pin things, so that us bros can get some gaming well and truly the fuck ON. This usually happens on a Friday.
It happened this past Friday.
Provided below is a photographic essay for you bros/gal bros who are the main targeted demographic of my previous post that gave a brief, cursory overview of tabletop gaming. Here, I bring you table-side to check out what I think is the most accessible, pick-up-and-play, and immediately fun of all table top entries (without having to reclaim your virginity by playing something lulzy like Fluxx): the Dungeons and Dragons board games. At the very least, you can live vicariously through these pictures.
The D&D board games are simplified, streamlined versions of the d20 system used in the game proper. The rule book is maybe 20 pages long and you have one 20-sided die that is used to govern all the actions/events that take place. The set comes with an “Adventure Book” that has different quests that scale in difficulty so you’re not getting sodomized on your first outing (they even have a quick solo quest that you can run through by yourself to learn the core rules so you don’t look like a stuttering rube when your friends show up to roll dem dice!). The various quests can take anywhere from half an hour to 2ish hours. They are mostly cooperative quests but the Legend of Drizzt (strong cross-marketing 4 da books!) throws in some treachery/adversarial sweetness that you can tackle once you are comfortable with the game.
What I’m trying to say is: I think the D&D board games are the perfect way to get into some nerdy table top goodness. If you want to ultimately end up doing Warhammer or D&D proper or other more “hardcore” games, this is a great way to get your friends into it without overloading them with a ton of rules or pillaging their wallets right out of the gate.
A warning: You WILL meet with some resistance, skepticism, and inability to get enough people together at one time. The D&D board games can be played by 2 – 5 people. You really want 5, but 4 is cool too. You would think it wouldn’t be hard to get such a small amount of people together, especially when you make promises of delicious treats and beers (see below), but it totally is. It proves to be about as hard as convincing your girl to “do a Death Star run.” BTW, a Death Star run = straightforward anal sex but you hire two of your best bros to stand to either side of you; one tells you to “turn off your targeting computer,” the other says “great shot kid, one in a million!” Oh, and you also hire a black guy to attempt to sodomize you at the same time. It’s horrible.
Preparation. The quests play out on a randomized, shuffled series of dungeon tiles that procedurally generate via the “fog of war” style of your Diablos, Neverwinter Nights etc.
+5 Celibacy buff w/trample!
Our first quest of the night tasked us with slaying a dragon named Shimmergloom. He was a fucker. As you can see, his fire breath radius attack wasn’t fucking about.
The newbie dealt the killing blow! Also, yes, he IS the owner of the world’s thinnest wrists. He ran over a gypsy a little bit ago. …we try not to bring it up.
The meal of the night: Walking Taco. Google it. Thank me later. Protip: Fritos, never Doritos.
Thanks to my solid crew of bros for participating in this riveting photo session. Also, Doing a Death Star Run is copyright Jorbam Wordsmithery LLC.
Send me hot pix of YOUR game night here.
Let’s trend #walking taco together here.