If you’re a fan of laughter, you’re probably already watching Louie. I think that Louie has more “real” moments in it than all of reality TV combined, ever. If there is a show that paints a better portrait of modern, “futile/isolated/lowered expectations” human existence, I don’t know about it, and gorsh-darnit, I don’t want to know! There’s something about getting older that’s kind of pathetically funny –like you’re just kinda continuously pooping your pants a little for the rest of your life while also tripping on an untied shoelace all while wearing an ill-fitting tshirt that says: “I tried my best!”. If you’re not balding, you’re out of shape, and if you’re not one or both of those, chances are you, at the very least, have a ton of regrets. Louis C.K.’s fictional life is full of missed connections, anticlimaxes, and awkwardness and it’s all pure gold. I gather that a lot of the SYWH demographic fall into the 25+ generic white bro category (yours truly, included) and this show is for you more than anyone else (finally, a voice for the American white male!) So yeah, if you aren’t already watching, watch. I’d totally link to the episodes but FX fears technology/Hulu so, I guess go “borrow” them off your favorite “borrowing” site.
That being said, there is a two episode arc of Louie that aired in the recent past (Daddy’s Girlfriend parts 1 & 2) that falls in line with the Official SYWH Golden Rule of Dating Womens: Yoga pants/Uggs = wifeable, “indie girl” = get ready for various forms of mania! These two episodes really resonated with me as I’m an early 30’s dude who is actively still dating. Parker Posey guest stars as a woman who, for all intents and purposes, should be the dream girl for a awkward, mediocre bro who has gone this long without tricking some woman into splitting half of their stuff 8 years down the line. In fact, in part 1, Louie fantasizes about this quirky, witty woman getting along with his kids and just being and all-around wifeable gal. What he is eventually treated to (spoiler alert): is a date filled with rapid unloading of baggage, mood swings, dare escalation, and “test-passing” via humiliation. Basically, Parker Posey portrays what one of Zooey Deschanel’s characters would ACTUALLY be like.
“I don’t really get along with other girls.” = Ruuuuuuun the fuck away!
Many of us “creative type” dudes seem to be genetically predisposed towards women like that…ya know, brunettes or almost any girl in the 90’s. In the show, Louie and Liz go to a vintage clothing store and she makes him try on a dress because she thinks “it would look good on him”. Of course it doesn’t because he’s a dumpy, ginger, human male and it’s all for her entertainment/secret test to see how much bullshit he’ll put up with. How many dates have you been on with an “artistic girl” who wants to do a bunch of unpredictable, yet still somehow hackneyed, activity that will “get you out of your comfort zone”? I don’t want to see if you can kickflip down a set of stairs so how about we don’t paint my fingernails and then go do ironic karaoke, ok? All you bros who went to art school, how many insufferable, embarrassing hoops did you try to jump through for some quirky chick before you just cut your losses and signed up for JDate instead?
“After this, we can go to Whole Foods where I will condescend to you about what you eat!”
Posey’s Liz embodies the anti-Ugg, anti-yoga panted female. Liz reveals that she had a near-death experience at a young age that trivialized the mundane existence most of us lead and sent her on a journey of constant thrillseeking/risk taking and self-fulfillment that leaves everyone she comes across in her wake. We, as dudes, see girls like this -sensitive souls that “aren’t like other girls”- and we think they’re the stable ones; the ones that will truly GET us. Turns out, it’s the exact opposite. In reality, a girl who dresses like the members of the Decemberists somehow “Voltron’d” together into one being should set off the warning bells for men the same way that a dude wearing a tshirt that has more than one superhero on it and who owns an MMO mouse with all the buttons on the side, would set off the alarm for women. They will hit the road as soon as they’re bored with you because your novelty has worn off and you don’t go on “adventures” anymore to outsider art shows or some shit. You are much better off making peace with the fact that you’ll never have this fictional counter-culture queen (if they existed, I bet they would be born from the slate of an Apple Store the way the Uruk-hai were birthed from the pits beneath Isengard) and concentrate on finding a girl who, oh I don’t know, knows how to pay her bills and will raise your kids should you choose to stop liking sleep and money and have her launch out a few lil tax deductions.
“Meat is Murder! Go vegan!” Sent from my phone made of 30% Chinese tears.
Author’s note: If you’re one of the six female SYWH readers, just reverse everything I said here and it will pertain to guys: disregard sleazebros, acquire sensitive beta-ish guys (notice I said “beta-ish, not full-blown beta!). …also, I totally own an MMO mouse with the buttons on the side.
Do u kno Louie’s feel? Have u put up with crazy just to see whats inside them mom jeans? Are Parker Posey’s teeth too flat the whole way across? Is Louis C.K. unfunny/r u more of a Dane Cook kind of bro?
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This article is an amazing coconut cream pie and “…also, I totally own an MMO mouse with the buttons on the side” is the maraschino cherry.
Also, I like how I’m allowed to have one superhero on my shirt. I’m taking Black Bolt.
WHY HE GOTTA BE BLACK!!!!!
that second part was such a fucked up episode, crazy bitches who you hate make great television tho
Would you or anyone else mind recapping it here? I want to know how it ended!
Louie is my second favorite show on TV and I missed last Thursday’s episode. I was busy.
:/
It just got increasingly weird and she seemed more and more crazy. You gotta watch it, I can’t describe with sentences how fucked up she be.
zooey deschanel has gross fat thighs
She has gross skinny thighs, needs squats and milk
Louis C.K. is my fav mexibro ever. Represent dat canelo
just wikipedia’d him.. never knew dat!!!
wood mexi-bro fist him IRL!!!
(totes homo)
;-D jelly Adam??
best article on this site not written by sergeant d thus far.
also, anytime louie features dating, it’s gold. i.e. – season one where he takes out chelsea peretti’s character. hysterical.
my favorite so far has been him getting his skull cracked and face raped by oscar winner melissa leo
I know this isn’t a unique opinion here but every time I see a girl wearing high waisted pants, it honestly makes me feel like I’m 7 years old and some ass hole doctor is sticking a tongue depressor down my throat and giving me a strep test.
I used to date this girl like 5 years ago right when they started becoming popular and she was an uggs and yoga pants type to the extreme and then half way through our relationship… *boom* high waisted pants. “I think they look cute” she says when I tell her they are awful. I broke up with her not long after.
sorry you were in the painful transition period bro, at least you got out of there. <3
Thank you. It was traumatic. My boner had receded into my abdomen for quite some time.
This is another classic “Stuff You Will Hate Presents Shit I Wish I Had Known 10 Years Ago” post.
we all know that feel bro
Ditto.
Bless this post.
This is honestly the realist shit I’ve ever seen on this site.
If Zooey Deschanel weren’t Zooey Deshanel, I’d totes stab her guts :(
…also, I totally own an MMO mouse with the buttons on the side.
same, feelsgoodman!
These girls are always itching to tell you how much they loved Europe too. I grit my teeth anytime I meet a chick that instantly tries to describe themselves in terms of the aaaaaaahhhhmaaaaahzing time they had amongst the Eurokind. This is probably closely related to the fact that 99% of Americans festishize European culture (via most will never call themselves American, it’s always “Well I’m an Irish/Dutch/Polish/German/British/French mix!”).
But I digress.
I actually AM half euro (father is from norway), but i am so ashamed of my heritage and its obvious implications that I would never identify as anything other than American (followed by a look that says ‘what the fuck else would i be?!’)
Damn straight brother
What part of Norway is your father from (yes stalker). I’m Norwegian myself.
He’s from Oslo, but I don’t know him so that’s all I can tell you
Defend American women from Viking Raep
I think the only thing Europe has on the USA is less obesity.
our ability to wait until we’ve actually travelled to somewhere else before we pass sweeping judgements on them?
Does your country even have any gold medals bro?
Actually travelled to Europe. It’s terribad. Sorry, bro.
Also that’s not really true considering most Euros I’ve met think North America is a terrible place when they haven’t even been to it.
I’d actually go as far as to say that the UK has a way higher percentage of flabby girls, but usually not as flabby as the ones in USA.
Yeah I have heard something about the UK having an obesity epidemic too.
I’m really not interested in Europe at all. I’d visit Canada again before going to Europe.
does your father still live i norway?
I live here, i can say hi from u
i srs jock dere free educashin n socialized healthcare via taxing your ass thru da roof n shit brah… wood smash an euro n mix my bloodline for lyfe!!
speshially dem northern/western euros… not dem eastern euros doe.. wood rather smash an hairy arby’s roast beef pussy armenian/indian/korean fosure via families having good businesses n handling money n shit ;-D
I don’t know what it is, but Westernized Ukrainians seem to be an exception to the “east euro = poor” sitgma. Every single ukrainian that’s past 2 generations here seems to have extremely succesful careers. Maybe it’s just where I live.
Had a nightmare after each of those two Louie episodes. Girls like the Parker Posey character believed all those movies about quirky free spirit pixies who save uptight men from themselves.
frownie face at muffs that smell like a library.
LMAO
“my name is… ugh… my name’s tape recorder”
I usually think that, while Louie is a fantastic show, it’s more just soul-crushing and bittersweet than actually funny. But that scene was downright hilarious, while massively uncomfortable too!
would still smash Parker Posey with the hammer of Thor /10
like status
This x10000
But this episode made me boner want to hara kiri.
By hammer do you mean penis? Could go either way, comment is ambiguous, please advise.
This post and comments make me laugh and feel very sad at the same time.
There seems less and less wifeable bishes nowadays =[[[
dat pic of zooey deschanel….brb puking my guts into a bucket and then tearing off my dick and throwing it into the same bucket so she will never ever touch it
Sold Parker Posey a prepaid phone in a past job as a T-Mobile drone on 6th avenue.
Suffice to say when she plays crazy…she ain’t playin’
That kinda just makes me hotter for her. Imagine all the weird stuff she could do to your boner with her DangerSnatch. Oh man, brb, writing erotic unhinged actress fiction!
dying @ DangerSnatch.
lulz at the idea of parker posey buying burners for her drug empire
Cosigned my Breaking Bad fandom.
Also should have reread and reviewed this article before going to a friend’s loft birthday party…in Tribeca…so many hipster bishes
This blog man… as a 19 year old I feel like this blog alone has kept me from about 90% of fuckups I otherwise would have been ravaged by. This shit is like the hardcore elder council.
This shit is like the hardcore elder council.
Thought this many times myself. I’m seriously really happy that you are avoiding our mistakes. Some of us are too late for salvation, and can only find hope in youngn’s like yourself <3
fuck yes.. we will live vicariously thru you… make us proud!!
Another fascinating journey into the mind of the white man. Also reminds me of the “Manic Pixie” phenomenon I’ve seen in a bunch of pretentious indie movies.
I just recently started watching Louie (got the first season) and I was ready to be blown away via people everywhere beaming “OMG Loiue is the best comedian on teh planet funniest show ever zomg bacon”. After the first few episodes….I was significantly underwhelmed. However, I was still intrigued enough to keep watching for some reason. It then occured to me during the episode where he gets in a fight with his conservative bro: This show works much better as a slice of life drama with some hilarious moments rather than as a full blown laffaplooza it’s advertised as. With that in mind, looking forward to when I catch up with the current season.
Also, that pizza place in the opening credits on the corner of W3rd & McDougal is one of my all time favorite food joints. Have spent many a drunken 4AM stumbing into there for a pepperoni slice.
White bro’s sole mental function = crippling over-analysis followed by impotent inaction. So say we all.
Also, those fucking pizza slices look amazing. I get a little angry every time I see him half-finish the slice. I’m not surprised to learn that that place has skills to pay said bills, pizza-wise.
it bugz me that he doesn’t eat the rest of the pizza. yes it’s because we know he hates himself for eating garbage and is ashamed (like ppl who butt out half a cigarette) but eat the pizza man.
ONLY PAPAYA KING IS REAL!
i was really disappointed how bland their food is, then again i ate at the one in laguardia during a layover
If you had one, you had em all. There’s a reason its so (relatively) cheap. The fruit drinks are whats up tho.
I am impressed that boys are getting so sensible. From- a girl
From experience, I support this article.
“born from the slate of an Apple Store the way the Uruk-hai were birthed from the pits beneath Isengard” A+
Single_tear.gif
Congratulations, you have just written my all time favorite non Sarge SYWH post. And it couldn’t have come at a better time – I’ve been visiting a good friend who now lives out of state but is visiting for work, forcing me to spend a week in the West Coast’s capital of the above article’s subject – San Francisco.
Just when I think I’m done for, surrounded and overrun by special snowflakes, wallstreet occupiers, pretentious hipsters, and other miscellaneous faggotry – I open SYWH and this deus ex machina swoops down to save me. It’s like the last scene in Jurassic Park where they’re all surrounded by raptors and the T-Rex comes out of nowhere and eats them all, then roaring in triumph.
I gather that a lot of the SYWH demographic fall into the 25+ generic white bro category (yours truly, included) and this show is for you more than anyone else (finally, a voice for the American white male!)
100% me, and agreed 100% on this
I don’t want to see if you can kickflip down a set of stairs so how about we don’t paint my fingernails and then go do ironic karaoke, ok?
Dying at the hilarity of both of these images
if they existed, I bet they would be born from the slate of an Apple Store the way the Uruk-hai were birthed from the pits beneath Isengard)
A+ Hall of fame LOTR reference, dying
They will hit the road as soon as they’re bored with you because your novelty has worn off and you don’t go on “adventures” anymore to outsider art shows or some shit.
Happened to me too many times.
…also, I totally own an MMO mouse with the buttons on the side.
Perfect conclusion. Which mouse bro? Also, do you own a mech keyboard? I own a gaming mouse (Razer Deathadder) but it has no macro buttons (no need in Starcraft). Leopold tenkeyless mechanical board with mx cherry brown switches. PLZ RESPOND W/ PERIPHERALS
IMO you should start your own blog, or maybe just do more frequent posts on sywh. You have a distinct writing style.
Thanks 4 the kind words, bro!
I have a Death Adder and a Naga (stay away, girls!) I don’t play MMO’s though :( (tried Old Republic and just couldn’t do it. Before that, Asheron’s Call 2, WoW beta, WoW actual game… I just can’t get behind the gameplay mechanics). I use all dem buttons for like basically hotkeys for equipping shit. Been meaning to make the jump to a mechanical keyboard. Heard good things but the price scares they seem to be not really all that radically different. Are they? Will u never go back 2 da peripherals 4 commoners?
I plan on sticking around SYWH for as long as Sarge will have me. He’s a rad dude and honestly, the community here is so unrepresentative of the Internet via people being laid-back and polite and interested in interacting (so far, I’m sure I’ll piss someone off at some point) that I just want 2 bring teh lulz with solid bros. But I am trying to grow the brand, so to speak. I write for a very small gaming site and I have a few other irons in the fire. The facepage/twitter links at the bottom of this article will keep you in the loop for any future word-vomit I issue forth.
Ah yes, the nada. Once you go mech, you’ll be pissed at rubber domes forever, especially for gaming. Plus, they’re so satisfying to write on, the’ll encourage you to do more blogging (srs). You can get a high quality mech board for around 100$ – the steel series standard one (6gv2) is well liked by many, but I personally don’t like the black switches. For a 100% blue or brown switch board, leopold has many great options (same makers as filco apparently).
Check out elitekeyboards.com and geekhack.org for excessive amounts of gaming peripheral faggotry :)
What are your main games, then? Also what is this gaming site, and what is your posting id there?
egh, dammit, now i have to check out one of these keyboards. curse you.
my games = skyrim, replaying the batmens arkham city right now, a lot of the indie stuff…, diablo 3, also playing deus ex: human revolution because I hated it when it came out but now can’t get enough of it. Basically, I’m trying to work through a huge queue that I thunderfucked myself with via the latest Steam sale.
the gaming site is gameseyeview.com
I post reviews, some news bits, and op/eds because I think people care what I think. I use my real name on there, which is Jordan (I don’t think I need to stay anonymous/pen name-y like Sarge via militant feminists/Varg prolly wanting to firebomb his house/Acura). So, just search for me and my stuff should pop up. Also, the links at the end of this article to the facepage and twitter will have links to stuff I write there as well.
Love ya Jorbam and this is my 2nd fave non-Sarge article, after the one you did about tabletop games (but only because of that awesome D&D fakeout and the use of the term “AIDSy hobo”). I’m gonna lobby Sarge to give you more inches!
one of your 6 female readers here . . . i always look at these manic pixie dream girls and wonder “why are guys attracted to them? don’t any dudes find them as insufferable as i do?”. if i were a guy, no way in hell would i have the patience to put up with that kind of self-absorbed, special snowflake shit for more than an hour. to be fair, i can’t deal with their male counterparts either. i guess i just can’t deal with a lot of people via being 30 years old and not even pretending that i want to date anyone. forever alone! but kind of happily.
brb, buying a ring 4 u!
I’m happy to hear that this post was able to resonate with a woman. I was worried it would be a little too “war on women”-ish, hence my equal-opportunity deflection there at the end (IRL I’m a liberal pansy). This kind of douchebaggery absolutely happens among both sexes equally. Thanx 4 reading! u have the ability!
most of what i read on SYWH resonates more deeply with me than any other blogs/articles/etc geared towards the wimenz!
I hope that it is clear we are not at all angry at women or anything like that… when we make fun of dumb girls, it’s with the understanding that those are the crappy ones who gave the rest of you a bad name (no WK).
oh, i know. one of SYWH’s many charms is that it’s equal opportunity when it comes to pointing out idiocy.
I think it’s half out of desperation and half out of idealism. As said in the post “We, as dudes, see girls like this -sensitive souls that “aren’t like other girls”- and we think they’re the stable ones; the ones that will truly GET us.”
the idealism thing makes a lot of sense. see, when i look at those girls i just see a big ol’ box of narcissism and drama wrapped up in american apparel packaging. but i can understand how some guys (and girls) would look at them and think “she is quirky and free-spirited and if anyone will be able to appreciate the beauty in my imperfections, it’s her!”. the thing is, the idealism runs both ways and that’s what makes it impossible to date a girl like that for any extended length of time.
my theory is that these girls have zero interest in genuinely getting to know someone and forming a meaningful connection. makes they’re not even aware of it themselves, but they just want a stand-in to play the role of equally quirky male partner in their whimsical adventures . . . basically, they just want a warm body who can complete the image of self and lifestyle they want to attain. as if this weren’t problematic enough, they assume that once they find a guy to play that role, everything will magically fall into place and they’ll suddenly be ecstatic, only to be disappointed time after time when it doesn’t pan out all twee and lovely. then they get shaken by the fact that their relationship is actually normal and at times quite mundane like everyone else’s, so they react by dumping the guy and moving onto the next one. in short (well, in long, given the novel i’ve written here) . . . you’re never going to be able to stay with one of these girls, because they’re all looking for one guy to provide an entire world that doesn’t exist outside of movies.
“a big ol’ box of narcissism and drama wrapped up in american apparel packaging” A++ on the American Apparel detail.
Given personal experience, that actually makes so much sense. It’s not just the hipster girls that do this, too =\ (see: every girl ever who complains about not having a relationship like the one in whatever stupid romantic comedy/drama movie they like/idealize)
THIS. You just described most of my ex girlfriends, why we had problems, and why they always dumped me. All in one paragraph. Very well done
via growing up thinking I’m a super special snowflake and that any girl who acts like that “rly gets who i am.”
You seem good and lovely. You may even have the ability.
no, my bullshit tolerance is just lowering rapidly in my old-ish age.
that’s one of the best things about getting older; taking less shit and giving less of a fuck about everything
this is true. i just wish i’d clued into not giving a shit way earlier in life. i’m so much happier not caring that what i wear is uncool and giving zero fucks that i listen to some really shitty music (srs).
My brother has been obsessing over this girl who is in a lesbian relationship and kind of screwing around with his ex- girlfriend. I was hanging out with them the other day and had to leave because of how annoying and retarded they are. As a joke, I tried to convince one of them, who was working on designing a poster for slutwalk, to put a “crass border” on the poster like on their album covers, and she actually went and got a crass poster with the border to see if it would work.
This post rings so much truth that it kind of hurts. Back when I was a sophomore (2 years ago) I dated some hipster girl because mainly 1) I was desperate and 2) She was a moderately attracitve girl who didn’t wear high-waisted shorts. She may have been attractive at the time, but in the end the negatives far outweighed the positives and dates were literally the dumbest shit ever (trip to the drug store, anyone?)
Fun fact: She broke up with me because I was clingy. Did I mention desperation?
Anyways yeah that’s one of the few tragedies that SYWH /hasn’t/ saved me from in time, but I’m still young so #yolo
OMG bro, if not for the ‘drug store’ reference awaring me we prob live on different sides of the planet I’d have thought we’d dating the same bish and dealt with the same shit.
So this is what it feels like when doves cry…
Oh my god dude I love Louis CK, didn’t know he had a show just saw his standup and holy fuck does this article hit home, 10/10 best non-sarge post I have ever read
First off, great article and a great piece of real life advice. HOWEVER, I think there might be a bit more to this character. *Spoiler Alert* You forgot to mention the brief, extremely sad look she has at the end of the episode that Louie happens to notice as well. Like she was trying to convince herself that she didn’t wanna jump when deep down a part of her really did. It was one of the greatest tv episodes I’ve ever seen and I will cry myself to sleep every night if Parker Posey isn’t on anymore episodes.
I was going to talk about that but got concerned that I’d get a little too “Film Theory Professor-y” about my post. But I can assure you, I loved every little nuance of these episodes. You see Louie almost give in to her life philosophy but then see, just via his change of expression, that he pulls back and is like “how the fuck would this woman become any kind of role model/authority figure to my kids?!” Her internal struggle that you mentioned was a high point as well.
I love that a comedy can be so stripped down and so based in the minutia of painfully normal existence, yet be so god damned funny and well-executed.
Egh, yeah, while I was typing this, two scarfs materialized around my neck, I’m wearing a sweater all of a sudden, and a very dark, bold coffee is in front of me.
I may be wearing a jumper (what the hell’s a sweater?!) and scarf while drinking bold, dark coffee and reading this, but that’s only because the UK is cold, and weak, bland coffee is horrible. <3
It’s like EVERYTHING posted on this blog is pertinent to my life! I’m 29 and all of the girls I dated in my younger years, being fully-entrenched in the Bay Area and Sacramento hardcore scenes, were all scene-y or free-spirited hip-chick stereotypes. And FUCK it was exhausting! Cuz I was dumb and fucked up all the time, and they had all these issues. So they all basically were enablers of my self destructive ways (reference the Louie comment about regrets… bleh) while adding their own BS to the mix. I have a theory: the stronger the scene the sadder the dating pool, but I digress. I don’t have anything against any of those girls, but I’m glad it didn’t work out.
And you know what? Two years ago I met a nice girl that was more interested in becoming a successful businesswoman than in local music, whose favorite musical artists are J-Lo and Rihanna – not whatever is ahead of the curve. I got my priorities straight, I married her and now I’m FUCKING AWESOME.
My life supports the theories presented in this post.
This gives me hope that its not too late for me (srs)
You sound like a former(?) regretcore bro: any advice for improving decision making abilities, or adapting to the non hardcore world in a non depressing way?
Hah yeah, you got me. I guess if I had anything that would be considered advice it’s this: Get your head straight and figure out what you want in life and how to get it. If the people you’re surrounding yourself with don’t have that same type of mentality, they’re probably holding you back. That includes girls, bros, everyone. For me, this especially included my gf’s and bandmates. As for the non-hardcore world its the same thing. Not knocking on anyone’s choices, but if you are continually making better life choices it’s easy to outgrow the need for your scene (and the crazy girls in it). Hope that helps but it sounds like rambling to me lol.
“the stronger the scene, the sadder the dating pool”.
backtard. valid theory.
Bro, same story here. 30 yr old dude, grew up in an East Bay suburb going to Gilman way too many times and then moved to Sacramento for awhile. There I started hanging out with – but never joined – dudes from the Pyrate Punx (a lot of cool dudes, actually). Met a girl who was not interested in “metal dudes throwing bricks into dryers, or whatever they do” and drove a Lexus. Married that shit. Best decision ever.
Lol…I also have a similar story. I’m in my early 30′s and dated/lived with a girl who was into the sxe/hardcore scene/scene/hipster crap (she changed as it evolved). I was entrenched in that crap as well but was trying to say “fuck it” and be a normal bro. I allowed her influence to keep sucking me back into it. She was a nightmare to deal with and a horrible human being. I finally got smart enough to dump her. After many years of self evaluation, change, and loneliness, I met a girl who knew nothing about scene/hxc/sxe/metal. She didn’t even fully understand what veganism was and had no clue what a hipster was. She rolls her eyes sometimes when she looks at the small holes in my ears that almost became “sick gauges bro.” I have been with her about 2.5 years now and will shortly put a ring on it. It is so cool to find others that feel the same way I do so I had to share my story.
I appreciate these stories! lol my wife points to people on the street and is like “is that a hipster?!” Hilarious.
OH GOD
I was in an on again off again relationship with an insane, hypochodndritic female who worked ten hours a week and was behind on rent by six months. She always wanted to go the the normal clubs ironically and even looked like Zooey Deschanel.
After the third time I dumped her because I still had not learned my lesson, she met a guy with some decent cash flow and IMMEDIATELY GOT PREGNANT TOTALLY BY ACCIDENT WEIRD.
Also she thinks she’s psychic, sees ghosts, believes in crystal therapy, and liked to brag about the one time that girl from Beach house talked to her.
I want to punch myself in the face in the past and right now.
looks like hypochondritic is not a word and now I feel even dumber.
pmptmb (pooping my pants; trying my best)
Also she thinks she’s psychic, sees ghosts, believes in crystal therapy, and liked to brag about the one time that girl from Beach house talked to her.
This is by far the worst part imo. Superstitions rustle my jimmies so bad
Unfortunately I think I am on the cusp of being one of those girls, but do not know how to change this. Last week I got asked why I never wear pants and aren’t I too old for an overall dress? (answer – because I’m fat and yes, yes I am, maybe 20 years too old for an overall dress). What to do? How do I reverse 26 years of brain washing that this behaviour is acceptable, especially when it’s reinforced by every guy I date ever? I wear my ugg boots at home, tell me sywh readers how do I begin to wear them in public?
The fact that you are concerned that you might be becoming one of these girls is a pretty good indicator that you won’t become one of these girls, actually. Self-awareness is the opposite of self-absorption. Dress how you want to dress. The uggs/yoga pants thing is symbolic of a girl’s mentality. Just give yourself a Memento-style tattoo that will read: “don’t be a dick” when you look in the mirror and you will be fine. U have the ability.
How to wear uggs in public: one step at a time, my friend. One step at a time.
Every guy you date tells you it’s acceptable because they’re probs sucking up to you or want you to be their own personal Zooey. It must suck being a girl and not knowing when guys are being sincere and when they’re just trying to kiss your ass (srs).
Louis CK is da best <3 Guy has been through the SHIT and is still somehow able to see the funny side about it.
I agree with the sentiment expressed in these comments, but it’s worth noting that pursuing gals in ugg boots is not a sustainable strategy for bros who have been seriously immersed in hardcore for most of their lives (I gather this is true for a significant chunk of the readers of this blog ). I know you’re thinking of “ugg boots” as more of a mindset that a concrete set of lifestyle choices, but still…there’s a causal relationship between the mindset and the lifestyle choices. Therein lies the problem: no one really wants to date insane broads but bros who get in fights, have a criminal record, own an Antidote 7″, are straight edge/vegan, still skate every day in their thirties, and so forth aren’t likely to get a foot in the door with young professionals. All of these things send up red flags, even if you’re not trying to play them up. You could just ditch that stuff in pursuit of domestic bliss…but a bro who curtails his skate time for a broad is a major faggot. Thus, an alternative strategy: pursue normal-ish girls who are scene tourists. There weren’t as many of them when I was a fresh cut but these days they’re all over the place. My wife basically falls in this category. When I met her she had a shotgun blast haircut and was doing the whole San Diego style thing…she was over it in like two years…now she dresses like a WASP, works on her garden, and has no interest in “the scene”…but she has enough of a history w/hardcore that she doesn’t flip the fuck out if I decide to ditch her to go see Warhound or something and she’s a good sport about my skateboarding habit. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s a middle ground out there and before you consign yourself to some boring suburban existence it’s worth exploring all your options…I’ve learned from experience that chicks in marketing don’t like it when they find out you’ve been in violent altercations with hammer skins.
Strong agreement with all of this– I have always said that it’s a good idea to look for ‘recovering trainwrecks,’ because they will be fucked up enough not to care much about the ways that you are fucked up, but not so fucked up as to be unwifeable.
Or you could have all your little kiddie hobbies but still have an actual career in something you’re good at that pays the bills? I don’t think it’s impossible to be a kid at heart and avoid being an incorrigible self-absorbed manchild all the time. My 41 year old co-worker does all the 3D modeling and calculations for a major civil construction company, is married with 2 young kids and also hits up the skate park on evenings/weekends and listens to Agent Orange and The Vandals in his fucking XTerra.
You’d think that was obvious.
Bro, I didn’t say being a responsible adult was incompatible with remaining interested in hardcore. I mean… I got inducted into Phi Beta Kappa during one of the my most ignorant periods of my life. What I said was that pursuing average responsible adult women isn’t a winning strategy if you are a hardcore alum. If they don’t run the first time you mention skinheads in casual conversation, they’re going to want you to make serious changes that may not be compatible with your future happiness. Some bros just run with it and never look back…but I have quite a few friends who married norms and ended up divorced. They thought they were ready to settle down but they had a much different conception of “being settled down” than their ex-wives. All but one of the guys I’m thinking of have graduate degrees and professional jobs…Alternatively, one of my happily married bros is wedded to an ex-skinbyrd who teaches elementary school art. This is anecdotal evidence and a bunch of half-baked theorizing for sure…but this is a website where people come to talk about Oli Sykes…it’s not The Philosophical Review.
I’m reading this article 3 years too late. Just had a flashback to indie bish I dated making me pay for some old fag 60s rock compilation *shudder*
If it helps, the one I dated made me pay for Mumford & Sons concert tickets even though I thought they were boring.
-sigh-
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This is the stuff that brought me to SYWH in the first place and I appreciate that not everything written here will appeal to me (being one of the comparative oldz) but yeah this helps waking up each day in a post college world just that little bit easier.