If you’re a fan of laughter, you’re probably already watching Louie. I think that Louie has more “real” moments in it than all of reality TV combined, ever. If there is a show that paints a better portrait of modern, “futile/isolated/lowered expectations” human existence, I don’t know about it, and gorsh-darnit, I don’t want to know! There’s something about getting older that’s kind of pathetically funny –like you’re just kinda continuously pooping your pants a little for the rest of your life while also tripping on an untied shoelace all while wearing an ill-fitting tshirt that says: “I tried my best!”. If you’re not balding, you’re out of shape, and if you’re not one or both of those, chances are you, at the very least, have a ton of regrets. Louis C.K.’s fictional life is full of missed connections, anticlimaxes, and awkwardness and it’s all pure gold. I gather that a lot of the SYWH demographic fall into the 25+ generic white bro category (yours truly, included) and this show is for you more than anyone else (finally, a voice for the American white male!) So yeah, if you aren’t already watching, watch. I’d totally link to the episodes but FX fears technology/Hulu so, I guess go “borrow” them off your favorite “borrowing” site.
That being said, there is a two episode arc of Louie that aired in the recent past (Daddy’s Girlfriend parts 1 & 2) that falls in line with the Official SYWH Golden Rule of Dating Womens: Yoga pants/Uggs = wifeable, “indie girl” = get ready for various forms of mania! These two episodes really resonated with me as I’m an early 30’s dude who is actively still dating. Parker Posey guest stars as a woman who, for all intents and purposes, should be the dream girl for a awkward, mediocre bro who has gone this long without tricking some woman into splitting half of their stuff 8 years down the line. In fact, in part 1, Louie fantasizes about this quirky, witty woman getting along with his kids and just being and all-around wifeable gal. What he is eventually treated to (spoiler alert): is a date filled with rapid unloading of baggage, mood swings, dare escalation, and “test-passing” via humiliation. Basically, Parker Posey portrays what one of Zooey Deschanel’s characters would ACTUALLY be like.
“I don’t really get along with other girls.” = Ruuuuuuun the fuck away!
Many of us “creative type” dudes seem to be genetically predisposed towards women like that…ya know, brunettes or almost any girl in the 90’s. In the show, Louie and Liz go to a vintage clothing store and she makes him try on a dress because she thinks “it would look good on him”. Of course it doesn’t because he’s a dumpy, ginger, human male and it’s all for her entertainment/secret test to see how much bullshit he’ll put up with. How many dates have you been on with an “artistic girl” who wants to do a bunch of unpredictable, yet still somehow hackneyed, activity that will “get you out of your comfort zone”? I don’t want to see if you can kickflip down a set of stairs so how about we don’t paint my fingernails and then go do ironic karaoke, ok? All you bros who went to art school, how many insufferable, embarrassing hoops did you try to jump through for some quirky chick before you just cut your losses and signed up for JDate instead?
“After this, we can go to Whole Foods where I will condescend to you about what you eat!”
Posey’s Liz embodies the anti-Ugg, anti-yoga panted female. Liz reveals that she had a near-death experience at a young age that trivialized the mundane existence most of us lead and sent her on a journey of constant thrillseeking/risk taking and self-fulfillment that leaves everyone she comes across in her wake. We, as dudes, see girls like this -sensitive souls that “aren’t like other girls”- and we think they’re the stable ones; the ones that will truly GET us. Turns out, it’s the exact opposite. In reality, a girl who dresses like the members of the Decemberists somehow “Voltron’d” together into one being should set off the warning bells for men the same way that a dude wearing a tshirt that has more than one superhero on it and who owns an MMO mouse with all the buttons on the side, would set off the alarm for women. They will hit the road as soon as they’re bored with you because your novelty has worn off and you don’t go on “adventures” anymore to outsider art shows or some shit. You are much better off making peace with the fact that you’ll never have this fictional counter-culture queen (if they existed, I bet they would be born from the slate of an Apple Store the way the Uruk-hai were birthed from the pits beneath Isengard) and concentrate on finding a girl who, oh I don’t know, knows how to pay her bills and will raise your kids should you choose to stop liking sleep and money and have her launch out a few lil tax deductions.
“Meat is Murder! Go vegan!” Sent from my phone made of 30% Chinese tears.
Author’s note: If you’re one of the six female SYWH readers, just reverse everything I said here and it will pertain to guys: disregard sleazebros, acquire sensitive beta-ish guys (notice I said “beta-ish, not full-blown beta!). …also, I totally own an MMO mouse with the buttons on the side.
Do u kno Louie’s feel? Have u put up with crazy just to see whats inside them mom jeans? Are Parker Posey’s teeth too flat the whole way across? Is Louis C.K. unfunny/r u more of a Dane Cook kind of bro?
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