I don’t know when this will be posted to SYWH but as of this writing (8/9/12) Beck has officially won the Pretentious Nostalgic Promotional Gimmick-Off. Just days after Title Fight fired the shot across the bow of all pretenders to their throne of insufferable “Hey, remember some of the crummier aspects of technological progress? So do we! Money, please!” trend that seems to be adopted by bros who “mean it” harder than other bands with their snappy (hahahahahahahahahaha) disposable cameras branded with their cute little name on them, Beck has to come along and take a big shit all over every band bro with a 50′s dad haircut. Fuck ur casettes, VHS tapes, disposable cameras, Tiger electronic handheld video games, and limited edition wax cylinders, Beck’s next album is sheet music…
Get it? GET IT?!
No CD. No iTunes download. No quad-gatefold, 180gram vinyl. Just sheet music. Motherfucker ain’t even gonna tab anything out for you. Now, let’s make the biggest rookie mistake of the internet and assume that this is legit (hey, I need subject material to scream at my keyboard and into your monitor eyes). Also, I stopped paying attention to Beck after that Sexx Laws song so I think that I can speak with absolute authority as an officially sanctioned Beck Expert. Bexpert. I’m conflicted over this as I can’t really tell if “srs or wizard-level troll.” I mean, anyone who guest-starred on Futurama can’t be that bad a dude, right? But then again, he has a bit of Scientology in him… Fuck. I don’t know. To the over-analyzarium!
Fuck you, Beck. Yes, let’s release this and feel very witty and pat our backs bloody. ”Would you like to give me money to hear songs I made because you’re a fan of me?” ”Oh ho, you should of thought twice before I became so clever!”
This ranks up there with anything that would ever be called “performance art” and, I don’t know, some insufferable art show titled “The Human Condition: A Study in White” and it’s at some jerkoff bar/gallery and it’s just a bunch of canvas painted white except for one PAINTED ALL RED located directly in the middle, or some shit. Wrap your minds around that!
Realistically, who is this for? Bands? If they’re not busy playing their own shit, they’ve already got enough covers to unleash to their 10′s of fans at their local bar with the “edgy/perverted name” like Cummy McSluts or Big Mr. Dick’s Crabby Jizz Hole Saloon. I guess kids are already jocking 90′s dogshit, maybe a rabid interest in 18th century chamber music is soon to follow? Otherwise, cool, you’ve just made fun of your fans and wasted everyone’s time. Or, you’ve just raised the already unjustified self-importance of the local dreamboat that can play acoustic guitar kind of, read a bit of music, and loves holding his local coffee shop hostage with his trite dickery.
This is what Wes Anderson would do if he were a musician. Oh who am I kidding, that dude can probably play the Theremin or some shit.
slowclap.gif Bravo, sir. You’ve had a critically and commercially successful career, you’ve accumulated enough wealth to truly have “fuck you money,” and to do something like this is just pure, unadulterated trolling at its finest. I wouldn’t be surprised if, for your next album, you call a press conference and go: “Ok, my next album. Everybody think of some songs you’d like to hear me perform. Ok, got them visualized? Ok. That’s my new album. Beck out!”
You have douchey music critics/bloggers pontificating “what this means for music” “Is it the wave of the future?!?! Has Beck lost it?! Finally, someone has taken music back to when it MEANT something. The Victrola was the worst thing that ever happened to music! We lost our way!” All these over-serious asshats are going to be picking over this and you’re going to be laughing your ass off in your hover-mansion. You just did some coke one day and were all like “Oh man, psh, I don’t know. Sheet music?” and these failures are going to be hyper-analyzing what drove you to this bold, new direction.
These tr00 pop punk bros cumming all over the 90′s are mere padawans, cowering in the oppressive dark your shadow casts:
One of the 12 year-olds from Title Fight: “Get it? Cassettes. They were terrible.”
Beck: “Oh, yeah, fun. We used to listen to them non-ironically because they were a small-size form of media that was relatively afforda–FUCK UR FACE I’M RELEASING SHEET MUSIC WITH A STRAIGHT FACE! (((CCCCCCOMBO BREAKER!!!!))))
*Toddler from Title Fight gets punched out of most of his skin cuz Beck’s meter was full. ….whatever that means*
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Iz Beck srs or just J/K livin’? Should Beck be worried that his unmixed PDFs might leak and hurt album sales? Do you like the new Futurama or was their older, grind-ier stuff better?