I don’t know when this will be posted to SYWH but as of this writing (8/9/12) Beck has officially won the Pretentious Nostalgic Promotional Gimmick-Off. Just days after Title Fight fired the shot across the bow of all pretenders to their throne of insufferable “Hey, remember some of the crummier aspects of technological progress? So do we! Money, please!” trend that seems to be adopted by bros who “mean it” harder than other bands with their snappy (hahahahahahahahahaha) disposable cameras branded with their cute little name on them, Beck has to come along and take a big shit all over every band bro with a 50′s dad haircut. Fuck ur casettes, VHS tapes, disposable cameras, Tiger electronic handheld video games, and limited edition wax cylinders, Beck’s next album is sheet music…
Get it? GET IT?!
No CD. No iTunes download. No quad-gatefold, 180gram vinyl. Just sheet music. Motherfucker ain’t even gonna tab anything out for you. Now, let’s make the biggest rookie mistake of the internet and assume that this is legit (hey, I need subject material to scream at my keyboard and into your monitor eyes). Also, I stopped paying attention to Beck after that Sexx Laws song so I think that I can speak with absolute authority as an officially sanctioned Beck Expert. Bexpert. I’m conflicted over this as I can’t really tell if “srs or wizard-level troll.” I mean, anyone who guest-starred on Futurama can’t be that bad a dude, right? But then again, he has a bit of Scientology in him… Fuck. I don’t know. To the over-analyzarium!
The Rant
Fuck you, Beck. Yes, let’s release this and feel very witty and pat our backs bloody. ”Would you like to give me money to hear songs I made because you’re a fan of me?” ”Oh ho, you should of thought twice before I became so clever!”
This ranks up there with anything that would ever be called “performance art” and, I don’t know, some insufferable art show titled “The Human Condition: A Study in White” and it’s at some jerkoff bar/gallery and it’s just a bunch of canvas painted white except for one PAINTED ALL RED located directly in the middle, or some shit. Wrap your minds around that!
Realistically, who is this for? Bands? If they’re not busy playing their own shit, they’ve already got enough covers to unleash to their 10′s of fans at their local bar with the “edgy/perverted name” like Cummy McSluts or Big Mr. Dick’s Crabby Jizz Hole Saloon. I guess kids are already jocking 90′s dogshit, maybe a rabid interest in 18th century chamber music is soon to follow? Otherwise, cool, you’ve just made fun of your fans and wasted everyone’s time. Or, you’ve just raised the already unjustified self-importance of the local dreamboat that can play acoustic guitar kind of, read a bit of music, and loves holding his local coffee shop hostage with his trite dickery.
This is what Wes Anderson would do if he were a musician. Oh who am I kidding, that dude can probably play the Theremin or some shit.
The Respect
slowclap.gif Bravo, sir. You’ve had a critically and commercially successful career, you’ve accumulated enough wealth to truly have “fuck you money,” and to do something like this is just pure, unadulterated trolling at its finest. I wouldn’t be surprised if, for your next album, you call a press conference and go: “Ok, my next album. Everybody think of some songs you’d like to hear me perform. Ok, got them visualized? Ok. That’s my new album. Beck out!”
You have douchey music critics/bloggers pontificating “what this means for music” “Is it the wave of the future?!?! Has Beck lost it?! Finally, someone has taken music back to when it MEANT something. The Victrola was the worst thing that ever happened to music! We lost our way!” All these over-serious asshats are going to be picking over this and you’re going to be laughing your ass off in your hover-mansion. You just did some coke one day and were all like “Oh man, psh, I don’t know. Sheet music?” and these failures are going to be hyper-analyzing what drove you to this bold, new direction.
These tr00 pop punk bros cumming all over the 90′s are mere padawans, cowering in the oppressive dark your shadow casts:
One of the 12 year-olds from Title Fight: “Get it? Cassettes. They were terrible.”
Beck: “Oh, yeah, fun. We used to listen to them non-ironically because they were a small-size form of media that was relatively afforda–FUCK UR FACE I’M RELEASING SHEET MUSIC WITH A STRAIGHT FACE! (((CCCCCCOMBO BREAKER!!!!))))
*Toddler from Title Fight gets punched out of most of his skin cuz Beck’s meter was full. ….whatever that means*
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Log on to my BBS to play the new MUD I’m working on based off of Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series!
Iz Beck srs or just J/K livin’? Should Beck be worried that his unmixed PDFs might leak and hurt album sales? Do you like the new Futurama or was their older, grind-ier stuff better?
Not to be one of “those” ppl, but he is a scientologist. I think it’s just another form of rosy tinted glasses, going more retro than anyone else has. Before the album was a thing the only way to hear music at home was to physically play it, most commonly learnt through songbooks. So basically this is either massive tr0llz or him being “super srs about the purity of music” or some shit.
ded @ “10′s of fans”
Seems like an awful lot of work to hear a fucking beck song. He should take it a step further and have his adoring fans record their renditions of the songs based on the sheet music and he can cover his favorite resulting fan interpretations and that will be the album.
Inb4 a “musical collage of professional and amateur talents, showcasing the incredible range of talent I have inspired”
That sounds too damn real, son.
Why are you getting so buttangry over sheet music?
One of the primary tenants of SYWH is pretending to be angry over trivial stuff for comedic purposes when really you’re just mildly irritated.
^ this
not buttmad or anything, but it’s tenet, not tenant. And I’m only saying this because I recently got a final draft essay back from a prof where they corrected me doing the same thing and I felt like a big idiot.
just looking out 4 u (srs)
The same reason you always comment on 2+ year old posts that nobody cares about anymore…
^^^ this!!! ^^^^
the shit you see in dee archives are astounding bro..
fucken bc13 4 lyfe!!!
srry i don’t fit into ur little lnternet club
entry-lvl verbal irony/10
See also, “Sorry I’m not a twig like all those other girls!”
Sergeant D likes this
What Voideater said. I neither love nor hate Beck. And I’m not really sure of his motivations on this one hence my dual-pronged approach of buttrage and admiration. Take everything I do with a giant grain of salt. Hope you enjoyed the article, regardless.
Too many words together
Seriously dude I don’t know how you come up with some of this shit; amaze. Your posts are full of surprise lulz that hit me in the balls when I least expect it.
10/10.
And Beck is non ironically one of the most unlistenable artists of the last 100 or so years.
<3 u
I thought nostalgiacore hit a new low when Pig Destroyer set up pre-orders for their new shit on muthafukken cassette tapes. But damn, leave it to Beck to make my anus flare up with stanger. I non-ironically have excessively negative opinions of Beck’s music that won’t go away no matter how many Talismans of Chillbro I equip =(
I truly feel like I have been hit with a 2d6 per turn analpain spell by this wizard.
Washed Up 90s Musician used PRETENTIOUS STATEMENT. It’s super effective!
I wonder about the beck diehards that are gonna be srsly bummed about having to learn how to read sheet music to enjoy this album.
You’re saying Beck has fans outside of hardcore music fggts?
Every dude I’ve met in hardcore bands can’t read sheet.
Haha, I was talking about ppl who are hardcore into music, not into hardcore music
Regardless, this news will catch some ppl. with their proverbial pants down.
I am. I’m married to one, and I’m not really excited to find out if she is gonna take this sheet music debacle out on me.
Fucking dead at ““The Human Condition: A Study in White”. That will be the title of my White Foolishness doctoral thesis.
This post killed it. The ability is yours.
I have cleared it with my lawyers. You may go forth with my blessing. Take this sword, its name is Sting, it will glow when jive honkeys are near.
*when jive honkeys is near
lol
holy shit this is one of my all time favorite sywh comments
Only problem was, I was sure I had seen that exact installation with that title at a local coffee shop before. Masterful work!
I read “To the over-analyzarium!” in Professor Farnsworth’s voice.
As you should have. $20 worth of Uncle Jorbam’s Fun Bucks are in the mail.
I thought I was supposed to! Good job! Also, YAY FUN BUCKS! I can’t wait to eagerly pour over the prize catalog!
When I first read about this I also thought ‘Fuck you Beck’. Feel really bad for actual Beck fans who were stoked on a new album, and now have to hear through shitty covers on youtube by fat neckbeards with too much time. I would be pissed too if a band I liked pulled that shit.
inb4 La Dispute next album just a book of poetry that ‘means whatever you want it toooo’
All we wanted was Mutations II.
More like shit music! Amiright??
Most likely.
Mind utterly shattered. Best non-D post I’ve read on this site
yay now I can see 16 year olds play beck’s sheet music CONCEPT ALBUM on youtube where I will comment “you are lovely”
“These tr00 pop punk bros cumming all over the 90′s are mere padawans”
lol…so good and lovely
Great post, best I’ve read in a long time.
It’s unfortunate that it won’t get much attention because a)no one cares about Beck and b)Beck doesn’t care about what people say about him.
You need to find some band that are big enough to have crazy fans but small enough to still check their social media traffic daily. Post about one of them.