I joke on here about crushing on girls all the time but the truth is that I am completely in love with my azn and I want to make babies and spend the rest of our lives together. She is absolutely the most important thing to me in the world. But nobody wants to read about me fawning over my azn and the details of our grocery list or the first time I fingerblasted her.
If you are a dude who is ready to be done smashing randoms and wants a waifu, this is post is for you: here’s how I did it, and how you can too. Apologies in advance if this post is super gay and corny, but a bunch of people expressed interest in this topic and after all, I am only here to give the people what they want!
If you are not sure how to act to attract wifeable girls, just imagine that Taylor Swift is watching your every move (don’t worry, she will turn away when you go #2 bc ewwww), and don’t do anything that would make Tay sad ♥
Be looking for a waifu, not hookups
While there are always exceptions to every rule, you basically aren’t going to find a wifeable girl if you are still banging randoms. This is because decent girls think that lifestyle is gross and immature, and are not into guys who live that way. If your head isn’t in the right place, they’ll be able to tell and will shoot you down with the quickness (via having healthy self-esteem and respecting themselves).
I had been banging random crazy girls for the past year and was sick of basically being a huge slut with an empty, shallow life. I was fucking exhausted from dealing with insane young bishes and all the bullshit that goes with them, and made the conscious decision that I would rather be alone than keep hooking up with randoms. It was not easy (because I really really really hate being alone), but I started turning down any girl that seemed like crazytown, and was only checking for sweet, respectable girls who had their shit together.
Wanna meet a kyut OTW who smells good? Forget about shows and dive bars, try the pet store (srs)
Meeting your waifu
This is NOT easy, especially if you aren’t in college anymore. The fact of the matter is that it’s way, way harder to meet wifeable girls than it is crazy bishes. This is because crazy girls’ primary interest is going out and getting fucked up as often as possible, whereas wifeable girls have better things to do than put 5000 city miles on their soul every weekend.
I met my azn at work- we worked in the same department but on different teams. I thought she was cute the first time I saw her, but I was a little hesitant because she has tattoos and that is obviously a bit of a red flag. But one day we all went out to lunch, I ended up sitting next to her and we kind of hit it off- when she told me she was from the West Covina/Alhambra it was pretty much game over (via having a massive boner for OTWs from the SGV/909). Still, she thought I was kind of a shithead at first because I was still flirting with some of the crazy sluts at work a little bit, and she didn’t really let herself like me until I specifically said that I was done talking to those girls.
Think about what kind of girl you want to be with, where they spend their time, and find a reason to be there. It probably won’t be anywhere ‘cool’ or exciting, because normal people aren’t into that shit. The dog park, a bookstore, or Trader Joe’s are where you will find wifeable girls, not shows. Asking your friends to introduce you to people is also a great idea, provided your friends aren’t all fuckups. And don’t be too proud to do the internet dating thing; remember that wifeable girls have just as hard of a time meeting decent guys, so they’re on there too. Just stick to the paid ones like Match.com, the free ones are full of damaged fucking goods and only useful for stabbing randoms. Point being, if you aren’t meeting the right girls, you need to change your lifestyle.
I won’t post a picture of her here for obvious reasons, but my azn looks a lot like this except with giant tits and a scar on her face from when she flipped her car on the 405 (via being an azn woman driver)
Shared interests = the worst criterion for liking a bish
I’ve said this before, but I really can’t say it enough: being into a girl because she likes the same stuff as you do is PURE FAIL. Think about it– if you are reading this site, you’re into some fucked up weird shit, and what kind of decent girl would like that stuff?? Moreover, having your own lives is a critical part of a healthy relationship, so I think it’s actually better if you aren’t into the same stuff for the most part.
My azn listens to indie rock, shops at Madewell, drives a Volkswagen and spends her free time shopping for designer furniture, watching HGTV/Food Network and maintaining her Pinterest (srs). Obviously we are not exactly on the same page when it comes to our interests, but it’s a complete non-issue because who fucking gives a shit what music your girlfriend listens to? That said, we obviously have something in common because her little brothers are into skateboarding, hardcore, video games, and all the other shit I like to an almost spooky degree (her brother’s friend filmed the Xibalba ‘Cold’ video for example).
idk I couldn’t think of anything else to put here so I’ll just include my favorite Jess Bowen video. I’ve never admitted this to anyone before but I think her chunky upper arms are really hot (srs) :( What’s wrong with me??
What DOES matter? Priorities and perspective
The important part is that you both see the world the same way, and value the same things. After like 3 dates you won’t care whether she likes the same TV shows as you, because that’s just a stupid detail. What makes or breaks a relationship is whether you want the same lifestyle– stuff like how often you like to go out, whether you like doing your own thing on Saturdays or expect to spend every second together, if you think about money the same way, and of course bigger stuff like if you want kids or not.
For example, I remember the specific moment when I really fell in heart with my azn. It was the first time we actually hung out, which was walking around and looking at Christmas decorations in our neighborhood (btw, these are the kind of things that wifeable girls are into so get used to it). It was about 9:00 PM- she was yawning a bunch and said “I’m sorry I’m so tired, it’s just that I usually go to bed at like 9:30.” One of the biggest reasons I wasn’t into all the crazy girls I had been dating is because I also go to bed early (when I’m not on an Adderall binge) and was fucking sick of staying up late all the time and hearing them call me boring when I wanted to go to bed at 10:00 because I had to work at 8:00 the next morning. Meeting a girl who went to bed early was literally a dream come true.
More importantly, we just generally see the world the same way, because we grew up the same way: poor kids raised by fucked up immigrant parents in trashy parts of the West Coast. She also used to be a huge fuckup/slut, so if I text her and say “I’m not coming home for a while we got some blow and #yolo” it’s not a big deal because she’s been there too, and has really strong mothering instincts (which is a big deal to me). These are the things that matter, not what’s on her fucking iPod.
Sorry if TL;DR but it’s hard to cover something this complicated in less words. How did you meet ur waifu? Or are you still looking for her?? What is the hardest part of acquiring a waifu for you??? Do you also suffer from chronic brown fever???
Boosh! Great post!
Sarge, does your azn ever read SYWH / even know it exists?? Does she know u have a secret internet alter ego or does she only know you as Potatoes McDublin, handzome successful husbandable ex-scumbag??
Bact hard on not liking the same stuff. I couldn’t imagine marrying some groce hardcore bish. Mnstrm girls who liek the beach and listen to fggt music and go to bed at 9pm <333
Also I think I have found my waifu, brb settling down (srs)
She is aware it exists but is not interested in it (via girls never really giving a shit about the gay stuff their bf is into)
So Stuff You Will Hate is not cool?
its a bunch of awkward former metalsucks readers trying to learn to be normal. thats like the opposite of cool.
Sounds like a dream to me, that’s why I’m always here!
lol this is the truest thing tho
duuuuude “Potatoes McDublin” killed me
same, that shit is classic
If y’all ever find out D’s real name it’ll make more sense and be even funnier
Got my waifu. She listens nearly exclusively to country, rap, and mainstream indie pop (needless to say, very different tastes). She’s clean like me, loves to travel but also a home body when we are home, loves having/spending money like me, and generally helps me not be a lazy son of a bitch. Everything in this article is 100% accurate, and it will take some adjusting to get used to prioritizing your life, but it is very worth the effort.
Its a similar thing for my girl, she’s indie and I’m alternative, it just fucking works and it’s awesome. The things we have in common about music is just knowledge about it, both interested by the concept of travelling. “loves to travel but also a home body when we are home” I know dat fell brah. :’]
Also jist figured out y all my married friends go to bed so early….
so they can not have sex?
the silent reply from Jose here killed me
Yea music doesn’t matter, in reality couples mostly just eat together and watch tv/movies, having these tastes in common is way more important, if you’re a meat eater don’t bother dating a vegan, if you love reality tv and your partner Hates it, the relationships doomed.
When you say massive tits, how massive. What bra size we talking sarge. Cos an asian with big natural tits is a myth.
Shes a flip, lots of them have big jammers.
… and end up being saggy ms.chokesondick-status jammers too =/
*shudders*
hey now that’s my waifu you are talking about
big jammers. will use this. thanks!
Untrue. I’ve gone out with Azns with natural enormous sweater melonz, one of them Vietnamese and one of them Taiwanese.
D, agreed 1,000,000% on the shared interests thing. Been with my girl for 5 years now. Hardly anything in common (strickly speaking) but she’s extremely intelligent and insightful.
I know people looking for girls into anime and metal. Near 0% of that working
I know people looking for girls into anime and metal
I CANT THINK OF ANY WAY THIS PLAN COULD GO WRONG
“WAIT, YOU’VE NEVER WATCHED THE CREAM LEMON OVAs AND YOU DON’T HAVE A FAVORITE STRAPPING YOUNG LADS ALBUM?! GTFO!!!”
scumbagnerd.jpg
This is a really great post, I was hoping for one too but didn’t want to come off as imposing on your personal life (I’m glad someone else did it for me).
If you are not sure how to act to attract wifeable girls, just imagine that Taylor Swift is watching your every move BIG SISTER IS WATCHING. But is this srs, like are you trying to say I should alter my behavior in everyday life even when no females are present so that I can be more appealing when they acualy are around? Or just kidding?
I’ve never admitted this to anyone before but I think her chunky upper arms are really hot (srs) :( What’s wrong with me?? I get into weird details like this too, sometimes even more than tits/ass (srs). DAE pay attention to girls hands? I also love shaved arms.
The important part is that you both see the world the same way, and value the same things.
This is a tough one for me. I don’t and probably shouldn’t want a girl that sees the world the same way as me, because my worldview is pretty dismal. I haven’t even attempted any kind of romantic/sexual relations in over 2 years now, but when I did they were always shocked when they met my friends and heard our typical conversation banter, which consists of excessive misanthropy, pessimism, and an overall hopeless defeatism. The crazy thing is that all of my friends were proactively trying to censor themselves (via being bros and not wanting to cockblock), but no matter what thats where our conversations always went. I tried just not introducing girls to my friends, but we would always inevitably get to those “deep” conversations that I tried to avoid because I knew they were my doom. I tried just listening and not really stating my point of view or even pretending to agree, but eventually they always started prodding for answers to test my husband-ability, and their fine tuned female bullshit detectors always managed to get the awful truth out of me. In order to get a waifu I need to somehow change my worldview I think, but how? Also still working on getting my shit together.
Finally, here I go again with the atheist butthurt: regarding similar worldviews, what are your recommendations with religious compatability issues? Is your azn religious at all? (sorry if thats too personal). I think I could handle a waifu that was like deist/vaguely spiritual/mildly religious, but raising kids within a certain faith would be a dealbreaker for me. I know this might be an annoying question for some readers but this actually is a pretty big issue regarding seeing the world in the same way and genuine compatibility.
Thanks for this great post, Sarge!
how is it possible to ask this many questions from a pretty clear post. holy shit.
theres alot to life bro… thats why we always ask questions…
its okay doe… i <3 boobs too…..
specially dem pale pink ones =D (NOT them fatty, half-dollar/mini pancake nipple ones doe =/)
<3
Dinner plates
IDK, but I wouldn’t be living up to my namesake if I didn’t :)
Get a Christbish and debate into the sunset!
get a christian chick mang. you can debate into the sunset
FUCKK
lololol. I am proactively trying to avoid arguing about religion right now. It is a necessary step in my butthurt recovery.
In my experience, they don’t respond well to debating :(
A general observation I’ve made is that most wifeable girls where I’m from are casual Christians, and finding a genuinely decent girl who isn’t religious and isn’t a crazy overzealous tryhard atheist is pretty hard. I don’t care about debating with religious people, I just don’t wanna get up early on Sunday, namsayin?
But it’s a tricky balance between the “abstractly religious, tries to be a good person” Christian and the “homophobic probable molestee” Christian.
this x a million, also the abstracts always have a % chance to turn into fundies given a life crisis or children being born
Yeah bro, you make perfect sense. Most wifeable girls are casually Christian or alternatively into bullshit spiritualism but just not that much, but not too many non religious ones.
Trying to think of how to deal with this, or how to become a person that can deal with this. Intolerant atheism is not the way to go
“Intolerant atheism is not the way to go”
Spot on!
My soon-to-be-waifu is Catholic, kind of. It’s the best thing! She has morals and everyting, but doesn’t live her life through Christ or anything like that..
Catholic, kind of.
I think this represents the American mainstream’s typical stance on religion, and is what I’m going to need to shoot for.
Thanks SYWH for all of your help!
imo religion is irrelevant as long as she/he doesn’t shove it in anyone’s face. just like being vegan or sxe, it’s something only you should care about.
personally i don’t really give a shit about religion anymore, wouldn’t even bother calling myself an atheist, but yeah, i wouldn’t want to raise children in a religious household. though it’s unlikely i’d get to that point with someone who takes religion seriously.
are you trying to say I should alter my behavior in everyday life even when no females are present so that I can be more appealing when they acualy are around
yes exactly
Thanks very much for clarifying. Fuck, this implication needs a post of its own, because if I knew what I was doing wrong I could stop doing it.
“they were always shocked when they met my friends and heard our typical conversation banter, which consists of excessive misanthropy, pessimism, and an overall hopeless defeatism.”
This sounds like a fucking sweet time.
RIght!? No one knows how to have any fun anymore… :/
You’re right on with the shared interests Sarge. Me and my ex are both huge fans of Doctor Who. Last christmas, I got her the Doctor’s Sonic Screwdriver model and she got me what is essentially the Doctor’s wife’s sonic screwdriver model(i’m sorry if that doesn’t make any sense). It was totally a coincidence and I thought it meant we were “destined to be together” or something. Sadly, it got very very toxic near the end. However, I did learn alot from the relationship. So while I’m not quite ready to get back in the game so to speak(via wanting to work on myself and get some of my shit taken care of first), I feel confident that I can avoid the mistakes I made with her. Sorry if TL;DR
P.S. I will once again express my absolute love for Trader Joe’s. If Trader Joe’s was a woman I’d marry it and raise a family with it
“P.S. I will once again express my absolute love for Trader Joe’s. If Trader Joe’s was a woman I’d marry it and raise a family with it”
+1
She is ‘catholic’ but doesnt really believe it (via being a flip)
Thank you for your response, I kinda figured as much. Flip/mexi is 99% chance catholic, but catholics are are funny about faith sometimes, like its more of a cultural affiliation than a serious belief. My 100% Irish grandfather told me it didn’t matter if I believed in God or not so long as I was Catholic (srs)
It doesn’t matter if you believe in God so long as you let us tell your 3rd grader that unbaptized children will all go to hell every Wednesday.
+1
this pretty much.
1) All of this is pretty much true. I’ve been with my waifu for almost 4 years and will be proposing by the end of the year.
2) What is probably the most important thing, which you will absolutely need to do to have a loving, stable relationship, is be ready for one yourself. being in a ‘srs’ relationship with someone is all about giving, supporting and sacrificing your wants for theirs (this goes for them too), and if you still care about yourself more than you do them then you probably arent ready. If stupid, childish shit is still a super important part of your life that you will absolutely not budge on, and if you have ‘rly important opinions’ that you are absolutely unable to compromise then you are going to be in trouble.
3) Be prepared to have to deal with and get over annoying shit. everyone has annoying habits, and they won’t change them, and you will just have to deal with them.
this 100%
i’ve been in a srs relationship for 2 and half years now… and i don’t think i want that anymore. the more i think about it, the more i realise i’m not ready for any commitment atm.
and the whole staying in/eating/watching tv thing gets really boring, and i see that as being my fault since i used to be the “not fun” one via sxe.
D, are we ever gonna see your azn waifu ?
We’re all going to Sarge’s wedding, you’ll get to see her then.
In b4 American Pie but IRL
sweet… got dibs on nutkin or whatever bridesmaids is half smashed n wants to hookup (hopefully there wood be a guera or korean bish among em somewhere =D )
wood feel slightly depressed that i’m always a bridesmaid and never a bride while watching D and his azn recite their vows then get embarrassingly drunk at the reception and let you take me to poundtown.
would stare awkwardly in your direction for an overly long amount of time, then be glad when latinoheat makes a move first because it justifies me not having to attempt coming out of my shell and talk to a member of the opposite sex
I know a dude who says poundtown, I am so confuse right now.
This would be an honorable screenname IMO
LOL @ all of us weirdos bombarding Sarge’s high class wedding and being totally spottable out of all the other guests.
“What, all those weirdos, aspies and drug addicts in the corner? Yeah, those are HIS guests.”
This is an audio and visual representation of what will happen when we come to the wedding. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xbo7gc_busted-crashed-the-wedding_music
Busted reference, amazing
Almost completely unnecessary Busted reference as well. SYWH comments are the fucking greatest.
i’m only coming if there’s a karaoke box with ‘Gucci Gucci’ on it
Wood so be there if there is an open bar with only 40′s and bum wine.
Xibalba and Kreayshawn to duet at wedding
BACTARD! Wedding mosh for dayyzzzzzzzz
acualy is Alex Bigman
tldr pls
k
Feelsbadman that all I gots for now is just a oneitis =( but once I’m ballin CEO 10k/day I will find my waifu at the Irvine Spectrum Barnes and Noble <3
(notsrs I will probably make chit money teaching History to a bunch of faggot community college burnouts and drive a '08 Prius via being a SoCalfag)
See also Universal Citywalk
Citywalk in the heat of summer = booty shorts all day/errday
Citywalk in the fall/winter = UGG boots spotted captain
Both cases = MY BONER IS IN THE FORECAST
lol so many memories of the Irvine Spectrum. Had my first date there, with this gothy girl who was in love with Davey Havok (before he was 100% homosex) abd looked like chick from Fight Club. Going to Sing Sing’s to see pay-to-play shows, which always of a couple of local scene bands, a random pop rock group, and then a nu metal band inevitably closing the night out for the four friends of the band who stuck around. brb being wistful and nostalgic.
“Davey Havok (before he was 100% homosex)”
Is such a thing even possible???
I mean, he had always been floating around no less than 75% (via “bi-chic”) since AFI went Halloweencore, but with his recent forays into theater and having facial hair, I think we can safely slide the rating up to 100%!
make chit money teaching History to a bunch of faggot community college burnouts and drive a ’08 Prius
My Dad drives this exact car and teaches history to high school kids and seems pretty happy with it.
!00% srs if I end up being a professor/teacher I think I’d love it too. But CEO 10k/day driving a Maybach as my everyday is my american wet dream brah.
Good post I guess D, but in my case the formulæ (pretty much identical to yours) was not foolproof, about 3 years ago (when I was 35) I attempted the same thing, now I am sans’ wife/house/kids & 1/2 my stuff (at least I got the dog). Plz add a proviso that Mexi-Law Student/Strippers are unsuitable wife material under any circumstances. Real Talk.
u mean ur stripper wifing plans did not work out as anticipated??? i for one am SHOCKED.
No dude, my wifing EX-stripper LAWYER plans went awry, once she passed the bar it got ugly. If she could have bumped me off to keep her dirty laundry from being aired, she would have.
Again dude, you married a STRIPPER! Doesn’t matter what she did AFTER stripping, she a crazy ho!
Thank U Mr. I-told-you-so, where were u 4 years ago to save me from myself?
lol. this reminds me of a friend of mine, who also gives the Mr I Told You so advice… In which I always reply, why cant I be you bro! He fucken hates it its awesome
As with all of your relationship articles, this shit is spot on. Listen up, youngbros, this will get you through some fucked up times. Ex fuckup/druggie/criminal here who now has a wedding looming and a kid on the way with with a chick I smashed in HS but fucked it up (obviously) and had to go through 6-7 years of maturing to figure out this bish was what I’ve wanted all along. Learned a lot of these lessons the HARD way (dated my fair share of cutters and clubdrug freaks) and I’m a very glad to see someone imparting this knowledge to the next wave of ex-fuckups.
all the best bro.
Some advice coming from a person who has been around extremely intelligent people for most of his life via being in an accelerated program in a small state that had a huge concentration of smart ppl and immigrant kids with pushy parents in one place, go for the normal smart ones if you can. You know, the ones who are kinda prudish and go out to parties sometimes but not too much, slightly witty and wears kinda fashionable clothes but not too much, and is fairly stable and doesn’t do drugs and studies a bunch to be a doctor or engineer or some other type of STEM major (not to diss on lib arts stuff as I am a dirty libarts loser but girls from STEM are more likely to be this type). They are srsly pretty decent people and awesome to be around because they’ll force you to be on top of your game so you won’t end up disappointing them (disappointing nice, normal smart girls when they are your friends by fucking up or being stupid feels terrible; they don’t even get that mad, they just kinda look at your with eyes that say “you coulda been a contender, kid” and then you feel kinda shitty for being a terrible persyn) and they’re usually pretty positive.
Girls like this srsly do exist in droves, all you gotta do is pick em up before the other nice, normal smart guys get to them. Usually weirdos and fuck ups don’t come into contact with them too much bc both parties act like they live in different worlds (trust me, being part of both parties is weird as shit).
Just try not to get a girl who might a strong christian. I dunno, I feel like that’s pretty hard to come across nowadays and most young ppl of waifable age espouse being kinda religious but end up not really caring that much in the end.
Also sarge, when you talk about ideologies matching up, does political ideology fall in that category? Sometimes it’s easy to gel with somebody who’s on the other side of the fence, but I feel like as time goes on it would become a bit of problem to have two different paradigms like that trying to compromise as often as they might have to
Backed Hard.
disappointing nice, normal smart girls when they are your friends by fucking up or being stupid feels terrible
unfortunately, i know that feel. couldn’t agree more (sorry i let u down, taylor)
There was like, I dunno, 5 smashable girls in my engineering college, and maybe 2 who fell into your “normal” category. One of my biggest regrets in life is not asking out one of them. She was super cute, totally normal dresser, witty, and seemingly was into me. Super fail on my part.
Great post! I went through a similar transition, got bored and annoyed with crazy bishes, got serious, and recently wife’d my blonde.
One thing I’d like to add, lose the scene clothes and start dressing like the kind of guy your ideal waifu would be into. I overlooked this and almost blew it.
The quick story is when we first started hanging out, I would often meet her after work in my work attire. That consisted of whatever preppy clothes J-Crew or the like was pushing that season. She had no idea how I dressed outside of that never mind my dumb tattoos and past life imbued in the world of sick metal.
When we started doing things that went beyond “dates” and started hanging out on Saturday, ghey things like going to the park, I learned that I had tone down the confrontational clothes. Wife’able bishes give no shits how sick your t-shirt is, how advanced your streetwear style is, etc. If she’s not into that sort of thing, don’t try to force her into it. And if you’re into that stuff and she’s not, tone it down a bit and save the sick stuff for when you’re with your bros.
Super gay and corny
Supper quewt and lovely.
also, i love cocks
LOL, I wonder what you thought of the romcom post. lol
I am an 18 and what is all this?
disregard advice, paint walls, tag shit, drink 40s, do drugs, acquire skins, wear condoms. have fun 18
old people being gay and shit. disregard everything acquire fun
I have a feeling excerpts from this will be used for your wedding vows <3
"with giant tits and a scar on her face from when she flipped her car on the 405 (via being an azn woman driver)"
"She also used to be a huge fuckup/slut, so if I text her and say “I’m not coming home for a while we got some blow and #yolo” it’s not a big deal"
"the first time I fingerblasted her"
V romantic amirite
being from an asian country (Malaysia) and a good, non fuck up family background (via asian parents who are not too liberal nor too conservative) and this is probably because of how im being raised but I always thought this entire article reflects the norm for how to waif bishes. I’ve got a white girlfriend (via being like that terry crews character i white chicks / white fever) and I guess shit just work despite not sharing much in common (not in liek interests and stuff, I’m talking culture, upbringing,). I don’t know if we are ever going to get married or anything (known each other since 2010 but only recently hook up) but I can see myself with her and am very excited to have mix malaysian/ polish kids if given the chance. Ramblings aside, to simplify D’s points from a non white / western perspective:
Tolerance, understanding, set priorities. Its funny how some people just willfully choose to ignore these basic principles and let ego ruin their relationship.
Malay bishes are so so fine (second only to indonesians)
inb4 converting to islam via malay bishes being muslims
see: yuna. HNNNNNNGG.
srsly? Yuna’s like a 7 at best, Mizz Nina’s where its at. But seriously doe malay bishes are good and lovely but not waifu material unless you are prepared to forsake alcohol and bacon. Indos on the other hand, hnnnggggg.
probably the gayest thing i’ve ever read even though it is very relevant to my current relationship.
you wanna rub peens together later? I won’t tell if you wont…
I’m still in the stab randoms stage. I’m liek, too busy atm w/school and work to rly maintain and be a good boyfriend. So I catch as catch can.
You have the ability. This post could not be better.
rly rly good post
“But nobody wants to read about…the first time I fingerblasted her.”
You’re wrong about that.
he is right about that
D needs to start writing on literotica.com
Requesting “First Time I fingerblasted my GF/Waifu” story
Just had my 1 year anniversary, so far so awesome. My wife is my best friend’s wife’s best friend. Small circle of close friends who know each other inside and out. Known her since High School nearly fifteen years ago, but we only just got serious. After traveling around the world for almost a decade, turns out what I needed was right there all along. I would tell you all to keep that in mind. Although you may require a long journey to “find yourself” or establish who you really are, don’t pass up or overlook opportunities that are right next door.
Also, if you cant fuck, dont even think about it. Ideally, your partner is the last person you will ever make love to. If y’all cant totally blow each others minds in the bedroom i would not recommend committing. 100% serious. Being able to beat it up proper is absolutely vital to maintaining a long term relationship, as much as mental and financial stability. Do squats, yoga, pilates…something. Whatever it takes to have her craving that dick. Dont misunderstand, this isn’t about macho misogynistic dominance, this is about giving the one you love every bit of pleasure she they deserve.
^ CO-SIGNED, 100% truth
wood support this statement, but brb having se-
Do you recommend waifing someone even if you’re not ready/too young? Had a wifeable bish when I was in college, told her I wasn’t interested in marriage via being 20 years old and wanting to smash randoms while I was in my prime. Now I’m a forever alone oldfag, see her pics on Facebook being happily married and taking European vacations and thinking I missed a perfect opportunity.
if ur not ready, most waifables won’t give you the chance, and when they do it will end in trainwreck.
Yup. This problem solves itself
This is one of my favorite posts of all time in the entire existence of the internets.
This post is 100% truth. I’ve been dating girls who have been increasingly more wifeable but sill crazy/10. Although there have been the occasional randoms, I will only stab once and try to not at all anymore. Would rather be on my couch reading my kindle fire than dealing w crazy texts about why I won’t cuddle and watch honey boo boo child on a wednesday night with some bitch.
Anyway, meeting girls is tough as shit when you are no longer in college. Always was a slut in college and banged loads randoms via being good looking, drunk and surrounded by women. I am now a successful dude and I am pretty much self-employed, however I work with some Olds in a small office. Most of my clients are old and I don’t get to meet women that way. I worked at a big company and it was filled with smart and ugly people before but I can see how most places would be awesome to meet women. Most jealous about people who work in big comapnies. I have also given up on women at bars and I think rightfully so. Either boyfriended or crazy as fuck.
So I have to meet women at random places such as yoga/trying to join a new gym with women my age and Starbucks’. Shy as fuck though when it comes to approaching women in those situations though. Trying to figure out how to get over that hurdle right now.
Also, women who like animals a lot is usually a green light i’ve learned. Not like animal activists, just women who enjoy having pets.
This is an animal lover. This is a crazy bish that spends her time at vegan rally and calls herself an animal activist. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
100% back everything that was said in the post. I the whole “common interests” thing is one of the biggest pitfalls, and to be fair, while people who gravitate towards certain subcultures are more inclined to fall into (via caring about stupid, meaningless bullshit like musical taste way too much), it isn’t a hard trap to fall into because you always hear about how important it is to “have things in common” with your significant other. It’s easy to misinterpret that (especially when you assign so much import to what bands you like) as “liking the same stuff”, but what you should share in common is your idea of how to want to arrange your life, sense of humor (you don’t have to like the same stupid movies, but you gotta be able to make her giggle at you), have common/overlapping life goals, etc. When I found the girl I wanted to marry, she knew nothing about any of the stupid shit I listened to, had/has no tattoos, no piercings, and isn’t aligned with any musical subculture. And I was quite happy to keep it that way. We do click on all of the personal stuff (y’know, the stuff that actually matters), and subsequently, that relationship was going well and happy much longer than anything else I’d been in before.
Also, critically important, is that you are truly in the right headspace to be able to be with another person. If you don’t believe you up to speed to be in a healthy, committed relationship with somebody, then you should be focusing on working yourself up to the point you are (via making bread, getting in shape, or doing whatever else you need to do). If you truly love and respect some one and you don’t think you’re first rate, why would you try to have them settle for anything less?
Personally, I’m in an in-between zone right now, because I thought I found my wife, but some personal demons kinda fucked up my whole life (in every department) for a hot minute and made it (understandably) hard for her to handle being with me. Currently in the process of rapidly unfucking my life, moving forward from there.
Getting married on Sunday and this post srsly reaffirmed I am doing the right thing. I am a former druggie/fuckup/hardcore kid and she is an athletic Food Network/apple picking type with a marketing degree (my degree is in English). Thnx Sarge for reminding me that marriage is cool.
Its very cool! Gjdm :)
Hahaha, the 405 made me smile via I live in LA. I tell my girlfriend that bros and wimins should have separate roads.
I forget there are several 405′s (I was immediately thinking of the Washington State 405.)
yo sarg those chubby upper arms are called matronly and they’re a sign of both good breeding stock and wifing ability
This post is amzing!!!!! <333 u Sarge.
Brah this is super sweet, hella happy 4 u (srs). Idc about acquiring wifeables yet via being 17 but when the time comes, I’ll be sure to keep this in mind. <3 u Sarge
I don’t know much via still being young as fuck but all the girls that I suspect are wifeable (my test is whether they wear cute scarves or not, semi-srs) are–at least in college–super-easy to find in all the clubs that are NOT known for partying.
This includes volunteering at animal shelters or professional clubs that further your career. Talking to them is ALSO super-easy if you keep your fucked up tendencies on the DL. These wifeable girls tend to hang out with legit boring guys and dudes that don’t work out. Chances are that if you have been doing drugs and fucking randoms, you at the very least have game and a sense of excitement with you. Hopefully you lift, faggot.
So, just talk to them about your ambitions, random, silly junk here or there and add a sense of excitement when you ask them out and they should be hooked. You’ll be much more confident and aesthetic than most dudes and if you sound confident about where you want to be, wifeable girls will fuckin’ love you. They even love to hear about how you used to be a bit of a fuck-up but are getting your life together. The caveat is that you DO have to be making progress or else they’ll be able to tell. You can’t really fake success bro.
“They even love to hear about how you used to be a bit of a fuck-up but are getting your life together. The caveat is that you DO have to be making progress or else they’ll be able to tell. You can’t really fake success bro.”
backed. being a former fuckup means you have some life experience and know the true meaning of feelsbadman. having reformed means you’ve got some sense, perseverance and ambition. if you can actually give concrete examples of how you’re bettering your life instead of vague wishes for the future (eg having submitted an application to college or currently taking prerequisite courses for the program of your choice vs. “uh, i’d to get a degree in something someday”), then a wifeable bish won’t hold your sordid past against you.
i legit prefer guys who are former fuckups. i can talk openly with them about my own past fuck-uppery without feeling like i’m being judged too harshly and knowing that they probably understand just how shitty things used to be and what it took to turn my life around.
(eg having submitted an application to college or currently taking prerequisite courses for the program of your choice vs. “uh, i’d to get a degree in something someday”)
This is what I’m doing, glad its going in the right direction and thanks for self esteem boost :)
you have the ability!
I thank god everyday my girlfriend/future wife is not into death metal, hardcore, fantasy/rpgs or anything like that.
but i’m super glad that we share a lot of similarities for actually physical activities (skiing/snowboarding, hiking, swimming, canoeing etc). relationships with no exercise are the saddest things ever.
“relationships with no exercise are the saddest things ever.”
this. wood not even casually date someone who is not into physical activity, let alone wife/husband them.
I had a wifeable bish up until almost a month ago, she likes completely different music and tv shows than me and I know it’s a stupid thing, normaly idgaf about those sort of things, but she was a gigantic hipster and she doesn’t even know the meaning of the term. Other than that she was chill and had many positive atributes we were basicaly living together and she was a good roommate but here’s the thing, sex was groce. Did I make the right choice letting her go?
yes
“sex was groce” go on, lol
wondering about this, too. rarely hear guys describe sex as groce instead of just bad.
Have u ever had sex with a hipster??
Go do that. Bury yourself in her almighty bush and then you’ll see what that means. U can tell Latinoheat!!! all about it when you guys are drunkenly groping each other at Sarge’s wedding.
wood not go pearl diving on any girl who doesn’t keep that shit under control/10.
Out of the hipsters I’ve had sex with, none of them had a bush. This makes me think I only had entry level, minimal hipster hookups instead of full on hipsters.
Maybe my life choices aren’t so poor after all
loololol
Oh, I have so much to say about this via watching my male friends consistently chasing after decidedly non-wifeable bishes in the hopes of making a lasting connection and then chewing my fucking ear off when- surprise!- it doesn’t work out.
D had some great suggestions on where to find wifeable women. I’m going to add one to the list- the great outdoors. If you’re into stuff like hiking, kayaking, trail running, etc you are guaranteed to happen upon some of the most intelligent, chill, even-keeled, interesting and tough women you will ever meet. This goes for women trying to meet husbandable men, as well. Over the past couple of years, the only guys I’ve met that I considered possibly getting involved with (but didn’t via a grippling fear of intimacy) have been fellow ultrarunners, randoms I’ve met on a mountain somewhere while running/hiking alone and guys who have the balls to join me for swim training in the ocean in the middle of winter. People who like spending time outside getting sweaty generally like to challenge themselves; in my opinion, a wifeable girl is not complacent and without ambition.
But before you even think about how/where to find a wifeable girl, you need to do a legit assessment of whether you’re in the state to pursue something serious with a girl. It should go without saying that coming out of a bad breakup or being in the transition phase of fuckup to former fuckup is not the time to start something serious with a girl, but I will say it anyways. If you are at all desperate and/or hurting, girls will sense that shit from a mile away. Any girl who want to be with a guy when he is in that state is not someone you want to wife, no matter how sweet or normal she may seem. Damaged people attract the same. Healthy, emotionally stable people attract the same. If you’re recovering from addiction of any kind, go ahead and bang as many randoms as you care for, but keep in mind that none of them are girls you should want to keep around long term. You’re going to go through some major maturation while you recover (via addicts being immature, selfish weasels) and until that process is more or less complete, you’re not going to be someone that a respectable bish will even consider being with. I think I could write an entire how-to on navigating that process (what to expect when you’ve decided you no longer want to be junkie scum?), but that’s too off-topic so I’ll leave it there.
Even if you’re not a recovering fuckup, if you’re making that from banging/dating unwifeables who range anywhere from slutty and mildly annoying to batshit crazy messes, I still recommend taking a little break where you avoid relationships completely. Your goal is to recalibrate your tastes a bit and until you’ve done so, your instincts on who you should get involved with should be ignored because they’re wrong. Srs. Take some time off until crazy, deluded bishes genuinely cease to be appealing beyond just bangable. Then you know you can trust your instincts on what a wifeable bish actually is.
But before you even think about how/where to find a wifeable girl, you need to do a legit assessment of whether you’re in the state to pursue something serious with a girl.
Really good point, thanks for posting this. I do not think I can realistically try anything at this point, makes me feel better to know I can and should focus on other things first. Done the slampig detox for about 2 years now, still probably not ready.
I was also hoping to meet girls mountain biking (srs), I have seen cute ones on the trails before but have no way to talk to them while riding lol.
thx 4 input
mtb’ers (male or female) are impressive. shit looks fun but dangerous as hell. i tell myself that one day i’ll actually talk to the hot guys i see on the trails taking a break from riding instead of refusing to make eye contact as i run by and pretending i don’t see them via being awkward as fuck (or worse, doing a weird wave, trying to smile and it comes off as a grimace of pain).
IMO running is more impressive via taking way more straight endurance. I used to go running until my physical therapist/doctor told me not to until I get the hip surgery I need, but approved of cycling.
I was seeing a girl who ran like 13 miles a day in an hour (college track/cross country), and she was somehow impressed by mountain biking too. Amazed me considering how much better shape she was in than me lol
lol long distance running.
“If you’re into stuff like hiking, kayaking, trail running, etc you are guaranteed to happen upon some of the most intelligent, chill, even-keeled, interesting and tough women you will ever meet.”
This 100%!!! I just got out of a long relationship with a lazy stoner girl and I’ve been saying “i’m not single and ready to mingle. i’m single and ready to go hiking.” Your comment gives me hope that I will meet a waifu beside some mountain lake!!
Nice to see another Trail/Ultrarunner on here!
I will back this article and the above post 100%…
TL;DR version = ex fuck up making good.
Started sorting my self out a few years ago after near a decade of being a mild to moderate fuck up and blaming it on every thing other than my own stupid mistakes.
Currently putting myself through a Geology degree (my original <3 before music) with a flexible long term game plan. Geology field work got me back into hiking and then trail running. This month I run my first official trail marathon and ultrarun and I'm super excited. Put my self through therapy to deal with the few errant issues I could not resolve on my own and now I have an improving relationship with my familly. My life is devoid of drama, butt hurt and crazyness and I have never been happier or felt more like myself and for the first time, an actual adult. NFG to how lame that sounds. The worst I can say right now is that its a little lonely. I lost most of my 'friends' in the clean up via not wanting to be in skanky club X at 3 in the morning hitting on freshers.
I found that I have unconciously done every thing recomended in this and the dress for success post. Donated my waist length (well maintained) hair to charity and started dressing sharper. I have found that the combo of solid future plan and none/toned down metal guy appearance is already attracting the right kinds of ladies. Just not met the right one yet, I'm only 30 so no rush and I'm not willing to settle. I also found my taste in women changed unconciously as well from typical crazy younger bishies to stable, intelligent women around my own age. The whole 'clever girl with her shit together' being super hot is bang on the money.
Totally aggree with meeting intelligent chill folks out on the run. Still very much at the stage of awkward wave pain grimace though. (that comment made me laugh so hard) I guess it comes down to only pulling randoms in clubs when hammered so now I am enjoying learning how to converse with adults as an adult.
Life is good.
i only saw this comment now, but i’m gonna reply anyways because hearing the story of someone who has gone through some shit, found ultrarunning and is working through their issues gives me major feels. i hear you completely on life being a little lonely once you’ve culled your social circle during the clean-up process. but that lonely period is actually a pretty good time to be introspective and figure out exactly what you want from life (sounds like you’re doing that). hope you kicked ass in your races.
My waifu was sitting on the living room watching tv as I typed some work e-mails next to her, finished reading this…looked at her directly in the eyes and said: SUP BRO. She giggled = I’m lucky as fuck.Great post <3
Great post! Don’t ever let all your special snowflake pet convictions (taste in music, tastes in this and that, politics, religious or non religious views etc) get between you and someone youre truly in heart with.
Gold Post! Will be using lots of this info, espesh looking for nice girls in lame places.
My gf and I go to bed early on work nights and read, it’s badass. She has also stopped going to most of the horrible whatevercore shows I like and only tags along to pop punk shows.
+one million on the great outdoors thing, especially jogging. p much any girl who has her shit together enough to go jogging on the reg is somewhat wifeable. Not just ‘THAT’S IT GIRLS, IT’S JANUARY AND I’M STARTING A NEW ME’ types, but the quiet, do a bit every few days type.
sarge this was so keut thk u 4 sharing
srsly helpful. just got out of an engagement with a batshit crazy bish (hairstylist). you don’t make a bish wifeable, she either is or she isn’t. i totes didn’t get that till recently. also, do wifeable bishes only look for college degrees? army bro here, and seems all the wifeable ones i meet aren’t interested in soldiers. could prolly stab any number of randoms i liked though, via good looking and working out + bad ass job. the wifeable ones seem fewer and more far in between.
Damn you like ugly bitches
r u an homosex? plz respond
D, u nearly tricked me into thinking u a real chill dude with this one!!
So unbelievably on point. I can’t get out of the mindset that I need to meet some girl who’s even remotely interested in the same things as me. A fools errand for sure.
When you say waifu. i think of this http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_9CEWClz5lho/TNs2Y_sPG_I/AAAAAAAAD_k/dPX90rFG5Cg/s400/pink_wafers.jpg
aznfag here. over here, wifeable chicks are also found in internet centres, playing facebook games. don’t look for ones who play typical MMOs though, they’re whales
and one more thing, stay away from LOL /DoTA playing girls. they have permanent Tourettes
I Like this hobs And i agree.
Found this post, need help coz I’m still a recovering fuck up and can’t figure this part out.
Like Sarge, I work with an immensely wifeable bish (she’s Azn as well). Our common interests are ones shared by normal people (motorbikes and football – she plays lingerie league). She’s into games, I’m not (besides Madden and NBA 2k12) – I’m into hardcore and tr00 punx and I’m guessing she isn’t.
Having been a fuck up for most of my years I’m about ready to stop and try growing up especially as my folks are kicking me out. I have a decent job and some kind of future, but a pretty dark past (bikie gangs, juvie time, drugs, gambling debts which I mentioned by accident, along with the usual time pissed away on music). I hadn’t planned to pay attention to bishes for a while then this one comes along.
I don’t know how to approach this without driving her away – like I said, I can’t really pull women outside of certain contexts (that is, bars or scene sluts).
(She’s also a PT, which I thought I could use to my advantage given that I’ve become skinnyfat since I had a bad knee injury two years ago and need to get in shape even though I can hardly extend my knee without pain).
Any advice for a beta on the verge of moving into alpha territory?
someone help this guy
actually check http://www.stuffyouwillhate.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=397&p=32055#p32055 way better chance of pls responds