I literally remember the exact moment when I realized I was a loser who was taking my life in the wrong direction (I think I was 22 and making like $11 an hour working in printing): it was a sickening, horrible feeling to realize that I’d wasted the last 4-5 years on going to shows, getting tattoos and other bullshit instead of going to college and getting my career on track. I always thought I was smarter than everybody else, that I had it all figured out- so it was a bitter pill to swallow when I realized *I* was the idiot all along.
If you find yourself coming to that same realization, you have two choices: give up and become a junkie/drunk/career criminal like most of my family, or you can man up, admit that you fucked up, and commit yourself to turning your life around. I am not saying that I’m the portrait of success, but I’ll say this much: 10 years ago I set goals for myself about where I wanted to be in life, and I did it. It was definitely not easy to fix all my fucking stupid mistakes and dig myself out of the hole I put myself in, but I did it. Here’s how:
This band = the soundtrack for getting your shit together. I seriously listened to this song so so so many times when I felt like I couldn’t handle it any more and I would get a tattoo of the lyrics to this song if I didn’t already have two Hatebreed tattoos
Surround yourself with good people & copy them
Cut any ties to other fucked up losers and start hanging out with people who have their shit together– and don’t worry about if they are ‘cool’ or not, just focus on finding supportive people who make good decisions that want to be your friend. In fact, they probably shouldn’t be ‘cool’: if someone knows who Gehenna and Death Threat are, that’s a pretty good sign they are a fuckup and that you should not hang out with them. Once you have a good circle of friends, do whatever they do: if they are majoring in finance, you should too; if they hang out at college bars and are in the campus ski club, you should be too. The point is that you obviously have no fucking idea what’s best for yourself, so until you get your head straight your best move is to follow in the footsteps of those who do.
Ironically, this song has some very very bad advice in it (“don’t get stuck on the money-making”), but the basic idea is still valid
Set your goals
Set a long-term goal, then work back from there to set the short-term goals that will get you there. Mine was something like “in 10 years I want to be married, have a kid and own a home,” which meant I had to make up quite a bit of ground. I knew I would need to finish going to college, then get an entry-level job in my field, which I would use to parlay into a senior-level job, which is where I’m at now. I want babies, so I had to acquire a bish who was wifeable and wanted kids– that took a few years but I did that too. There is still plenty of time for me to fuck it all up and ruin my life, but so far I am on track- the key is to always keep those goals in mind, and ask yourself if what you’re doing right now (and I mean NOW- every minute is precious because you can’t get them back) is getting you closer to your goals or not.
Decide where you want to be in X years, figure out what things need to happen in between in order for you to get there, and STICK TO THE GAMEPLAN. Reaching your goals is 90% perseverance. Most people fail because they give up too soon.
It’s important to remind yourself that this is not going to happen overnight. We are talking about years of stupid choices that got you here, so it’s probably also going to years to fix them. Also, don’t bum yourself about by dwelling on your mistakes too much- focus your energy on the future and how you’re going to reach your goals.
Brenda Song = the kind of bish you should be going after (srs, girls like her are way more attainable than you might think)
Regarding bishes
This is actually a very critical piece of the puzzle, because as you know dudes will do all kinds of retarded shit for bishes. If you’re hanging out with the wrong ones, they’ll constantly pull you in the wrong direction: staying out all night partying when you have a test the next day that you should be studying for, wasting your energy dealing with their dramatic bullshit, etc etc. So, it is very very very important that you get your bish situation in order– mission critical!
But like you said, girls will definitely care about your socioeconomic status. And why shouldn’t they? Why should girls want to date broke-ass losers?? If you haven’t achieved career success yet but want to date decent girls, I’ve found that the trick is to find mainstream bishes who like it that you are a little bit of a ‘bad boy’ but are still sweet. I’m talking about normal girls whose idea of a crazy night is going to the local college bar and doing shots with risque names (‘Give me a double Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, with a lime’) while they sing top 40 songs with their friends, but think it’s cool that you have done shit they haven’t. Look for a girl who likes Fall Out Boy, but only knows their singles. For example, of the highest-quality bishes I ever dated was a Mexi girl like this who listened to Lady Gaga and wore a lot of Roxy stuff– she thought it was cool that I had a bunch of tattoos (lucky for me she doesn’t actually know anything about tattoos so she couldn’t tell how shitty they are). She was a finance major and works for the commodities exchange in Chicago now </3
Important: DO NOT DATE ART SCHOOL GIRLS. AT ALL. EVER. They are a cancer and will do nothing but get between you and happiness (100% srs).
Have you ever had that ‘fuck I think I’m a loser wat do now’ moment? Have you or someone you knew turned their life around?? How should anon start surrounding himself with good people? What are your life goals???
One of the biggest things to learn is that the definition of “cool” from ages 14-22 is the polar opposite of the definition of “cool” at the ages of 23+, with that definition being “successful”. No one gives a fucking shit about how cool you are if you are a waste of their time and money.
Having a loving, supporting partner/girlfriend/wife is a big fucking deal too, because they will call you on your shit while ensuring that you still pursue your dreams in a fiscally responsible manner.
So how do you deal with that? Im 19 and its something I think about sometimes. Part of me is worried that I’ll set myself down some path at this point because thats what Im interested in now, only to find out that later on that I could give less of a shit/I wont be able to have a stable life
That’s what happened to me half way through my phd :’( …. I guess make sure that there are exit strategies built into your plan that will allow you first, second, third choice career moves if the original interest starts to wane for you or if you think it is no longer a good fit for you. Hopefully sarge can add to this.
half way though postgraduate. same here.
the exit strategies are a good add to this.
Also, I’d like to add “don’t ask advice from ppl with interests on you.” Like your pals who are afraid you’d resign from the band because you went back to school, or the mom who forces you to take a shitty course because she thinks you’ll make a lot of money when you grad so she can buy a new car and shit.
As a wise man had said: Ask from the rulings in your heart. Ask your gut what you think is right.
You win because you’re 19 and you already know this shit. Get an apprenticeship in a job that would be easy to do on the side if you decide to study OR study something that has multiple post-grad and career options but at the same time isn’t something overly general like ‘communications’. Don’t smoke weed, ever.
i hate my life i guess i should die i hate my parents they have made my life hell and on the top of all im indian so cant change my life cant leave my home i am 22 and my whole life is controled by my parents they tell me when to breath when to sleep .
IKR… I totally get the whole Asian thing! Its like you have no life because its so planned and lead. I don’t know what you’re doing with your life right now, but it will get better, even if you skimed over this article you should have gathered that; SHiT CAN TURN AROUND! Just keep working at you want to do, things can change, and dieing is not the the way out, you could be something amazing! Why are you going to just cut it all short?! Don’t <3.
Thanks Sarge! This post has the ability!
I wouldn’t consider myself a fuckup who has to turn his life around, mostly since I’m only 17 and still in high school. But this stuff is legit super helpful, or at least it will be when I graduate and enter the real world. Especially the part about the art school bishes, since I plan on hopefully going to art school after I graduate (via me wanting to be a graphic designfag)
Nothing wrong with graphic design but here’s a pro-tip; pick up some mobile UA/UI design skills. It’s a big field that’s still expanding, allows for creativity but it also pays for the mortgage and Audi S5. Plus you can always indulge any kind of personal projects/whatevs in the evening/weekends.
man I need like the opposite of this. I’ve always had my shit together as far as my money and career goes, and avoiding real trouble and such, but socially I feel like I’m going backwards. Part of it was being too super srs all the time, but now it’s like I’m 30, a lot of my close friends have moved around/gotten married/have other shit going on, and I’m like “shit I need to be more social and meet more people”, but I’m awfullll at it.
I actually talked to my sis about it and she had similar advice as you have here.. just find people that are good at it and copy them.
Oh wow, reading this with that hatebreed song in the background was really beautiful & moving. I’m still going to art school and become a cartoonist like Dan Clowes because i’m a faggot but I believe in my ability to do that shit right and make money doing something I rly like besides money. Not more than, but still something I can be happy to do and give it my all, therefore raising my capacity to do it well, probably better than I could do an office job since I have a p big problem with authority due to Missing Father Syndrome
Sometimes I wonder though. I seriously, seriously hope I don’t regret this in late game. If i’m still like 22 when I regret it I can still warp some shit around though, feelin’ like Kanye over here
bein srs abt the hatebreed thing btw i lovum
Get some help/talk things out with a therapist, mental hangups like that can bite you in the ass down the road. Not saying you need intense sessions or whatevs but give it a shot when you’re financially able to do so. Coming to terms with shit your parents did and letting them go is crucial to adulthood.
That sounds like a p good idea actually, gonna try that out since i’ve got some expendable cash. thx bro
pure comedy gold.
Watch out we have a badass over here.jpg
This. This is a quality post but let’s expand it. I think I’m around the same age as you D and although it took me a few years longer to realize that my adoption of cool tattoo band guy (which was merely a cover for being a middle-class white kid with no distinct ethnic roots and a problem with authority) was a fast-track to nowhere. Before I start here’s the TL;DR summary: by the age of 30 you shouldn’t care about ANYTHING you thought was important at 20. Honestly, if you’re the same person you were over a span of 10 years it’s a clear sign of some mis-firing neurons.
1. Lose the edge. Harsh truth is most people who are still edge later in life are still socially maligned and have their priorities completely skewed. They post facebook statuses about crummy $15 hour jobs, buying records/comics/caring about stuff that will get them nowhere. I’m not saying go out and do heroin but learn to have a few drinks and socialize with normal people (who will always outnumber weird, eff’d up hardcore kids.) Everyone hears stories about dudes who break at 25 and go buck, that’s because we didn’t learn the lessons that college kids do (in a safer environment than the real world) about getting drunk. Having a glass of wine with your wife or a glass of Maker’s with your bud who just got promoted is evil then you need to check your moral compass.
2. Learn how to budget. Read a few blogs/books about setting a budget and put away money every month. My parents had no idea how to manage money and my dad is still a broke loser due to it. Tighten your belt for a bit and save up a cushion of at least 5-10k in your savings by 25. Triple that by 30.
3. Don’t eff up your credit, pay your bills. If it means eating ramen for a week to not be late on your car payment, do it. Don’t be apathetic, credit companies and bill collectors are RUTHLESS. It takes a long time to fix your credit scores. If you think this is trivial you probably still listen to Propaghandi.
4. Work out. You’ll look better, feel better and be more attractive. It’s win-win. Force yourself to find something you like. You’ll SUCK at it for awhile and that’s GOOD. It means you have to work for something. If there’s anything that’s the antithesis of being a fuck-up it’s putting in hard-work and seeing it through to the end. If you don’t like lifting, try running or swimming or tennis or MMA/BJJ (my choice) or yoga (srsly) or SOMETHING. Be active several times a week. Playing sports is a GREAT hobby and makes you meet new people.Know how to fight. Hardcore kids might be surprised what a real 1-on-1 fight is like.
5. Get a hobby. Not a D & D/record collecting/anime watching hobby, something normal and acceptable. This can be tied to #4. My hobby is BJJ and also soccer. It expands your circle and having a group of people you only see in that setting is a great escape from work/home/school life.
6. Networking. Every job I’ve had since I was 21 has come through networking. I got started in tech startups and have parlayed that into multiple other jobs in the industry all with great salary/benefits/stock/etc. It IS who you know so DON’T fight against it/complain. Use it to your advantage.
7. Stop being bitter/jaded/hating the world. Seriously life rules. Make it worth living by getting an education, getting fit and getting on a path to a career. Enjoy your job, if you don’t like it, getting training/education/whatevs and make a change. Music/dumb fanboy hobbies will seriously not get you anywhere in life, grow-up and accept responsibility for making yourself happy.
A+ comment. This site and the comments on it have seriously made a huge difference in my life. I’m glad I don’t think missing out on real jobs to go on tour is a good idea anymore. Why don’t hardcore kids realize that good jobs will grant vacation time and they can still tour anyways?
Tour blows, you barely see anything. I’d rather take a few weeks off while being paid and go to Bora Bora than sit in a van with a broken heater somewhere in New Brunswick.
All I’m saying is I don’t know why musicians take some kind of vow of poverty when they can do all the music shit they want to do while having a good job. I agree though, vacations > playing for a bunch of snobby dudes with combovers who are 25 and still talk about “DIY youth culture”.
Backed on all of this (except soccer, that’s gay :) )
Basically once you hit your mid twenties, or finish college (whichever comes first) it’s time to stop being a dumbass and move on from your teenage shit.
Anyone whose lief revolves around music (ppl who base everything they do on being “hardcore” or “metal” or “punk” in particular) all eventually become old, bitter, burned out dickheads who make fools of themselves on a daily basis, for no gain whatsoever. Snap out of that mentality and focus on things that are actually going to matter to you for the next 40 – 50 years instead of what WAS important to your teenage self.
All of the “respect” and “street cred” and other gay shit like that, that you earn as a teenager / young adult holds ABSOLUTELY ZERO sway in the real world. People wont respect you for how badass your tatts are or how many records you own or how you “stuck it 2 the man by not conforming”. Forget all of that and build a stable foundation that you can rely on for the rest of your life.
Guilty of being metro. I also love yoga.
But for serious, that comment is truth. Dedicating your life to ANY sub-culture puts you on the same level as Juggalos or furries or those dudes that think they’re My Little Ponies or whatevs.
^^^ bakt tard like my boners 4 successful, smart women^^^^
Dedicating your life to ANY sub-culture puts you on the same level as Juggalos
Will be sleeping on my stomach tonight thanks to your comment -_-
Snap out of that mentality and focus on things that are actually going to matter to you for the next 40 – 50 years instead of what WAS important to your teenage self.
This is honestly one of the most thought provoking pieces of advice I’ve ever seen. Seriously reconsidering a lot about my life now
I’m loling at how much I used to buy into that stuff when I ws ~17. Looking at the list, though; it’s all too obvious why adults don’t respect that stuff: They’re not accomplishments. Anyone can get a tatt/ buy some band merch/ mouth of about how non-comformist they are… drinking in starbucks after their min wage shift and worrying about whether their hairstyle is still current. I still respect artistic integrity and people who find ways to make money to facilitate that (e.g. Jon Gomm), rather than changing their musical style to something they dont like for a record label; but so many of those punk bands don’t even know what the hell they DO want when they go on about politics. They just want everyone to know how serious they are about complaining.
I kinda blame all the unscrupulous bands out there who more or less dupe teenagers (who are barely getting a grip on the adult world) into believeing that some half-baked life philosophy is actually important; and that they’ll find something really fulfilling by associating with it rather than: studying academic course, learning good financial management, having a routine for most days of the week to get shit done efficiently (which i thnk we’ll all agree are genuinely important and are the some of the big reasons humans > dogs); whilst the band themselves are lying through their teeth, living 100% capitalist and consumerist lifestyles using these niave kid’s money. Cali punk, metal and ‘hardcore’ (what a retarded term) bands are usually the worst offenders of that hypocrisy.
Harsh truth is most people who are still edge later in life are still socially maligned and have their priorities completely skewed. They post facebook statuses about crummy $15 hour jobs, buying records/comics
boom
IMO this really depends on how involved their identity still is with straight edge (disclaimer: 26 and still edge). About half the people I know over 25 and still edge never talk about it, not out of shame but disinterest in the subject. They are working people with jobs who attend reunion shows and occasionally other shows, but spend most of their time doing career/adult/parenting shit. If you ASK them if they are straight edge, they will usually say yes, and may or may not have edge tattoos. I feel like this sizeable chunk of post youth edge survivors goes unnoticed because they are unnoticeable, but still there.
The other half…. well, you’ve got them covered.
Probably the best comment ever written on this site. For Realz .
A+++
“Work like nobody else is willing to, so you can live like none of them can afford to”
- some rich guy floating around the Mediterranean on a yacht with his OTW mistress
Despite our problems being polar opposites (and mine being beta 1st world upper middle class white kid shit) your posts about lief advice are some of the most inspiring and real things that I read on the internet and I sincerely thank you for taking the time to write them. (srs)
http://www.stuffyouwillhate.com/wp-content/uploads/you-have-the-ability-apes-267×3002.jpg
This x1000000
I feel like if I keep going the way I am, despite coming from a very well off family with a big house just outside the ‘burbs and nice European cars, all that, I’ll still end up like you back then (deadbeat loser with a shitty job and tattoos that won’t mean shit when I’m 30), but every time I read one of these posts it gives me a whole heap of perspective.
Wanna know tho, if I wanted to get into uni but I dun have the grades, would it be worth going to TAFE (community college) and doing some shitty accounting/business whatever course and doing uni pathways to get into an actually useful degree a few year later? Or would I be better off working my ass off for three years then go into uni as a mature age student (21)? Seems like those might be the best paths for me atm, coz my rents will defs help pay for TAFE and support me if I show them that I’m working 1000x harder than I did in school.
I would advise going through the Community College and getting dat degree. Not only will the degree itself be useful, colleges are such a great source for networking. Take advantage of all the networking events and other business related activities that they will provide, usually free of charge.
As long as you don’t fuck around, you’ll benefit from this tremendously. The degree and the networking you get will be much more beneficial than your GPA, btw.
Nothing is wrong with community college. Take advantage of it though. Study your titts off to get a high GPA. It’ll be a lot more difficult to get good grades later on at uni.
Also, accounting is NOT shitty! Take that back sir! :(
Community colleges are an awesome resource! I am a community college product and I honestly feel that it was great environment for me to turn my life around. I was a 24 year old fuck up with a go nowhere job and finally decided to take school seriously b/c I wanted to change my life. They administrators where helpful and showed me exactly what classes I needed to take to transfer and the instructors were very supportive.
I was able to transfer to an excellent university and graduated with honors. I am now working on my PhD at a top tier university and was awarded an awesome fellowship package.
Always get as much information as you can about administrative hurdles and surround yourself with people who are motivated to do better!
Hell yeah man! I definitely think it’s super important to cut ties with people who are negative, on the wrong path or just unsupportive. As you get older they hold you back and make things really hard for progression.
Absolutely nothing wrong with Comm. College, it will save you a ton of money. Plus, there’s really no reason to jump into uni too early. Get all your gen-eds out of the way first, so you can figure out what you want ahead of time.
As an personal comment, most people I know who are really successful/happy in their careers got started in comm. college. Definitely make friends with an administrator who can help show you the ropes, it will make all the difference.
TAFE is not really community college. But +1000000 to being a middle class kid but still being in danger of being a fuck up. I came very close. Make sure you take advantage of everything you have, if you don’t no one will have any sympathy
Thank you, that means a lot to me! Much appreciated
so true about the art school girls *shudder*
No shit bro. Back that statement 110%.
I really cannot think of a single redeeming thing about art school girls. Yes, they do a ton of drugs and are always dtf but they’re hardly the only girls in college who like to party so you have plenty of other options (and all of those options are way less dramatic, negative and annoying than art girls)
Backtard,I go to art college for illustration. The only party I went to I was hit on by a tranny and surrond by Special snowflake syndrom. Solution, make friends at a nearby university so you can party with yoga pants and high-heel girls
Wow…this really hit home so I have to comment on it. I also wasted a large portion of my life on meaningless shit like veganism, sxe, earth liberation, animal liberation, militant atheism, hardcore, and metal. I spent my teen years (during the 90′s) doing awesome stuff like going to animal rights protests, watching bands play where the singer yells through a megaphone (and rolls around on the floor), and hanging around people that spelled women/woman with a y. I thought all of this made me special and better then everybody else. In reality, everyone else was passing me by and actually moving ahead with life while I sat there like a moron eating my boca burgers.
I envy Sergeant D for his epiphany at age 22. My moment unfortunately came later (at 28). I lived in a shit 2 bedroom apartment with a horrible, scene-type ex-girlfriend (a wise decision) and made $13.50 an hour working at a call center. Anxiety caused me to puke every morning before going into work and I felt horrible about pretty much everything in my life. I finally snapped and admitted to myself that I was a loser and I wasn’t better then anyone.
I slowly started to turn my life around. I realized all the stuff I thought was important was actually really fucking stupid. During this transformation period I dropped sxe and veganism. I also quit giving a shit whether someone is religious or not (I actually prefer religious people now…they are generally nicer and happier then atheists). I went to college and graduated last semester with a computer science degree. I met and fell in love with an extremely normal woman who also has a computer science degree and has no idea what sxe or hardcore is. She is definitely wifey material. I am still a work in progress though. I need to land a decent job and jump start my career and I should be good to go.
I really have no clue why I just typed all this. I guess I just wanted to share my story in hopes that someone can relate to it or something (or get a good laugh out of it). I guess my advice would be to stay away from subcultures. They are lame as fuck. Also, it is never to late to start bettering yourself (srs) so if you feel like you are going nowhere, start doing something about it RIGHT NOW. Take baby steps if you have to but make sure you keep moving forward.
TL;DR = Fuck raging against the machine. Get money.
Holy shit, the parallels are so close. Excellent post my nigga. It took me a bit longer to get my act together. I blew many an opportunity up until I hit 30. It’s not easy to dump the negative and get on track. It’s real easy to get fucked up and get by. I YOLOed my ass off for a long time because I was special. Put in some work and you can be happy.
It’s not easy to dump the negative and get on track.
Having an outrageously hard time with this myself. I try to improve my attitude, but holy shit its just so ridiculously hard.
Know that feel. I still hate myself and think life is a curse but I at least realise now that this isn’t a good perspective to have and that I need to radically alter my way of thinking if I am to be successful and happy… we will get there bro!
<3<3<3
Glad 2 know I wasnt the only 1 on here (srs)
Excellent post.
militant atheism
Any advice for how to overcome this? I’m 26, edge, vegan, and never had a problem with anyone who drank/smoked (half my family are alcoholics, not going to hate them) or ate meat, but god damn do I hate me some religion. Like to the point where this sentence
I actually prefer religious people now…they are generally nicer and happier then atheists
makes me want to throw up.
Keep in mind, I’m trying to get AWAY from that attitude.
Was seriously considering posting in the forums for advice on this, might still do it
Stop caring. Stop reading Dawkins/Hitchens/Dennett, you’re already dyed in the wool so what use is reading someone who is preaching something you already know? Don’t read atheist/anti-theist blogs or lurk /r/atheism. Don’t get into quasi-philisophical debates with your friends who took an Into to Phil classes at the local CC or read the Cliff Notes version of Wittgensteins’s P.I.
Yeah…what RJG and CNinja said is very good. Seriously…stop caring about it. If someone wants to sit around and praise god, let them. How does that hurt your life???
Also, as a former vegan, sxe, pc warrior I hated racism and skinheads with a passion. Then one day I realized I was just like them except I had a different set of beliefs. They irrationally hated blacks and jews and I irrationally hated christians. I thought all christians were wacko nutjobs that sat around thinking about how they can push their religion on people 24/7 (which is basically what I did as an atheist).
I eventually stepped outside my bubble of angry atheists and met some real people and learned that they are all different. I basically learned to judge them on an individual level and I no longer cared about their religion at all. I also don’t spend my time thinking about religion anymore at all.
If you have ever seen the movie, american history x, think about the scene where the main skinhead dude works with the black guy in prison. He is so brainwashed and angry at first that he can’t be nice to this obviously nice and funny black guy. He eventually learns to see the black guy as a human and they become friends. That is basically what happened to me.
Wow…thinking about all this makes me realize how incredibly retarded I was….damn.
If someone wants to sit around and praise god, let them. How does that hurt your life???
Summoning all of my strength and will to NOT type a longwinded reply on how religious faith conditions irrationality, and how it never stops there but leads to creationism being taught in schools and -
yep, I really need to get off r/atheism.
I also don’t spend my time thinking about religion anymore at all.
I think this is the only solution for me. It’s like IMN’s with metal, just has to have a no discussion policy or it all goes to shit like the few times metal came up on SYWH.
get off reddit, period. i used to be a /b/tard and sites like that just suck you in and don’t let go. they’re cesspits of ultra-arrogant neckbeards with piss-poor arguing skills and a horribly misaligned moral compass
horribly misaligned moral compass
IDK, Sarge still frequents misc… perhaps moderation is the key?
Also, the excess of amateur nudes is pretty hard to let go of. any thoughts?
Thank you very much for this reply.
/r/atheism
GUILTY 100%. My 2nd favorite subreddit, in spite of its shittyness in many ways. I was actually going to make a final post on there asking for help from other atheists on how they overcame their butthurt.
The whole avoiding arguing with religious people thing is going to be tough, but I have burned a ton of bridges over this and need to stop. Actually, I argue excessively over almost anything (EXCEPT music, oddly).
I think you should just chill out bro. Think about what your saying, if that sentence made you wanna throw up, doesn’t that make you a token “unhappy atheist”.
Just don’t care about it bro. Easy as that, someone comes up to you and talks about religion, just be cool and talk in a polite way I guess. No need to hate religion, or even care about it.
doesn’t that make you a token “unhappy atheist”.
Yes, this is what I admitted to and am trying to change
A good way to summarize all of this stuff (sxe, veganisn, atheism etc) is: Caring about stuff is gay.
You continue to hold yourself back if you get hung up on giving shits about what anyone else does / says / believes. There is zero reason to spend any time trying to convince someone that god isn’t real or that eating meat is wrong, when you could be out fixing ur own lief or having fun or getting money or whatever. It is a waste of valuable time, spending your formative years on utterly pointless shit like that. It’s as simple as not caring. About anything.
Caring about stuff is gay.
Seems good, except I actually don’t care about work, school, success, money, or even pussy really. I went on tour with a band this winter that had no idea I was vegan edge until they noticed I always refused the pipe going around the van, they were then shocked to learn the truth.
While religion makes my butt hurt, caring about life in general just isn’t something I’m capable of
I used to be an angry atheist too. Maybe you should really examine why you are that way? In my case it took years for me to look in the mirror, but I eventually realized that the whole time I was actually a theist and just wanted to be fucking pissed at something. I literally blamed all of my fuckups and unfortunate circumstances on religion and God. All I did for years was be a negative bummer and it fucking ate me up. This may not be the case for you, but hopefully you can pull something from this.
It’s hard to let go of anger, but totally worth it.
I am still an atheist– in fact, I feel more strongly about religion being bullshit than every (via not being an idiot). But I don’t let myself get worked up about it anymore because it just made me unhappy to focus on how fucked up and dumb belief is, and I was certainly not changing anybody’s mind about it. You have to pick your battles.
And I agree w/ whoever said that they enjoy the company of religious people– I especially like Mormons (srs). Some of the kindest, most pleasant people I have known, regardless of the fact that their belief system is lulzy nonsense.
Thank you very much for this advice, Sarge. This is probably my most appreciated reply of yours ever (srs).
I think my point is that there is no way for me to change my views on religion, but I’m trying to find some way to reduce my butthurt to a tolerable level.
I think atheism is to me what metal is to you – the damage (irreversible butthurt) has been done, now I need to figure out how to avoid/manage it.
I agree too.During my angst-post-teen-fucked-up period, I was friends with this Muslim missionary guy (no kidding). I became rather happy (or at least, less suicidal).
It’s not that he’s pushing his religious views up my ass everyday (which he amazingly didn’t), it’s just that he’s more sane than the whiny single bishes I hung out with prior to the depression.
I work at a call center and average around $25/hour. I wish my Mexi-girl didn’t act like my worst enemy all the time. I live with my parents although I can afford to move out. I’m 23 and I’ve been able to afford moving out for about for 4-5 years now. I choose not to. My problem is not turning my life around, it’s moving forward. I’ve been w/ my girlfriend for almost three years and she expects me to move the relationship forward? The fuck I do that? I don’t want to get her preggo or commit.
If you can easily afford to move out of your parents house but are still staying there, you should be banking as much as possible each paycheck. It sucks to still live with parents while you can be out supporting yourself, but if you’re gonna do it you should take advantage of the situation and make so you will be comfortable as possible when you do move out.
Re: your relationship. It sounds like the two of you are looking for different things out of the relationship. If she is looking for marriage / kids and you aren’t, what is the point? I would never tell anyone to end their relationship without knowing all of the details, but she may be getting in your way on the path to success. On the flip side, you may be wasting her time if she’s trying to start a family (again, I know none of the details of your relationship)
im assuming you mean girls like brenda song in the sense of her looks and not her IRL psycho personality?
The ideal of what brenda song represents haha
getting knocked up by trace cyrus? haha… she def has that “pretty but not too hot as to make her psycho” thing going but isnt she like 20? the real question is will she get fat when shes older cause i think she has the potential.
fuckin’ A sarge!!
this epiphany hit me hard when i got my AA(liberal arts) @ 21/22… why the fuck did it take me 3 to 4 years to get a degree that should’ve taken me only 2 ? lolz…. drugs, alcoholism, metal/punk gigs/shows/concerts, partying, stupid bitch drama, not taking skewl seriously and ghetto-ignant-as-fuck-homies thats why….
but ay… just like hatebreed says THIS IS NOW!!!!
fuckin’ A sarge!!
this epiphany hit me hard when i got my AA(liberal arts) @ 21/22… why the fuck did it take me 3 to 4 years to get a degree that should’ve taken me only 2 ? lolz…. drugs, alcoholism, metal/punk gigs/shows/concerts, partying, stupid bitch drama, not taking skewl seriously and ghetto-ignant-as-fuck-homies thats why…. but now im barely starting getting my shit together via 1st year nursing skewl blues….
but ay… just like hatebreed says THIS IS NOW!!!! perseverance n The Rise of Brutality are one of the few crossover/hxc albums i =D
will def stay away from art school bishes, but wut about sum FIDM chix? i used to fux w/ one of em n she ended up being a goddamn success, moving to en-why and doing those LA/NY/EURO fashion weeks for big fashion companies n everything </3….
I was the tatted, long-haird rokero loser she was rushing out her luxurious apartment as she had to meet up with other merchandisers on a big project =/
oh god… stupid control/katarl button was stuck >=O
its OK bro happened to me too :(
Smash dem art school bishes to your dicks content. But ware the relationship. Will shatter your soul and leave you with a crippling drug addiction.
Srs, great advice Sarge.
I’m working hard at getting my life on a track I want to be on. I’m still in school now, but I actually want to not be directionless when I leave, as I’ve seen some older friends have no direction later on.
Thnx 4 the inspiration (srs) SYWH is pretty much what turned me away from being a huge anti-social dude with no direction whatsoever and no clue about women at all.
Am in art school atm, while I sometimes dig the art bish look I would never even consider going beyond anything but smashing via too many issues in dem girls heads. Rest assured, I’m doing graphic design, not something that’s like 2 inches away from just suisiding urself like painting or w/e. Well at least that’s what I tell myself at night.
Am actually considering to do marketing and finance after I get my degree because that 1) gives me decent job oppertunities besides being one of millions of self-proclaimed graphic designers 2) even if I bother doing anything in that field I can look out for myself and make decent decisions with finance etc. 3) hopefully that helps me accomplish one of the most important things about graphic design and that is getting your name out there. To be fair if I’d be able to combo this i.e. freelance design while working in marketing or financing or w/e I’m guessing I’d be able to pick me up some of that green benji franklin swagger.
Anyway, great read, same to some comments from other bros here, really inspiring to see how you guys turned your life around! (srs) <3
Brenda Song A++++
like this if you think she bad <3
Thanks for writing this D… I wasted an elite private school education trying to fight the system and be cool… lucky I got into Law School, but I’ve wasted every opportunity, and I’m 2 years into it, and I’ve barely scraped by and I know absolutely nothing.
Been feeling so down lately… I handed in an assignment yesterday that was such a piece of shit, If i get 50% I’ll be lucky. Lucky I’ve been with an amazing bish for 2 years who works super hard in her actual useful course. Amazing she hasn’t left haha…
Don’t worry bro she’ll leave once you both graduate and she gets sick of paying for your ass.
brb, i have a job that pays 24 bucks an hour.
brb failing to use a brb line correctly
Hey guise Im a fuck up like you
NOT REALLY LOL!
lol@ u if you fuck up your course and get stuck where you are and ur bish leaves you for someone who didnt waste their time
This will happen 2 dat bro via his ‘phew I just scraped by lucky old me’ attitude that is going to bite hard in the ass.
wait, is less than 50k/yr gross supposed to be baller or something?
Let’s not be rude, I approve of ex-fuckups being proud that they’re outside the official poverty level. Wish I was still at dat sweet, sweet 12-15% fed tax bracket :( ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN BROS!
this is exactly what i wanted to know
Thanks so much Sarge, I’ve really been wanting to read a post like this from you since your post about wifeable girls seeking husbandable dudes made me realize how much of a complete fucking loser I am. I knew to an extent before, but that post really drove it home.
Not trying to be a downer/whiner, but I have a ridiculously hard time setting any goals because none of them sound good at all. In no way do I want anyone to think I have a problem with them buying houses and having careers/kids and whatnot, but the whole career/home ownership thing just seems totally fucked to me. Like god damn, you have to RAKE in money just to have something decent in California (rather suicide than leave, srs). Then you might just get foreclosed on if the economy tanks like literally about 30% of my neighborhood did. Even assuming you don’t, its my understanding that you basically buy the bank a house with the amount of interest you pay. That’s insane.
Not to mention, the lifelong drudgery of work. One thing that seems conspicuously absent from SYWH commenters is the shittyness of jobs, whatever the hell they are. I spent my late teens/early twenties on tour/heavily involved with hardcore because I knew I’d have the rest of my life to have endless cases of the Mondays. I’ve never had a single job in my life that I would still show up to if I didn’t absolutely have to. How about the rest of SYWH? Would YOU guys go to your jobs 8hrs day/5days a week if you could maintain your lifestyle without having to? I think this is a good definition for liking ones job.
About to be labeled as the filth of hipster for quoting this white trash alcoholic postal worker, but I’d be lying through my teeth if I said this quote didn’t sum up my attitude on work 100%:
“How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 8:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so? ”
I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I’m really not very money motivated. Like for example, when reading Sarge’s post about cars, I just kept thinking about I’d much rather have the hours of my life back from whatever corporate hellhole I pissed them down to buy such a vehicle that will be primarily used to transport me to said hellhole. If you guys genuinely like your jobs, this obviously doesn’t apply, but I just can’t envision liking a job, especially not the kind that pays lots of money (they pay a lot because they’re really hard and not everyone can do them).
I’m trying really hard to make my life not suck and not to be a complete fucking loser, but cars and houses simply do not entice me and thus fail to motivate me to any particular direction. Careers are equally unappealing, but I’m working towards one anyways for some reason, mostly because I don’t know what else to do.
I really hope nobody on here thought I was judging them for buying cars, having real jobs, or whatever. I just literally can’t fathom being happy doing that myself. Also, I’m not trying to say that I “want something more in life” or anything fucking gay and spiritual, I don’t think there is anything more in life. I just can’t think of any goals, and the standard ones that Sarge suggested are unappealing to me. I don’t think this makes me special, except maybe in the sense of being especially worthless, unmotivated piece of trash. That being said, his advice seems very good if these are your goals.
Anyone go through anything similar? How did you decide what to do? Are you better off than you were 5 years ago? Anyone else think the reality of work fucking sucks?
Work sucks, the money it gives you rules, which lets you do whatever the fuck you want.
And if you don’t want to be a worker, be a boss. Simple as that.
It’s entirely possible to have a house, money, a wifeable girl, and not be a “tool of the man” or “a life sellout that prefers money over living”
It is possible to have your cake and eat it too
How ?
SGT D’s post is pretty spot the fuck on. Heed it.
What do you want from life then? For me it’s not the car or house but the desire I have to travel a lot.
I dont think anyone loves “going to work” but I enjoy knowing that everyday I sit in my cubicle that I am able to create value for a company that helps improve the lives of people all over the world albeit indirectly, along with making stock holders money, which I am now one as well.
I used to hate thinking about pursuing material goods, but its not really about that. It’s about achieving stability in your life, for the future. I assume most people don’t enjoy being 40 and wondering where there next meal will come from, or if rent/mortgage will get paid next month.
Consider yourself lucky if you get a job you can make a career out of and you only have to work 40 hours a week. I’m working 12 hours a day (or more) 5 or 6 days a week. It’s just a necessity when you start out.
I would say it’s highly unusual for any decent job to require only 40 hours a week– you are very lucky indeed if you have a career-level job with those kind of hours
here in the netherlands, working 32hrs is not unusual. #1 country of part timers. working 12hrs a day for 5 days is almost a taboo, as in ‘isnt that for chinese ppl??’
we’re a very spoiled country
Sounds like your culture has better priorities imo (srs)
My mom is a Registered Nurse and works 5 days every 2 weeks, 8 hour shifts. It’s called 5 tenths, as in 5 days per pay period. I guess that is the goal I’m working towards.
To quote NOFX: “I define success as not working.”
5 tenths is still contributing something, but not killing myself doing it. I just don’t see a reason not to commit suicide if I have to spend most of my life doing something that sucks (srs).
Works sucks but its better than being poor, especially when you are old. Being elderly and poor is the most miserable and sad existence I can think of.
I worked as a CNA in nursing homes for 4 years and can confirm this 100%. Then again, some of the poor that had families visiting them seemed much happier than the richer ones whose families didn’t give a fuck.
End of life care is a fucking scam, BTW. You work your whole life to buy a house and leave an inheritance to your kids, and the nursing home/lawyers snatch it all up at the end to pay your medical bills. Disgusting.
lol enjoy your private healthcare capitalist pigdogs
100% going through what you are going through (except being in a hardcore band).
I would like to work towards goals but I don’t know what they are or really even have any.
So I just stick with my shitty job that hasn’t tied me down to one type of career (via being boring office work that any trained monkey could do), cos I earn enough to ‘get by’.
Would love a job I enjoy and all the good stuff that comes with this but don’t have a fucking clue how to progress, via not really being interested in anything except sleeping, eating and getting my occasionally getting dick wet :\
I love my job, mostly because I’m self-employed and made my own job. I used to be in IT and miserable while making good money, which I proceeded to spend like an asshole to make myself feel better. These days, I make about 60% of what I used to make when I was in IT, but none of the horrible feeling every morning. It’s a trade-off i can live with, especially since my expenses have gone way down now that I don’t have to make myself feel better about hating my job.
A lot of the people who I went to with on my first IT work with are richer than me now. They have nicer cars, bigger bank accounts and fancier job titles. And they seem happy when I meet them. For some reason, though, I’m glad I’m out of that. I’d probably be alcoholic now if I had to do that shit to this day.
My advice is: if money is the only good thing about your work, then make an exit strategy your goal. How can you leave that shitty job while managing to sustain a livelihood? Work on your exit strategy while slaving away on the sucky job. I actually didn’t do that when I was in IT — instead, I just quit once I was fed up and started a business, which failed miserably, sending me to debt. It was only after that when it dawned on me to create my own work, which I do to this day.
may I suggest looking into sites like http://www.earlyretirementextreme.com or http://www.mrmoneymustache.com for bros like yourself who seem to not care so much about the material rewards of money but also don’t want to find yourself working at Kinko’s at 40?
The real basic version is:
-get a ‘real’ job
-work your ass off
-spend very little money and SAVE, SAVE, SAVE
-quit your job at far below retirement age and use your invested income to live off of at your still frugal cost of living, and only work on things you actually give a shit about
I was thinking of trying something like this, but it seemed impossible. Will definitely be looking into this. Thank you very much for these resources.
There’s no one way of doing things “right” in this world. This is a well written article and all, but it’s just one guy’s take on how he made things work for him. If some parts ring true and some ring false, just take what you need and leave the rest.
If material shit isn’t your bag, it isn’t your bag. You don’t need to “grow up,” you don’t need to “fake it ’til you make it,” you just need to recognize that that’s not your path, and adapt accordingly (assuming you’ve actually put in the time to reflect on the subject, and aren’t on some residual teen angst shit).
I will say, though, that a common thread amongst the happy people I know in life (self included) is that they work really, really hard. Whether it’s at an establishment type career, or a kooky, glorified hobby, hard work = satisfaction in life. Unless you have real deal financial obligations (kids or family to take care of, crippling debt, etc.), don’t sweat making bank, just try to find something you can work really, really ridiculously hard at, and get satisfaction out of it. It’s a total cliche, but hard work really is its own reward.
The problem is, today’s economic realities being what they are, you have to work really hard to get to a point where you even find out what hard work is. Most “jobs” available to a wayward slacker type give you 30 hours a week (if you’re lucky) and are so degrading and menial, it’s hard to see the point of advancing in such a field. If your entire relationship with work is basically walking in to your place of business and having shit smeared on your face, you’re logically gonna have a rough time grasping the beauty of the employer/employee relationship, and obviously the loose change they throw at you isn’t gonna make up for the abuse. If you enter a field you genuinely find rewarding in its own right, however, you’ll find a way to excel in that field regardless of the monetary rewards.
Basically, not liking money/stuff is no excuse to not work hard. And if you’re actually working hard, all the other stuff in life seems to fall into place. Finding out what exactly it is in life you can dedicate yourself to in that kind of way is strictly up to you. Chances are, you probably already know what it is, though, and think about it all the time. All that’s left is getting your mind right and following through on it. To clarify, whatever it is, it should be somethng that you can put 50+ hours a weke into, and potentially make enough money at to survive, so no, beating off or posting inane comments on smarmy blogs doesn’t count.
Oh, and that Mr. Money Mustache blog is backed hard. There are lots of great ideas on that site.
Thanks very much. This post helped clarify shit.
And no I’m not a teenager, that’s why I’m worried. haha
I’m a high school teacher, and I enjoy my job to a good extent. Kids like my tattoos, it’s enjoyable when you have a good lesson and I can be as sarcastic as fuck and they just think I’m dumb and old. Don’t think of a ‘job’ as only 9-5 in an office white-collar hell (while some people are totally satisfied with those jobs).
back in school my seniors say “work sucks, cherish your study life.” But I am back in school now and let me tell you I miss my job. I miss my job so bad that I skipped one week of school to work back with my old boss LOL (now the semester starts, boss sends me back to school, Im depressed as fuck).
it’s not that the job pays me much (but good enough to fund a middle-class family here), it’s not a popular job, some say it’s drudging and tiring, it involves you doing overtime nearly every day. Far, far worse work conditions than the other job I had in retail. I recruited dozens of my friend to work this job, but they quit because of the workload LOL.
but it’s strange–I enjoyed it. I can still wake up after two hours of sleep and excitedly open my work email after breakfast. I didn’t get upset when the boss returned my work with errors, I simply corrected it and resubmit. I gladly took overtimes, even on D-day just to make sure my client gets their stuff on time.
Everybody has a hidden talent somewhere, however strange it is. And there’s a job for you that switches on that talent. It’s maybe unrelated to your schooling, your beliefs, your hobby,or your music taste, but you’d enjoy it anyway. believe that’s what we in the working world say as “the calling”.
Another example–a friend of mine was a talented guy. but after school he jumps from one job to another, starts a business and failed, broke up with long-term mix-Asian bish, works another job, failed some more…recently I found him on FB, just married and started his own ramen factory. Business is doing pretty good.
TL;DR, there’s a job fit for everybody. Like a puzzle piece. And when you find that job, you won’t feel like working a day of your life. srs
i kinda feel like im going the wrong way in terms of being a dipshit kid to being an adult with a comfortable life, my family is pretty middle class maybe middle-upper middle class, im just about to turn 19 and have been in full time work since i left school so around 17 and ive managed to save just over 20k (srs) even though im only on $10 an hour doing an apprenticeship, just from detaching myself from 80% of my high school friends who have just waste all that they earn on dumb shit like crack, weed and what not (i still keep in touch but i keep my distance) and knowing how to save but also not restrict myself when it comes to things i want/ going out on a fairly regular basis(being Australian 18 is the legal age for bars and clubs), i can still buy something if i want it and not worry about the price but still save most of my money. I’m looking to put a deposit on a house in the next 2 years and then rent it out as an extra form of income( as i mentioned before im on shit money).
my only problem is, i feel like i’m kinda wasting my youth and i feel like ill probably end up getting to like 25 or so and just go stupid and start wasting money and doing dumb shit to try and make up for what i think i was missing out on, i still go out quite often but my week pretty much consists of school monday then tuesday-friday work then i’m usually too tired to go out or try and organise something with friends.
should i lay off on trying to make my future more comfortable and just enjoy my youth ?
PLSRSPND
Being tired from time well spent working and building your future is better than being restless waiting for your next youthful adventure.
It sounds to me like you got your shit together. You’re in a better position than like 99% of dudes your age. Educating yourself, earning, saving, and still carving out time for a social life.
dont worry about missing out. everyone misses out. dudes who spend their time partying are missing out on building a small fortune by the time they’re 30. dudes who spend Friday nights creeping on girls in a club are missing out on the joys of curling up to a cute girlfriend who sucks dick like a champ. that dude curling up to Kate Upton is missing out on all the other girls that might fuck him.
the point is, everyone misses out on something. unless you’re wasting 16 hours a day watching TV and playing video games, you’re probably missing out on some good things for something equally worthwhile. you won’t regret it.
Really good point here.
“Decisions, how do they work?” – me
This post sincerely could not have come at a better time in my life, as I am right in the middle of the horribly awkward transition from being stuck in a soul-sucking retail job with an bank-account draining lease at a shitty apartment complex with a barely-running car to moving back in with my parents (thank jasta for loving, encouraging parents who want to help you succeed before its too late [srs]) and tackling school again for the first time in 3 years. I will indeed be bookmarking this tab for encouragement, as well as taking my daily dose of Jastaverance.
Also, brb getting this tattooed on fucking forehead so I never forget it
“Work like nobody else is willing to, so you can live like none of them can afford to”
Now THAT is motivational.
2 tired 4 proper grammar an punctation srry – an fggt
D, you should start doing motivational talks on stages with a little head set. Be the Tony Robbins of fuck ups.
Had this feeling like a month ago when I turned 22 and realized how much I suck at life haha.
I have always been that person who never cared about winning so long as I was not losing but now I am just behind on everything that a person my age should be, all my friends have moved on and I am just drifting . I actually made a list kinda like the one here.
Cool post.
all my friends have moved on and I am just drifting
i know that feel :( that is a shitty feel.
+1
Ok, was just super posi coz of this thread but I just realised most of my friends are kinda fuckups already. Majority are 17/18, chain smokers (I’m one of the only ones who doesn’t smoke), get high every day, have no goal in life other than skating or playing in shitty punk bands and either keep working their shitty jobs they already have or go into the public service. Ironic coz one of my best mates is rly into old US hardcore (Reagan Youth, Minor Threat, Black Flag), yet wants to just get a shitty job in the public service yet still reckons he can stay punk… But I digress, I know my friends are going down the shitter, but they’re some of the nicest, most chilled out bros ever and I dun wanna lose them.
What do?
Become better / richer than them and take them all out on your yacht???
I’ll invite them all over to my super fly loft in Melbourne fitted out with the latest European furniture and high-tech Korean gear and be like “So how are those shitty Black Flag tattoos working out for you?” and then kick them out before my new friends come over for expensive drinks, tapas and foreign movies. That or kick them out before my 10k/day CEO bros come up for expensive pre-drinks before we go out to all the fancy bars and pick up barely legal 10/10 bishes with daddy issues and a coke problem (which daddy pays for).
EXACTLY
Write that down as your goal to aspire to
That or kick them out before my 10k/day CEO bros come up for expensive pre-drinks before we go out to all the fancy bars and pick up barely legal 10/10 bishes with daddy issues and a coke problem (which daddy pays for).
DAE find this even more depressing than your current situation?
This type of thing is funny to joke about, but I can never quite tell how serious you guys are about having goals like this.
Disclaimer: I’m about 50% NFC
Depressing? Why would that be depressing? Sounds like you need learn how to relax, have fun and loosen up dude
I’ve been told this by others, it’s probably true.
While I’m generally pretty bad at fun, I’m still way ahead of the real NFC, according to the same people
Shut up fat boy
A+post, would read again. Thanks for the motivation, excellent timing as uni starts in 1 month. Cheers.
Haha this post (and the comments) are absolutley gold – I have never read this blog in my life but came here through Chaos and Pain.
Currently working through my fucking loser stage, woke up about 3 months ago, living with my parents, with no job, no money and no driving licence was what it took to make me realize I fucking sucked hard at life and needed to get my shit sorted asap.
Managed to pass my driving test, get a part time job and am have got 3 training courses and voluntry work experience lined up so I can actually get a job I enjoy.
Love the bit about who you hang out with Sarg – at 22 I have now realized I dont give a fuck about religion/fashion/music etc with friends, I just need to surround myself with people who are supportive of me, will let me know the harsh truth if needs be, and who are acheiving shit with there professional lives.
I gotta take that art school stuff seriously and find some girls in my business classes.
Undergrad business girls are the BEST ♥ I had some of the best times of my life with them
Great post brah. Inspiring me, at that turning point right now.
But here’s a question:
What if your ultimate goal in lyf is something creative? (music or design etc.)
And you’ve already unlocked the ‘wifeable bish’ and ‘lifting for aesthetics’ achievements.
Should you give up your dreams, get a proper job and the ‘money in the bank’ trophy?
Or persevere with what you love and get successful at that (risk not going anywhere and being a poor forever).
Wat do?
If you’re happy making music and being poor and your bish is willing to put up with that, then go for it. Just don’t be surprised if life gets really hard and expensive later on and all your friends have more cool shit than you. the whole point of “getting your shit together” is to have a happy life / future, and if being a slightly scummy musician achieves that for you, then do it, bcz you probably wouldn’t be happy / good at a normal job.
Wipe that smile off your face before I Do weasel breadth.
What if your ultimate goal in lyf is something creative? (music or design etc.)
good luck with your being poor and frustrated goals for the rest of your life
SRS. The odds of being successful in music are about as good as becoming at pro-athlete. Of the millions of kids playing Division 1 through 10 Zillion NCAA football, how many actually get drafted each year?
That’s the thing though – you’re either poor and frustrated because you do something you like but can’t make $, or rich and frustrated because you have lots of money but no time to enjoy it because you’re always working.
Fak u, leif
^^^story of my brand new young adulthood that no one told me about =[
I know a few people who have become genuinely successful in their chosen creative field and are making good money. But it is really difficult. Just make sure you have a solid back-up plan bro, and in the meantime work your fucking ass off
do you want to get filthy rich, though? if thats not a big goal for you, there are many ways to parlay creative skills into actual jobs that you can do while still pursuing the big dream. most of my musician friends who didn’t make/ haven’t made it big are working in artist management, events management and similar roles. some of my artist friends learned how to tattoo and work at local shops. they don;’t make shit wages, but there;s no way they’ll be rolling in money stacks any time this year, either.
still, the work lets them pursue the dream, especially with all the new contacts they make. it’s never an either/or thing. there are ways to do both if you really want to. the real prblem is, most folks are just fucking lazy and would rather wait for a big break than get off their ass making moves.
the fact that people think you have to “kill your dreams” to be a normal is a huge lie. sure, you may never achieve it, but a life can still be well spent pursuing it while doing more normal things like getting a job.
Reading through this was like every paragraph was punching me in the head and knocking more sense into me, wow.
D you are good and you are lovely.
D, what’s your stance on student loan debt? I went to college for six years getting a philosophy degree (lol), but figured out half way through I should probably do something else, so I also picked up a biology degree. I racked up a pretty decent amount of student debt along the way (about 25k), and grad school (aka more student debt) is on the horizon. Is digging yourself this deep really ok? This is the first really large debt I’ve ever acquired, and it does have me slightly uneasy.
I don’t think 25K is student loan debt is bad at all, as long as it’s in pursuit of a decent degree (ie, not philosophy)
It’s just saddening to imagine that I’ll be paying these loans back until I’m 35 :/
Yeah but it will be like $200 a month or something– such a small amount that it will just be noise (and remember, inflation works in your favor as a debtor!)
yeay thanks sarge!
-student with 30k debt
:(
but rly, i wouldn’t recommend specializing in philosophy to just anybody either. it’s possible to make a decent (and even more than decent) living out of a degree but that requires getting more degrees at really good schools (which are extremely competitive to get into) and even then there’s not a lot of job openings for philosophy profs. that said, if you’re willing to work hard and you enjoy it then it can be a rewarding path.
My sister has this problem – psychology degree from prestigious university gets her jobs that pay about as much as I made from a 6month program to get a CNA certificate
-_-
Well, luckily, I’ve got the Bio degree that sets me up with a significantly better job outlook. Just have to figure out what I’m going to do with it.
I don’t know where to start anymore. I’ve told my story before – graduated with a useless major, started working two horrible, shitty, jobs just to barely make ends meat. I set goals and was going to go back to graduate school for business and HR management, but I started hating myself so much for being a loser without options and a disappointment to everybody around me that I sunk into a deep depression, which triggered a bunch of really bad mental problems I haven’t dealt with since I was a teenager. Had to quit one of the shit jobs (which was probably for the better, anyway), but now the other doesn’t give me work, and I had to relocate back home for therapy, which is where I am now. I just want to stop feeling this way and get back to feeling normal and trying to get my life back on track, but I feel so fucked up all the time right now that I don’t know when that’ll be. Feels like my whole life is on hold at the moment.
I guess my point is that while this is all very solid advise, to don’t it the wrong way by focusing too much on not being where you want to be. Dissatisfaction in certainly normal, and you should feel dissatisfied with where your place if you don’t like it and seek to change it, but not get too bogged down in the mire and lose track of the positives of working towards your goals, or you will fuck yourself up.
:(
Sorry about all that bro, times are fucking hard right now. Even if you had a good degree it would be tough.
Sergeant D, you have the ability to be the Catcher in the Rye.
Thanks for yet another rad post
This x a million
If I have turned my shit around over the past year and a half coming to these conclusions, and following this post to an uncanny degree (literally everything, girls, exercise, work etc), am I still allowed to play Warhammer 40k, or will this make it all come falling down eventually?
Pls halp
playing 40K is embarrassing but much less shameful than being in your 30s and still working a shitty retail job because you have a problem with authority
on a serious note doe, alot of the above I was steered on the way by you, especially relating to bishes.
Thanks for awareing me that alt girls, or girls too into our subcultures are generally irreversibly damaged, attention seeking, and will ultimately suck out your soul. I doubt I would have realised without you, despite my experiences, and wasted more time and money. brb, now with normal girl doing a post grad who looks slightly like Emma Roberts, only goes as far as deftones, who finds my tattoos endearingly quirky.
You have the ability, no homo
To be fair, alt guys/guys like us are also generally fucked up and un-husbandable too. I don’t want to seem like I am singling out the ladies– we suck too.
Oh most definitely, but at least this whole rehab thing makes you suitable for relationships again
So when we get together with the alt girls, its the perfect storm….
so many failed wifing attempts are so much clearer to me now
Dude, never give up something you love AS LONG AS YOUR SHIT IS IN LINE. Srs, I worked graphic design and made no money and got laid off twice. Now, I’m married to a professional, work for the government, make a reasonable sum of money, have amazing job security and professional friends. Still play D&D once every 2 months or so.
You can have both, but real, big man things come first.
The part about hanging out with winners is so 100% vital: losers don’t have the brains to identify your missteps, and no confidence to call u out on them. So there u go, walking around with spinach in your front teeth (so to speak) and winners think Yuck and flee your midsts.
Nobody can do it alone; get with winner dudes who will tip u/dress u down cuz they know it’s not “talking shit” or “trying to change who u are.” It’s called being a friend.
o shit all we need now is scab casserole, grim kim, n cosmo lee up in this bitch for the grand slam home run up in hyah!!!
piggybacking off the Art School chicks, girls with dyed hair (unnatural colored) should be avoided like the plague. This kinda falls in the same category of “women in school phases that should be avoided” but i’ve actually been seeing them outside of college and stuff now. My experience with colored hair bishes is that they are fuckups (sometimes not of their own choice) and they will seem like cool chicks but once you relationship with them their problems will start spilling out and its just not worth it (so many examples, feelsbadman).
There should honestly be a post of “types of women you will meet during college that will seem cool but you should never relationship”. There probably already is something about those lines but a post about avoiding art school girls, girls with unnatural hair, and girls that refer to themselves as an “activist” for anything would be highly educational
also, girls who wear hats of any kind
gotta say i’m unfamiliar with that one outside of the occasional woman who wears a fedora that looks just as cringe-worthy as when a guy does it
Disagree, I know many wifeable girls that wear baseball hats, via having normal interests like going to baseball games.
I can totally picture the kind of weird hats you probably meant though, and I can definitely agree there.
chix in baseball hats, nice blouses n jeans send me to bonerville: population her ;-D
Sarge, how did you figure out what “real job” you wanted to pursue? I started my first year of college (at community college to save money and hopefully figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life before I transfer) and have no idea what I want to do. Obviously like most of the people reading this blog music is a big part of my life, and I got a job teaching guitar at a local shop but it’d be nice to have something more stable on the side of that. Working at a grocery store as well makes me realize how many people are in this situation that you explained in the post, and I’m not willing to go down that road (being in my early thrities wearing a firefighters’ coat carrying 50 pounds of frozen donuts to the coffee shop at 5AM is something I’d like to avoid if possible).
Well it’s pretty simple, I just looked at the possible range of jobs that I could be good at and not hate, and among those which ones had the most money and power. Not like I am some kind of corporate tycoon or whatever but it was a simple choice for me to go into marketing. In hindsight I might have chosen finance instead but I feel fine about marketing (note that you need to make sure you are at a company with a strong marketing function or it can be a bullshit job).
Where do you find out what sort of different jobs are out there? (srs). Sounds ignorant but I don’t really know what kinda jobs are out there or what they involve. I partially blame the school system for not teaching kids much at all that’s actually relevant to real laif.
That is actually a great question– you’re right, they don’t really teach you any of this shit in school.
I was able to get a very entry-level gig at a communications/advertising agency and basically I just paid attention to how things worked with our clients. I noticed that the marketing people usually called the shots and that all the artists, designers, writers, etc had to do what they said, and all other things being equal I would prefer to be the one telling other people to do rather than being told what to do so I figured that was what I should aim for.
Again, in hindsight I might have chosen to go into finance since they have even more power and get paid more, but I didn’t learn about finance until years later when it was pretty much too late to move into that field.
OK thanks bro! Wish I had known what jobs are out there at uni so I had something to aim for, instead of just assuming I would get a good job once I graduated. Will have a think and about what jobs are out there and see if there’s something that sounds like I wouldn’t hate it. Ordering people around definitely sounds better than my situation at the moment (taking orders from a lazy, menopausal bitch)
Take advantage of your school’s career services people/internships/etc to learn more. Or if they suck/aren’t getting you the help you want, network on your own– ask friends/family if you can take them to lunch and learn about their job, etc. It’s really important to understand how the business world works, and people love being asked for their opinions.
this is really valuable, inspirational and solid advice. genuine thanks sarg. full homo <3
I didn’t learn about finance until years later when it was pretty much too late to move into that field.
How late is too late? Was considering a forum post asking for some career advice on this subject, might still do it. I am an LVN (licensed vocational nurse) working on pre recs for RN-BSN, but I hate/am terrible at dealing with people’s emotions. The only place I can see my self doing well is in the operating room where the patients are unconscious (srs).
It’s not as cut and dry as it seems because I have strong time management/care planning/understanding of meds and procedures and actually pretty much everything you need to be a competent nurse EXCEPT people skills.
NE advice? Maybe latino heat will know isnt he doing nursing?
Wife is an RN, but her first gig was OR nurse. So yeah, keep working that schooling. From what she told me though, people skills are just as important in the OR because you have to deal with weird/quirky/primadonna surgeons and crazy/bitchy preceptors. The descriptions of her workday sounds like General Hospital to me actually.
This is true, but in my experience vicious patients are harder to deal with than co workers. I did clinical rotations and the primadonna surgeons I encountered were bad, but less so than many patients.
I work as a nurse.
A lot of people skills comes with experience. Just keep at it
My mom used to work in the ER and Or and stuff at the local hospital. Worked the night shift too. She has pro ‘faking it’ social skills. Like being totally nice and charming and civil with people she probably hates. Just gotta suck it up to get that paper, esp if that’s really the only thing you don’t like about the field. Like he said, comes with experience.
1st year ADN-RN student hyah… n everyone above me is right!!!
only reason im in this field is money to move out on my own in a few years..
there are egos EVERYWHERE in ANY JOB!!! I’m just surprised the MDs are as bigheaded as they are! 10 years of med school can make you into a bitter ass but w/ dat much feria you swear ima be pissed off that i wasted my 30s in a liberry n residenting… i eventually wanna be an nurse anesthesiologist or an actual MD anesthesiologist cuz i fucken hate people too but the green paper is calling me…
and fuck people skills just fake it till you make it.. I have none and i made it this far!!
IF A GODDAMN IMMIGRANT AZN/FLIP THAT CAN BARELY TALK ENGLISH CAN PASS THE NCLEX, THEN SO CAN I!!!!
im sorry but that just had to come out..
WORD.
I’ve passed NCLEX-PN, which is pretty god damn simlar to NCLEX RN. Not that hard, you can do it bro
You are right, come to think of it I’ve known a ton of nurses who just faked it. I guess my mistake is comparing myself to my mom, who has GENUINE caring about other human beings (unfathomable to me), and so it made me think I didn’t belong.
Thanks dude.
Do you have a BSN?
nah. im getting da ADN first then going for the BSN and/or MSN straight up and eventually (if i have the motivation left) im heading to med school (Anesthesia MD or DNP)so my future kids won’t have to suffer through the ignorant ghetto, diabetes ( i never heard of pavilions or whole foods/fresh n easy till i was like 21 n shit), lifer syndrome, or become another statistic of being a stereotypical young brown teenage/young parent =P
from tha 3ast S1d3 to tha We$t side!!!
From the ghetto to the good life!!
in be4 i get either of those sayings tattooed across my front chest in cholo/O.E/cursive font.
This website is British, but lists all the sectors and jobs under the sun; written for students, fucking useful tbh: http://www.prospects.ac.uk/sectors.htm
Congrats on turning it around, sarge. Very inspirational. Don’t rest on your laurels. You can go further, espec with your natural intel and ability to examine yourself and expose any and all BS… Next stop: spiritual liberation. No joke.
dunno abt the art school girl warning. i have gone thru unbelievable drama with my ex wife, am now dating an art school student who is surprisingly drama-free and down to earth.
im an euro so maybe art schools overseas are way more grose than ours.
am now dating an art school student who is surprisingly drama-free and down to earth.
in b4 relationship inevitably goes down in flames
There are always exceptions. The number of people I’ve known/been acquainted with who attended art school is embarrassingly high, and I’ve found that appx 1% of art school students are stable, normal people who just happen to like art.
One guy I know actually put his art degree to USE – he runs a screen printing shop that makes shirts/clothing/etc for big businesses and counties (not bands unless they have massive orders), and says his art degree helped greatly in this endeavor. He is also into like classic cars and shit, but not in the gay rockabilly way.
Also I know a female who is in there because she’s great at drawing and wants a corporate job at pixar or something, and a prestigious art school is the only way there, she hates the other students.
Also knew a couple of art chicks who are relatively drama-free. Rare Gold, I tell you.
I think it’s probably her stable family upbringing. If you have that thing you’ll rarely go wrong.
This post reminds me why I haven’t dropped out of college yet and why I’m glad I’m majoring in Sound Recording and not straight music cuz the former means I’ll get to make money recording other people’s shitty bands but still be able to do my own shit on the side.
Also, “Hollow Ground” = most crucial Hatebreed jam. Top 5 at least.
Minor in marketing so you can actually make money off that recording degree
I just read all these comments, so inspirational. You need to go do a TED talk with this info Sarge, one step closer to helping the masses.
A++++++ post sarge
ironically, most people i talk to about getting their life on track are all fucked up losers who either are a. in worthless bands and have no skills/education/motivation to gain either or b. jobless losers that spend everyday getting high and complaining about not having a job.
I love this so much lol
Brenda Song <3
back tard
This post gave me too many feels.
My 24th bday is around the corner and I’ve been at my current job for over a year. When I got it, I was happy that I was doing something a bit more varied than my first one out of college and that I was making more cash even though it wasn’t precisely in my field of interest. But the soulless corporate environment and lack of socialization (I can go three days without saying more than “morning” and “night” to someone) make me a sad panda and give me tremendous anxiety that I’m wasting my time and that I can’t get out. It doesn’t help when I apply to the 8494843th entry-level job in the field I want to get into but don’t hear back from them even though I consider myself qualified. It makes you wonder how much time you’re wasting and just makes you more uncomfortable.
On the other hand, it’s good to be satisfied with things you have done in your life, changes that you have implemented. To take pride in what seemed insurmountable to you at one point. In the past year, I’ve started working out 4-5X week, moved out of my parents house and have seen a shitton of awesome bands. Resting on your laurels is indeed dangerous, but maybe we do need to look at the small things before we shoot ourselves in the head. Comparing myself to people I know at my age range, I say I’m doing alright.
But these two trains of thought are always happening, one after another. Shit’s cray.
Ambition vs. Satisfaction…Balance…How does it work?
I agree with mostly everything said here, but don’t think that you absolutely need to go to college in order to be successful / have a decent and happy life / wife. If you really hate school and nothing in the “professional” world interests you, then don’t waste your money going to college for something that you’ll hate in the end.
I’m not sure how it is in other parts of the country, but in western PA most of the people I know my age (25) that make the most money work some kind of blue collar job. Instead of going to college they got a low paying laborer type job and worked their asses off for a few years (similar to going to college) and made their way up to making enough money to buy a house, car, etc. Either this or they’ve gone to a 2 year tech / trade school which I see as kind of an in between way to go.
I went to college myself out of high school but didn’t really care much of what I wanted to do after and just kinda of YOLO’d with going to shows and band bullshit during and for 2 years after I graduated college. I couldn’t get a job with my Biology degree and worked in a machine shop and got drunk every day, having just enough money for that but not to move out due to school loan bills. I realized I was stuck and am now half way through a Master’s degree. My field is broad but I should be able to get a decent job that I don’t completely hate making a comfortable amount of money. The thing that drives me is being able to have the time and money to live and enjoy my hobbies (fishing / hunting / catching rattlesnakes / guns / cameras / outdoor things / music) in the area I’m from because I love it here.
Bottom line: do what’s right for you, be around people that support it whether they’re doing the same or not. Some of the best advice my parents gave me when I had my first job washing dishing at 15 was “Work hard and don’t complain.” I couldn’t have imagined how far that would get me today. Even though all the jobs I had previously weren’t in the same area I pursue now I have a lot of good references and you never know how important they might be someday.
Also this should be self-explanatory but don’t ever date girls that “have anxiety” or are prescribed some bullshit medication for something they don’t have.
>catching rattlesnakes
swamp_man_wrestles_rattlesnake.gif
Also this should be self-explanatory but don’t ever date girls that “have anxiety” or are prescribed some bullshit medication for something they don’t have.
where was this advice when i was in high school? dated a bish with “anxiety” for a month, it ended and she spent the rest of the year on and off her meds spreading rumors that i was stalking her, giving her panic attacks simply by being in her vicinity, and following her into bathrooms. tried to convince my wifeable senior prom date, with whom she wasn’t friends, not to go with me because i was ” a creep.” uhhhhh. she later became one of those artsy types who we musicians think are really “quirky interesting people” but are actually “psychologically maladjusted weird people” who can’t really sustain a non-destructive relationship.
i’ve never really been a fuckup but i’ve been teetering on the edge.
i live in the us, am hispanic and not a us resident (not illegal doe). i graduated with a high school gpa of 4.5 and wanted to be a chemical engineer, but cant get in state tuition due to my legal status. this is now my second year of community college, will get an associates in science and have a 4.0 gpa so far, but i just cant get motivated anymore. there is no way i can afford transferring to a four year university to finish my undergrad in chemical engineering, and after i finish community college i techincally turn into an illegal immigrant, which seems like the end of the world for me. i have never had a job, and everyone i knew is in college. i guess im somewhat depressed? havent really reached out and made any friends in cc and i just really dont know what is going to happen with my life.
Dude you need to get an immigration lawyer or some shit, that is fucked up– it sounds like you are doing everything right but are gonna get kicked out of the country anyway.
http://adreamact.com/
still no answers???
http://youtu.be/aichZLb5xcI
motivation brah…..
I agree with the art school bishes. I go to one of these places and not only do they drain you’re happiness they’re also fucking wierd. Like not basic wierd I’m talking wierd on a whole different level smh.
i think as a society we tend to forget how psychologically unstable and depressed most of the famous artists from history were. not saying all people who make art are nutjobs, but a person without a lot of psychological stress in his or her life probably wouldn’t be moved to create a lot of “art for art’s sake” in the first place. artsy people are all at least a little weird, and i say this as someone who considers himself at least moderately artsy. the people who devote their life and education to it are generally not well-adapted to life, relationships with other people, etc, because while making art might be a healthy release for stress, it doesn’t eliminate the root of the problem. i’m rambling but i just wanted to say i know what you mean
Ya you’re correct bro. Glad to see I’m not the only one that got his life fucked up from these bishes.
former loser/fuckup, here. in my early 20s, I started dating a guy with no redeeming qualities via having zero self esteem. long story short, before I knew it, I was hooked on heroin, trapped in an abusive relationship, had alienated my family and any decent friends, racked up $10k in debt and had basically fucked my life up royally. I spent a long time wishing I would die but being too cowardly to actually do myself in. I guess at some point I had a “shit or get off the pot” moment. so I got off dope, banished the asshole from my life (way harder than getting clean, sadly), spent another couple years being a mess as I replaced junk with methadone and booze, and then slowly started getting my shit together. as you mentioned, a crucial factor in this was changing my social circle. the people I started hanging out with seemed terminally uncool compared to my old friends. but these were people with steady income, relationships, etc who actually had goals that they were achieving . . . so I figured I could stand to learn a thing or two from them. now I’m an engineer with a pretty solid job, i run ultramarathons in my spare time, I’ll be completely debt-free soon, and my brother trusts me enough again that he wants us to jointly buy a house. I know my life sounds boring as shit to a lot of people, but I’ll take being a single 30 yr old woman with a mundane routine anyday over the nightmare that used to be my life.
when fuckups, losers and retards say that you are ‘boring,’ you should consider that the highest endorsement possible of your lifestyle (srs)
This
Wood rather be “boring” than slowly and painfully dying from addictions and massive debt all in the name of acceptance from shit people
oh, absolutely. and the thing is, if you surround yourself with like-minded people, you don’t even encounter the “your life must fucking suck” opinion that much. your friends respect the fact that you don’t want to go out and get trashed on a friday night because you have to get up and do a 6 hour training run the next morning because they’re either doing the same thing or they have their own understanding of fitness as a lifestyle choice. they also don’t make fun of you for opting to stay late at work because, like you, they have careers that they actually want to succeed in instead of some shit dime-a-dozen retail job that they’re either going to quit or get fired from in a matter of months. they also understand why you don’t want to get grose knuckle tattoos, why you took your piercings out and why your hair is a natural shade in a respectable cut.
This. My life goal post 25 is basically “BE NORMAL.”
yeah, normal is really pretty enjoyable when you consider some of the alternatives.
“….an engineer with a pretty solid job, i run ultramarathons in my spare time”
That aint boring, that sounds like some undercover agent McGuyver shit.
YouGoGirl.png
not quite as exciting as mcguyver, but between those two aspects of my life, i get to see and do some pretty cool shit.
One thing I’m having an incredibly hard time dealing with is the “abandoning old friends for new ones who are successful/on the right track” part. I recognize that we are all fuckups, but holy shit it KILLS me to think of abandoning the people who would be my friends even if I’m a nobody. Isn’t that the definition of tr00 friendship anyways? I understand the reasoning behind surrounding yourself with motivated people but god damn, I value my friends very highly and have been close to most of them for most of my life.
Besides, my most successful friend is a tattooer with a solid clientele (and a useless college degree). He has a felony record though and would have a very tough time in the professional world, but he makes an adult income as it is.
I love my friends and don’t want to imagine life without them even if they are fuckups just like me <3<3<3
It sounds like you are not ready to let these things go yet. You don’t have to be, just keep asking yourself honestly if they are getting you where you want to go or not. If they are, then don’t change a thing.
I feel like its not their responsibility to get me somewhere. I understand your advice on this subject, but cannot simply abandon my best friends from childhood who have stuck by me through thick and thin because they suck at accomplishing things. For me, they would honestly not be a sacrifice worth making. That being said, I have realized that I already spend a lot less time with most of them due to work and school, but it bums me out a lot (srs).
I guess my compromise is to find additional friends, not get rid of any. My lab partner at school is a chill bro in a very similar life situation (uesless LVN, working on RN-BSN), except he is older and more importantly extremely ripped. In spite of his awkward nerdiness (just like me), he managed to get the number of the 6.5/10 across from us and invited me to go to the gym with him on a set schedule that works for me. I think this is what you were talking about. This dude is 32 and I found out to my shock that he used to like hardcore bands I haven’t thought about in years (One King Down, Walls of Jericho, etc). He also recently quit being vegan after 16 years and subsequently exploded in muscle mass.
I think I reacted overemotionally. Sorry about that. I just really love my friends and am probably over loyal in general.
What if
they were the ones abandoning me because I suck?
*conspiracykeanu.jpg*
A true friend will understand if you have to take a different path in life to get yourself right. If they love you when you are there, they will love you if you aren’t there. You have to love yourself first and foremost.
#Dr.Phil
You have to love yourself first and foremost
dude THIS (srs)
If your friends hate you for trying to be successful and getting your shit together then, “WE’RE NOT FRIENDS” comes into play. Your true friends will stand by you no matter what you do (unless you’re banging their bish/ex)….then they just jelly….HELLA jelly.
A true friend will understand if you have to take a different path in life to get yourself right.
This is very true, thanks very much for your response!
I think you’ll find that many of these friends aren’t actually “friends” in the mature adult sense of the word. They are just people it’s fun to kill time with. They will forget about you quickly once you start shaping up your own life.
I “broke up” with a lot of friends from HS who were really just burnout/junkies who really didn’t care when I stopped coming around. There’s one I still keep in touch with because he’s a good guy and he’s the only one of those dudes who I can call up and ask for a place to crash/help moving/someone to talk to and he’ll be down, even though we really don’t hang anymore sense we chose separate paths. The rest? Fuck ‘em.
It wasn’t anything dramatic. No speech or anything. We just gradually drifted apart, and I doubt either side is too broken up about it. It’s just growing up.
THIS x 1 zillion– so many of these people are not really your friends (in the sense that they don’t actually care about you), they are just people who hang out with you as long as it suits them. not to say they’re bad people or anything, just that i bet your ties to them are not as deep as you might feel like they are right now.
I pretty much only feel close to myself. The central valley has so many burnouts it’s surprising Burning Man isn’t held monthly here.
Also regarding Hatebreed, that entire record (Perseverance) is fucking amazingly inspiring to get your shit together, overcome challenges and beat the odds.
YOU WANT TO SEE ME FAIL? YOU WONT GET YOUR CHANCE!!!
Hatebreed is the most posi band ever. 4 srs/no jk’ing/fugg off YOT.
Not posi, its too good for posiness and transcends it (srs).
Just about dealing with shit and overcoming
“All your life, STUCK ON THE PROBLEMS THAT HAVE NO SOLUTIONS”
This line really hits home.
perseverance = most inspirational album ever. helped me through some bullshit times
me2, +1
THIS!
In July last year all I had to show for 4 years at university was a criminal record and a letter telling me that I had been kicked off my course. Fast forward 14 months I’ve got the makings of a career in IT financials and am earning $35k+. Also in line for a promotion next month- all from working hard at my job, listening to Hatebreed / Terror / Throwdown and hitting the gym hard.
BACKTARD.
This post is solid gold, maybe the best srs writing I’ve read on SYWH, and back tard.
A small thing I would add is about discipline. A major component of fucking up is unstructured time; once you’ve set your long-term goals (where you want to be in x time) and broken the path up into smaller, managable steps, you need to follow it diligently to succeed. This is where bodybuilding (but any sports may do basically) can help a lot: you’ve gotta get to the gym, use your time there wisely, plan your workouts, plan & execute your meals, set goals, measure progress, keep motivation etc.
tl;dr routine is the road to success, doing random shit all the time is for losers and rich dandies. Get up early, fuck distractions and do what you gotta do.
this. self-discipline is a major component. you’re going to have to be organized and sometimes do shit when you really don’t want to do it, whether it’s a workout when you’re tired or taking on (and doing a good job of) extra tasks/projects at work. i think that a common trait among losers and fuckups is that they want gratification NOW instead of being willing to sacrifice fun or pleasure in the short term to make major gains in the long term. a sport that helps you hone discipline and teaches you to keep your eyes on the prize will help you get ahead in all areas of life.
Feel like this article is echoing my life. Am 28, been living at home for 5 years since I decided to go to school for a degree in audio engineering, which turned out to be waste of time. Have been broke via never learning to save and not blowing my money on stupid shit.
However, have just begun realizing earlier this summer that I need to get my shit together. Moved out of my dad’s house 3 days ago, and have saved up a couple of grand for the first time in my life. Working on quitting smoking, started working out, and trying to not eat like shit. Also working on going back to school and getting a degree that allows me to get a job where I’ll be comfortable and not have to worry about money all the time.
Anyways, I guess what I’m getting at is that this blog and articles like these have been very helpful in helping me stay on target. Thank you Sarge. <3
Get that degree in something useful and make money while you pimp your recording on the side. Best of both worlds.
Eyal is a wise wizard. Listen to him.
For sure dude. Ideally that would be the plan. Earn enough with the day gig to support myself and be able to record on weekends/free time. That way I can use my skillz for something more enjoyable and less for the crappy talk radio company that I work for.
BTW, loved the podcast and articles about recording bro. You kick ass.
And you can use that weekend / free time to build a reputation for yourself and little by little start aquiring cred and currency via your recordings to the point where you can quit your job. Granted, years down the line, but still, it’s totally doable if you plan it right.
Thanks about the podcast man! There will be a lot more stuff like that soon !
This post makes me feel like a bit of a fuckup. Not really willing to get my shit together anytime soon though.
I wouldn’t consider myself a fuck-up in the traditional sense of the word. I landed a job that I enjoy at age 22 (basically a few months after I graduated college) and I’m still there now (I turned 31 a few weeks ago).
One thing that was always tough for me was managing money though. I had enough to pay my bills no problem but I also had nothing in the bank. As simple as it sounds, reading a few books on finance really helped. I wish I would have read stuff like this earlier instead of waiting until I got real uncomfortable with the amount of debt I had. I still don’t have much in the bank, but I paid off one of my student loans, both credit cards and now I’m beginning to save towards a house.
One thing that really helped me was actually writing down my goals. Sarge nailed it with setting your goals and figuring out the steps to achieve them, but actually writing them down made it much more concrete for me. Sounds tarded, but it worked for me!
such an InspIratIonal bloke D, wIth just as many InspIrIng lads/lasses that have smashed theIr self defeats and “from nothIng have rIsen” (perseverance Is an amazIng album that really helps keep your head up when those shIt days come to haunt you) my entIre teenage lIfe was a waste, beIng a rebellIous, metalhead loser that scoffed at tests and assIgnments In school, and quIte fuckIng frankly, I have absolutely no.Idea how I got through It by doIng nothIng but scrIbble tanks and explosIons all over my school books. dafuq, teenage me? I was poIntlessly angry all the tIme, over nothIng, and gettIng hung up on chIcks that looked at me for two seconds of theIr lIves. I was reckless, thought I was InvIncIble, thought I knew It all, but I.guess that contrIbuted to me losIng my 4-year job and beIng an.unemployed welfare bum for a year. Not to mentIon the mIsery that followed after realIsIng I wasnt as great as I thought I was, and that I then knew I was weak and goIng nowhere fast. I would have stayed that way too, If government job agencIes dIsnt land me a job as a cleaner, and Ive never felt better. sure I clean shIt off walls and vacuum floors forever, but the pay Is awesome and I get tIme to myself. I can now work and fIght to reach my goal of savIng $10,000 (half way there!) and fInally move out of my mum’s house and get my own place wIth my wIfeable gf, who also had a huge hand In helpIng me realIse Im not godlIke, just a regular jerk.off lIke anyone else. Ive left the metalfag subculture mentalIty behInd and I treat my band’s exploIts lIke a hobby to enjoy and not a vague attempt at thInkIng the band lIfe = money and bItches. musIc and games are stIll my loves, but they dont domInate my lIfe lIke they once dId. Its all hard work for now, and I thank my varIous epIphanIes for showIng me the lIght In my teenage quagmIre. But thIs post, and the many success storIes from.you bros Is lIke an extra InjectIon of InspIratIon to.keep powerIng on. I apologIse for the lack of paragraphs and excessIve capItal I’s, but my phone Is super ghey and I hate It lol
this post makes me feel terrible. I’m 19, spend all my time at shows + touring/band shit. I drink alot and am slowly fucking up my education. (threatened to be kicked out of college numerous times). Do I drop the band/music shit and focus on getting my real life together or do I enjoy it while I’m young?
Real life. Music is just a bunch of people trying to live on Peter Pan’s “Island of Lost Boys.”
nah, enjoy it while you can. just make sure you get through college (minimum passing grades n shit).
You can do both in moderation. Just don’t tour to the extent where you are missing massive amounts of school. I played in bands/toured all throughout college and still do now that I am in a professional career. Go to college, and get a good job that allows for 4+ weeks paid vacation/year. That way you can get the best of both worlds. That’s what I did at least.
Focus on real life. When you think about it, for the most part, music is a tool that helps people escape life. Wish I realized that when I was 20.
Was in a touring band, can honestly say it was some of the best times of my life, and the one thing I do not regret. What I do regret is not working harder at literally everything, including band shit.
If youre going to tour, tour HARD. PROMOTE your shit and really get out there. If your band isn’t on board with busing their asses, get new members or try to join another band that is going places (not as hard as it sounds if you network well and play around, bands always need touring members and I can vouch that being a touring member is the most fun because you have very little responsibility).
During the not touring time, bust your ass at school. I had a ton of time not touring where I should have stacked like 15 units instead of taking like 6, which I did. I’m now 26 taking a bunch of classes that could have been finished at your age, in spite of touring a lot.
I guess just plan your shit out. Is this semester going to be a touring semester or a school semester? If its touring, make it 3 months on the road at least. If its school, 12 units at least. Organization is key, you can put off school for a few years to live up your prime touring age and still get some shit done.
SYWH tends to have a bias against touring/band priorities, with some good reasons and a valid point of view. But one thing anyone on here has neglected to point out is that school/jobs will ALWAYS be there, while music/band opportunities are fleeting and heavily dependent on youth.
What I’m trying to say is that if you’re going to take time off to do band/music/touring/whatever, make that time COUNT. Whole semester off for a 2 week tour + coming home to coffee shop job and parents basement = not worth it. Whole semester off for 3-4 months of hard road time = time well spent. Likewise, avoiding solid touring opportunities for 2 classes of general ed is probably a waste too.
Take care and best of luck to you.
[i]What I’m trying to say is that if you’re going to take time off to do band/music/touring/whatever, make that time COUNT. Whole semester off for a 2 week tour + coming home to coffee shop job and parents basement = not worth it. [/i]
This!
I was the “roadie” who tagged along with my friends band when they started getting some recognition and did a two week tour of basements and punker squats. We sold out of t-shirts after the first three shows (poor planning) and it left lots of time for sitting around.
Point of the story is, professors were oddly cool with us being out since they got notice we were going to be gone and were making an effort to keep up with the work (do note, it was engineering school and professors are somewhat lax about keeping tabs on who comes to class since grades are mostly based on mid-terms and finals). There was so much downtime, those of us that were in school, pretty much mastered the remainder of the semester while we weren’t playing and/or sitting in the van. To brag a bit, I made the Dean’s List that semester too (thank you very much).
But yeah … under no circumstances should you take a semester off for a mini-tour!
fucking art school girls are the worst in every way (except sex). they are why abortion is legal. i regret that i know this to be true :(
i thought the people that worked for the chi commodities exchange were tea-party sympathizing ethnic-white catholics clawing their way up from the working classes? how did a brown gurl penetrate their force field of racism?
srs question^
srs question ^
superfluous comment ^
That a super-srs post like this can crop up sandwiched between Jenna Marbles and non-ironic use of Entombedcore is one of my favourite things about SYWH.
Fucking A+ post as well, would not consider myself a fuckup but am somewhat in the awkward transition phase from university into real life (see: this comment being written at 3:45am my time on a Tuesday night) and am currently feeling inspired to work at being employable n shit after reading all of these comments. The honesty and positivity of a lot of what’s being said is fucking awesome, keep at it and thx bros <3
i read this while waiting for the bus after getting out of an NA meeting. lulz i feel dis
If being successful and having a “good life” requires listening to Hatebreed then count me out.
cool story bro, tell it again.
lol your username is a Hatebreed song you are so advanced level troll
are you an faggot? plz respond
genuine art school girls are a rare.
What a truly inspiring post.:-) I’m about to turn 30 pretty soon.And must confess that i actually relate to your history and others out there to some extent.And there’s some convergence of circumstances.I assume that all hardcore fuck ups share the similar experience.lol.So here i ‘m.I fucked so many things in my life that it would be hard to even count them,it’s not the point to dwell on and waste your invaluable energy on this,man should rather focus entire energy on the attempts to change his life, if he really yearns to do so.As You already mentioned, it’s extremly hard to fix your foolish mistakes that have been done since late ninties and alleviate damages and ramifications of aforementioned mistakes.Roughly 4 years ago and successfuly enforced renewal program. Ever since i have obtained batchelor’s degree in Economics with a specialty of Transport,Logistics and Freight Forwarding.Currently im under process of taking intership in the global leader in the Supply Chain Management and Ocean and Air freight forwarding.I’m gonna follow this direction and have overall good prospects for the future.Obviously i stiil suffer from the fuckin conesequences of my decisions and have moments of dejection.The worst thing about being fucked up is the fact that i was utterly convincend that i’m better than those ordinary people.Some sort of ill-founded superiority.Had many normal people around who were willing to help me but i turned down:-(.Nowdays i look at them and they actually acheived something in their lifes despite being no as cool as i was.lol.Had to change my way of thinking otherwise would have ended up in the fuckin grave. To summarize, for those out there who want to be someone and lead meaningful life.I wish YOU all loads of perseverance decent people on your path. Regards from Poland
We don’t need no education
We don’t need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! teacher! leave us kids alone!
All in all you’re just a another brick in the wall.
All in all you’re just a another brick in the wall.
- Michael Jackson
i thought that was michael jordan
What are you guys all retards??? everyone knows that song was originally sang by P!nk before she got famous. I even remember her including her last name Floyd as part of her stage name. Her label must have ask her to drop that gay ass last name when she got big. God you guys are a bunch of ingnorant dumbfucks who don’t know what real music is, I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.
Oh my fuck could you be any more retarded?
Pink Floyd isn’t p!nk’s old name, he was a basketballer from the 70′s who crossed over into music and invented punk. There’s this new thing called “google”, maybe you should google how not to be a dumb fuck and then use it to learn about the very important history of the music you claim to “love”, faggot
fuck you fuckhead! Music is my life and I know what I’m talking about! Any music lover worth his / her salt knows Ozzie Osburn practically invented punk and hardcore in the 80s!!! Who’s the retard now, retard?
Music is my life
lyfe
FTFY
why are the Youtube commenters here?
smh
I saw 216 comments and thought, “what kind of assholes did this post attract?” Surprisingly none. And that is awesome. This site definitely is good and lovely and has the ability.
I’m 30 and looking for a career change. Either something complete different, or something just a bit different. I’m using my current position to pay for some training, and we’ll see whats going on.
I am shocked and amazed that SYWH comments are so positive and chill– can you imagine any other blog getting 200+ comments on a post without a single butthurt asshole showing up?? It is truly incredible and I really appreciate it!
backed hard. SYWH has the most mature community i’ve ever came across in my internet years.
I’m embarrassed for you all
k
Haha you used to brag about ALMOST playing in abnegation. You are a joke.
Coming in a bit late, but outstanding post!
<3
for what its worth i sorta feel like the post should be taken with a grain of salt. when i was in like, my last year of college, i worked in a mailroom serving metlife and like, a bunch of other companies they owned. I became friendly with the vice-prez of the operation, who was a very cool bro, well traveled, liked jazz and stuff so we talked about that a lot, and he never liked to throw around the fact that he was worth a zillion and a half dollars. he basically didnt tell me to do the opposite of the post, but to do what makes you happy and wont let you starve. even with all his $$$, bro said he felt like he wasted a lot of his life at work and aged himself from stress and wont be able to enjoy it till he is an old man. so now i have a gov’t job, make enough money, the idea of working anything more than 35 hours is laughable to me, have a cool chick who never wants kids, and basically live a carefree stressless life. and did it without having to change who i was or do shit that i hated. not bad for an idiot former crustie. as i said before and will say again, best advice ever is from digital underground. “do whatcha like”.
well if you want to gamble on being one of the exceptions to the rule then go for it, but understand that is how the vast majority of people end up being poor and frustrated (thinking they are special and don’t have to play by the same rules as everyone else and will magically find a way to ‘do what they love’ and still make plenty of money even though it almost never works out that way for anyone ever)
Well said, but i certainly believe that doing “whatcha like” at ages 18-22 is very far from what you possibly could like at ages 30+. So if you don’t get your shit together at an early time, you may blow your chances to have a CHOICE later in life.
Of course it is about doing what you really love and like, but usually that comes with hard work (unless you were born a richfag)
oh, im an oldfag already, so these are my 30+ years. trust me, working for the gov’t is certainly not doing what i love, but did allow me to build a pretty nice life (nice apt, vacation, dining out, nice chick, whatever) without having to work like a madman (or really very much at all) or radically change my attitude or whatever… i dunno, i just cant back this post, and i’d like to think im not really an exception to rule. maybe i am, who knows?
What exactly is your point? It sounds like you suffer thru a mediocre job because its easier/smarter than ‘following ur dreams.’ what exactly do you not back about this post, or are you just talking out of your ass with no actual point?
i guess my point is its easy to do well with little work if you arent an idiot.
What does that have to do with ‘doing what you love’? It sounds to me like you are making the exact opposite of that point.
also, my dad worked for the dept of corrections for 25 years babysitting murderers and i make more now than he did with 20 years of seniority
oooh, you are sooo much cooler than your father. piece of shit, show some respect.
lol why do you still read this site?
The same reason butthurt pc atheists/deists still read r/atheism. Addicted to butthurt
Sorta, Govt job is kind of a cheat code for life security. (Not that it means you have to work less hard/with less stress, simply that we have it pretty good compared to others struggling in the economy.)
I’m in a similar boat same boat. Which is to say, my advice to any fuckup sick of being a fuck up and ready to take a beating is to sign up. Risk getting killed by brown people for that sweet gubmint paycheck and dental plan. A lotta niggas aint tryin to hear all that tho.
It absolutely needs to be mentioned that you should only leave certain things behind if they are in fact holding you back…shedding the things that got you through your youth are not an automatic ticket to success.
For example, I’m 25 years old and in my second year of law school. I play in 3 bands and am straight edge. Does it make me a weirdo? No. I’m an adult. I know how to balance my time. I go to the social functions of the law school, which include pub crawls and “beer olympics.” Why? Because they’re my friends and may need a ride home. Some of them come to my shows and have a good time. Other times I try my best to relate in other ways: sports, working out, helping out with girl problems, whatever. I try to relate to people the best I can because part of being an adult is being respectful to everyone and avoiding being a sarcastic prick to strangers. It might be cool to do at shows to a group of kids wearing the wrong band t-shirts, but it doesn’t work anywhere else.
It’s all about being sensible. If you dove into being a loudmouth who had to wave a flag for 1,000 social issues and had to get a bunch of tattoos and piercings to fit in, congratulations: you’re exactly like every other loudmouth who has either walked away burnt out or continues to book shows “for the kids” and will one day end up getting brought up on statutory rape charges.
You need to realize that not every band you listen to actually lives for the things they talk about. And for the ones that do (like the animal rights/straight edge/activist bands), emulating them will lead you into a brick wall. They’ve already got the market cornered. Go do something different. There will always be an audience for pent-up suburbanite aggression, but those bands last 2 years before putting out an LP on a hype label and then breaking up. Some of those guys stick with hardcore and join other bands, some of them cut their hair and wear suits to “real jobs,” and some don v-necks and either start god-awful pop punk bands or roll back the gain on their amps and start doing terrible Braid impressions at basement shows.
My point is this: if you don’t like your life, think about who you are and what it is that’s holding you back. Don’t just assume that Dropping your straight edge lifestyle won’t make you more sociable if you happen to be a judgmental prick. Going out and getting a job where you make a ton of money isn’t going to make you happy. Getting a girlfriend who doesn’t go to shows doesn’t make “wifeable” or “more normal.” You, as an individual, need to evaluate yourself and decide if you want to keep being a carbon copy of every other Warped Tour Mosh Dork or if you want to be your own person who happens to also be interested in other shit, whether it be straight edge, hardcore, animal rights, whatever. The first step is recognizing that you’re not better than everyone, and the second step is to stop acting like you’re better than everyone. From there, everything else usually falls into place.
ding ding we have a winner
Yeah, I was honestly really skeptical of the edge breaking helping anything for me. One of the main reasons I chose edge was because 50% of my family are alcoholics. I accompanied some of them to AA meetings, which consist of a group of fuckups so fucked as to make the worst of us on SYWH look like successful CEO’s. I did NOT want to become this, and had to do anything possible to avoid it.
This was a really good post, I feel like it would have gotten more attention if it hadn’t come at the very end of the comments. haha
“the fIrst step Is to stop actIng lIke you are better than everyone.” fuck yes to thIs. so many people thInk they’re awesome but they really aren’t, but they refuse to see the truth. Teenage ego protectIng Itself I guess
True. Feels like a slap to the face when you find out.
1. Stop thinking you’re awesome
2. Think about how you might become awesome
3. Do everything you have to do to be awesome
in college on track to career. How do i find lifemate. everyone i know is a cokehead/alcoholic. i am chronically single due to this.
join hobby clubs. gyms. volunteer in shelter. you know, any place with humans that are NOT from your normal social circle. From the hundreds you meet there’s at least a bunch of dateable people, or they’ll introduce you to one. Networking!
A gal pal of mine complained that she still hasn’t get laid at 23. Workplace have very few date-able guys (most of them either married, too young, too dumb, or speak no english.)
Until she bought a car, and found out there’s a club for car enthusiasts (duh). Now proudly a member and touring on roadtrips with hot guys in pimped-up hot rods.
Never heard her complain no more.
Ok, I can’t read any more of these gigantic comments about peoples lives because I have to do some more of this ASSIGNMENT and then get up for both CLASS and WORK tomorrow, FUCK YEAH but they have been amazing and I feel a strong connection with the people here because of it. We have the makings for an awesome ex-punks support group here (srs)
Started work as an Account Coordinator in the best bank here in the Philippines, and I already set out my goals but for 1-2 years first, if I achieve them by that time I’ll be setting new and more challenging goals.
SRS LVNG
Almost to 300 comments on here… can we do it SYWH?
SI SE PUEDE!!! YES WE CAN!!!
Sarge,
It seems like every week I am more and more amazed at what a beautiful thing SYWH has become. You have long been a favorite writer of mine, and I can honestly say that I have achieved a butthurt free existence largely due to your words. I no longer squabble with faggots over subgenres, write embarrassing diatribes on blogspot about the importance of the Early 00′s Drive Thru Records catalog, go to shows at VFW halls or wear vegan sneakers. Since I have been a SYWH reader, I have graduated college, been promoted twice at my job, gotten engaged, lost around 20 lbs. from working out and have generally improved my attitude and world views. I dress like a self respecting adult and keep my car clean. I feel less angry about everything, all the time. I feel like this thread was the perfect opportunity to tell you that you do some really great things here. I’m still a metal/hardcore kid at heart, but I am much better adjusted to the adult world. Love live this website.
long live*
If you are over 25 and still working in food service, retail or a call center, you’re doing it wrong.
Definitely, though a don’t agree with the Call Center part since a lot of 25+ people still work at call centers here in the Philippines cause the BPO sector is still very much growing and the salary is pretty fucking high.
But they work night-shifts so they’ll probably die in a few years so still a bad decision IMO lol
your 10 year plan was to become internet blogger/loser? grats. Hatebreed sucks, so no wonder it was your anthem
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Spot on with this write-up, I really think this web site needs far more attention.
I’ll probably be returning to see more, thanks for the advice!
You are all a bunch of slaves.
-Jim Morrison
all i can say is thank god i found this when i did, im 16 and heading down the wrong path very fast.dropout, unemployed, partys, drugs and fucked up friends! this has been happening for about 3 years and at one point i almost accepted “this is what my life is” thank god i stopped thinking like that, after awhile it had me asking the #1 question of any drug user, ‘how did shit get this bad so fast!’ wish i could say it just happened but i was to ignorant and blind to see the impact this would have on my life but i now know its never to late to change! my major problem is careing to much about what people think of me and instead of doing something to change i sit and dwell in my sorrows, i’v accepted the fact i have no “social status” and i’v now realised thats all gotta change if im going to have any progress. iv tryed to change before but the negativity and past keeps catching up with me weather it be friends or drugs ect. ect. now that i’v read this i know what i have to do! the game plan is set and not going to change! when friends tell me you cant do it this is who you are, it gives more the reason to say fuck you just watch me!!
thank you for this post!!
Hmmm, everyone always has something else to say about how to get their shit together. Fuck! I’m…well I feel fucking old having gone through my own shit alone. Idolizing on the images I thought I wasnt. Marilyn Monroe, geez, my first love, dead mentor, her empty invalid life, her beauty, I felt and understood all too well at the age of 11. Madonna, her confidence, her dying acceptance as well, me not knowing what the fuck n why?? Pink, my bitch, my breath of knowing it wasnt just me so fucked up and hatefully confused. I am just me, Ingrid Marie, this beautiful blonde, I have everything going for me, raising 2 kids alone, so preferablly, great job, good heath, I mean really, what the fuck else could I ask for? What the fuck do I really fucking need? IDK, typed in what i felt and here the fuck I am! HAHAAAAAAAA! I guess it doesn’t really matter..it’s not going to really matter who is really listening, I typed it and I guess I feel a little better than when I started to. Maybe I’ll at least sleep better tonight. me
it’s the fucking catalina wine mixer
Thanks man
Find something you are happy doing, don’t settle for a job you hate. Look for a partner who you can trust and adds value to your life. Take time to be there for your friends and family without expecting something back in return. Smile more, nothing attracts people than a smile. Expect to be treated with respect and respect others. Try not to pre-judge people, give everyone a chance first. Let go of hate, bad shit happens to everyone, don’t carry it with you it will do you no good. Before you open your mouth or set out to do something always stop for a second and ask yourself “what’s my point” No one can make you happy, only you can do that.
have done all those things including finishing college with great grades, but still haven’t been able to find work more than a year after school. Sounds a bit like you have compromised with the “woman” though. Personally I have stayed away from women all together the last 4 years (hard to do) because thay have all either brought me done or spent the little money I did have at the time. I am most likely to end up homeless soon and will commit suicide instaed of going out on the streets-to bad for my family and friends and I doin’t want to do it but it’s better than the alternative-either way you will die before your time.
very good advice man, you remind me of the book the cather in the rye, idk it relates.
anyways your story is very motivated, thanks for even writing, & luckily for me i found it :)
I never comment in things like this but I really had to! Great article. I’m trying to help my big brother out at the moment be ause he just turned thirty, hates his job, has a terribly negative and controlling gf, and is generally unhappy. Sometimes I want to just give him a kick in the butt! But he’s such a sweet and lovely guy, it’s hard to know what to say or how to motivate him to make life changes. he made so many bad choices in his late teens and early twenties, drugs, dropped out of college, etc etc…but it’s never too late! I really liked this article thank you.
be hopefull
ttttt
I read through this entire thing and it makes me very sad. Why? Because I’m the female version of this. Long story short, I dropped out of college about 5 credits away from an AA because i couldn’t pass college algebra. Tried 5 times, on the last try the school said if i didn’t pass I would be kicked out. I got tutors, spent hours studying only to fail again. Got kicked out of school, got a full time job that led me nowhere and had such shitty pay that I couldn’t even afford to move out on my own. Figured, it’s a job, I’m lucky to have it at all. I spent a lot of time being very angry and smoking way too much weed. This combo led to a bitching case of severe depression. Wasted four years doing this and with an abusive bf who is an even bigger fuck up than I am because I have no self esteem(thanks high school bullies). Had more shit ‘acquaintances’ than I could count (none of whom have ever helped when I fell back on my ass even though I’ve done the same for some of them) Did this shit for four years while going to shows and getting tattooed (thank god nothing past the elbows) and now here I am, four years later, 25, still stuck at home AND with no job. Just got laid off two weeks ago. My life feels like it’s at a goddamn brick wall, and I realize with great sadness and humiliation that I am a fucked up loser-but even worse, I’m a female one. Girls aren’t suppossed to fuck up this hard.
I’ve watched my smart friends move on and go on to have successful careers, relationships and happy lives. I’ve watched them and hated myself (and them) for their success when it seems mine just won’t ever arrive. I don’t hate them anymore, just myself. I’ve never really known how to set goals or keep them, and my parents philosophy on money is to spend it as soon as you get it. They do ‘ok’, but i’ve watched them go about life like headless chickens and it’s not how or where I want to end up. I don’t want to be this shitty female useless good-for nothing at thirty, but I don’t even know what I want to do with my life or what makes me happy anymore! I feel like i’ve no emotions other than what others tell me to have.
I’ll just make this list my mantra for the next year and get my ass back to school to beg for an AA without passing college algebra. I just….really need some fucking direction. If I don’t figure out what to do by my bday (August), I’ll just kill myself or start injecting heroin in the hopes that I OD. No use being another fuck-up when the world is already populated with them. I just gotta get out of this five-year rut and I have non goddamn clue how! FUCK!!!
Got to get clean first. Get a shitty phone. Delete all contacts. Delete your facebook. Everything gone. No computer. No television. No distractions. Use Ratemyprofessors to find a good professor. Take algebra again lock yourself in a room and study hard. Try to figure out how you came to the answer. Or find the answer in the back of the book and figure out how you might be able to get that answer. Do every problem till you understand how to get the answer. Ask questions. Fuck what everyone else thinks. Most of them won’t get anywhere anyways. That’s actually what I did. I started my math with 090 094 096 098 and eventually worked to 132 and 152 and 201 That’s Basic math, Algebra, Geometry, Algebra II, College Algebra, Finite and Advanced statistics. I started with a 2.6gpa and finished with a 3.53. The first few years suck but you get used to it. Once you get your AA. If you’re in a Jr. College get your gpa up to a 3.0 and apply to a University. When you learn how to manage your time that’s when you join a co-ed frat. The alumni there will be your age so if you start now you should be able to still get where you need to go. (Average age for getting married is like 30-32.) You got a chance; just don’t fuck up this time.
Ran into this website at the wrong time. See I did the same thing except I was working in a thrift store. At 23 I started taking classes at a junior college. A few years later I graduated with an associates in arts which I applied to another local private university. Now here’s the kicker. I’ve been at the University for 6 months met a lot people majoring in the same field as me. Joined a professional fraternity not saying which one. So I’ve been going to a lot of college bars but its really getting boring. Its the same people time and time again. I seriously don’t think my liver can handle much more of this. The rules of the fraternity are work hard party harder. Maybe there comes a time when every members says fuck it. Maybe party harder doesn’t meaning getting trashed every time we go out. Maybe it means social drinking. Last night I felt bad for this 18yr old friend of a friend that was leaving for the navy. That’s four years. At 22 she’ll be in the same place… So she was having a going away party I couldn’t exactly say no. I don’t know. Killing braincells in bars. Got to stop doing this shit. Point is the bar scene is a dumb idea.
Every time I re-read this there’s a little detail I find myself no longer disagreeing with.
This time around it’s “don’t date art school girls at all ever” – words of wisdom. Art school students do not know what happiness is.
Wow, I just read every single comment here it was all very interesting. I read this today because I feel like a complete loser, I’m 29 and a half separated from an idiot have 3 children and am 3 credits shy of obtaining my grade 12 diploma, so now I will have to go back to an adult education school to obtain those credits and go from there, by the time I even finish post secondary education I’ll probably be 33. I made way to many mistakes living in the moment and not giving a bleep about anything. Plus I’ve been a major procrastinator so now almost 9 years later and the things I said I will put of tommorow I still haven’t done. I feel so ashamed of myself lately I’ve been living on welfare for the past 5 years since hubby and I have separated he has substance abuse issues, and I have waited around all this time hoping he will come and save me from my self. I have so much to work on if I don’t start now I know that even within a couple years time I never will because I will feel so damn ashamed to enter an adult education school in my early 30′s. Anyways great post and thanks for letting me vent.
I think it´s all about passion.
What kind of work can you really enjoy doing for years? If I have to sweat an cry anyway, let it be something worthwhile.
I dropped out of college year ago, because, of course, I´m an idiot like every other guy – but there is definitely something I don´t regret about it. I took responsibility. Maybe for the first fucking time in my life, I took it. Paradox, that it was this choice, but fine anyway. We are free to do anything imaginable with our lives, that´s why it´s important to THINK before starting fucking it up.
I´m writing this comment from behind a desk of my father´s bussiness, which is near to it´s banktrupcy (rental of DVD´s!). Maybe I fucked up, but I still don´t regret it more than staying in college in which I enrolled out of pure fear of simply being unemployed.
High school didn´t brainwash me. I LET IT brainwash me!!! I regret every second of not thinking for myself. Now I can choose better, but I realise that school will never set me free. It´s completely up to me. Since I know about TED, Coursera, and many people who really achieved happiness in a pursuit of a better life already, and THE most important, since I know true love, I believe in happiness.
In order to move on, we need to forgive ourselves for being such a bunch of dicks.
Though art chicks will have it tough.
I am a loser… i almost 30 back living with my mom because i pick bad people to hang out with and make bad choices. I realize i need to grow up and get certified in a trade or go back to school. Working shitty jobs and getting drunk/high every payday weekend is not working out for me. Its like a cycle i repeat… As you can tell im not stupid, i think im just immature and lazy….
i have no car, no famliy other then my mother, no friends, and i have nobody but myself to blame….
fuck everythin u have 2 fuckin ways ; to be like Jesus to have a treasure in Haven to be good and iggnore everything or to be a fuckin badass to kill punish and to fuck every fuckin single moron , i am so piss off allmostof my friend show me their real face and that mean they betrayl me in so many fuckin ways. u need to close your heart. if u dont wanna suffer anymore close your fucki hart. fight.with you fist and your brain too. just listen.shout your mouth. first your iggnorance is your anwsear and then the fuckin fist. if u go insane the world will let u alone.trust me . and if they don t. beat the shit out of them.fuck everyone .dont have trust in nofuckinone. in my fuckin oppinion.peace my brother.
Hey I really dig this.. I was on my way to being a fuck up and others around me were too.. all I wanted to do was work toward my goals and I found something that I could do since I’m not that much of a legit dude .. trucking
There’s a lot of money in it but it takes extreme sacrifice. Everyday 24/7 I work toward my goals. I have been for a year and I never felt better.
Anyone can do it. Theres no competition for any jobs. You can go to the interview in yourpjs and if you woryhard you can get that middle class money. I’m doing it and on my way to owning my own home
Dude. I would kill to make $11 an hour. I didnt even get past the first paragraph. $11 an hour would pretty much solve all my problems. Jesus.
I agree with the last comment on this page. Obviously, I must not always feel great about myself to have googled the term that lad to this thread, but… I do work for $11 an hour, I work two jobs actually , 65-70 hours a week for this kind of money… I am 32 now..I was homeless, drunk, drugged out, in and out of jail, suicidal thoughts, and unknowingly bipolar throughout my twenties…I came from a nowhere small town in the south, poor, and I split in my early twenties and went travelling, punk, all that shit… For me, if I feel like a loser because I live in a small place in the city, and because I work for not much money then I am going to hate myself.. Fuck that shit, I have lived through so much that could have killed me I am just happy to be alive really… I work in kitchens, I like to work in kitchens and good thing because I have to make a living. In the city, htere are plenty of people like myself of all different ages , working service jobs andliving in small apartments, so I am not alone being a loser, which helps alot… I am so ingrained in this lifestyle, that it is me… I still look like a punk, yeah I have fucking tattoo’s, and I’d feel really uncomfortable dressing differently… I dunno, I guess what I wonder is do you think people like myself should feel bad about ourselves, even given the mass amount of shit I had to deal with just to get what little I have??? Should I be ashamed of myself , am I lazy ???
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