Are you running low on feel-good, summertime jams to bro-out with your bros to? Do you find your butt getting devastated on a daily basis? Are your high-fives not quite reaching their potential? Then Fang Island might be the band for you!
That previous paragraph (or shit, even the headline) may have caused a violent, Level 10 IMN Buttstorm of Pain in some of you. “Fang Island?! They are the filth of the ghey! Hipster bullshit etc. Rabble!” I love that a band so overwhelmingly positive can cause such a negative reaction. Don’t worry, once you’re not 19, you won’t care as much that someone else had a thought at some point in time. …Or you’ll still care and, fear not, your sweatpants, ponytail conditioner, MetalSucks login credentials, and Death discography are in the mail.
I stopped giving a shit what people thought of the music I liked (and more importantly, what I thought of the music that other people liked) a while ago. I’ve found that the harder a band tries to make you take them seriously, the harder it is to do just that. I want to listen to bands that make me feel good and who, themselves, look like they’re having a good time. I couldn’t give less of a fuck about some metal band who adopts the same philosophy as suburban, high school sports teams when it comes to their press photos: no smiling, look hard as fuck. I’m sorry, but you’re 40-something, probably have a mortgage/kids, and I can see your bald spot. You’re not evil, or heavy, or hard, you’re just some collection of shlubby dudes. The same goes with “indie” bands/punk or hardcore bands trying to take the Wayback Machine to the 1990’s. “Everyone stop smiling but try to look miserable in a cool way!”
Disregard other people’s opinions, acquire pizza parties.
So here’s the crash course. The Fang Island bros have some older stuff and it’s good and all but they didn’t become amazing till their self-titled album. The whole album is gold but I swear to fucking god there isn’t a more killer combo of songs than the first 5 tracks on this album. You could find out that cancer became flesh incarnate, grew the equivalent of the strap-on from the movie Seven, and then DP’ed your mom to death with that nightmare cock and your favorite childhood toy, and you’d still be smiling after hearing these 5 jams.
This song = You just beat every video game.
At the end of July, Fang Island released their newest album, Major. The album makes you feel like the only thing you have to do today is play Kid Chameleon, go do rad skateboard tricks with your friends behind the grocery store, and ingest way too much sugar. Every song on this album could very well have been a replacement song to go over the opening credits of The Adventures of Pete & Pete. Let me sell you on a few.
This song would absolutely go over the opening credits of a coming-of-age film about summer camp where all the kids “learn about life, growing up and, maybe, per chance…love?”
This is the sound of 100 pool parties starting at the same time.
You and your friends are taking the bike trail you made through the woods to the arcade cuz they just got that X-Men game in that let’s 6 people play at once!
The rest of the album is filled with smiletime jams, an album closer that could replace your friendzone anthem in your John Cusak Boombox, and a song that you could play at your job, during which, you would get shit DONE and occasionally lean back in your chair, lace your hands behind your head, and quietly nod to yourself while whispering: “fuck yes.” Check out Major. Check out their self-titled. They’re both on Spotify and on the Torrent Music Store. Come join me in the snuggliest giggle of a dream.
Call me a faggot here.
Get angry that I post pictures of my new puppy here.
Are u already down with The ‘Island? Did you solve ur Kid Chameleon game tape in one night? Do u have nightmares of someone doing bad things to ur mom with ur Starcom toys? Did u know Nick from Daughters used to be in Fang Island, does that make ur butt hurt even more? Do u wanna go to a pizza party with me?