No this isnt another post about another lame scenecore/easycore/verbthenoun band… this post is here to edumacate. Apparently, a good amount of you sywh readers seem to have a bit of a fetish for my latin/Hispanic people… I don’t blame you. I sometimes get brown fever too whenever I see a hotass C.N.A/Medical Assistant/Cashier/Makeup or perfume bish from da mall too!!My people’s women seem to have bomb poonani, and know how to turn us guys on via dem random “Ay Papi”s n turn jew mujeres on with our smoothness n dirty talk in Spanish. In this post I am going to talk about culture, race and everything in between but the ironic thing is I’m an equal opportunity racist meaning I find stupidity, R-tardness, and say offensive shit via funny but true stereotypes in every race!!! But to digress, Here @ SYWH we are a global community !!(except for NJ… yuk!!). But saying that, I wanna say that one day I will visit U-rope and every other country in between so I can actually put my “FUCK THE WORLD” tatt in O.E to good use and actually mean it!! giggity hehe awwwlright >;-D
But Ne ways, back to my TLDR post: Here in America there are a shitload of people. Hay un chingo de gente. But apparently, us Hispanics are soon to be taking over. I know you whites are all like “All hail our new brown overlords!!! Replace the statue of liberty with the statue of speedy gonzalez!!!” but woah hold on there skyler or chadd ( dem double D’s lolz) we’re not there yet… remember we still got another ten to 20 years before we start seeing more gutierrez’s n Jose’s running for president of the united states (keep your fingers crossed for Antonio villaraigosa!!!). But seeing that you gringos are jocking our cholo style graff n writing and fapping it to sofia vergara, and any hot mamacita reporting the news on Univision/galavision/telemundo, I thought I’d do a post on the hierarchy of brown/latin/Hispanics. Contrary to popular belief we’re not all fucken Mexican brah…
Allow me to introduce the status of most brown/latin/Hispanic people in america hya. Here comes a bit of biased cultural education that I think non-OTW people need to know:
1.) Mexicans = Ahh yes, whats more american than being mexican?!?! Them brown peepz that pick n serve you fewd, mow your lawns, n make dat bomb tequila n beers… these are the master race above all the others below (not by choice akshually, but more by sheer numbers man!!) A culture based on nothing but hard work, sweat, and raising a shitload of kids and almost outnumbering every other minority in the US will make you numero uno any day of the week! Famous Mexis include: Antonio Banderas, Eddie Guerrero (RIP!), La Parka, Edward James Olmos, Rita Hayworth, Bobby Valentino, Mana, Vicente Fernandez, Fernando Valenzuela, Pancho Villa, Emiliano Zapatos =P, La India Maria, The mariachi chunt on the tapatio cover, Chicharron, Chicharito, The Cha-cha, raspados (only vai-neeya con nuez is real!), tostilocos (frito-pie/walking taco: meet your somewhat healthier mexican neighbor), Huntington Park, Boyle Heights, East Los, Anything Heights in el-lay, Julio Cesar Chavez, ELAC, LATT, LACC, Speedy Gonzalez, Slowpoke Rodriguez, Emilio Estevez, Martin Sheen, Louis CK, the ice cream man, the elote man, the street tamale lady/guy on the corner of (insert ur fav early morn spot here), Kobe Bryant, Los Doyers, the L.A Raiderz, Los Lakers, Pau Gasol, Luis Miguel, Chalino Sanchez, The taco Bell Chihuahua, The bumblebee man, your tire guy that hooks you up with cheap used tires, Los callejones, Bootleggers that hook you up w/ bootleg dvds, and um uhh… yourself in about ten to twenty years >=D
-Chicanos = the children of the above mexis…. mexican-american is the synonym brahs… since we gotta assimilate but don’t wanna lose some or all of our culture we have to adopt our own term guey…. Famous chicanos include: The brown berets, Edward James Olmos, Charlie sheen aka Carlos Estevez, Oscar de la Hoya, See-zer chavez, Cesar Romero, Cesar Milan, Ceasar Salad, George Lopez, lil puppet, American Me, Art Laboe, Happy, Sleepy, Grumpy, and the rest of the 7 dwarves.
- Nor-cal chicanos = wigger steez via the influence of dem NBA’s (Negros Bien Altos)de Oakland and farmers cesar chavez style!! (A third to half are hella pochos via assimilation!!) Famous Nor-Cal chicanos include: Cesar Chavez, our bros in Defiler, Kreay Kray, Lil Debbie, White girl Mob, Testament, Exodus,the san Francisco 69ers, the Oakland Raiders who are always .500 or below every goddamn season (</3), skraperz, Yuk-Mouth, Rappin 4tay, anything x4, Hella, Hella helicopters, kink.com, Castro street, rainbows, The notorious C.H.O., Jerry Garcia, and Gay ass Lil’ B cuz you know… he’s gay!!
-So-cal chicanos = ghetto ignant mexi steez via being closer to the motherland . Also, a third to Half of “chicanos” are pochos (esplaind below) via parents being too lazy to teach the children any goddamn espanol =/ Famous So-Cal chicanos include Edward James Olmos, James Harden, Los Lobos, Antonio Villaraigosa, Vin Scully, Chick hearn, anything x3, Robert Rodriguez, Sergeant D, Latinoheat, a couple other fuckers from SYWH, Carlos Mencia, Kat Von D, Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke, The Doors, Sublime, Megatallica(grose!), Todd from Nails, everyone in Terror (Living or dead), She-bal-bah, Tomas Araya y todos en pinche slayer, every mexi-/Re/Nu-thrash band in existence!
-Pochos = coconuts!! brown on the outside yet white on the inside… peepz are second generation and beyond that have latin/mexi/hispanic surnames yet identify as also having “french, irish, german, or italian” blood via SS-syndrome/spesh bean syndrome… you can spot these types of special snowflakes/special beans by the ability to not speak Spanish, vote republican, or being the beta minori-friend to taylor, kayla, or zack (look up pierce the veil, robert trujillo, dino cazares, and any to most brown or OTW playing in a band on the vans warped tour… I betchu five bux that some to most can’t even order a taco supreme at your local taco bell hehe). But I do gotta say that pocho bishes are hot as fuck via being raised in the burbs’ and talking like valley white girls (which I <3 btw… will write a thesis on the diff types of gueras one day via my BBC [replace black w/ brown teehee] always leading me to em one way or another. Yes I know ima sellout boo-fucken-hoo!!! If only I can do it right doe Antonio-Banderas-style! =D.)
Famous pochos include: robert Trujillo, Zack de la Rocha, Cheech Marin, Carlos mencia, Hillary duff, Selena Gomez, glenn danzig, doug, skeeter, patty mayonnaise, conan o brien, pierce the veil, and Asking Alexandria.
2.) Cubans = they think they’re white n jewish via owning businesses and taking over florida with their tight-kodo jewy-ness =/. The light skinned ones at least. Them dark n black ones are playing in the MLB and making ray-gay-ton/Cuban rap….. AZUCAR!!!!! Famous Jew Cubans include: Mark Cuban, Cuba Gooding Jr., Alex Bigman, Celia Cruz, Fidel Castro, his akshual gay faggot brother Raul Castro, Che Guevara, William Levy, Vida Guerra, Andy Garcia and his cousin Cherry Garcia
3.) Salvadorans = I know what you’re thinking. El Salvador??? WTF part of mexico is that?? These cerotes (pronounce it right plz: seh-roh-thez) are the fleas of central america… they are the dirtiest of all dirt cept their women can own you in the bedroom (srs) =P. These peepz outnumber every other central-american via their ability to fix cars, be useful to some degree by doing the dirty work even Mexicans don’t wanna do (HIYOOO!!!!), and fuck harder than my boner for iggy azalea, grim kim (Don’t even start brahs =P), and taylor swift put together!! Famous Salvis include: Mauricio Cienfuegos and pupusas. That’s it.
4.)Other central-americans (Nicoyas/Pinoleros, Chapines/Mantecas,catrachos,etc. google em) = same shit cept they use certain words differently… are racist against mexis n salvadorans sometimes n vice versa but most of the time are fucken chill and get along with each other (most of the time)… have poor ass corrupt governments n poverty that makes mexico look like paradise… can also be handy under the car hood except for the lazy ones (not as lazy as Italians n dem Spanish doe)… the food is out of this world being more tropical n shit… gotta have my gallo pinto/casamiento with nacatamales, baho, n tahadas =D. *note the fact that I didn’t use the word taco, burrito, huarache, or nachos in the previous sentence.. now nod up and down…….. good*
Famous Central-Americans include Oliver North, The Contras, gloo-gloo, gloop, coca-cola in a small plastic to-go-bag, the sandanistas, marxism, socialism, Sarah Connor, John Connor, certain actresses in telenovelas, hot brown bitches that dance in ignant regeatton MV’s, pupusas, cooked/fried plantains n QUESO FRITO<3!!
*note: any central american can out-shit-talk/cuss-you-out via having dirty mouths n having a vernacular of spanish that have dirty-fucked-up sounding words lol. Cmon piss em off I dare ya!! I love talking shit to my salvi-bro and saying he’s a fucken chunt! He’s all like: “Fuck you foo’[note the el-lay/socal tone and the refraining of the word 'hella'] I ain’t no fucken Mexican gueputa’ malcohido!!” Same thing w/ my mexi-bro by offering him some pupusas!! It’s all in good fun though. These types of Mexicans…. I mean central-americans can be found in SOFLO (Miami espesh) and the pico-union district of el-lay holmes (cerote-landia as my chicano/other latin/mexi-bros say it)
5.)South Americans = west coast and North coast S.A’s(hehe see what I did there? ;-D) are mostly of dat indian/inca blood mixed w/ spanish of course(mestizo)… South and East coast SA’s are either conceited buttholes (Argentinians) via having italian/euro blood or bootylicious (Brazilians) mixed chocolate/caramel people that… these are rare to find in America because well… how the fuck should I know?? All I know is that Arjenteenians are the fucken snooty assholes w/ noses bigger than my boner for scarlett Johansson and kaley cuoco put together and Brazilians are well… Brazilians… They make bomb ass meats via churresquerias and worship soccer more than Mexicans, Italians, n che’vere Argentinians put together. Plus their women are out of this world whose super retarded 64 booty puts shame and fear to any white or azn man alive!!
Famous S.A’s include: Charo, Maradona, Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Lionel Messi, Lionel Richie, Sofia Vergara, and shakira.
The bottom of the barrel
6.) puerto ricans = conceited phagz dat wear no socks. They play in your favorite baseball team in the MLB. Including mine =/. These fuckers are also U.S citizens by birthright, I think, cuz P.R. is a United States territory or some shit like that. Most PR bishes are hot too but watchout if they are angry witchu and are near sharp or heavy metallic objects because their tempers are short like all other carribean bishes tempers are. These fuckers invented ray-gay-tone, I think. Not much to say cept they bunch up in Chi-town and the Washington heights/brooklyn area of NYC w/ dem domos… Famous PR’s include Tito Puente, the fania all-stars, marc ant-honey, and every Ramirez playing in the big leagues!!!
7.) Nuyorican= east coast PR’s that live in the bronx or other parts of NY, or chicago and think they black wiff dat ignant wigger steez. Any latin/hispanic subculture outside of so cal is wignerant to me via being a biased west-best-left coast latin chicano mutt asshole >=D. Entiendes mendez? But i guess these peepz say the same shit about us mexis/mexican-americans on the pacific ocean side. Can’t hate with what you grew up with even tho its inferior >;-D (half of em are pochos/coconuts too of course!!). Notable and popular nuyoricans include john leguizamo, jenny from da block, big pun, biggie, big apple, maid in manhattan, rosie perez , Joe bataan, Adam Sandler, Jay-Z’s lips, Puff Daddy, the kids in that one movie KIDS, CATS, The white people in brownface in West Side Story, Gangster Disciples, Latin Kings, Junior Mafia, Grim Kim (Don’t act so surprised >;-D) and my fav nuyoricans dem fucking jews @ MS that are always jacking off to periphery, devin townsend, and entombedcore!!
8.)Domos= Dominicans from the Dominican Republic you Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, Dumbass!! This is the poor homeless bum’s puerto rico!! Also conceited phagz that don’t wear no socks. These guise are black in denial via hating on dem black frenchy neighbors from Haiti next to em lolz. Same shit as PR’s cept they got no papers. Famous domos include Jennifer Lopez, Domo, Junot Diaz, Daddy Yankee, Don Omar, Wisin y Yandel, Tego Calderon, Tito Puente, and um a bunch of other baseball players.
Well i hope you liked my lesson in american latino culture! Sorry for the TLDR post again but i feel this topic deserves it via seeing brown people EVERYWHERE!!! what specific stereotype pisses you off about my people?? Is it the fact that mexis put Sinaloa or Tomateros de culiacan decals on our SUV’s/big trucks just like the bros put on their Monster/Fox Racing/Skin decals on their lifted bro trucks =P? Is it the loud ranchero/norteno music that is basically the retarded offspring of polka we got from the germans, polish, and other euros that gave us the accordion? is it the fact that we have a shitload of kids?? or how bout the fact that cubans are fucken republican jews? How bout the fact that we have to hoot n holler everytime we see hot bitches? how bout the fact that you never see argentinians or any other south americans much up in hyah?? Is it our drinking? Diego Luna or Gael-Garcia Bernal? selena gomez or ninel conde?? Jenni Rivera or Adele? ronaldo or ronaldhino? Mexi-thrash or whispering jose gonzalez-folk-core?? Pablo Neruda or Garcia-Marquez?? Andy Garcia or Al Pacino?? Celia Cruz or Tina Turner? Don Francisco or El ticketero?