This is truly a chocolate/peanut butter or peas/carrots situation: one of the most awesome yet underrated pop punk bands with a song on an awesome yet underrated album about the Patient Zero of OTW goddesses. I’m sure many of you bros dig on the Fenix TX (Riverfenix if you’re looking to win Pretentious Points) and I’m sure that you know that Lechuza is an album full of bangers. Also, if you’re reading this, you probably also share the “OTW Fever” that urges you to charge dick-first into the future where we are all one uniform, brown-ish skin tone and speak some kind of esperanto-y global language via sexual diplomacy.
In a rare moment where I believe that there is a god, Fenix TX penned one of their catchiest songs about a girl who caused a lot of mom’s to do awkward loads of laundry in the early 80′s.
“The whiskey helps me believe that these are just milk stains!”
In the beginning, there was Phoebe Cates. Before many of your modern day hybrids, there was this weaponized pants stitching-destroyer slow-mo’ing out of pools and hanging out with Gremlins. Don’t get me wrong, the racial/ethinic daywalkers that we have today are hotter than ever, but there’s just something about this lady that is a perfect mix of Eastern European and Mystical Orient. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I’d have to say it would be Phoebe’s versatility. She can be “pool scene fuckable,” but she can also look like this:
“+30 Meeting Your Parents (90 – 99% chance to cast Heart Melt on Parent)
This chick will remain stunning until the day she dies. Also, I am happy that she was active as an actress before the Internet was a thing so, if she was/is a shitty person, I can remain blissfully ignorant so I can go to my grave happy in the knowledge that Phoebe Cates wasn’t a shitty crumbum. TMZ can’t tell me that she shot some Hepatitis ichor concentrate from a secret, Nethersnatch all over a paparazzo because he wouldn’t DP her with a valet while taking her picture.
So I submit to you, SYWH readers, that today, the Whenever this gets published day of Smarch, is International OTW/2nd String Pop Punk Band Appreciation Day. In celebration, here is a slide show of Phoebe being “hotdorable” set to one of the catchiest songs ever (dat chorus!):
Boner Sadness: she’s 49 now :(. Wood probably still bang her child-rearing frame/10. Gah if only there was a successor to her throne! That would be glor– Oh MY FUCKhhhhnnnnnngggggg!:
[Elevator scene from The Shining but replace the blood with cum] Sorry, my parents.
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