This is truly a chocolate/peanut butter or peas/carrots situation: one of the most awesome yet underrated pop punk bands with a song on an awesome yet underrated album about the Patient Zero of OTW goddesses. I’m sure many of you bros dig on the Fenix TX (Riverfenix if you’re looking to win Pretentious Points) and I’m sure that you know that Lechuza is an album full of bangers. Also, if you’re reading this, you probably also share the “OTW Fever” that urges you to charge dick-first into the future where we are all one uniform, brown-ish skin tone and speak some kind of esperanto-y global language via sexual diplomacy.
In a rare moment where I believe that there is a god, Fenix TX penned one of their catchiest songs about a girl who caused a lot of mom’s to do awkward loads of laundry in the early 80′s.
“The whiskey helps me believe that these are just milk stains!”
In the beginning, there was Phoebe Cates. Before many of your modern day hybrids, there was this weaponized pants stitching-destroyer slow-mo’ing out of pools and hanging out with Gremlins. Don’t get me wrong, the racial/ethinic daywalkers that we have today are hotter than ever, but there’s just something about this lady that is a perfect mix of Eastern European and Mystical Orient. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I’d have to say it would be Phoebe’s versatility. She can be “pool scene fuckable,” but she can also look like this:
“+30 Meeting Your Parents (90 – 99% chance to cast Heart Melt on Parent)
This chick will remain stunning until the day she dies. Also, I am happy that she was active as an actress before the Internet was a thing so, if she was/is a shitty person, I can remain blissfully ignorant so I can go to my grave happy in the knowledge that Phoebe Cates wasn’t a shitty crumbum. TMZ can’t tell me that she shot some Hepatitis ichor concentrate from a secret, Nethersnatch all over a paparazzo because he wouldn’t DP her with a valet while taking her picture.
So I submit to you, SYWH readers, that today, the Whenever this gets published day of Smarch, is International OTW/2nd String Pop Punk Band Appreciation Day. In celebration, here is a slide show of Phoebe being “hotdorable” set to one of the catchiest songs ever (dat chorus!):
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UvXcU6UhDM&version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0]
Boner Sadness: she’s 49 now :(. Wood probably still bang her child-rearing frame/10. Gah if only there was a successor to her throne! That would be glor– Oh MY FUCKhhhhnnnnnngggggg!:
[Elevator scene from The Shining but replace the blood with cum] Sorry, my parents.
Post pictures of your favorite OTW here.
Follow my banal tweets about whatever video game I’m playing here.
Excuse my ignance, but what is an OTW?
Into preppy waspy chicks, but trying 2 change/10.
other than white
u need to increase your racism skillz bra
I think the only other comparible moment is when Shannon Elizabeth showed her cans in American Pie. Both of those scenes were special because it was like “nah shes spermhot but she isnt actually going to show her…wait…is this really happening?!”
Insert “thank you god!” scene from Animal House.
Haha “Spermhot”, I meant super hot but Freudian slip/10
Lol’d like a retard @ spermhot
Spermhot has strong potential.
brb proofreading Urban Dictionary addition before posting Spermhot.
“Thanks for your definition of Spermhot!
Editors reviewed your entry and have decided to not publish it.”
guess i dont have the ability enough :C
Nah, they are just spermcold.
Wow I had no idea phoebe Cates was a half Asian, I’m Glad this isn’t common knowledge cause I always use her as an example of a white girl that I think is hot when people accuse me of yellow fever.
Yeah, Russian-Jewess & Chinese-Flip. Hilary Duff is also secretly part-asian.
Somewhere I hope Joseph Mengele is still alive & synthesizing the perfect Eva Mendes/Mandy Moore hybrid just 4 me.
Based on your comment I can’t help but wonder if the reason Brazilian ladies are so goddamn stacked is because Josef “AOD” Mengele found the “final solution” to DAT AZZ on his forced travels.
The Hunt for Nazi Ass was a good movie
4th Reich is going 2 be AWESOME!!!
I could not possibly back this post harder. Fast Times is one of my all time favorite movies for many reasons, and this babes tits is definitely one of them. Her character in general in that movie is just a huge fucking turn on, via being a blatantly oversexualized teenager.
Crazy how good that movie is to this day, most old shit sucks ass but this girl is STILL a babe after 3 decades and Spiccoli is still hilarious.
Thanks so much for this wonderful post Jorbam!
I back this post, rigidly.
Defend Pop Punk about OTW babes.
hi, this is my favorite genre of everything
laughing uncontrollably at the ending of the post (my brainvoice yelled MY FUCKhhhhnnnnnngggggg!”) and the tag, boners … oh fuck my sides
You have followed my directions perfectly. Achievement unlocked. Your Jorbams Decoder Club Ring is in the mail.
Most of the blood drained from my wiener when I noticed Mila Kunis’ lazy eye in that last pic :(
wood use my antiquated knowledge of science and apply repeated strikes to her pelvic region in hopes to knock eye back into place…for science/10.
Is Mila really OTW or just a dark-featured Ukrainian? …well I guess I just answered my question since dark-skinned Russians have Sperm of Ghengis enhancement pak so OTW it is!
Also, I fuckin’ love Jorbam. Hot women plus RPG-speak defeats all my stoneface wards!
I grew up in a small town so anyone who is brunette is really an OTW to me. I have black hair so I was required by law to be the town gangsta. I got jiggy on cardboard with my homeguys in the parking lot of Hollywood Video, and also malt liquor.
I love you too, sugar. brb, meeting with Sarge to create a Bish Monster Manual to pitch to Taschen.
i srs have a good friend who works at Taschen and knows Mr Taschen really well haha. they have published weirder ideas!
Haha let’s do it then. yolo.
It is highly debated amongst brown fever patients whether the dark-featured Eastern Euros are OTW or not– I personally think the ones from the -stans are (via their ancestors getting raped by Turks) but the Czechs/Hungarians/others who just have kinda olive skin are not.
either way mila kunis = 11/10
Pretty sure dat olive skin on otherwise white bishes is due to that lazy euro lifestyle in the sun; bishes from around the Meditteranean or Black Sea are probably just tanned, not actual OTW. No care though, still lightyears above other white women and wood put all my gold into a quest for the love of one of these divine princesses/10
wood put all my gold into a quest for the love of one of these divine princesses/10
Wood equip you with items that will aid you in your quest for said gold/10
insert vida guerra/dulce maria from RBD pic here
=]
vida guerra is rican doe– grose :(
vida guerra akshually cuban brah… booty smell good doe
oh. well still carribean and therefore grose
NOT MEXI/GUATEMALAN? NO BONER.
<3… mexi and nicaraguan babes for me brah…
http://www.ign.com/articles/2006/06/08/ign-babes-interview-flor-bermudez
http://www.stylerift.com/2011/10/stylish-model-nicol-cruz.html
Dulce Maria so hard
One of the best things about azn genetics is that the women tend to have really narrow hips (aka no ass), which if you are into small asses like i am is +100 to boner generation ability. For example, in that bikini pic look how much wider her shoulders are than her hips.
bonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerbonerboner CTRL + C, CTRL + VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
‘hotdorable’ = perfect way to describe the perfect girl ♥
I prefer spermhot myself
yea luv the spermhot term better via being a cisgendered pig asshole =>
Please everyone check their privilege.
the girl at the bottom should stop caving in to societal pressure and grow armpit hair, #defeatthepatriarchy
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/3310486791.html
Which one of your buddies is getting married Jorbam?
Haha yeah I saw this. Amusingly enough, my bro/guitarist just got married this past weekend. His bachelor party consisted of us hiking, then attending a Chinese buffet, then drinking, then moar drinking and playing Magic in a cabin. We were gonna play D&D: Wrath of Ashardalon outside but it started raining :(.
Something makes me think the chick that would reply to this ad would be crazy/special snowflake/10 Mint in box w/ Snorg tshirt accessory.