Sup bros. You like dem games. I like dem games. Sometimes we like them so much that we make poor life decisions and get a video game-related tattoo. This can start you down a dark, dark path. One day you’re all like “fuck yeah I wanna get Gordon Freeman’s crowbar tattooed on my rockin’ abs!” and then, before you know it, you’re covered in poorly planned out patches of random video game logos, characters, and references. The energy drinks start flowing like wine. You take egregious advantage of Domino’s online ordering. You wake up one day and you look like a rape-ier version of Notch…but, ya know, not a millionaire.
Like everything in life, there are both classy and un-classy ways to do tattoos. Here’s a few tips on how not to do it:
If it’s a tattoo that a character has in-game, you’re doing it wrong.
I really liked Dishonored. Apparently, this kid REALLY liked it. Now I’m going to make a few assumptions here, but I think they’re sound. Dude seems to have the hand/forearm of a younger dude (via almost no arm hair and plump, cherubish hands with no “proletariat wear and tear” on them). No other tattoos are peeking their way into frame so, sure, he may have other tattoos, but by no means does he have a ton of them. So let’s just assume that this tattoo (which is the image burned onto the hand of the protagonist of Dishonored) is one of the, at maximum, 5 tattoos this bro has. That means that this bro has jumped right to Hand Tattoo. Hand tattoos usually happen via two thought processes: 1. Well, my body is covered and it’s always just been creeping out toward my hands so, fuck it, I’ve officially been a Tattoo Guy for years now. or 2. I don’t want to make over $40k a year, ever.
Sick room decorations! It really looks like you r rly in2 gaming via “No, mom! I’m 21! I’ll clean up my room when I want! No! OK god fine! I’ll do it after this match! Sorry guys, my mom’s a bitch. Yeah, we SHOULD get an apartment; just the 6 of us.”
This is why you should never just get an in-game tattoo verbatim. They’re probably going to be in an unconventional spot (like the Unemployable Hand) because that leans toward the dramatic. They’re also going to probably be a tribal design via game designers not really being the coolest chaps on the block and therefore not really have their fingers on the pulse of “good tattoos.”
Don’t go with your original idea/find a tattoo artist who is, ya know, talented.
A lot of gamers come from that weird “I have ‘counter-culture’ interests yet I’m Republican/sheltered” demographic so, chances are, their video game tattoo is going to be their first tattoo (and maybe their last via not being tr00 to tattoo culture). Many of us don’t luck out and find the artist that you trust to do most, if not all, of your work. That’s why many Tattoo People have their “first tattoo” that they either have covered up or keep out of nostalgia. If you just go to the place down the street, chances are the artist shouldn’t really even be called an “artist.” So these poor nerd kids are thinking “I want a tattoo, so I’m going to go to my local tattoo dispensary” and they get slightly above prison tattoo quality. Also, I’m not a betting man, but I’d bet that the placement discussion is going to consist solely of “just put it in the middle of my bicep.”
Or the middle of your hairy back. Oh…oh god– oh god I can’t stop cumming! Why does this do it for me?!
Shop around. Talk to friends/acquaintances of yours who have tattoos that you think look good. Think about where you want something fucking permanent might go best on your body for the rest of your fucking life. Also, you need to realize what you want might not translate to human flesh as a medium well, so be open to revisions.
Don’t get a Gears of War tattoo, apparently.
Holy fuck. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a good Gears of War tattoo. It doesn’t help that their logo, when scrawled into your flesh, looks like road rash. Also, sub category: DON’T GET LOGOS! What the fuck are you, an eccentric rapper? Anyway, if it isn’t a rotting pustule of a logo, it’s probably one of the characters represented in a way that makes them look like they were stabbed with one of the blue tubes from the end of Blade.
Woo! Cole Train! Tattoo on what looks like the side of a chestburster egg! Woo! Also, is he standing on a dead Kathy Bates wearing a sweater?
The Unreal Engine is one of the more fancy game engines out there. It has the abilitly to render some truly beautiful, detailed graphics. How many polygons can your skin push? What’s the resolution of your pasty, fat arms? Imagine that, some high def monster didn’t translate well to your eczema-ridden existence tarp. Just don’t.
While I’m not an expert at “tattoo shit,” I am self-aware and realistic. If you think people don’t make snap judgements about you from your tattoos, you’re an idiot. What it comes down to is you need to decide if that matters to you and then if that mattering to you matters enough to change your career/life path, if you follow me. You need to be ready to explain to potential romantic interests what your tattoos mean: “Yeah this is Kratos, he’s a real toughie. Like me! Ow, mace!” Or potential employers: “Oh, this epic dude poking out from my collar? Glad you asked. This is King Arthas after his transformation into the nefarious Lich King. If you would like I could disrobe to show you how gallantly he wields Frostmourne! I’m hired?! Thanks!” -No One Fucking Ever in the History of Anything.
Or you could be totally fucking sweet like this girl.
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