CODEINE TEEN ushers in a new age of swag

Today we are going to learn about one of my all time favorite online personalities: he raps under the name CODEINE TEEN and posts funny, original shit at http://projectpatta.tumblr.com/. You may have known him as Fukkkres, Thugalien, Banzamakadanz, Icegrill, Guccimeinkamp, Nutsipper, etc.  Some of his shops were featured on an older SYWH post but it seems to be lost to the ages because a lot of the old posts have fallen apart and he’s recreated his tumblr several dozens of times since then. A few months ago he put together a little compilation of his songs, and I’ve been way into it: this is deff some above-average stuff for some random kid on the internet.

This is my first interview but I think that it’s a good sign that I can’t tell what he says is truth and what he pulled out of his ass.  It’s definitely on the lengthy side, but he’s a hilarious dude so I didn’t have the heart to cut any of it. Keeping that in mind, I highlighted the parts which are most likely relevant to your interests so those with short attention spans can still get what he’s about. If you’re only going to listen to one of his songs, make it “Turnt Up” down at the end when we talk about drugs. Also, he seems to think that jerkin music is music that you masturbate to, which is amazing. Where were you in 2009, bro??

The archetypal Codeine Teen track: an impossibly hard beat backed with ludicrous lyrics about selling drugs and getting blue balls.

Tell us who you are, a made-up genre name for the music you make, and your mission in life.

My name is Lex Regan and I rap under the name Codeine Teen. I first started rapping under the name Anal Pains at 13 and the genre me and the guy who brought me in the rap game were under at the time was called “mafioso porno” because everything we rapped about had to do with fucking bitches and doing mafia activities like killing people in fucked up ways, so I’ve held pretty true to that “genre” except with the Codeine Teen project I wanted to use primarily trap instrumentals and completely amplify this idea but under more realistic guidelines, drawn from my real life, exaggerated. My mission in life is to have enough money to live in a house with several bitches who fan me down with banana leaves and suck grape juice off my dick while I have tigers and lions wrestle in front of my heated swimming pool as an iron chef prepares a meal to be eaten off the ass of a sexy asian whore. Basically just not working and sleeping as much as possible, while having living expenses and food expenses covered. Forever. And my dick eternally sucketh by the sexiest whores the town has to offer.

Here at Stuff You Will Hate we are all about having fun, not sweating the small stuff and making fun of dumb shit people do on tumblr. As the proprietor of one of the most advanced online brands out there, how did you come to have the attitude you do? What makes you so chill?

I was raped as a young child and that changed my perspective on a lot of things. I thought to myself, “fuck it, I kind of liked it.” I’m just fuckin around. The truth is I’ve been online practically my entire life. My dad works in the computer field, fixing computers for companies and shit or some bullshit so I’ve always been around and had computers. He set me up with an AIM account and that’s when my future fell to pieces. While he thought I was chatting it up with like 10-12 friends from school I was actually adding all these people from around the world and making “online friends” or whatever you’d call ‘em. I was also a prominent poster on two forums: Wutang-corp.com and TheCorpse.com (RIP) where I was further polluted by sick minds much older than me. I believe I was the youngest on the forums for a long while, I started at around 11 or 12 years old I believe. So these were basically my platforms, forums and AIM. I also had a MySpace and shit but that was for my real life friends and those online people I fucked with heavily. Anyway, I’d always talk shit to people on AIM and fuck with them. I’d hit people up pretending to be a girl, buildin ‘em up like they’d get some pussy and shit. I’d do it to my own friends under other screen names and just real fucked up shit. Expose people and try to talk to underage bitches (I was underage at the time too so who gives a fuck) and I’d get bitches to strip on their webcams. I remember I got this 13 year old bitch to strip for me and she lived like four cities over from me. I made her watch me jerk off and shit but webcams pick up footage so slow it just looked like a huge blur around my dick because I was strokin so fast. That bitch fell in love with me and went crazy, had her friends contact me online and on my phone all the time sending me threats and shit because I didn’t meet her up and didn’t “get with her” or something dumb as fuck.

That’s probably when I truly realized the power of the internet, and this was before all of our social media giants like Facebook and Tumblr. I harnessed that energy and power and put it into everything I did online. I acknowledged the fact that this could happen to me any time and I thought if I would care at all, and I didn’t. That’s where I get this laid back attitude, I just don’t care what people think of me or what my opinions are because none of these people will affect my life, I can always just unplug. Also, I think people that get offended online are fucking retarded and should loosen the fuck up. Just have fun and jerk your dick to some porn. I’m also very open about myself online so maybe that’s why I cannot physically or emotionally feel attacked or insulted. I have a tiny dick, I’m a lazy piece of shit, my girlfriends all cheated on me, I have no job, I’m broke 90% of the time and I lost all my friends, mostly due to the fact I hate humans and their bullshit. So what could you say to me? What could you do? The only person who can hurt me is myself or God. Too bad God’s a pussy, so that just leaves me.

I think it was this song that made me think “hey, this guy is all about the same shit as SYWH!” Namely: CARING ABOUT ANYTHING IS GAY.

One of the most common trends among dumb teenagers on the internet is to jock music of their preferred genre from decades before they were born. Music that is often obsolete, stale and objectively inferior to current trends. How often do you see this, and what’s your preferred method of shutting down oldfag rap nerds?

I feel like they don’t understand the idea of progress and evolution. Sure, music from the past can be good, it can be great, it can stand the test of time, but disregarding anything new or different or “less lyrical” or “not real” is pointless. You limit your own life. Personally, I cannot listen to the Beatles, 2pac, NWA, all the pioneers and “legends”, etc. etc. It’s just boring to me and uninteresting. If you compare artists from today to 2pac, what’s the point? He was from a different time, he didn’t have the advantages of technology today, nor the hindrances of it. If you’re attempting to live in the past, the golden era, you have to move on and realize it is over. There will be artists that come out similar, and I think that is happening now, but don’t think a new single from Biggie is about to drop and make all of your accusations against these new artists true. He’s fucking dead. I grew up on Wu-Tang. I love them. They’ve got some of the best music. But I’d be lying if I said I still listen to them everyday or if I find their new music at all as interesting. It’s time. It’s the movement into the future. You can’t be 50 years old doing what Waka does. Maybe you can, but come on…

Basically, I don’t fuck with any comparisons between artists from past to present or even present to present. There are too many good musicians, too many good styles and too many options. If you don’t think Gucci is lyrical, you’re not in tune with where he is from and what his slang entails. People really expect Gucci to sound like a lyricist from New York in ’94. Those aren’t the concrete rules for a lyricist. If you are conveying your story, your world, your people thru rhyme schemes and using a slang lexicon then who is to say you aren’t a lyricist? Don’t even get me started on how boring some of these so called “God MCs” are. I’m not gonna ride around in my whip bumping a dusty ass 2pac CD. I’m gonna ride around bumpin the newest Lil B mixtape. As for shutting these lames down, I usually give them a bunch of songs from an artist they are disregarding from the get go and giving them specific lyrics to pay attention to. I want people to understand the music if they are complaining about lyrics especially. If they aren’t willing to do that I usually just call them a faggot then jerk off to music I like.

Generally speaking, most of the hip hop covered on this blog is 1) grimy, thugged-out trap, 2) jerkin music and 3) club rap. How do you feel about these styles, and would you ever make some songs in these subgenres?

I’m all about the grimy trap music. That’s literally the most important genre to me at the moment. I’m all for jerking music. You always need a good song to bust nuts to. Club rap? I’m assuming that is just club bangers that trap artists also release. I like that shit. Anything that makes me want to cook, beat a bitch in, tear the club down or drink and smoke excessively is preferred. I’m not listening to music in public to meditate or drink a cup of tea to. I want to murder someone. I want to become Chief Keef. I want to embody the music. If I’m writing an essay I need to hear music that makes me want to murder my teacher. If I am fucking my bitch I need music that makes me want to fuck her harder and in the ass. If I am getting over a break up I want to listen to music that makes me purchase the largest handgun and blow a hole thru my ex’s fucking skull so I can stick my penis in it and cum on her mind one last time. I’m all for music in general. I’ll listen to country while I’m stoned out of my mind because at that moment I’m a cowboy in the old west mowing down every faggot in sight that thinks he can fuck with me and my horse. However, I will say I am not into labeling music or having genres because if an artist feels they aren’t under that label then who are we to say they are? Making up genres for people that sound gay is gay… that’s all there is to it. Just listen, smoke a fat blunt and sip out a double cup, what are people so worried about?

Codeine Teen loves a bitch in thongs and yoga pants. Do you??

Who are the most underrated rappers in the game right now? Conversely, which big names do you think don’t deserve the credit and popularity they have? Do you not even care?

Most underrated rappers in the game now? I’d probably give you a bunch of deep underground people that you’ve never heard of. If this is a platform that’ll get their name out, though, I’ll give you one: Ofuh Real. He’s this Mexican kid from Fresno who is one of the best rhymers with some of the funniest content I have ever heard. Then you have Lil B, Nacho Picasso, SD, Wooh Da Kid, OJ…. man I could go forever with artist I feel don’t get their shine. As far as popularity, I feel like most of these artists deserve it. I mean, how’d they get it? People will say it’s off one song that blew up and they got signed. Sure, okay, duly noted. That’s the cool thing about time, you’ll see who falls off and loses their undeserved rise to fame. If not, that means they are putting in work, staying relevant and making music. So why hate? They’re blowing up and getting money and doing their thing. Usually what they want to do also, in this day and age. If it was undeserved shine that came overnight then I would definitely have blown up by now. But I haven’t.

Why? Maybe I’m not as good as I think or as fun to listen to as I think. The real reason, though, I believe is because I do not flood the internet with enough music. I don’t promote well. I don’t have good connections. I don’t have any videos or directors to help me out. I do everything myself with some shitty equipment and I’m not one to be fucking with several social sites at once. It’s just not that easy. I can’t tweet, post on tumblr, have a facebook fanpage, etc. and have that all running simulteaneously. I’d need help if anything. I’ve tried promoting myself as an artist on tumblr as well, which turned out impossible. I can’t help but to make fun of people, make retarded imagery and photoshops and say dumb shit. It’s too fun. I can’t stay focused on music. So whoever can do that, I congratulate you. You are doing what you love and you keep a pulse on the game. That doesn’t mean I listen to all these muthafuckas out here who are big in the game. I can’t listen to Jay Z, Kanye, Kendrick, Drake, Wale, J. Cole, Meek Mill and so on… It all comes down to my interest level. Not skill. Not popularity. Not your background life and who you do or don’t have beef with. I just want to be thoroughly entertained or have some fun. I can’t get that with a lot of artists because they are either too soft (Drake) or too reminiscent of the past maybe? (Kendrick) [maybe it's his fake ass jamaican accent or whatever the fuck that is] but I can’t say their music sucks, I just don’t even listen. That’s my advice to people who care so fucking much about artists they don’t like. DON’T LISTEN TO THEM. You’ll realize all of your problems will disappear.

For some reason this song isn’t included in the download, which is insane to me because it’s hilarious and features some mighty impressive flow. Be sure to cop it from Soundcloud to complete ur Codeine Teen collection!!

Let’s actually talk about your music now. Where do your beats come from? Do you make any yourself or have strangers on the internet whip them up for you? If so, you should consider hitting up leading tastemaker in lulzy DIY-beatmaking DEPRESSED TEENAGER for a very futuristic collabo!

Good shit mane. I’m literally down to make music with any producers who would like to make music with me and have instrumentals I can rap over. Any producers out there who want someone over their beats hit me up codeineteen@gmail.com. When it comes to beats, I used to get ‘em from the music community on Wutang-corp or I’d steal them off soundclick. Then I’d download them off youtube, which I still do from time to time, or download trap instrumental packages or whatever is available, I don’t give a fuck because I make a lot of spoofs of songs, but not exactly Weird Al style but more so changing the lyrics to mean something else. I spit a lot of freestyles too so it’s always good to have some beats you don’t really care about.

When it comes to Codeine Teen releases, like I said previously, I want that trap sound. My favorite producer currently, and probably of all time now that I think about it, is Jay Yeah. His music embodies my personality. It’s dark, it sounds like Gods fighting in the heavens while fucking their beautiful slave women. It sounds like a school shooting. It sounds like cooking crack in your trap house. He can make a beat that sounds like what I feel like on any given day. That’s why I fuck with him. I’ve never been willing to purchase a beat. I’m cheap, I’m not completely invested in music, and I can’t mix or master to perfection so what’s the point? Yet, with Jay, I’m always down to throw him cash for beats. If I never rap over them I know I can always listen to them and with his beats thats enough for me. He’s too raw. What it boils down to, though, is: Are you making a beat that will slap on my subs? Is it nasty by itself? Does it make you want to physically take action? Ok then, let me spit on it and it’ll be a turn up anthem.

As a big fan of King of the Hill, I’ve waited a long time to hear some DIY tumblr rap about the show. Codeine Teen answers prayers and performs miracles daily!

Practically every song you’ve released opens and closes with Bobby Hill from King of the Hill screaming “I DON’T KNOW YOU!!” from that episode where he kicks people in the nutsack. It always makes me laugh, but why consistently include this sample in your music? What can Bobby Hill teach us about life?

Bobby Hill is what I aspire to be. That may sound weird and people will probably ask why or how is that something to strive for, but you have to understand his persona as well as mine to completely get it. A lot of people like Bobby and some connect with his character on a level similar to me as well, but usually it’s people who just think he is hilarious. He’s funny but he is also very real. I feel exactly like him. All of the emotions he goes thru, the struggles he has, his sincerity; all of it. He is friendly, unaware, self conscious but proud at the same time. He isn’t afraid to be seen as someone who doesn’t follow the norm. That’s how I am. I always wanted to be a comedian. I don’t know shit about sports. I don’t know shit about what a lot of males my age “should” or do know about. King of the Hill is the most important comedic cartoon for one reason: It doesn’t try to be funny. It is practically a camera inside of an actual home. You see the personalities of everyone and it is hilarious because that’s just how they are. Southpark, Family Guy, etc. they’re funny but that is their main goal. It is what they strive for. Family Guy is literally flashbacks and jokes that get set up or appear out of nowhere. King of the Hill seems to have a message and a purpose that is surrounded by hilarious misfortune so I fuck with that 100% because that is what my life and family is like. The “I Don’t Know You” sample is a funny thing. I’ve been obsessed with that line ever since I heard it and I’d always say it when people talk to me. One day I just cut up an mp3 of it, slowed it down and decided to use it. It has a lot of meanings as far as my music. I literally don’t know any of my listeners, they don’t know me. Will they believe what I’m saying? Does it matter? They don’t know who I am so they don’t know what I’m being truthful about or what I am fabricating. Rap Game Bobby Hill, man. You tell me the purpose of the sample to you, because I don’t know you.

What is new on the Codeine Teen horizon? You threw together a nice compilation of songs you’ve done so far, but it’s obviously just a random collection of tracks rather than anything too serious. Do we have a mixtape to look forward to? Maybe an “OFFICIAL CODEINE TEEN MUSIC VIDEO”???

You have no idea how much I wish I could push this brand. I have no backing though, and being as lazy as I am, it is so easy to give up. I know of like five people who have hit me up more than once saying they listen to my music, and that’s enough, but I don’t know if it’s enough to keep me motivated to keep putting it out. Plus I deleted my tumblr so I have no followers anymore, which means no outlet for the music. Maybe Codeine Teen is a dead name at this point. I do have a mixtape/album cover, I am still getting beats from Jay, but there’s really no definite plans for me. I’m just a fan of music. I’m a shit talking kid from the internet. I’m a piece of shit. There’s no real reason for anyone to pay attention. When your own friends aren’t willing to do your music videos that shows a lot about how far you are able to push your music. I could keep it all DIY but how boring would those videos be? If anything, you’d be able to find my new music on my soundcloud, maybe the album will drop on a bandcamp page. Maybe I’ll keep it 3 hunna and drop it on datpiff as well. Who knows what the future holds. I’m just hoping for my dick to be sucked and my bank account to expand like Rihanna’s forehead. There ain’t really shit else in this life. The biggest chance of hearing me will probably be on features of other songs because if I get asked to feature on someone’s track I feel obligated to do it and I usually finish it that day, that’s always a motivator for me. So tell your friends to put Codeine Teen on a cut if they wanna hear nasty, fucked up shit.

Whenever I’m at house parties I always end up at the stereo, demanding that this song gets played. It usually gets weird looks, but I can’t deny genius lines like “can I get some sprite with that?/can you pass that light real quick?/can you call an ambulance before I fucking die you bitch??”

As a fellow young adult aimlessly drifting through life, I’m sure you make lots of poor life decisions and barrage your still-developing brain with tons of chemicals. What are you favorite drugs, and hit us with the most ridiculous “too faded” story you’ve got.

Wow this is a great question. Yeah I do like to get fucked up. I’ll just give you my intro to drugs real fast, it might explain a lot. I started smoking weed in 6th grade. I smoked a lot of weed back then, on school grounds, in the bathroom, before class, all that shit. Me and this black kid from my middle school named Paris were in the bathroom smoking out of a pen with tinfoil on it once, and this bathroom had two doors on it. All of the sudden we hear like 2-3 teachers knocking on one side, saying, “We know you’re in there and we know what you’re doing. We can smell it. Come out” and they just kept knocking and shit, I don’t see why they didn’t just bust in there, but anyway we were high as fuck and it was during lunch time. So we snuck out the opposite door, because the bathroom was on a corner so they couldn’t see us come out. We walked past them and they were like, “Do you know who is in the bathroom?” and I was scared as fuck I just kept walking, heading to the other building to get lunch and chill the fuck out. They stopped Paris and talked to him but I kept movin like a glorious bird flapping its wings away from danger. I was sure we were gonna be caught but Paris came into the lunchroom and was laughing about how the teachers were saying someone was smoking weed in the bathroom and shit and they just wanted to know if he would go in and see who it was or something. That was an awesome time in my early days of smoking. Once I came into my class keyed as fuck and everyone could smell it so like I dumbass I pulled out my deodorant and put it on my fingertips and my lips, I was high as fuck.

Then I moved on to some real extreme shit, my cousin got me hooked on meth and at that time I never heard of it and didn’t know what it was. It just made me feel completely empty on the inside like a piece of paper floating around earth, like a ghost. I thought I was smoking crack but I really didn’t give a shit I was doing a lot of dumb shit back then and drugs just came along with the activities I was into. Did that for a couple years then had to get off if because I would stay up for 3-5 days, on school nights, pretending to be asleep in my room so my dad wouldn’t say shit to me. It is hard as fuck to pretend to be asleep when the only thing you can do is stay awake. In this case, my “too faded” moment was during the withdrawals, I was sweating like a bitch, my head was killing me and my dick was good for nothing it was like a shriveled up thumb. It’s one of the worst things to ever happen to me and if I regret anything it is fucking with that drug. I’ve had some gnarly incidents with alcohol too. I did 4 tequila shots back to back on an empty stomach before this party and then drank a shitload during the party then apparently threw up blood and shit. Went to the hospital the next day and the doctor said I tore the lining in my throat or something and fucked up my stomach but it would heal, which it did, right on! Several ultra keyed moments on coke, most of which I don’t remember.

Tripped on acid and went to like 3 different apartment parties near campus, which was retarded as fuck because I was on acid. Then while me and some friends were smoking a blunt this random dude came up to us and started freestyling for like 15 minutes. He smoked the blunt with us, called himself “Young Flame” and then came with us to these parties. Then back at my friend’s apartment, he stole her ipod, took a shit in her bathroom and ate her ice cream and took her chips with him. I had to drop him off because he was really trying to stay at her apartment. There’s a lot of stories, I’ll release them in a book someday titled “Goddamn I was too fucked that night” and you can read the rest then. The moral is, don’t overdue it with anything because shit happens. At this point I am currently only fucking with dro and liquor but I am contemplating going sober to see how that feels like. I bet a year of cleanliness feels insane and I want to feel that. I want to feel things in general, I am too sedated and empty. I am too detached from human emotions. I’m finsta swoop my hair to the side, dye it jet black and wear some hot topic garments; see what that lifestyle does for me. I will say this, I still haven’t fucked with mescaline yet so if anybody that reads this has any, try to link up with me or email me so you can get my address and send me some. I’m trying to see trails while I walk into a bitch’s pussy. Goodlooksin.

Fuck, Marry, Kill: CHIEF KEEF, LIL B, THAT SCARY NIGGA FROM DEATH GRIPS??

No Homo. No Pope. MMMMMMM Basedgod! Swag Swag.

DOWNLOAD A BUNCH OF CODEINE TEEN SONGS HERE

FOLLOW HIM ON TUMBLR HERE

ALSO FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR BECAUSE I AM YOUR BRO