Almost all of us have known of some stupid teenager who wants to appear ‘deep’ and ‘beautifully flawed’ by placing “OCD” in their “about me” section of their myspace/tumblr, and who constantly writes about how miserable and depressed they are even though they actually live a perfectly normal, marginal existence wherein one of their greatest problems in life is their bitch manager at Old Navy who doesn’t even know how to fold properly. This post isn’t for those kind of people, because if you or anybody you know has seriously suffered from crushing depression or staggering mental illness, you know that there is absolutely nothing cool about this shit, and in all likelihood one of the last things you are interested in doing is advertising your problems to the world.
Take it from me: As someone who has long struggled with depression, OCD, excessive anxiety and unwanted thought disorder, most of my life has felt like a never-ending battle to cling to some shard of happiness and feeling of stability because my brain won’t stop acting like a fggt. The silver lining to living this life is that I had to develop coping/survival skills along the way, and while I do not pretend to be any kind of professional on the matter, I think I’ve learned a thing or two about dealing with mental illness. So if there’s any depressed/suicidal/troubled bros in here (I suspect there are), come on in and let’s talk/e-hug it out. TRIGGER WARNING: sad, but sometimes sort of funny stuff ahead, along with some instances of severe faggotry.
Depression/Suicidal Thoughts
Before we talk about depression and suicide, we should be clear that practically fucking everybody gets depressed at some point in there lives (if you don’t, you may have empathy issues), and there is absolutely nothing wrong or weird with having a protracted emotional response to a major life event or situation (ie: death of a loved one, ending of a cherished relationship, etc). This is normal stuff, and while I’m not trying to downplay how real or painful it may be (because it most certainly is real and painful), this type of depression typically resolves itself once circumstances change and tables turn.
The type of depression I am focusing on here is the kind of lingering, continual depression that most average people cannot relate to because they are mostly emotionally balanced, whereas clinical depression is embodied in the severe lack of emotional balance. In other words, no matter what you do, where you go, and what you accomplish, you always feel unhappy inside. You may not want to talk about it too much because you don’t want to be perceived as a drag by those around you (plus, contrary to what a million skinny artfag college students think, girls will not fuck you for being a sadsack unless you are in a band or already have a great body from the get-go), but at the end of the day life feels like a burden, and it’s easy to not value being alive when you spend most of your waking moments feeling miserable. I’ve felt this way for a long time, and I had to learn most of these lessons the hard way:
1) Don’t blame yourself for who you are: On an episode of The Sopranos, the frumpy Jewish therapist lady at one point tells Tony Soprano that depression is “rage turned inward”. I think the show kinda jumped the shark by that episode, but she is right: whether you are conscious of it or not, depression can be fairly characterized as a biting, internal hatred of one’s self, which is usually why you stay the same miserable person no matter how well you may be doing irl. It may be one of the hardest things you do, but you need to resolve to not think of yourself as a piece of shit, and resolve to find a path to recovery and betterment. Even if you don’t know where that path begins, you will have already found the starting point if can accept that your own life is worth turning around and changing. Save your hatred for murderers, rapists, and easycore bands that stop writing breakdowns. If nothing else, the fact that you read this site means you are probably an okay person, even if you are sad and/or have made some shitty decisions in the past.
2) Set your goals, stick to them, surround yourself with positivity: Besides medication and therapy, which I will get to in a moment, one of the most important and productive things you can do in combating the notion that your life is an endless mire of misery is to create positive, measurable goals. Start working out, level-up your job prospects, continue your education, even set quotas for the number of random girls you are going to chat up when you go out. You’ll feel awesome when you achieve your goals, and when you when you have missteps, you can use them as opportunities to learn and improve for next time. Following a devastating breakdown in which I saw the girl I wanted to marry leave me amid the worst mental purgatory I’d ever experienced, getting a gym membership was probably the single best investment I made in turning my life around after the dust settled – I saw myself shape up, which made me want to eat and dress better, which made me more confident. Don’t take for granted how much setting goals (and sticking to them) and making a game plan can help!
3) Don’t think you are too good for medicine or therapy: Of all of the regrets in my life, and I have several, possibly my biggest one was waiting so long to get professional help for my problems. When I look back, I don’t know how many times my life needed to fall apart or how much pain I needed to put myself through in order to get the message, but the point is that if you have been generally depressed for a long time and you see no end in sight, there is a very good chance that there’s a legitimate biological explanation for at least part of your problems – and issues of biology are not something you will just “get over” in time. Figuring out what you are really dealing with and how to treat it may be a long, difficult process, but it is better to nip the issue in the bud asap rather than face potentially devastating consequences later. Don’t let that girl or that job slip away because you didn’t act when you needed to: as much as we all want to be independent alpha bros, sometimes being truly self reliant means knowing when to ask for help, and considering that seemingly everybody is on meds now anyway, you need not disclose anything and nobody who isn’t an asshole should give a fuck if you are on medication or seeing a therapist anyway.
4) Seek an outside opinion: Your friends and boyfriend/girlfriend are not a substitute for a professional therapist. While true friends will listen to you and try to be there for you, you risk putting a heavy strain on your relationship when you burden then with every painful thought that crosses your mind, and for all you know, they may have problems of their own that they are trying to work with. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t be willing to be open with your friends, but be very cautious as to what you decide to tell them and who you tell. Just as you don’t want to overburden your friends, you don’t want to misplace your trust in someone and end up having your name dragged through the mud if a relationship sours. Aside from an elite few, share the most with your therapist – they can give you an objective opinion, and can help you formulate strategies for recovery.
5) Don’t make excuses for dragging yourself down: For a long time, when friends asked me why I didn’t take advantage of certain social opportunities during heavy bouts of depression, I’d tell them “I’m not being pessimistic, I’m just being realistic. I really am a useless person”. The truth is that because of the way my brain was wired, I didn’t actually know what “real” was, and that I was in fact making excuses to keep myself down because confronting the truth, (ie: that I needed to change my life) was scary, and it’s easy to keep kicking yourself when you are down when that’s what you know. Being able to take a step forward means having to, on some level, reject what you may believe about the world or about yourself, and commit full-on to change. If nothing else, consider this: if you hate yourself and there is anybody in the world who likes you or thinks you are worthy doing anything (and odds are, there is), perhaps you are wrong about yourself, not the rest of the world.
6) Not killing yourself doesn’t make you coward, it means you are acknowledging your will to survive: There were at least two occasions I can recall where I locked myself in somebody’s bathroom with a steak knife, held it up to my wrists in the bathtub, and tossed the knife away before anything went too far. Each time, I spent the next three days in black-out rage mode for being such a “pussy” and extending my cheap existence. Simply put: fuck that shit. You’ve probably already heard the typical “suicide is the easy way out” line, but to be honest, it isn’t: It’s scary as fuck to think that somebody you love and care about can get that close to the edge and let go, or to stand there and face the void yourself. If you have ever gotten low enough to try killing yourself but pulled back at the last moment, you may feel fear and intense self loathing, but at the end of the day you are on some level accepting that you do want to keep going, even as painful as life is at the moment. Step back, reassess your options, and do not hate yourself for acknowledging that you have the potential to get through another day, and that tomorrow may be better.
Some Hints/Cheat Codes for General Mental Illness:
1) Seek out like-minded voices: Whether you are feeling depressed, anxious, nervous, or whatever, it’s easy to feel like you are all alone in the world and that nobody understands you because you are living inside your head. While people often lean on music to find ‘something 2 relate 2’, music that communicates how you feel doesn’t always help because it can re-enforce feelings rather than alleviate them (see: any sad fggt who has ever listened to Elliott Smith to deal with the pain of a breakup). Don’t underestimate other avenues and forms of media to find voices to relate to, such as forums, podcasts, group therapy, etc. As cheesy at it sounds, I literally had a revelatory moment listening to a podcast with comedian Maria Bamford, because it was the first time I had ever heard another person openly articulate a condition I had been dealing with for years (unwanted thought syndrome) in a clear, open manner. Plus, she has been through way more shit than I have, and she is semi-famous and monetarily successful, so bonus motivational/inspirational points as well!
<3 u bb, u have the ability
2) Find the therapist that is right for you: So far, I’ve seen three therapists, and I made more progress in the three weeks spent with the third than I had with the months spent with the first one (or second). Finding a therapist that fits with you may take time, but like dating, you should be able to tell whether or not you click with a therapist fairly quickly, and if that therapist is giving you a hard time, is too distant, or just seems like an ass? NEXT! The first therapist I saw made me analyze lyrics to his terrible Pearl Jam rip-off band as an “exercise” and tried to buy my trust by (illegally) disclosing deeply personal information about one of his clients, who happened to play in the original line-up of SYWH punching-bag band Christian Death. I was 17 at the time and didn’t know any better but to put up with it, but if I knew then what I know now, I totally would’ve NEXTed his ass yesterday.
The Bottom Line: While mental illness is by its very nature highly personal and there’s no single set way to go about dealing with it, hopefully some of you will find the #realtalk above helpful in sorting through your own issues. Just keep in mind that nobody is truly above finding any happiness in the world – it’s just that some of us, whether due to nature or nurture, have to work harder for it than others. No matter how hard things gets, just remember: you truly are good and lovely, and as long as you are willing to work for it, you too have the ability.
Discussion: Have you ever dealt with depression or mental illness? If you feel like sharing, what did you do? What do you do now to keep the ball rolling in a forward direction? Have you ever gone to Target to look at the furniture for no other purpose than to try and feel like you are a normal, functional human being?
If anyone wants to talk to me directly about the issues described above or anything else, you can reach me on Tumblr or e-mail me at hcbronson@gmail.com
Dude, this was a great article.
I hope it helps some people out there man!
+1
at the risk of sounding like im complaining or whatever, i by no means think i am worse off than anyone. but for a number of years i called myself a failure, and every time i did something that didnt work i found it “evidence” that i was a failure and couldnt see anything positive i was doing. i completely introverted with my partner and for about 7 years i shut myself off and went up and down.
towards the last year or so i joined the military (also started going to the gyn about 6 months before joining, first actual fitness ive ever had) and moved away from her for a year with the promise of her moving to be with me later on. During that year i found out alot about myself, with the military dicipline probably helping i also realised how good i actually am at achieving physical and mental achievements.
we split, after a 7 year relationship, it absolutely gutted me, there were some very intense things that i found out about my relationship which i only semi/didnt know about which was crushing. But through constant belief in the fact that im achieving something in the military, getting fit, and am only 25 i am slowly getting back to a positive level.
this might be tl;dr but yeah its been hard but fitness does change alot. i also found leaving almost everything behind and moving +1000km away helped too. Start new.
cheers sarge, also thanks for the tips on gf relationship breakdown on tumblr a while ago via an ask (http://triumphantgleam.tumblr.com)
What branch of the military? This was a good post not TLDR imo
im in the A ustralian Army, Combat Engineers
Do you know a Justin Morris?
do you know what Rank or location he is in?
That sounds tight, much respect bro
Bronson wrote this article brah, not Sarge
He’s talking about another thing when he said thanks sarge bro.
Damn. Gotta read more closely next time
Coming from a family w/multiple cases of suicide/OD’s/general life failure due to clinical depression/bi-polar disorder this advice is genuine. The connection between being physically strong and mentally strong is absolutely true as is the part about not being too proud to seek out professional counseling. Clinical depression rots your soul and prevents a person from enjoying anything in life. It will wreck relationships, friendships, jobs, absolutely everything until you either a. give up and take your life or b. pull yourself up and address both the symptoms AND the disorder behind it. Medication alone won’t magically solve anyone’s problems, legit depression needs to be tackled with physical activity, good advice (self-help, posi books, etc.), medication (often times multiple types/doses/combinations until you find one that doesn’t make you feel like horseshit) and therapy (the more the better). The older a person gets without addressing it with a scorched-earth policy, the harder it is to actually recover. This article is good and lovely, hopefully it can help a few brahs/brahettes.
I’ve actually been wondering if someone would do a post like this, glad to see you did!
IDK if I’ve technically ever been depressed (I’ve never been diagnosed but at least half of my relatives have) but I remember realizing on New Years Eve of 2008 that I had literally been miserable the entire year without relent. I tried all day to think of a day that I didn’t feel like complete shit but couldn’t do it. My resolutions for that year were never to try to be happy again, never to try to have serious feelings for a girl and just fuck them instead, never trust any of my friends and expect them all to shit on me, and never get my hopes up for any reason, and to kill myself by the end of the year (srs). Obviously the last one failed, and just like your post talked about I felt like a complete coward and piece of shit for continuing to live.
To be honest, feeling like shit and being a negative cynic is really what indirectly lead me to SYWH. The first thing I read from Sarge was his blog on powerviolence, a genre known for being played by people who feel like shit/are pissed off, and from there I found this one. What I have always liked about SYWH/Sarge’s posts is the level of honesty about him feeling like shit a lot of the time. I have never in my life listened to anyone except him about positivity or making changes in ones life because I never felt like I could really relate to them – their lives were different and their reasons for feeling like shit weren’t the same. I really think the only possible way I would ever have listened to someone and bothered to make an effort at life was if they first said that they could really relate to “Nowhere Fast” (my all time favorite Death Threat song) and other shit along those lines. Coming from the regretcore angle was probably the only way anyone could have gotten through to my stubborn ass.
Backed incredibly hard on goals. I know for me, even weird stuff can really help me – for example, working for league promotions in competitive Starcraft did wonders for my state of mind (100% srs). I’m still working on career/school shit, but I really want to finish it once and for all so I can finally move out of my parents house and have an adult life. I guess what I’ve realized is that depression/negativity/etc will always be there, its an inner demon that never dies and takes constant vigilance to keep under control. It never gets “cured” in the sense that a normal disease would. At least that’s what I think, I could be wrong
backed on reading sywh. it was like the mate who on the internet who had heaps of useful information about the scene and living for me.
good post too
What I have always liked about SYWH/Sarge’s posts is the level of honesty about him feeling like shit a lot of the time
thanks dude– i’m sure i overshare sometimes but like you said, it’s hard to listen to someone if you don’t relate to them. i guess i just remember listening to Loveline and hearing Adam Carolla talk about growing up like literally EXACTLY like I did, which made me take his advice seriously because I knew that he got where I was coming from. not that i have anything particularly unique or important to say but hopefully people will at least understand that I know what it’s like to feel like shit all the time and hate yourself and want to die.
visited for the laughs, stayed for the community/honesty/life advice (srs)
Srsly, this. Great post. <3 u sywh.
not that i have anything particularly unique or important to say
This is right and wrong at the same time. Your advice can be pretty run of the mill sometimes, but the important thing for me is that it came from YOU. Like I have been told more or less some of the same shit you’ve said but I didn’t believe the others soliciting said advice because it didn’t really seem like they knew where I was coming from, or gave a shit. Hearing this advice from someone who loves Death Threat seriously made all the difference in the world. When I read your advice, I know you have felt the same because you have in depth knowledge of many of the exact same bands I love, and there is no way anyone would love those bands without having felt extremely shitty/hated themselves at some point.
Also, regarding SYWH – in general, the ideas regarding new bands being good/sacred cows being overrated or shitty/making fun of internet butthurt over music is one of those things that tons of people THOUGHT about, but not many had the balls to actually come out and SAY. Since your music knowledge/credibility in this collection of genres/communities is literally invincible, it forces IMN’s/faggots/etc to recognize the validity of these views on some level. Hence, the next level butthurt witnessed on this site from time to time. People simply wouldn’t listen to a 20 year old saying a lot of the same shit, even though its perfectly valid from any point of view (excluding life advice, I’m talking about music opinions etc here)
“even weird stuff can really help me – for example, working for league promotions in competitive Starcraft did wonders for my state of mind (100% srs).”
So much of combating depression on a day-to-day basis comes down to simply being too busy for that shit. As long as you are not doing something harmful or destructive, filling your life with activities – even if they are pretty dorky or whatever – is the best strategy for not stewing in your own juices. It helps when your activities also collude with leveling up as a person (faggot confessions: I used to compulsively shop for cds to keep from being wrestless/depressed, now I non-compulsively shop for clothing that doesn’t make me look like an alternative person), but if it keeps you on your feet and your mind active, then hey, whatever works.
Obviously it’s real and you are serious, but I cant help but laugh because Intrusive Thought Disorder sounds like some shit a con-artist made up, like a “brain cloud” or “Helsinki syndrome”. If you’re mad at me for making fun of your debilitating condition, when I develop sickle-cell feel free to laugh back and say “why dont you just use your serum daywalker?”.
Not mad, just genuinely envious because you probably have never been there. It’s a form of OCD, and it has probably done more to burn bridges and generally fuck up my life than anything else, including depression (srs). Given that by it’s very nature, you feel like a very, very sick person talking about it, being able to give it a name (and know that it was something that not only I dealt with) was a HUGE deal. If it sounds like something stupid or ridiculous to you, then consider yourself lucky.
I kinda have to agree with vyce via being minorities who slap thier kids around.. Its just guys being guys.. i look at hot/kewt stranger chix all the time and want to picture them naked n me doing them n all that regular guy pervyness… i don’t find anything wrong with that… i just think thats how our brains are wired…. like srs have any of you been to a starbux where theres a kewt chick working and you havent thought about them in a dirty sorta guey? if you say no then i consider you a liar my good man…
you text your girlfriend
she doesnt answer
because shes fucking another dude
then you start picturing it and running the whole scenario which isnt even happening through your head
and it totally fucks your day
thats what that means
oh.. if you put it that way… i just say you got trust/insecurity issues but i guess i see your point… you are good and lovely… stay safe =]
daywalker
ror
back this post big time.
everyone should at least attempt these steps if they are depressed.
I wont turn this into a “woe is me mai life sux” type thing but I have a had a horrible life that has left me with many problems relating to people (srs). I struggle to see them as anything more than resources to be used to attain something greater.
One of the hardest things has been dealing with the rage that has been building up inside me for all these years. This rage is mainly directed at my mother and the rest of my family (not my father, can’t miss what wasn’t there) and the injustice of being the only non drug addict in the family (who also was the only one that completed high school and had a job) and treated the worst.
Everything I do is aimed at becoming something better then my family. It is what keeps me going. Hatred.
But for real, join a gym and think straight. Everyone who hates you wants to see you fail or fall down to their level.
Fuck that shit. Keep moving, thats what I do. Keep planning, keep setting goals, keep trying to better yourself.
I know all these feels 1000000000% dude. You’ll do it.
thx.
Reading the life advice posts and the resulting comments have made me realize just how many good people come from shitty beginnings.
i think this post is going to help alot of ppl
here’s what i emailed bronson about this post. i’m just going to paste it because that’s all there is to say:
at this point i am actually feeling totally cool about everything. but that could be because i got a script for zoloft yesterday haha. finally bit the bullet and got on the crazy pills, but im glad i did.
in all seriousness, talking about this stuff with you and other people on tumblr or whatever has helped me, and also motivated me to actually try medication for the first time. i can only assume the same is true for other people (especially kids who havent really dealt with this shit as much as we have), so i think it’s awesome that you did this post– it will help people, for real
thanks dude.
Was put on Zoloft about 5 years back, and it seriously helped me take the steps I needed to save my life. I was completely unable to think “glass half full” on anything, after about 6 weeks I noticed that If I tried to see the positive in a bad situation I could.
If you sit around alone hating yourself for a full time job no pill will help, but if you’re willing to attempt to make a change in your behaviors, meds may be able to help
When I look back, I don’t know how many times my life needed to fall apart or how much pain I needed to put myself through in order to get the message, but the point is that if you have been generally depressed for a long time and you see no end in sight, there is a very good chance that there’s a legitimate biological explanation for at least part of your problems
if there is anything you take away from this post, please please please let it be this.
I was put on meds when I was 14 for depression, and then I stopped taking them about a year later because I was 15 so I thought I knew everything. It’s been like ten years and I’m finally realizing that it doesn’t make me a worse person (or more accurately a DIFFERENT person) if I start taking them again. Looking forward to the change.
Sort of unrelated but, in the article you mention “practically fucking everybody gets depressed at some point in there lives (if you don’t, you may have empathy issues)”
Are empathy issues….bad?
Is that even a question?
No, as long as you find the idea of not having any real relationships and being a sociopath cool.
This is why I love this site, quality post that could really change people for ze betters. Bronson is extremely correct seek help and be brave I did and I’m fucking happy as shit now after being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder just over 4 months ago. Therapists can be scary but totally worth it, what have you got to lose, there is only things to gain from visiting on. For my condition mediation is the key and there are tons of apps out der that have great exercises dat help me get all those good feels I had been missing. Thanks again Bronson and D for being figures hovering in ze inter webs that us teenagers can turn to/ask if need be.
My mom’s side of the family has a pretty long history of mental illness including depression and some schizophrenia. I’ve dealt with depression off and on since my grandpa passed away in 05, but I always chocked it up to me being a pussy about stuff that everyone has to go through. I think the hardest part for me about going to see a professional is that I would be admitting that there IS actually something wrong with me, which in my mind translates to weakness I guess. I’ve never been very good at asking for help.
Things got so bad recently that I ended up ruining a relationship with greatest girl I’ve ever been with. That was kind of the beginning of the wake up call I’m experiencing right now. I want to improve myself, but I always have a really hard time finding the motivation to stay on track with things like working out, quitting cigarettes, eating better, and changing my outlook to be generally more positive. How do you keep yourself on track without falling back into the same patterns?
i am pretty much where you are at, even down to being scared to ask for help. after my girlfriend left me i started alienating my friends and family with desperate, fggt behavior, treating my body like shit with drugs and cigarettes and not eating, and skipping class to smoke weed with burnouts. it was a pretty big low point for me and i only thought about changing after a really long look in the mirror. whenever i think about what ‘works’ for me, two things come to mind:
1. set small goals so you can celebrate little victories
2. keep yourself accountable
in order to build momentum i started setting tiny goals that are well within my grasp. i have been smoking on and off for two years, and quitting was kind of a big deal for me because i’m afraid of commitment. so i told myself that i would develop positive habits that wouldn’t mean i would quit right away – but at least i would stop smoking so much, and would improve myself in the process. i decided i would stop throwing cigarette butts on the ground or out of my car (because i always felt bad about littering), and if i had to bum a cigarette i would offer a dollar to the person first (because that shit adds up).
what also helped was finding ways of keeping myself accountable for not smoking. i decided to buy a teeth whitening solution for like $10 on ebay, which also convinced me to cut back on coffee drastically because i now had a nicer smile that i wanted to preserve.
quitting cigarettes also drastically improved my cardio for muay thai and my quality of sleep. there were so many reasons i had not to smoke, and all of them brought me closer to becoming the person that i want to be. eventually i got to my last pack, and threw away all my lighters after finishing that last cigarette.
i also think creating an environment that promotes progress and success is very important, especially for shit like working out and eating better and meditating. and this kind of shit can also be broken up into smaller goals: clean your house and resolve to keep it that way, find a positive reason to change your appearance or dress, spend less time doing dumb shit on the internet, etc.
if you aren’t working out with a legitimate training program, find one that you like that will help you reach your physique goals. depending on how important this (or anything) is to you, put reminders of what you want all over – like i have a chin-up bar that hangs on my doorway.
but again i am in the same place as you. i am still sad about that breakup but it’s not even about her anymore, it’s kind of like the self-loathing that i have always had grew up and instead of getting high and watching netflix, i want to deadlift and talk to more pretty girls and make money.
“I think the hardest part for me about going to see a professional is that I would be admitting that there IS actually something wrong with me, which in my mind translates to weakness I guess. I’ve never been very good at asking for help.”
This was one of my biggest issues for years. I’d always make excuses for myself – “I don’t want to be a slave to medication” or “I don’t need a paid friend”. Now my perspective is “I don’t want to feel like a miserable fuck up with no strong will to live for the rest of my life, so let’s do whatever it takes to get better”. It comes down to just that – being able to value your happiness and self worth above whatever mental/emotional chains have been dragging you down for years.
“How do you keep yourself on track without falling back into the same patterns?”
This is extremely tough to do if you are used to living a certain way, but Andre brought up some good suggestions: Set your goals, be honest with your intent to STICK TO THEM, and make them manageable and measurable. It’s dumb to say “tomorrow I will stop being so negative”, because that’s broad and vague, but you can say “tomorrow I will look up no less than 5 therapists, day after tomorrow I will set up an appointment”. It takes doing seemingly small stuff to break the bigger cycle. As far as lifestyle changes (working out, for instances), it’s not all that different: set measurable goals, and commit to them, and fulfill them on the regular. Victory is defined when a positive life change goes from being a “change” to simply being an element of your life style. I hurt my back recently and haven’t been able to go to the gym in close to two weeks now. It’s driving me crazy that I can’t do any lifting, but part of me thinks “well, at least I’ve officially crossed the threshold from this being a preoccupation to being part of my life”.
Thanks for the advice guys. I think I’m finally on the right track to becoming something that I don’t fucking hate haha.
to add: i was thinking back to one of the first times i realised i was depressed.
i was about 17, i never really took much note of any depression i might have. i started work in construction and was working with a small crew. the boss would repeatedly hit me and verbally abuse me and i was small framed and a quiet kid, never been in a fight in my life and never played any contact sports.
i just shrugged it off and took it for close to 4 years, and soaked it in. i was repeatedly told i was shit at my job and that i should be fired, i started to joke and say it back sometimes that i was bad, and couldnt do anything in life.
i took it home and my relationship got worse, and whenever i did something wrong outside of work that was when i would think it was evidence of my failure.
this all stemmed from what i later learnt was my boss was the youngest in a brother triangle and got picked on or whatever from the kids and had a hard upbringing from his parents. then when i came along he told me once, “if you faught back at the start i would have stopped”
the one day after he tackled me i faught back he instantly changed and was completely different to me. i still had my nervous reactions to failing in the future, but i realised i had something in me to fight back (actually do something, not take it, be bothered ect)
that moment changed me alot to think of it.
thanks for sharing this story. i read it all and really got something out of it. you’re strong
I’m glad it even helped me in just writing it down. it’s good to see a lot of comments making a difference, hopefully there are people going through all this and getting a kickstart out of reading these comments. thanks too
Proud of you for posting this. One of the most insidious things about mental illness is how it alienates you from those without problems because it is so difficult to understand how your guys’ brain works. there is still a disturbingly large number of health professionals who take the “Why can’t you just stop being sad/start eating/stop trying to hurt yourself???!!!” approach to treatment which is the worst thing ever.
One of the most insidious things about mental illness is how it alienates you from those without problems because it is so difficult to understand how your guys’ brain works.
Maybe this is why I always hated the world outside of hardcore and only really wanted to hang out with people within this culture of fuckups. I actually have a really hard time hanging out with normals, I have been meaning to work on that.
“there is still a disturbingly large number of health professionals who take the “Why can’t you just stop being sad/start eating/stop trying to hurt yourself???!!!” approach to treatment which is the worst thing ever.”
This is why finding the right therapist is so crucial. There’s plenty of quacks and blowhards, but fortunately, I feel like relatively newer, younger therapists are becoming more attuned to how wide spread mental illness is, and finding more effective ways to treat it.
You know, I may as well go back and start seeing a therapist for real now. The first two sessions helped a lot and put a lot of my life on perspective and as much as it pains me to say it, I may actually be suffering from something. Better safe than sorry and hey, it’s about time I stopped feeling like a piece of shit when I’m honest with how I feel about myself. It’s really rough to seek help when your family looks towards you for emotional support though.
I can say that the first time I stopped being suicidal was when I saw a therapist for the first time. Nothing special but just being able to talk about shit was a huge relief for me and it was right about the time that I began truly “getting” SYWH and exposed to positivity, both of which encouraged me to start working out and going to the gym. I can safely say that one fo the main reasons I haven’t reverted to suicidal thoughts has been because of the encouragement to better myself that I found here.
It’s a lot harder to want to abuse drugs as a way out or to want to kill myself when I think of all the things I’ve been able to accomplish. And my self-esteem has shot up, so please do yourself a favor and start getting fit. Your body and mind will thank you for it.
Thnx for the post man. It couldn’t have come at a better time in my life either as I was beginning to question why I’ve been feeling the way I feel even when things had begun to improve.
“It’s really rough to seek help when your family looks towards you for emotional support though.” I know that feel. Made it extremely hard to do what was right for myself.
“I can say that the first time I stopped being suicidal was when I saw a therapist for the first time.” I know this feel too. The feeling I had in my first therapy session was indescribable (in a very good, but very awkward way). It felt like a dam burst, and I had to go to bed immediately when I got home. I never could get that sort of help or catharsis from just talking to friends or family about my problems.
GL brah <3
Great article – good lovely etc.
Here’s some more feels about feels if ya want em:
“Life doesn’t require us to do anything except show up…One could say depression, or darkness, in general, is not really negative at all, and that it’s more closely related to clarity. It could be an opportunity to slow down, take a long, good look, and get to know ourselves a bit better.”
“Life doesn’t require us to do anything except show up…One could say depression, or darkness, in general, is not really negative at all, and that it’s more closely related to clarity. It could be an opportunity to slow down, take a long, good look, and get to know ourselves a bit better.”
Haha, yeah, either that or it’s a chemical imbalance that distorts your view of reality and makes you hate yourself for no especially good reason.
Worst thing thing about depression is the over use and over diagnosed patients with them. Most cases just need a good hard long think and pat on the back and a cheer up instead of drugs just thrown at them.
These types of people are often the case why people with real depression are over looked.
Totally true!
When I was going through a breakdown and going through life like a complete loony tune, I was well aware that I needed professional help and had the financial means and insurance to do it. But I didn’t do it because I was well aware that therapists over diagnose, and figured that I already knew what was wrong with me (it was a nervous breakdown in my case).
Even if you do know what you’re diagnosis is, seek help anyhow. Even if you know what it is, brain chemistry it not something you can self medicate.
I consider myself very lucky that I’m still here.
A++++ post.
I am a manic depressive, obviously it makes me a dark + tortured artiste but also as Bronson says my brain just loves being a fggt about everything. Here is my specific story 4 u bros:
At age 23 I graduated from my university here in the UK, (without being specific I did creative industry stuff) and my third year work won 2 fairly prestigious awards as well as I won the quidditch tournament.
Wanting to capitalise on that I immediately set up a small business with 2 friends from Uni and began working hard at building a future. This went really well for a bunch of years until the ‘credit crunch’ came along and kicked everyone very hard in the anus.
In short order I was out of work, and even worse my business partner flew the country and left me with a lot of debt – not knowing who to trust/10
Instead of being down I immediately got a day job and hoped it would last 6 months.
HAH.
I was stuck answering phones for 5 years, after 3 of which I started to go properly batshit insane, featuring all the self-loathing described above but also many manic episodes where I would jut hate the world and get delusional/convinced ‘they’ were plotting against me- I’d get low and want to do a suicide or manic and make plans to burn work down :/
It is incredible what a totally unhappy brain can do to itself.
When my gf of 9 years left (via could take no more) I finally sought help and had 2 years of psychiatry and stuff. I am not 100% better now but work all the time to rehabilitate myself back into the world because I miss it and don’t like being a complete outsider.
The point is this happened to me in my late 20s, this shit can bite anyone and not just the stereotypical moody teenager. If any of you guys are miserable then cranked like this then get help, you won’t be able to fix it youself.
<3 Bleh
“Pull The Trigger Bitch” Is what came you mind when you said not killing yourself does not make you a bitch. Not being one of these clinical depressed people, and only having ocassional few house – few days depression every once in a great while, and is usually attributed to listening to depressing music. I do not know how you feel, I have 1 friend who is like this, and it sucks, cus we stopped inviting him cus he is a drag, we treat him like shit when hes here, and were the biggest scumbags on the earth for doing it. Of course we have the deepest and most profound love for him, but we’re fucking guys, and we constantly bust eachothers balls. In all honesty we treat almost no different from all of our other idiot friends, but hes different and he takes it differently. I remember when i found out he was depressed and it was a complete shock to me. I really couldnt beleive what i was hearing, and why he never said anything about it. I tried to help, but nothing works, so we hang out with occasionaly now, just when its a few of us, we havent invited him to a social event in a while, he told me those make his more depressed. Reading this makes me wonder if we should start inviting him back again. Dis Nigga Be Ramblin’ T00 Much. Lates.
Well, to be fair, being around severely depressed people isn’t fun, and I understand why you and your friends don’t want to be around him as much because of it. I definitely abused my close friendship with some of my friends during severe bouts of depression in the past, wherein I’d basically invite myself over, then proceed to sit on the couch, say nothing, and sulk until I agreed to go away at some odd hour in the early, early morning. Looking back on this period of life makes me cringe, but it was also hardly surprising to me why they would suddenly be “busy cleaning their room” or whatever more and more, until I got better and things got back to normal.
That said, if you truly value this dude’s friendship, you should keep involving him social events when you can. You can’t make him not depressed, and he’s going to have to do the majority of the legwork for getting through his issues by his own will, but making him feel isolated is certainly not going to help. Yes, he will be “the depressed guy” of your friends’ group for awhile, but a large part of real friendship (as opposed to an expedient one) is being willing to be there for those you care about, even when it can kinda suck hanging around them at times.
Thanks for replying to this man, not only to me, but dozens of other people I’ve noticed while scrolling down. This post really kinda stuck to me, cus juts recently we were talking to about inviting him to the group more often, but it just never went through. Idk maybe reading this post will remind me about him next time something comes up. Hes definatly a solid dude, just a little wierd, which is saying something coming from a reader on this site. Haha
hi guys – regular reader, seldom poster here – great to see a post about this subject
my sister is bi-polar / manic depressive, since being diagnosed around 10 years ago, and recently she said something which really made me stop to think – see, when she is low, it ticks all the boxes mentioned above for depression, and it’s obviously horrible – but it’s when she is manic, that’s really when she can alienate the few friends who have stuck by her over the years (thinking she’s a god, has supernatural powers, basically will talk shit to anyone she meets on the street & get herself into dangerous situations with dangerous people whilst thinking it’s all just fine)
it swings from one extreme to the other from month to month, and it’s supposed to be kept somewhere in the middle by an ever changing cocktail of prescribed “stabilising” drugs – and over Christmas this year she said that people prefer it when she’s depressed because she’s easier to deal with, because she goes quiet & introverted – if you ask how she is she’ll say “yeah much better, thanks”, so everyone is like “oh great, she’s doing much better now”
the bad thing is that she has a point – I love her to bits and will always stick by her, but the truth is, when she’s “high” or manic, that’s when it’s hardest to deal with her & I find myself getting wound up & irritated / angry…
I’m not sure what my point is really, but I think even less people comprehend bi-polar disorder – it’s the worst of both worlds! fuck… anyhow I guess I’m also saying that people need to be aware of it, so you’re not like “this guy can’t be depressed, just last week I saw him doing cartwheels down the road while singing I Am The Walrus” – in my experience the higher the high, the lower the low that comes after
Dude, bi-polar disorder is a fucking bitch, and I agree that it is very poorly understood by the public. It doesn’t help that the phrase is casually used interchangeably with being “a moody bitch”, in the same way being ‘ocd’ simply means “being an uptight asshole” to a lot of people (in b4 PC police), when people who suffer from said conditions are not necessarily either (although they certainly can be).
My mom was diagnosed bi-polar/manic depressive, and it wasn’t until her early thirties. I remember the first night she went to get help because my dad had walked her down the stairs in the dead of night to take her to “the doctor”, which seemed weird to me even as an 7 year old. Years later, I found out that she was having a manic episode and had put cuts into her wrists that evening, and that was the start of a childhood of me hanging out in her therapists’ waiting rooms, her sleeping a lot, or sometimes suddenly snapping at me at weird moments. She’s much better now, but I know she’s gone through an awful lot of soul-destroying stuff to get to where she is.
This isn’t to say you shouldn’t be willing to be open with your friends, but be very cautious as to what you decide to tell them and who you tell. Just as you don’t want to overburden your friends, you don’t want to misplace your trust in someone and end up having your name dragged through the mud if a relationship sours.
I would be very cautious and hesitant to open up to friends even if you do seem them as trust worthy, just skip the friend stuff and go to therapy.
My turnaround life moment came when I (think I) had a legit nervous breakdown in my late 20′s. I looked up symptoms some years later and I matched just about every one.
What triggered it was a slew of relationship gone bad, mixed with me being in denial that everyone moved on from things I was into at the moment. I was pretty much shaking as I walked around, was aware that I couldn’t think clearly, and to this day I have no idea how I showed up to work every day at that time. I had this office job where i just sat at my desk and did nothing, which probably made the mess of my head even worse since I just sat around dwelled on it (srlsy).
What was I getting at, oh yeah … don’t open up to friends.
When I realized that I was in bad shape, I did decide to open up to friends thinking that talking to them would help me out. Bad move. I honestly thought these were legit and solid friends (some of the best I ever had), and ever single one of them (all three of them, who were unconnected) pretty much balked at me and didn’t want to be bothered. Knowing that my three friends couldn’t give two shits made me even more of a mess.
So yeah, skip the open up to friends thing and just go straight to therapy as hard as it is. Yeah, I got back to normal after about four months, but those four months sucked. If I could go back in time, the first thing I would do would be seek professional help and realize I’m not above mental health drugs.
Random aside, to this day I no longer talk to those friends who I considered my best friends at the time.
Sucks to say, but it sounds like you had some shitty friends, dude, sorry :/ If there’s any silver lining that comes out of having those sort of episodes, you get to find out who’s really who – which people are really gonna stick by you, and which ones tolerate you until you start ‘bumming their trip’. It especially sucks when it’s people you consider them close, but if they can’t be bothered to even listen to you, fuck ‘em. You are right not to talk to them anymore.
That said, it’s very much understandable (and not necessarily a bad idea) to want to save the mental health issues strictly for the professionals – this risk of alienation is high, and the potential return is not always all that promising anyway.
Yup, I have a few very trusted friends who know about my problems- but even though they care a lot they don’t necessarily know what to do when someone suddenly starts crying for no obvious reason.
Best method is seek pro help.
It means you will have to start taking a lot of responsibility for yourself and your actions, even though they can be the result of illness. If, like me, you can be a paranoid manic knob then shield your bros from that as much as you can.
This is amazing and if not already should be put into the SYWH best of/linked on the side of the page, you never know someone may just stumble upon here via googling a band they like and see it and it could be just what they need.
I have 0 experience with depression but I would be interested to know if anyone here is diagnosed ADHD like me and what they have done to deal with it. I was on one brand of methylphenidate or another for most of school but dropped it after graduation. I am seriously thinking of getting back on it for university if my brain bugs out too much. It kinda sucks being a pretty smart dude but having to struggle to produce anything. I also have to deal with a constant battle of trying to shut up, my brain never stops, ever and there is little filter between it and my mouth, this can lead to Deadpool levels of zany fggtry if not kept in check and that can be really alienating, people like you but keep you at a distance if I let that happen.
Eh know what you mean derpent. The filter thing.
I used to be quite like that at a younger age but now I’m alitle older I’m just a regular dude, but the brain/mouth filter thing is still there. Luckily I am pretty right, but it’s all about shutting up and watching what you say closely.
YOU are a fucking cunt top to bottom head to toe.I’ve been zig zagging across your fucking blog since I landed here on a google image search looking for a decent picture of brian bakers goldtop & i see some junkyard bullshit jesus fucking christ i’ve pissed my pants 6 times already and thats not cause I’m an old cunt too but yeah fix the broken image links.
taa
wut
Great post. I generally don’t like these life advice posts, but the last few have been good.
Anyway… I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was about 14, and so far it only got worse. I gave up on therapy as it didn’t do shit for me. And it’s gotten to a point where I’m sort of emotionally numb most of the time; I’m not happy when I accomplish something, I’m not sad when I fail; it’s like I’m passive to the shit around me. I feel good mostly when I go on binges, and I have that urge more and more often. My girlfriend used to keep me pinned to reality but I fear the relationship’s been falling apart for a while.
And like someone else mentioned here, it alienates you from others. I never really had problems socializing, but I don’t “get” the people around me anymore, and probably viceversa (via having their shit together). I don’t get how they can go all out on weekends or whatever, then the next day being able to focus on uni shit and/or work. Probably doesn’t help that I’m one of those people that think “hell yeah that’s the life” when exposed to that DFF video.
I’m still in my early 20s so I probably still have time to figure shit out. But right now nothing feels right. Even when I do get motivated enough to get my shit together, I just drop it eventually.
know that feel bro
But seriously, fucking awesome article. Helped me put some stuff in perspective
Great post for real. Making concrete, substantial life changes like working out or getting at more bishes is truly helpful but for me it was difficult for the longest time because my depression robbed me of my motivation. It can be hard to force myself out of bed sometimes but when I do accomplish any of my goals the posi feelz are through the roof. I probably should be on some type of medication but being uninsured makes this difficult. On a unrelated note (kind of) I also struggle with drug addiction and have become very active in a 12 step program which has been super helpful for me in regards to my depression etc as well.
I have to say this post could not have been put up at a better time. I can relate to all of this too well. I was diagnosed with bi- polar disorder a few years ago and I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts for a long time. I use to give myself so much grief for waking up and wanting to die when everything around me seemed okay.
I can honestly say to anyone who can relate to this post it gets better. It takes time, but I swear the best thing to do is get help. The best thing i could have ever done was admit I needed help. I take meds daily and it helps me stay on track. I hate admitting to others how often I used to think about suicide as an option but I’m glad I did. Because my friends and family gave me support to continue fighting for my life.
No one will ever love you as much as you need to love yourself, and thats a harsh reality to face. But hopefully it only motivates you to find help. I’m still learning to love myself and some days it’s fucking hard but it’s worth it.
You are good and lovely. YOU have the ability.
Xoxo
The best thing i could have ever done was admit I needed help.
true fact. can’t believe it took me until this week to finally go to a psych. should have done it in high school.
“No one will ever love you as much as you need to love yourself, and thats a harsh reality to face. But hopefully it only motivates you to find help. I’m still learning to love myself and some days it’s fucking hard but it’s worth it.”
This. Ultimately, you need to make the choice to embrace yourself – don’t expect a significant other to make up for your self hatred, because they never will – you have to have love for yourself first and foremost. They say you can love somebody without liking them, and a lot of times I feel the same way about myself; often, I don’t feel that I particularly like myself, but I have learned, at root, to love myself, and THAT is what gets my ass back on the treadmill. In the past I didn’t, and that’s what kept me on the couch languishing to American Football.
I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, though I have been in the past, and a lot of what you’re articulating here definitely would’ve been helpful at the time. Awesome article, dude!
since I used to (and time to time still do) suffer from severe depression every day I for real loved this. def gonna be coming back to this article a lot. it’s extremely accurate and true
I got beat up (yeah, beat up bad) and told I was dogshit everyday for 15 years by my stepdad. As well as other shit. The best medicine is heron and crack, nigga.
Just wanted to take a moment to say thx for all the positive feedback from most everyone concerning this post. There’s already lots of great comments that I want to address, but I need to be at work all day, so I’ll be responding to the majority of these later this evening.
Also, I focused on depression/suicide with this post because I feel like that’s what most people here can relate to, but I could definitely do another one focusing on OCD/anxiety/panic attacks (just in case I haven’t yet made myself appear unhusbandable to the 6 or 7 girls who now read the site, haha). All jokes aside, if there is interest on doing another post more focused on anxiety and that world of fun, let me know here and I’ll make it happen based on the feedback.
go for it dude – you’ve articulated what I’d imagine half the people who read this blog have wanted to say for ages.
Please do. Would be interesting to see how others dealt with panic attacks besides taking a fistfull of downers and falling asleep in the tub.
Coming soon – “How to deal with panic attacks without breaking edge”
Please do this dude. I’m sick of being at a Party and literally having the shakes over the thought of talking to the 7/10 smiling at me. Also if you could, please go more into intrusive thoughts. I’ve had violent ones (nothing I’d srzly do but certainly distressing) since I was ~13 and it’s so fucking annoying.
Dude, I can definitely relate to everything you’ve mentioned above, and I’ll definitely go more in-depth into generalized anxiety and obtrusive thoughts. That shit is terrifying and awful, and it’s seriously made me feel better learning just how many other people are dealing with it.
I’d love to read that. I have been dealing w/ long random bouts of anxiety since I was about 20 (seemingly out of nowhere). At 27, I finally feel like I’m able to deal w/ it in a pretty consistent and healthy way (haven’t had an all-out anxiety attack in about a year). If I knew some of the things then that I know now, my early twenties would have probably been a lot better.
Great article brah. Crying in your office at work, not even once (okay, once).
I would love to hear about your experience with anxiety. I finally did something about it yesterday actually. The impending doom of the appointment (they won’t help or recognize i need help), caused me to have a resting bp of 160 and hr of the same. They put me on a beta blocker till i see the therapist and most likely a shrink. I had been self medicating with alcohol since i was 18, but finally said fuck that shit. I could definitely use Tips & Tricks for managing anxiety. Thanks.
Just coming to terms with the fact that my sister isn’t stupid and trying to piss me off, she’s legitimately mentally ill and has very few friends because of it. She’s lonely and calls me every day and I wish I wasn’t so much of an asshole that I ignore her most of the time. Nice post bro.
i think this was/is my ex. i stayed with her a long time because i felt like if i left she would have no one else. it sucked.
I can 100% understand where you are coming from. If you are a fairly normal, well adjusted person, then dealing with someone who is genuinely going through some bad times can be irritating and exhausting. Understanding where they are coming from is a major part of being able to tolerate them better and, ultimately, be there for them.
“someone articulating something you thought was just in your head”
you did it at the start of the article with “unwanted thought syndrome”. fucking hell, i thought my mind was just off the rails for years.
i dealt with fairly mild depression (comparatively to you especially) but everything i found helped, and worked in therapy and that you have mentioned all crossed over. some really great advice here and i’m glad to hear your story and that you’re better and that you shared it. hope this helps a lot of people out there.
I can’t thank you guys enough for posting this article.
I suffered a breakdown in December, just two weeks before my thirtieth birthday. I couldn’t describe what that feels like, but believe me when I say that you don’t want to go there. My advice to anybody that feels something resonate from reading this article is to seek help immediately. I almost talked myself out of seeing a doctor after my head fell apart, but biting the bullet and walking through that door is best thing I ever did. I’ve been prescribed medication, which is something I never thought I’d do, but it helps. Massively. And therapy is even better.
The key thing I’ve learned so far is not to be afraid of my situation, or put myself down because sometimes I wake up and don’t want to get out of bed. Each day is a challenge, and it’s important to just tackle it one day at a time. Setting goals – no matter how small – has been super helpful for me, and makes dealing with life easier, because it gives me focus. The worst part about (my) depression is feeling rudderless.
Another thing is doing what needs to be done in order to get happy. That could be a house, relationship, a job… anything at all, but I’ve found it important to make sure that any negative shit that has held me back is dealt with straight away. It’s not easy, but that’s been one of the most relieving experiences to me. At the risk of sounding lame, I quit my job and concentrated on doing what I’d always wanted to do, which is art.
I’m rambling a bit, but if anyone wants to talk I’d be glad to share, find me on tumblr or facebook, just look for Apache Knowledge.
Thanks again for this post.
Keep up the good work dude, I’ve 100% been there.
It takes time but you can recover and eventually use this as an opportunity to do things better.
Thanks man, as cliché as it sounds, I’m just taking things one day at a time.
Determined not to let it beat me though.
That’s the best way.
I’ve been to the brink of paranoid mania where I thought the council and government were tracking my actions and stealing my thoughts. You can come back.
This pretty much mirrors what I went through at roughly the same age. You seeking professional help BACK TARD!
Hoping someone else reading this going through the same thing does the same (there’s nothing cool about going through life as a crazy person [everyone notices]).
Dude, you do what you gotta do to feel better. You can’t level up your life if your soul is too shattered to know what direction ‘up’ is. Sounds like you are doing the right things for the moment, keep it up.
Glad you got something good out of this post.
Great post. I’ve been dealing with pretty bad panic disorder recently which has of course made super fucking depressed as well. I had a panic attack in the car on the way to see the Starting Line and I don’t even fucking know why. And one time an attack was brought on by goddamn Space Mountain at Disney World which isn’t that crazy of a coaster and I’d been on it before. :/ I barely go out anymore unless I need to due to panic/anxiety and it’s bumming me out because I want to be able to do normal things (last time I went out to do something fun was Starting Line a couple weeks ago).
Anyways, I shall stop bitching now. Great article, srsly.
I had a panic attack in the car on the way to see the Starting Line and I don’t even fucking know why
maybe from trying to figure out whether it’s a boy or a girl on the cover of “say it like you mean it”?
omg i think ur rite
or maybe it was Kenny’s unnaturally bleach-blond hair on the back of the CD
The lines between excessive anxiety and depression can become pretty blurry after a while, because extreme anxiety is so fucking exhausting that you end up becoming zombie at any moment you aren’t wired on anxiety, which feels like depression (and feeds into depression). There was a period in my life where I was guaranteed to have a panic attack as soon as I stepped into a car, 100% of the time. It’s maddening how stupid little things will just set you off, but that’s the way that game works :/
On the suicide bit, one of the most interesting things I’ve ever heard said about it is that people who contemplate suicide don’t want to die, they just want the pain to stop, and that the important part is making them see the difference.
(I think the blogger who goes by The Coquette wrote it on her Dear Coquette blog.)
Also yeah, this could not have come at a better time, someone very dear to me had a pretty serious downswing yesterday and has gone to the doctor to find out if something’s wrong. I’ll be sending her this article asap.
On a similar note, any advice for people who’re trying to help someone else through depression?
Yeah it’s more ‘this misery will never stop I have had enough of it’ than actually wanting to die.
As well as getting people to see stuff, a lot of the time it’s legit biochemical imbalances as well- it’s not like when a regular person gets down.
Fucking amazing post dude, backed hard by someone who has had, and has known plenty of people with depression.
Extended depression isn’t something that should ever taken lightly, and I’d totally back anyone to get help with the issues they had if they needed to. I’m gonna do the confession thing and note I tried to kill myself back in 2009, and honestly, I felt like a fucking pussy for not succeeding, and after that came feeling even more shitty because of how much I’d hurt all the people around me.
suffice to say some girl in the US (UKfag here) saved my life,
NEVER feel like you’re alone. If you’re feeling depressed/suicidal, talk to someone about it. Setting goals really does work too – the happiness you get from accomplishing something really awesome/useful goes a MASSIVE way.
message me on tumblr too if you need someone to talk to about anything, link as nick.
always remember u have the ability!
and tits I fucked that link up
Thanks for this post.
An important item to remember for young adult readers – Mental illness starts to manifest in your early 20′s for tons of dudes. Don’t be afraid to see a therapist. I went from normal to bi-polar : (
consice summary of a lot of very important information. i think/hope it will help a lot of people, thanks for digging it up and out and having the juevos to publish it.
one point you touched on that I think bears emphasizing – the choices you make (in turn) make you. i think thats why, for me, the toughest part of crawling out of a depression is at the start.
whenever I’d make the decision, “fuck this, I can’t live like this anymore,” I’d still be mired down by all the consequences of my shitty decisions.
as the Stanford Prison Experiment (the prof, not the band) said “You can’t be a sweet cucumber in a vinegar barrel.” so how do you change the barrel? (twerk with me here)
for me, and I can’t speak for everyone, it’s drugs. mental illness is biologically based, full stop. if someone says you should start thinking positive/bootstraps/etc. to get right AND they’re not a Christian Scientist, then they’re full of shit.
the right drugs (and I have to make this clear: CHOSEN BY AN MD, PROVIDED BY A PHARM) can help shift your perception of objective facts from ‘guaranteed fail’ to ‘i think i can,’ and help your need to self-medicate with alcohol and street drugs. at least they did for me.
please don’t “get it twisted:” after all that, its still not peaches and cream, but its also not praying for death every night, so, you know, score.
if someone says you should start thinking positive/bootstraps/etc. to get right AND they’re not a Christian Scientist, then they’re full of shit.
this is so important for people to understand. it’s fucking BRAIN CHEMISTRY, you can’t just “get over it”
See, THIS is the type of shit I was talking about, these are the types I always refused to listen to. In my view your posts represent the opposite of this – being honest about feeling shitty even though you’ve actually done quite a lot with your life. This is what I find inspiring about SYWH and this is why I actually listened to you and your advice. Never really got that from anywhere else that I felt was as credible as you
whenever I’d make the decision, “fuck this, I can’t live like this anymore,” I’d still be mired down by all the consequences of my shitty decisions.
Still getting this to this day, trying so hard to get out of it once and for all tho
“If you have ever gotten low enough to try killing yourself but pulled back at the last moment, you may feel fear and intense self loathing, but at the end of the day you are on some level accepting that you do want to keep going, even as painful as life is at the moment.”
I can relate to this too much :(
I am alarmed at the amount of readers here who are dealing with various mental illnesses and emotional disorders. I do not mean I am “freaked out” by you, I mean it is shocking to me just how much of any given population is dealing with this and not having any idea of it’s prevalence. TLDR mentioned research he read which indicated whites/caucasians have a significantly higher risk of developing mental illness, but I never really conceptualized the gravity of that until now.
As always friends, please be safe.
Yes, this was statistics regarding the prevalence of diseases among different ethicities/races. A millennium of filthy European living conditions and crowding has built up strong immunity to many physical ailments, but somehow left whites susceptible to a ridiculous amount of mental illness.
And yeah, I could see how this would be surprising to someone outside the bubble of whiteness. You aren’t the only one I’ve heard this from – I know a cute latina who is of a poor background and is addicted to middle class white guys, and is continually shocked at how sad they frequently seem to be. The worst thing is that she thinks its her fault and it is very difficult to convince her otherwise :(
On the other hand, it almost seems crazy to me that there are families out there where most people AREN’T on antidepressants/alcoholics/etc. Like they are just alright or even happy so long as they are living in a 1st world country and haven’t been foreclosed, fired, lost a family member recently etc. In other words, they aren’t just constantly sad and miserable for no reason
yup troo shit… its amazing at how much of these meds i find behind the bathroom mirror at some of these middle class gueras or gringa hipster chix apartments… i just hope they overcome it.. hope whoever be suffering from this to be safe, lovely n just like black flag says “rise above”!!
That awkward moment when you are a nurse/nursing student and actually recognize a very serious drug that everyone else is oblivious to
dude.. fucking yes!!
i can now decipher that med into meaning ” x person must have had thyroid surgery via this med” n more fucked up shit…. but yea you basically hit it on da nose…
Good post. I thought I was depressed for years when I was in the military. Took the drugs and everything. Turns out I just had a brain tumor. Felt instantly better the second they removed it. #themoreyouknow
I was depressed through most of my high school years. Didn’t go emo or shit because really, I did not want anybody to know how sad I really was. Never understood those people. Tried to focus on acting normal, which probably lead to more problems as I never did learn how to cope with shit.
Eventually started doing a bunch of drugs on my first college year, which I am trying to stop now 2 years later. What really helped me push through lately has been exercising a lot and pretty much stopping listening to a lot of the music that I used to (honestly, a fuck-up won’t stop being a fuck-up by listening to other fuck-ups (or that’s how I see it now).
Feeling a lot better though every once in a while I feel like a piece of shit, and then I just tell myself to stop being a pussy and go hit the box sack. Wish I had done when I was on high school instead of locking in my room and doing nothing to help myself.
The article is awesome, but I think you could gotten it across just as good without using the word faggot. I almost stopped reading when I came to that, because my experience tells me that people who use that word often hasn’t a lot of intelligent stuff to say.
My experience tells me that being humorless and judgmental doesnt do anyone any good.
Did someone say a mean word?
How do you cope IRL when your world is turned upside down because smart people sometimes say a swear.
yea… you goddamn cock-and-ball-sucking-head-giving-faggot =]
Worry less about words and more about what is actually said, perhaps?
One question for those who did seek therapy, I ask because I went through a meltdown and didn’t seek therapy because I knew the medical professional was going to ask this question.
What did you tell them you wanted to get out of the medical help?
In my case, I was well aware that I needed help, but couldn’t answer this question with answer other than something along the lines of “… I need you fix me!” I just didn’t know what needed to be fixed.
Hoping that some folks who’ve been there can help out with this one. This could totally help some bros reading this (myself included).
don’t worry about that part– part of their job is to find out what needs fixing (diagnosing your condition). just show up, trust the process, and you’ve done your part.
Seriously, even if they do ask this question, any good therapist is going to totally understand if you can’t give a clear answer. I’ve been in therapy for around 10 months now and my therapist just recently asked if i had any goals coming in to the first meeting and i honestly couldn’t say i did, and we pretty much laughed about that. sometimes you know you need and want to change but don’t specifically know how, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. like sarge said, it’s part of a therapist’s job to talk things out and help you figure out what you want since everybody’s different and needs different types of help.
Number 5 is something I need to learn to accept. I feel that either I really am depressed or a goddamn pussy for diagnosing myself with an illness I don’t have and not having real problems. It seems I’d rather not try thereby failing than try because I think I’m completely useless so it won’t make any difference anyway, even though that’s probably not true. I’m probably just an asshole looking for an excuse but I feel too disgusted with myself to see the point in changing anything, which is a stupid outlook to have.
But stuffyouwillhate is such a great place full of motivation, kindness and honesty. Keep on having the ability u guise
Yeah dude, believe me, I’ve been through that thought process many, many, many times. That’s how depression works, and that’s how it feeds itself. At the end of the day, you do need to make a decision to commit to change and stop beating yourself up, regardless of what your head may be telling you 95% of the day. Otherwise, you can expect to feel the same for the foreseeable future.
i can remember having pretty strong feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts as far back as middle school and kept them almost completely to myself for the longest time. i sort of shared with a couple of friends but basically i just told them basic stuff like “sometimes i just feel really down and i don’t know why” or whatever. and, like a lot of people, i tried dealing with it on my own and “just getting over it,” and when i couldn’t do that, it made the feelings of inadequacy worse and worse, which in turn worsened the depression and suicidal thoughts. it was a pretty circular problem.
then last year (my freshman year at college) a friend who had a history of depression in her family noticed that i was showing some signs and began asking me about it. at first i always just tried to play it off and act like i was fine. but after a while i did open up. as she found out more and more about what i was feeling/thinking she began pushing more for me to seek therapy. i didn’t want to do it because part of me still felt like i should solve it on my own and going to therapy and admitting that it was something i couldn’t handle on my own felt really weak and embarrassing.
however, i finally broke down and agreed to go to therapy, mostly because i could tell how much it hurt this friend to feel like the only person that could help me. i feel like an ass about it now, because i put so much pressure on her, but at the time i couldn’t even understand that. (luckily she’s a very caring person and doesn’t hold it against me at all–she’s just happy that i’m getting better). so i wasn’t stoked on seeing a therapist AT ALL but after a few sessions it was amazing how much better i felt. obviously things like this don’t just clear up all of a sudden, but i was learning new ways to think about and see my thoughts (if that makes sense) and learned that me feeling this way didn’t make me weak or pathetic or “unmanly” or anything like that.
i’ve been in therapy for about 10 months now and it’s amazing to look back at how i felt and thought even just a year ago and see how much better i am now. it’s still a struggle from time to time, and there are still even entire weeks where i feel really low, but the fact that it’s not a constant low feeling anymore is sincerely amazing.
basically my message is, it CAN get better but you have to be willing to try. i’m lucky cuz i had a friend that cared enough to ask and help me get help, and i hope many of you do too. to be honest i’m not sure that i ever would have done it on my own. HOWEVER i do believe that everybody has the ability to do it on their own, it’s just a choice they have to make somewhere along the line. it’s not an easy choice by any means, but it can be done.
also my 2 cents on the sharing with friends thing:
I think it’s a good feeling to have a group of close friends who you feel like you can share with sometimes. i have a pretty small group of people (like 5) who know that i have depression and go to a therapist and take medication. however, i also think it’s important to realize that these friends absolutely cannot take the place of a therapist in any way. partly because they aren’t trained the way therapists are and won’t be able to help you as much.
but the main reason it’s good to not rely on them completely is because it’s a heavy fucking burden. it’s hard to realize when you’re on the sharing side of it, but when a friend is responsible for taking care of you it’s incredibly draining on them. and that’s not because they don’t care about you–i’m sure most friends would love to be able to be there for you all the time and help you with every single suicidal or depressed or anxious thought, but that’s just not something everybody is able to do.
basically what i’ve found to work best with friends is have a small group of really tight people that you tell the back story and all that, but don’t treat them the way you treat a therapist. if they ask if you’re ok when you’re feeling down you don’t have to lie and say you’re ok–go ahead and tell them how you feel. and even when they don’t ask sometimes i think it’s fine to just say “hey i’m not feeling the best today, it’s nothing to worry about right now but if i act strangely or seem different than usual, that’s why.” your friends will be happy that you can share with them and that they may be able to help by just being there, and you don’t actually have to go into much detail about how you’re feeling. that’s where therapy comes in.
that’s what works for me anyway, but i’m sure everybody has to find their own balance. also sorry for the TL;DRness of my posts but this is just something that’s on my mind a lot and now that i’m on the track to getting better i get pretty passionate about seeing others who could get on that track too.
Jennifer Melfi isn’t frumpy/Jewish, she’s hot/Italian!
Great post. I too have had anxiety/OCD since I was in pre school/kindergarten and depression since I was 14. I’m 20 now. My depression reached a peak in August 2011 where I wanted to swallow a bunch of pills just to end it all. At the time I was in a very bad state constantly calling myself a failure, playing in a technical deathcore band with a bunch of stoner/tweaker bummed out losers, and with a girl who I relied way too much on. After that I started to slowly take charge of my life. I dropped those tech metal burnouts, started focusing a lot more on school, and mutually ended that relationship via me recognizing that she’s not helping me and her getting tired of me
Bumming her out. Since then I’ve made some great strides in school(hopefully gonna transfer to Chico state in the fall), dressing better(no longer just black skinny jeans, rockett hoodies, and shirts with monsters on them lol), and started working out and skating. I feel pretty damn good about myself 80% of my time. I still haven’t been in a relationship since that girl nor have had any sexual contact tho. Is that normal or beta? I feel like i can’t really be super close to anybody for a while due to being afraid of getting too dependent and getting hurt again. Also haven’t been given the oppurtunity to bang any randoms. I feel like I’d like to try it out at least once but idk. Am i doing something wrong here or am I on the right track? Any advice helps Plz respond! P.s sorry if this is super TLDR just feels really good to write this all down finally
Sounds like you are making big steps bro, you should be proud.
But you know, if you aren’t comfortable pursuing a relationship right now maybe you should take baby steps toward getting girls/relationships/closer to people.
Sorry I can’t help more, but this sounds pretty okay to me.
my girlfriend left me recently too. i have always had really shitty social anxiety problems and while banging randoms sounds fun i am unsure about my emotional capacity to do such things. i would honestly prefer a sweet girl to start a relationship with, but i realize that in order to to that, i have to get my shit together (i also stopped wearing my toxic holocaust shirt with the sleeves cut off!) and develop the life/game to acquire said cutie-pie. so i guess i’m going from there? good luck to you bro i hope you bag some strange!!!
Sounds like you are on the right track, and as far as banging randoms go, don’t worry about alpha beta, just worry about what feels right to you. If banging some randoms is something that you think will make you feel better, go for it. If you still don’t feel ready for a relationship, worry about other things. I went through a brief period where I thought maybe fucking some random girls would help, but when I was honest with myself I realized that while that theoretically may be fun, what I really want in life is just a sweet, cute girl to come home to who likes shopping at target, and who will not negatively judge, but will probably be indifferent towards my interest in weird, dumb stuff like hardcore and laughing at teenagers (HIS FGGT LEVELS ARE OVER 9000!!!).
Just do you, dude.
Thanks so much guys! Yeah it’s probably pretty hard to find a nice cute sweet girl who likes hardcore. All the hxc girls out where I live are either tr00er than thou hipsters or super unstable. If I can land a girl who likes hip-hop/blink 182/borederline scene/mainstream stuff like ADTR, Pierce The Veil,and Breathe Carolina I’d be stoked. I’ll just focus on myself only and If I meet somebody then that’s rad if not oh well. <3 you all. You're all good and lovely and have the ability.
What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist (besides drug prescribing capabilities) and how do you know which one to choose?
I was at “therapy” for about 3 months with a social worker but he didn’t really do much to help me delve into my issues. I should have NEXT’d him from the start when he would just start talking over me about himself when I was having a self-realized moment. I realize I was placed with him because I asked for counseling rather than therapy. How can I make sure this doesn’t happen again?
A Psychiatrist has a degree in medicine and thus can prescribe drugs and is a minion of Xenu, a Psychologist has studied psych.
If you feel you need to see one I would recommend researching who is nearby, what type of psychiatrist/psychologist they are and doing a little Google search about that particular style and thinking is this right for me or not. I went to a few of both when I was a younger, some are great and want to get to the bottom of what is troubling you and others seem to have an elaborate theory about why you are the way you are prior to even meeting you and just try to force you into their system and and are pretty freewheeling and careless with prescribing drugs (not joking, I had some horrible experiences due to careless diagnoses and treatment).
mirin the tips and tricks wow jpeg
also A+ article v real (srs and ty)
Sup bros, been reading SYWH for a few months now, this is my first comment.
I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety in the autumn, after feeling like a worthless piece of shit near constantly for the last four years or so. I tried to kill myself twice, and looking back, I’m really fucking ashamed of that. I guess that either means I’ve made progress or I’ve just found a new place to kick myself.
Anyway, I’m going to get a prescription for SSRIs soon, and start a course of cognitive behavioral therapy (both of these things took fucking forever via socialist euro healthcare and the massive waiting lists it causes), and hopefully I’ll be able to deal with life after that.
I wanna say thanks for this post, and thanks to Sarge and the rest of the SYWH community. I’ve been lurking here a while, as I said, and it’s taught me a lot about trying to be positive and get my shit together. So thanks, I love you (no homo).
Welcome, bro!
Sucks about healthcare system, what country if you don’t mind me asking?
The UK. It’s pretty good for free/cheap meds and treatments, but getting them takes ages. Wouldn’t like to see the amount of people who die on various waiting lists.
Damn, that is fucked up. On the other hand, if you aren’t employed full time or young enough to be on your parents insurance (assuming they have any) you are out of luck in the U.S. under the current system.
all of this is making me realize how munch of a fucking asshole I am, when I get sad I just get over it but I realize now that some people just can’t, never looking down on depressed people again
had depression for roughly 9 years. it sucks, this article was a great read doe and I’m sure I will refer back to it in the future.
<3 u brahs
guys,you think that having generally a costant thought of “i did that?” fallowed by a strong “no,get over it,you didn’t,you just copy and you do nothing really good worth mentioning or to be proud of” is generally an unwanted thought disorder sympthom? :( im scared!
I’m not a professional so questions like this should probably be left to those who are qualified, but I can tell you that constant, repetitive, and intrusive thoughts are possible indications of an obsessive behavioral disorder, but just thinking something a lot doesn’t necessarily mean you have a disorder, either. If it is enough of an issue to really stifle your life, and it isn’t just because you are feeling down on yourself for some other reason, seek help.
thanks bro,i’ll think about it…weird thing im outta depression for sure but the whole post “get bak to life” is slower as fuck and it just seems to be full of BAD side effects :(
NOBODY gets out from that shit without some damage
This is a beautiful post man, serious life changing stuff.
I can’t hold all these feels, srs I can’t. So much love for this community rite nao. Inspirational shit right here mang.
“Have you ever gone to Target to look at the furniture for no other purpose than to try and feel like you are a normal, functional human being?”
Amazingly accurate. Wow. Respect.
Sounds like you know that feel too :/
Dudes!!!
Been there done that. Ya know what helped me out? TRAINING. Just train. Drag yourself into that gym and start getting strong. Those endorphins man, granted its not a cure, but it can kind of get the ball rolling.
Remember, the opposite of depression, is expression, so instead of letting it simmer until it boils, just create something. Make a song. Write some music. Go for a run. Do something different. Try not to dwell on your own thoughts to much.. and just do something.
Hang in there. Its tough, but on any given day you can make a change.
I think the fact that there are 160+ [mostly] insightful comments on this article speaks for how common depression & mental illness are in our world today. A really well written piece, not to mention the stories people are sharing are inspiring. I know this is cheesy but the way I picture SYWH is a bunch of bros around a campfire, having a few beers and swapping stories. The way we can all bust each other’s balls but still get serious when needed really makes me feel like that regular visiting of this site makes you a pretty normal person. I dunno. Seriously A+ piece, though, forrealz – def looking forward to more posts from you!
Great article, I can totally relate to it. I’ve been suffering with clinical depression and a panic disorder and it fucking sucks. It’s definitely not something you want ANYONE to know about. I don’t know how many nights I couldn’t sleep due to this. I think the hardest part is trying to understand why I can’t fix myself, like if i’m bummed, just be happy. That’s when you do really dumb shit though. I haven’t started to see a therapist yet, via not wanting my family to know about this, but i’m close to finally saying fuck it and doing it anyways. Anyways, y’all are lovely <33
So a lot of bros have posted about a lot of the same things, so what I have to say prob isn’t going to be unique or insightful, I just felt the need to say it.
The only places I’ve spent extended amounts of time are Las Vegas, Livonia (a suburb of Detroit), and the St. George/Hurricane area of Utah. A lot of people on my dad’s side of the family live in Cleveland, and I mean like *inner* Detroit.
Without going into too much detail, my mom’s side of the family is filled with drug addicts and all types of mental illness, and is therefore chock to the brim with some of the most depressing, negative people this side of the Gaza Strip (save for my posi police offer uncle, who is adopted by my step-grandmother, natch), via wildly fluctuating wealth and deep-seated family issues no one has ever or will ever get over.
My dad’s side of the family is stable in comparison, but they’ve been steadily lower to lower-middle class for most of their lineage.
My mom and her mom, most specifically, have struggled very much with very serious depression and rage issues, and I have shown warning signs of anger management, major depression and/or manic-depression (srs).
For these reasons, I find it enraging/10 when teenagers (especially the breed unique to Vegas) attempt to fill the empty void of their non-special life by saying they have OCD/manic depression/ADHD etc. I just want to grab these poor specimens, shake them hard, and yell “YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL” in their faces. It’s probs just resentment, and I know I shouldn’t care about them, but whatever.
Like many mentioned farther up, one key that has been absolutely ESSENTIAL in me getting help w/ myself was a GYM MEMBERSHIP (via stopping being such a fatbro and setting goals for myself) and, as much as I hate myself for admitting this, sxe (I don’t preach it, but it’s helped me out a lot, via being terrified of becoming an alcoholic ((hi, faux-Irish Catholic heritage!))).
Also, if you have good, supportive friends (even having just three, like me, is enough, if they are true friends– my mom has a saying “a friend will help you move, a true friend will help you move a body”) WILL absolutely help you out.
Last thoughts are that if you come from a screwed-up family, your biggest stepping stone to becoming better is SPITE YOUR GODDAM FAMILY.
Dammit, I hate when I do this, *inner* Cleveland*
read the gita, chant mala every morning, krishna will alleviate
make my day,LOL
As soon as I started reading this that “is someone getting the best of you” song or whatever the fuck it’s called from foo fighters popped up on my iTunes. Fuck yes.
This was amazing. Thank you Bronson! The feels of so much possible ability. It courses through me!
Seriously just hearing that unwanted thought disorder is a real thing that people other than me deal with is probably gonna change my life.
Thanx man!!!
Wow. Reading the comments and seeing how many people suffer(ed) in some way from some kind of mental illness has truly shocked me. I never thought it was this common, having been fortunate enough not to have had them and never known anyone who admitted to experiencing them. I can’t imagine what it’s like but I can only send my best wishes to everyone and hope you all stay safe. I want to look into this more, it seems I (and most of society) are oblivious to how widespread mental health issues are.
oops grammar fail: *I am obvious..
I’m not sure that anyone is looking at these comments anymore, but I just wanted to let you (Bronson) know that after reading this post and seeing that so many other people are going through similar situations, I finally worked up the courage to get help. I’m going to see a general practitioner tomorrow. Seriously, thanks for the advice and the help.
Good job man, very proud of you (srs). It sounds gay, but comments like yours help me too, because it makes me feel like I haven’t spent most of my life feeling like a broken human for nothing. Congratulations on taking the first step – your journey is just beginning.
i don’t want to be “that person” who insists that everybody is depressed because they eat sugar and spend too much time on fb and not enough time in the gym, but i feel the need to bring these points up.
i went through same major bullshit from my teen years through my late 20′s- including self harming, a lame half-hearted suicide attempt, an eating disorder, addiction- and of course that all circled back to pretty deep depression. i tried to deal with it in a number of ways, but i never felt like i was getting genuinely better until i made some big changes in my diet and lifestyle. i cut out most processed food, for starters. i’m convinced that while some people can eat a lot of it and feel reasonably okay, it causes depression in others. laugh if you want, but that’s pretty much been the cornerstone of my recovery. even now when i start eating too much junk, i can tell immediately that i start having very familiar thought patterns signalling depression. also, working out . . . this is HUGE. i’m not trying to argue that running or lifting is going to negate the need for therapy or medication for every depressed person out there, but getting into regular fitness (along with a cleaner diet) was absolutely a form of salvation for me. again, similar to the food thing, when i stop running for a week or two, i feel that “old self” (in terms of depression and harmful impulses) start to return.
now, social media. i’m aware of how retarded this is probably going to sound, but again . . . this is just my personal experience. i recently took 2 months off from facebook and all that crap. it had a pretty big effect on my overall mood, sense of self worth and level of anxiety. since i started going back on it, it’s been really obvious that it’s not conducive to me feeling great about myself. i was a major fb addict before, so i don’t know . . . maybe this doesn’t apply to people who don’t go on it very often as is. anyways, just something to think about.
I think there is definitely some validity to what you are saying as far as diet goes. I lump it in with general wellness, but constantly eating garbage all the time and neglecting your body will definitely have a negative impact on your overall state, and like you, I feel especially shitty when I can’t work out (which happens to be at the time of this writing, goddamit – thank you, pulled neck muscle). Whenever I would get especially low or anxious, it almost always colluded with me either eating a horrible diet (carbtacular boxed dinners all day err day), or barely eating anything at all. So I felt sick, which because of other issues usually made my brain jump to the assumption that I was terminally ill, which fed the anxiety, which ultimately lead to a breakdown. Treating your body with respect isn’t everything, but it IS a significant piece of the pie when it comes to lifestyle.
anxiety specifically as a result of undereating – YES. that’s a really good point that is worth exploring for anyone who struggles with anxiety. it took me a long time to realize that a lot of my anxiety and feelings of impending doom were directly linked to not eating enough carbs from quality food sources.
Great article. Backtard to the hilt. As part of my ongoing quest to un fuckup my life I bit the bullet and started seeing a psych. Excruciating and terrifying but ultimately one of the best choices I’ve made as an adult.
Mental illness runs in my familly and I’ve had issues since I was a child. It was only later that I could articulate those feelings. Initially I buried and hid them and hoped they would go away. I was ashamed of them because of other peoples attitudes. I didnt want to be associated with special snowflakes or to be ridiculed by morons. Ultimately that cost me a lot of wasted years and I really wish I had done something sooner.
One thing that Bronson didn’t really hit on is the self preservational nature of depresion which has tripped me a number of times. It behaves like a creature that wants to keep itself alive and propogate. I always imagine it like some seething, malignant lovecraftian tumour thing. Case in point: I have a crap job i hate, it gives me stable hours and though the pays not great it covers living and my education. I do work with some genuinely great people though and they counter things alot. When the downers creep out the first thing that happens is I start to get paranoid and isolate myself from the folks because you know I’m scum and they all hate me really anyway right? The reason being is its hard to continue festering in your own brain filth when you have a chill peeps making you laugh till you pee. Something about it gives perspective to the negativity and you can better see what is distorted and what is real. When I figured this out it was a major moment and I swear I could hear something inside howl in frustation at being found out.
So surround your self with positive people. You don’t have to share with them, my collegues know nothing of my issues and I’m keeping it that way.
The positive media thing is another great kicker. Music wise if I’m low I bang on some power metal of J/K pop to get going (normally dont dig the stuff) and then some drum and bass to get me motivated into running/working out the frustration/anger/whatever. Another great positive influence I found in addition to those listed are natural history documentaries and books ect. Anything that gives you that wonderfull ‘the universe is vast and full of really cool stuff’ feeling is a great counter agent to your own festering thoughts.
Thank you for writing this Bronson, it really hit home for me.
A few of your points have been stuck in my head for a couple of days since you posted it, and today I thought “fuck it” and I’m committing myself to getting professional help, which I’ve been fighting against for years.
For any Australians that happen to read this, there is a great service that helps you find the right psychologist for your needs. You can give them a call and email them and they’ll send you a list of recommended psychologists in your area. http://www.psychology.org.au/ReferralService/About/ After doing this, I feel a huge sense of relief that I’m doing something real and proactive about my issues.
THX M8.
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Great article :D ‘seriously, I think it can really help people. I was depressed for about a year (a side effect of the medication I had to take for something unrelated) and I didn’t tell anyone until after. But I spent the majority of the year feeling shitty, and although I never really wanted to kill myself or do anything violent, I just dídn’t put any effort into my life.
Now I have a friend who decided it would be cool to pretend to be depressed, which pisses me off because it is SO obvious she’s not. (it sounds like I’m just being harsh, but from someone who’s been there and seen other depressed people, I can tell the difference.) She is the type of person who seeks attention from anything, and she will literally talk about how sad/depressed/mentally ill she is ALL THE TIME, basically making a mockery of anyone who’s actually been depressed at some point.