Let me be clear right here from the start, nice people are amazing all the time and wanting to be one should be a main goal in everyone’s life. This isn’t about them.
“Nice Guys”, with the caps and if you’re reading this out loud a little stank in your voice, are not really that nice. They’re actually pretty shitty people who are entitled little shitheads and incapable of understanding the feelings of others. Its pretty common and understandable if you think like this like in middle school or high school, cause everyone at that age is usually pretty shitty (definitely myself included), but Nice Guys in their twenty’s are a real bunch of life failing sadness machines that just bring my day down like no other.
But it doesn’t have to be like this! I put together some helpful tips so you can tell if you or someone you know is being a Nice Guy, and then get your life back on track to not being a suckfest of a human.
You think you’re better than other people
One of the main calling cards of Nice Guys (remember to say it all shitty in your head), is that they think they’re great. The only way they could be rejected is if some ASSHOLE comes along. “But I’m way better than that guy! My niceness KNOWS NO BOUNDS!” Well slow your roll there pal, cause you’re probably awful and don’t even know.
You got to think about what you’re bringing to the table here. Are you nice? Yeah so is pretty much every other guy out there, including the one she’s dating. He’s probably also better looking, smarter, better to talk to, with a better job, a better social status (which is incredibly important), or maybe even just better at sex. It could even be just one of those things, or none of those things if they’re just a good match and have chemistry. That doesn’t make him the inferior jerk and you the superior nicer guy, it just means she likes him and not you and that’s it.
Is that your fault? Maybe, maybe not, doesn’t matter. Is it her fault? Definitely not. Should you obsess over it and hate her? No, you move on and don’t be an asshole about it because that makes you the only jerk in the equation, and a Nice Guy. Nice Guys suck, don’t be one, moving on.
You think you know what women want
(you have no clue)
The most frustrating thing about dealing with Nice Guys is that they think they have a grasp on what women truly want in a man, and that if they keep being Nice it’ll just work out. I’m going to go on record right now saying I have no idea what women want, except that its going to vary highly between women because the female sex isn’t some giant hivemind that only wants one thing. And I’m like a 1000% sure no one wants fat bald fedora wearing bronies who use “pwn” non-ironically and call women bitches and whores.
But also, how unimportant is holding a door for someone or pulling out a chair? I don’t know what the struggles associated with day to day life as a women are and I never really will, but I’m pretty sure having to move doors and chairs will never be a day runiner. This (hopefully fake) person right here brings nothing of value to any type of relationship, but most painfully fails to see how useless he is and thinks just being “Nice” should make him in high demand. “Holy shit he Nice?? no way I don believe it where is the line to ride the D? How could this perfect smart cute niceness Adonis still be single all women must be heartless bitches right?”
So what do you do? Well you start working on making yourself a person other people would want to be with. Get a personality, be engaging, fun, interesting, rich even, seriously anything that could make someone find value in having you around. Doors mostly have those wheelchair buttons now anyway, if that’s all you got you’re gonna be lonely for a while. And that’s because you don’t even have the only quality you think you need.
You think you’re nice
(not even close)
The worst part about Nice Guys (super shitty this time, like drag it out for a while), is that they aren’t really nice. One of the biggest indications that you’re dealing with a Nice Guy is that they will tell you how Nice they are. If you’re self-proclaimed anything odds are you aren’t whatever it is and you’re the opposite, which is exactly the case here. Nice Guys say they’re nice, but are really just pretty shitty and kind of hate women.
I like to think the first Nice Guy existed after he was rejected by someone who let him down easy with a “I’m sorry you’re just too nice” type lie. He really took that to heart, and blamed his lack of success on how great he was instead of realizing how terrible he was, and then with further rejection just grew to develop a hatred of all women instead a realization of his own flaws.
For the most part, Nice Guys are really just too wrapped up in their bitterness and entitlement to really think of women as people. They view dating as like a game, a game with which they think they can “win” but are being cheated by these “bitches” and “assholes”. They don’t factor in other people’s thoughts or feelings or motivations, or how they are perceived by others. Women just exist as sex prizes for making the right moves, and if it doesn’t work for you its because “girls like assholes and bad boys and I’m too nice and they’re all bitches and sluts who don’t realize I’m great.”
But that’s not how it works at all, and is an incredibly fucked way of looking at things. You aren’t owed anything for being nice, everyone should be nice. To every person you meet. All the time. Not just because you want to have sex with them. That’s not nice. Dating isn’t some game its making an emotional connection and a one-sided attraction isn’t a connection its an obsession and creepy and you can’t make an actual emotional bond with a woman if you view women as pieces of meat to be won over or deceived into being with you instead of equal HUMAN BEINGS with emotions and needs that have to be met for her to even be interested I mean really what the fuck is wrong with you. Ugh.
If you are a Nice Guy its not too late, and hopefully you can become a functioning member of society capable of entering into a healthy relationship with a person you actually care about who cares about you. But you won’t get anywhere unless you realize your flaws, how your way of thinking is harmful, how to treat women as actual human beings, and work to be a better person. Remember, being an actually nice person (say it all sweet in your head like with flowers and stuff <3) is great!, and everyone will like you. Being too nice so you get taken advantage of is stupid. And being a Nice Guy is super shitty. Don’t be that. That’s the worst you can be.
You can do it, and we are here for support <3